eloped, and want a wedding now..

browneydgrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:1c89d04a-af23-4e39-9589-8d8eed2381fa">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now.. :<strong> If your dream dress is white and puffy, then yes, it will look odd since you are not a bride. </strong>You are already married. Also - do your families know that you eloped? Will everyone on the guest list already know that you are married?
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]
Maybe I'm just odd, but I don't agree with this. It's just a dress, and family and friends are going to love you and enjoy the evening no matter how puffy that dress is.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:a77001f4-ac97-49ae-b96d-9da325eb7443">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now.. : Yes, this.   Vow Renewal. Not Vowel or Vowal .<strong> ETA, I've also gotta say, save the VR for a milestone anniversary, and spend the $$ on a nice vacation or something. I couldn't imagine spending the money we are on this wedding (which isn't even that much!) just because I wanted a "look at me" party. </strong>
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]

<div>I so agree.  </div><div>
</div><div>if you want to have a PPD, fine.  I would make sure it's on (or around) your actually wedding day though.  I find it odd to have a VR on a random day just to have a PPD.</div>

clj4457

Another ? - should we use a chapel? 

clj4457

Still catchin on to the lingo here- whats a PPD?

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:32412489-6d8a-43c8-abc8-0df4e09092da">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
[QUOTE]Another ? - should we use a chapel? 
Posted by clj4457[/QUOTE]

<div>How religious are you?</div><div>
</div><div>My grandparents had their 50th VR at a cathedral with 200-300 guests.  My aunt and uncle had their 25th VR at a church.  </div><div>
</div><div>It made sense to them because the attended those churches weekly (and in my grandma's case almost daily).   </div><div>
</div><div>I would not search out a church just for your random I want a PPD wedding.</div>

mica178

Are you religious?  Do you want your marriage acknowledged by your church?  If so, then yes.  If not, then do your vows wherever you like (beach, grassy meadow, in the lobby of your reception venue).

lyndausvi

PPD = Pretty Princess Day.

clj4457

He is a flyer in the AF, and we have to work around when he'll be in this country, but yes, the renewal will be somewhat close to our original day.  Im giving up the dress, and going to go with something more simple, but still white.  So.. if we do it at a chapel, then I still must walk down the aisle.. do I carry flowers?   Or should we not do it at a chapel...?  I know of other military couples that got hitched at the JOP and later had a full out wedding.. but not 5 yrs after the fact, and thats when we can do it-  We are having it in Dallas, where the majority of our family lives.. We are saving a lot by skipping a lot of the traditional wedding stuff, and spending that $ on a honeymoon/vaction (whatever you want to call it) -

Also, is 5 yrs considered a milestone?

clj4457

Yes we are religious- That is another big push behind doing this.  We want the blessing, we want family to celebrate this union with us! His uncle (whom he is very close with) is an ordained minister, but his church is far from Dallas- Dallas is kinda central for the family (on both sides) So we were gonna do it in dallas, at a wedding chapel- its small, only fits 200- simply decorated..

-  but if Im trying to be clear its not a wedding, is using a wedding chapel in bad taste?

lyndausvi

I have friends who had a JOP wedding and did a VR 5 years later.  The bride wore a simple white dress and carried flowers.  Groom had on a nice shirt and pants (in the islands mind you) and had a bout.   They had a nice simple party with open bar and heavy hors d'oeuvres with a DJ..     No first dances, garter tosses or anything like that.  I know there was a cake, can't remember if they did a formal cutting..  

Personally I'm okay with a VR.  I think they are sweet way to reaffirm your relationship. I'm just not okay with trying to re-create the wedding you never had.  I just think that ship has passed.   

mob2689

Dillard's have a nice collection as well:
http://www.dillards.com/shop/Women-Dresses-Special-Occasion-Gowns/_/N-ydnt/Ns-p_product_seq%7C0?catalogId=301&langId=-1&splashlink=header_wapparel&storeId=301

lyndausvi

I think a chapel is fine if you are religious.

I would focus on RENEWING YOUR VOWS and not about having the wedding you never had.  

Does that make sense?

Having a PPD with the big dress and all  just screams AW (attention whore) to me.  It's like "look at me in a pretty dress and give me gifts".  I don't know, it just sends a materialist message to me.

A vow renewal with a simple dress and not all the hoopla says "DH and I love each other so much we want to renew our vows and want you to be apart of it".  It just sends a sweeter message to me.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:f39a0c53-3943-4b9f-8827-d2f08e4adf34">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally I'm okay with a VR.  I think they are sweet way to reaffirm your relationship. I'm just not okay with trying to re-create the wedding you never had.  I just think that ship has passed.   
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  My parents did a renewal for their 40th and it was very sweet.  My mom wore a blue cocktail dress, dad wore his suit.  Mom had a corsage and Dad had a boutonniere, but I think a small handtied bouquet would be ok too.  They did not have any attendants.</div><div>
</div><div>In your case, I would not have your dad walk you down the aisle.  Maybe you and your H could walk down the aisle together.  For the reception, do a cake, but not a full on wedding cake.  Something simple but beautiful, and of course tasty!  Simple dress, simple decor.  Cut out the spotlight dances if you're having dances.  I don't see a problem with a toast if someone offers, but remember that you can't ask someone to give a toast in your honor.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

clj4457

Thank you Browneyed girl and Mica    I appreciate your support.

I would never consider a vow renewal ceremony where we actually get to pledge our love and commitment in front of God and family, and have it blessed by the church (for the first time) a "look at me" party- I want a celebration of love surrounding both of us, the union of our two families, and our best friends who love and support us...   I want to make sure that is what comes across to everyone else attending the ceremony, which is why I came on this blog...  I want to do this right, and I needed some honest opinions..

I am definitely more certain about a few details tho-

And yall may laugh at me for asking, but do you send out STD's to only OOT guests?  The only OOT guests would be my 8 aunts and uncles, 22 cousins, and thats it..

DramaGeek

I think STDs are way overdone and wouldn't do them.  Send an email or call them and let them know.

lyndausvi

I would do word of mouth and not STD.  (same advice I would give to a first time bride also)

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:5a76d380-6c87-4d09-92b0-7666d69d7232">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all your input ladies... And no, I wont be 'dirty deleting'.. Maybe if some of yall were a little nicer in your comments, especially on an Ettiquite board, you wouldnt have to JIC- Im just sayin... And no, it was not our big day at the JOP. <strong>It was a document signing, a quick legal reading by a judge</strong>, and my guy had to report back to the base by 10 pm that night.  <strong>So to answer your question, no, despite becoming mr and mrs that day, it was, by far, not our big day.</strong>  I am more clear on the direction I will go in now... Thank you again for your time and comments!
Posted by clj4457[/QUOTE]

1) People have been nothing but nice to you here, so you're comment about "being a little nice with comments" was unnecessary.

2) The bolded really rubs me the wrong way. It was not "just a document signing". It was your wedding... where you became Mrs. (Last Name). The dress, flowers, processional, wedding party, etc. add extra to the day, but they are just that - EXTRAS. The most important part to a wedding = signing paperwork to become married. Which you've already done.


If you are going into this vow renewal with the idea of recreating the wedding you never had, be prepared to tick off a lot of your guests. YOU made the decision to go to a JOP to get married. If you want a big ceremony/PPD wedding, get divorced and do it the way that matters to you most the 2nd time around because clearly it's not the validity of your marriage that you're going to cherish, but the PPD elements (dress, flowers, guests fawning over you, etc.).

clj4457

Okay, I am convinced.  I will not try to recreate the wedding we missed out on having.  I will simplify the dress- thank you for the dillards website too!  I will carry flowers, a simply bouquet- but no first dance, no garter toss, no bouquet toss, no father down the aisle, none of that--   And we arent registering for gifts- we arent expecting any gifts- we just want to recommit, have it blessed, drink, dance and eat the night away- but I want to make sure I do it right
Also, thank you for the tips on the cake!  I had still been looking at wedding cakes, but I think now I will go for something simpler and of course, tasty!

CassieeK

I think STDs are an unnecessary expense for most people. 

lyndausvi

I think that is the right attitude.   You can even have your child(ren) walk down with your also.

Did you see the Dillard's website had a Pippa inspired dress?  It's so pretty...

lyndausvi

Oh and simplifying the day will be cheaper also. 

clj4457

haha once you become military you realize how much paperwork you have to sign, be vetted by the FBI, etc.. I had to do that as his gf, wasnt even his fiance yet.. He suddenly got orders that moved him to a base where he would be living in bachelor quarters on base for a min of 2 yrs-without me.  So we had a conversation, called a judge, I pulled out the only white sundress I had, and bam, we were married- No it wasnt ideal, and Im realizing now that giving up that dream wedding is more than worth it for the wonderful years we've had as man and wife.

Again thank you everyone for your input...  I appreciate your kindness!

clj4457

I am looking at the Dillards website now.  Again thank you so much!!  I will check out the Pippa dress you mentioned. 

Im so thrilled to finally stand up in front of my family and have our union blessed- That is what will make it our big day- being surrounded by family and loved ones!

And Im not going to do STD's.. I think the invite should suffice- thanks again for the tips!

clj4457

Im really loving these Dillard dresses!! Thank you so much!!

Ghoti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:9c1f2260-9e37-4dde-b1a1-a4249d3b9146">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
[QUOTE]I think a chapel is fine if you are religious. I would focus on RENEWING YOUR VOWS and not about having the wedding you never had.   Does that make sense? Having a PPD with the big dress and all  just screams AW (attention whore) to me.  It's like "look at me in a pretty dress and give me gifts".  I don't know, it just sends a materialist message to me. A vow renewal with a simple dress and not all the hoopla says <strong>"DH and I love each other so much we want to renew our vows and want you to be apart of it</strong>".  It just sends a sweeter message to me.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
I really like this, well said Lynd:)

andamu

This is not cheap, but it's my inspiration website, so do with these what you will:

http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/65383
So elegant.

http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/100582
You could wear this over and over.

http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/108594
I want to buy this and I don't even need it.

Ghoti

Is that second one see-through in the front??

clj4457

In my very first original post, I stated we were planning our "reaffirmation ceremony":  I never intended this to be a wedding celebration, but a vow renewal (as some have needlessly pointed out, repeatedly). 

My husband and I BOTH see our first 'wedding' (if you can call it that) as a document signing- YES we are married, and YES we will have our big day =D
TBH, Im actually reconsidering the big poofy dress...

As my wonderful husband just said to me "This is not the 1800's.  We can do whatever we want, and we want a wedding!" 

Ghoti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:b71bc3cc-a5d3-4cd4-8f58-e8f4425096e0">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
[QUOTE]In my very first original post, I stated we were planning our " reaffirmation ceremony ":  I never intended this to be a wedding celebration, but a vow renewal (as some have needlessly pointed out, repeatedly).  My husband and I BOTH see our first 'wedding' (if you can call it that) as a document signing- YES we are married, and YES we will have our big day =D <strong>TBH, Im actually reconsidering the big poofy dress... </strong>As my wonderful husband just said to me "This is not the 1800's.  We can do whatever we want, and we want a wedding!" 
Posted by clj4457[/QUOTE]
Come on now, like you were ever considering not getting one <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

Loopyseven

All I can come up with is "well, whoopti-do for you".