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eloped, and want a wedding now..

My husband and I eloped 4 yrs ago.  He is in the Air Force, and was being stationed far away, so we jumped the gun and did the justice of the peace- didnt even take a picture of that day... So now we are planning our reaffirmation ceremony, where we can exchange vows in front of 100 friends and family..  Not really sure what I do and dont do though.... I still want my big day... HELP!  =) 

thanks!

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Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..

  • At this point, it would be called a vow renewal. Just throw a party, invite close family and friends. You can't get re-married if you are already married unless you plan on getting divorced first. Sometimes we make decisions in life we later regret, but unfortunately, you just have to chalk it up as mistake and move on.
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  • You already got married, so unless you divorce, this 2nd shindig will not be a wedding.

    Call it a vow renewal, skip the big puffy white dress, skip the showers, skip the wedding party, skip the father-down-the-aisle thing, and make it clear that this not a wedding.
  • Ditto PPs. 

    OP, 
    The JOP was your big day. You got married. Isn't that the biggest part of the "big"day?
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  • In Response to eloped, and want a wedding now..:
    [QUOTE]My husband and I eloped 4 yrs ago.  He is in the Air Force, and was being stationed far away, so we jumped the gun and did the justice of the peace- didnt even take a picture of that day... So now we are planning our reaffirmation ceremony, where we can exchange vows in front of 100 friends and family..  Not really sure what I do and dont do though.... I still want my big day... HELP!  =)  thanks!
    Posted by clj4457[/QUOTE]

    JIC.
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited May 2011
    Just think of it as more of a party where you say your vows again. There is nothing wrong with a vow renewal, just don't pretend it is a wedding. (no wedding party or  just your kids, cocktail dress-instead of a huge white poof, no garter toss, no first dance, etc.)


    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • You can have a 'big day' of renewing vows, and showing your friends/family how much your love your current husband but it's not a wedding - like PPs stated, you must forfeit showers & other pre-festivities or traditions.
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  • In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..:
    [QUOTE]In Response to eloped, and want a wedding now.. : JIC.
    Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

    Good thinking.
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  • Say your vows, throw an awesome party with family and friends. Thats the part  I would be missing. If you want get a photographer, I'd say do it so you can get some pics with  you and your family and everyone.
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  • clj4457clj4457 member
    10 Comments

    Thank you for all the input!  Okay so its a renewel ceremony- I agree, no father down the ailse, no veil, no wedding party, no registry, no showers, but we would like to stand at an alter, exchange our own vows, and then feed everybody drinks and dinner afterward- We are thinking of doing it September 2012, but do I send save the dates?  I do want to wear my dream dress down the ailse, and he wants to wear his dress uniform...  I just dont want to look stupid doing this...

  • In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..:
    [QUOTE]Thank you for all the input!  Okay so its a renewel ceremony- I agree, no father down the ailse, no veil, no wedding party, no registry, no showers, but we would like to stand at an alter, exchange our own vows, and then feed everybody drinks and dinner afterward- We are thinking of doing it September 2012, but do I send save the dates?  I do want to wear my dream dress down the ailse, and he wants to wear his dress uniform...  I just dont want to look stupid doing this...
    Posted by clj4457[/QUOTE]

    If your dream dress is white and puffy, then yes, it will look odd since you are not a bride. You are already married.

    Also - do your families know that you eloped? Will everyone on the guest list already know that you are married?
  • clj4457clj4457 member
    10 Comments
     What is JIC?
  • In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..:
    [QUOTE] What is JIC?
    Posted by clj4457[/QUOTE]

    Just in case.

    Many times posters (especially newer ones) don't like the answers they get, so they go back and delete or change their posts to make the replies look mean or stupid. So people tend to quotes posters "just in case" so things can't be skewed to look like something they're not.
  • In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..:
    [QUOTE] What is JIC?
    Posted by clj4457[/QUOTE]

    Just in case. 
    Some people Dirty Delete when they don't get the answer they're looking for, and then others have no idea what the OP really said.
    If you want a vow renewal, you should skip the big white dress. Just wear a nice colored dress or something...
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  • I don't really see a problem with you wearing a white dress, but perhaps I'm in the minority. It's the other stuff (being given away, having a huge wedding party with matching attire, first dances and tosses) that bothers me more.
  • I would "down size" you vision of your dress. They have beautiful dresses out there, for go the train, veil.  Chose a dress that you would wear to a military ball, that would be good a starting point on the type of dress that should be wron in a situation like what you are having.
  • In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..:
    [QUOTE]I don't really see a problem with you wearing a white dress, but perhaps I'm in the minority. It's the other stuff (being given away, having a huge wedding party with matching attire, first dances and tosses) that bothers me more.
    Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]
    I'm with ya opal. 
  • I think maybe I didn't exactly say what I meant to say. 

    When I said colored dress, that can be a patterned dress that has white on it as well. There are some awesome dresses like that, or even a white sundress/sleek dress would be what I would think of for a vow renewal. 

    But I don't think I would go with anything that was big, poofy, or has a train. I think it would be kind of out of place. KWIM?
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  • Yeah, the dress doesn't bother me but it does bother other people.  You know your family and friends best, what would they want?

    Also, there are some gorgeous dresses out there without the train/poofiness if that is your style.
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  • edited May 2011
    As pp stated as long as you have a great celebration minus the "traditions" of a wedding, and family knows that you are already married, the possibilities are endless. It can be as casual or as formal as you want it to be. If H wants to wear his uniform, then it should be more of a formal event.
  • Hire a photographer so that you can get the photographs that you desire.

    There are some lovely dresses out there that look fancy but aren't necessary wedding dresses.

    Definitely call it a vow renewal especially because everyone already knows that you are married.

    Have fun!
  • clj4457clj4457 member
    10 Comments
    Originally the plan was to elope quietly, and have our big ceremony later- 3 months into what everyone thought was our engagement (but we were actually married) we found out we were pregnant.  SO... then we sent out announcements to everyone that we had eloped and were married, and shortly after told them about the pregnancy.   Yes my dream dress is by private label by g 1383- Its big, with a chapel train, and beading, the works...  Our best friends want to stand up there with us when we say our vows, but that would be it...

    Do I send out save the dates?  Invites to the renewal of our vows (reaffirmation ceremony)?  It will be close to our 5 yr anniversary...  Heres my plan, please advise!!

    Send out save the dates

    Send out formal invites

    Have vow renewal at a chapel, ministered by his uncle with only our closest friends and family (75-100)

    Have a photog to capture the moment

    Open bar, with decent buffet, and a DJ at a beautiful reception hall

    Have some cake and champagne to toast our 5 yrs together

    What should I wear if I dont wear a traditional wedding dress?? 
  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    I think a vow renewal is fine.  If you have a bunch of OOT guests, STDs are fine.

    I'd probably go with something a little less poofy (and more elegant) for your wedding dress.  Maybe a white sheath dress?  Or a white suit (a la Carrie in the SATC movie)?  Or just something simple and white/light colored.  Have you checked out the jcrew bridal line?  
  • For anyone who wants to see the dress:


    Honestly, I think that dress is too much for a VR.  I understand that it's your dream dress, but it's your dream "wedding" dress, and this is not a wedding.  If you want to wear a white dress, that's fine.  But like someone said I would pick something more along the lines of what you would wear to a military ball.  J. Crew has some gorgeous wedding gowns that are simple and IMO much more appropriate for a VR.

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  • edited May 2011
    I looked at the dress, and I agree it's too much for a renewal.  I would definitely choose something simpler.
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  • edited May 2011
    In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..:
    [QUOTE]For anyone who wants to see the dress: http://www.romanticgowns.com/collection/product-page.asp?SKU=PLG-1383&en=GoogleBase Honestly, I think that dress is too much for a VR.  I understand that it's your dream dress, but it's your dream "wedding" dress, and this is not a wedding.  If you want to wear a white dress, that's fine.  But like someone said I would pick something more along the lines of what you would wear to a military ball.  J. Crew has some gorgeous wedding gowns that are simple and IMO much more appropriate for a VR. http://www.jcrew.com/wedding/Wedding_Bride/gowns.jsp
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
    Yes, this.  
    Vow Renewal. Not Vowel or Vowal .
    ETA, I've also gotta say, save the VR for a milestone anniversary, and spend the $$ on a nice vacation or something. I couldn't imagine spending the money we are on this wedding (which isn't even that much!) just because I wanted a "look at me" party. 
  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    Yeah that dress is too much, I agree. People will probably think you look silly. 

    I like the dresses from J Crew. They are far more simple and fit the bill better. 

    I'm sorry if you are regretting not having a big fancy wedding with a poofy dress, but you made your decision and you have to own it. Vow renewal ceremonies are fine, but just remember that's what it is, not another wedding. 
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  • clj4457clj4457 member
    10 Comments
    Thanks for all your input ladies... And no, I wont be 'dirty deleting'.. Maybe if some of yall were a little nicer in your comments, especially on an Ettiquite board, you wouldnt have to JIC- Im just sayin... And no, it was not our big day at the JOP. It was a document signing, a quick legal reading by a judge, and my guy had to report back to the base by 10 pm that night.  So to answer your question, no, despite becoming mr and mrs that day, it was, by far, not our big day.  I am more clear on the direction I will go in now... Thank you again for your time and comments!
  • That dress is not a dress I would wear to a military ball. As I stated before: a military ball gown should be the base to jump off when picking your dress.
  • clj4457clj4457 member
    10 Comments
    Okay, I will definitely look into the JCrew dresses..  Thanks!! 
  • In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all your input ladies... And no, I wont be 'dirty deleting'.. Maybe if some of yall were a little nicer in your comments, especially on an Ettiquite board, you wouldnt have to JIC- Im just sayin... And no, it was not our big day at the JOP. It was a document signing, a quick legal reading by a judge, and my guy had to report back to the base by 10 pm that night.  So to answer your question, no, despite becoming mr and mrs that day, it was, by far, not our big day.  I am more clear on the direction I will go in now... Thank you again for your time and comments!
    Posted by clj4457[/QUOTE]
    This was YOUR decision. You decided to forgo a PPD and go to the JOP. To say that that day is nothing really says a lot about you as a person and your relationship. I'm just sayin 
    And maybe if you had lurked a little more, you'd see that JIC quoting was done ALL OVER the knot, not just here on E. But I'm starting to think you're just a troll, since everyone here was perfectly nice to you.
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