This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong

Choco9

Okay, OP, it seems that you are pretty firm on your decision to not invite her.  Now you just have to be ready to deal with the aftermath.  Simple as that, really. 

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:1cf63c17-2cee-4a61-b73e-8a20cf2cc671">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : But the coworker that's invited, she and I are very close even outside of work. We talk on the phone and see each other socially. Not being invited to a wedding is not being disrespected. Its life. My father is not Daddy Warbucks. I'm already not inviting friends and family that I actually want to be there because we have to slim down the guestlist.... I guess I'm disrespecting them too huh? C'mon.
Posted by luvvtoobeme[/QUOTE]

You're not getting it.  If you REALLY want your CW friend to be invited, then you should include the 85 y/o CW as well because of the proximity issue. They're not working in two different departments.  You are side by side in the office.  

We ALL have/had to make cuts on our guest list and it sucks but part of that process is making "circular" cuts so that some people within a circle don't end up on the yes list while others didn't make it.


RE: Daddy Warbucks.  Do you think any of us have money trees in our backyards?  Is one more plate really going to break the bank?  BTW, the chances are high that you will have a few no-shows after an affirmative RSVP and the cost of their plate is going to get eaten (no pun intended) by your dad anyway.

Look, you're the one who has to deal with this woman until you quit your job or she does.  If you can stand to listen to her whine and cry about not getting invited then more power to you. Personally, it would be worth my sanity at work to make the old woman happy and included her.

ETA: And my comment about her age earns her respect has nothing to do with not respecting others by not inviting them to the wedding.  You made a comment about her age doesn't make her a saint.  I was simply commenting on the fact that she has earned respect because of her age because IMO, you were actually being disrespectful by saying a sarcastic comment about her age.

MyUserName1

Okay, OP.

You're clearly not going to invite your co-worker.  You'd rather be a snotty brat to her and judge her for being a productive member of society long after you would elect to.

So here's my advice.

Try working when at work instead of talking about your wedding. If you keep telling people all about your wedding, of course they are going to assume they are invited and be disappointed when they aren't.

ast.meghan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:5149d36c-9a4d-46c4-b1cb-87f387683704">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>The bottom line is that she doesn't like me</strong> and I don't like her. 
Posted by luvvtoobeme[/QUOTE]

<div>Hmmm, I wonder why?</div>

luvvtoobeme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:48e67dce-accc-4543-8245-34bafc661df4">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : Like Mrs. B said, since you work so close together (literally), I would invite her. As for the Daddy Warbucks thing, here's an idea.  You could offer to chip in some money for your wedding.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]


Actually, I'm paying the most for my wedding.  My parents are the one's chipping in a little.  The rest is coming out of me and my fiance's pocket.  The "daddy warbucks" thing was to stress that are budget is not over the top.

redheadfsu

Then just start looking for another job, because you are basically turning the work environment into a warzone.

You are right you don't have to invite her. But you get to deal with her every day at work. Be prepared for your work life (I assume 40 hours a week) to be hell on earth. Good luck with that.

luvvtoobeme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:436f9617-85c9-4461-8790-b32c025c793e">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, OP. You're clearly not going to invite your co-worker.  You'd rather be a snotty brat to her and judge her for being a productive member of society long after you would elect to. So here's my advice. Try working when at work instead of talking about your wedding. If you keep telling people all about your wedding, of course they are going to assume they are invited and be disappointed when they aren't.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]


Wait... I'm being a snotty brat? By not inviting someone that doesn't like or respects me and has lied on and about me on several ocassions? She's even lied about my fiance believe it or not.  I've said earlier that I could go on and on and on about things she's done but I chose not to.  The thing is you do not know this person to call me names because I chose not to invite her.  I have said nothing to show that I'm judging her for still working.  All I have said is that I don't understand why she's still working.  If you knew the situation like I do you wouldn't understand it either.  But you don't nor do you know me to saying stupid things such as I'm being a snotty brat.  
This was my first board post on the knot and it will be my last. I had no idea the people on here were so ridiculous, immature and idiotic (name-calling?... how old are you?), and hypocritical (claiming I'm being judgmental when I'm not meanwhile that's all a lot of you are doing with me).  One person says something and every one jumps on the bandwagon knowing much about nothing and focusing on things that were never said or meant.  

 

luvvtoobeme

Thanks to you folks that actually had decent and smart advice to give.  I appreciate your comments. 

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:b411450d-6520-4434-8590-6e056f1f6974">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : Wait... I'm being a snotty brat? By not inviting someone that doesn't like or respects me and has lied on and about me on several ocassions? She's even lied about my fiance believe it or not.  I've said earlier that I could go on and on and on about things she's done but I chose not to.  The thing is you do not know this person to call me names because I chose not to invite her.  I have said nothing to show that I'm judging her for still working.  All I have said is that I don't understand why she's still working.  If you knew the situation like I do you wouldn't understand it either.  But you don't nor do you know me to saying stupid things such as I'm being a snotty brat.   This was my first board post on the knot and it will be my last. I had no idea the people on here were so ridiculous, immature and idiotic (name-calling?... how old are you?), and hypocritical (claiming I'm being judgmental when I'm not meanwhile that's all a lot of you are doing with me).  One person says something and every one jumps on the bandwagon knowing much about nothing and focusing on things that were never said or meant.    
Posted by luvvtoobeme[/QUOTE]

Well, you're the one who brought all of this up by asking how to handle this.  People gave you advice.  It's on you to do with it what you will or won't.

luvvtoobeme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:ebd87af3-aa49-4687-bb0f-e53ef8a2e608">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : Here's the thing. We only know what YOU tell us. And what YOU have told us, does make you look judgmental. You asked for opinions, everyone gave you theirs. We're not here to validate bad ideas. If validation is all you seek, maybe you should try a different message board.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]


I'm not looking for anyone's validation. I don't need it. What I was looking for was <strong>advice on handling someone who is not invited asking for so many details.</strong>  Most people's advice was to just invite her, but whether or not to invite was NOT the question. Furthermore, its not an option.  My fiance was very put off by her when she lied about him and he does not want her there either. You only know what I'm telling you guys, true. But it seems like you're taking it upon yourself to fill in the blanks in ways that make me look like I'm a horrible person when I'm not. If I was so bad I'd have NO problem giving her every single detail and then enjoying the moment she realizes she's not invited. That's not me. I was asking for help on how to handle it so it would be nothing like that.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:0471cd70-1ff3-4f87-808d-92d96676e91f">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : I'm not looking for anyone's validation. I don't need it. What I was looking for was advice on handling someone who is not invited asking for so many details.  Most people's advice was to just invite her. That's not an option.  My fiance was very put off by her when she lied about him and he does not want her there either. You only know what I'm telling you guys, true. But it seems like you're taking it upon yourself to fill in the blanks in ways that make me look like I'm a horrible person when I'm not. If I was so bad I'd have NO problem giving her every single detail and then enjoying the moment she realizes she's not invited. That's not me. I was asking for help on how to handle it so it would be nothing like that.
Posted by luvvtoobeme[/QUOTE]

But the thing is if she is this horrible, then you won't be able to deal with her at work after you don't invite her. <strong>We are only telling you to invite her so you don't have to quit your job
</strong>

luvvtoobeme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:155447c1-32d0-4564-9fb0-6215a4321504">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : If you MUST tell her something, you can say you weren't able to invite everyone you wanted to, but I still agree with the majority that you should invite her. The aftermath could be ugly and awkward.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

Thank you.

sunnydays630

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:b411450d-6520-4434-8590-6e056f1f6974">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : Wait... I'm being a snotty brat? By not inviting someone that doesn't like or respects me and has lied on and about me on several ocassions? She's even lied about my fiance believe it or not.  I've said earlier that I could go on and on and on about things she's done but I chose not to.  The thing is you do not know this person to call me names because I chose not to invite her.  I have said nothing to show that I'm judging her for still working.  All I have said is that I don't understand why she's still working.  If you knew the situation like I do you wouldn't understand it either.  But you don't nor do you know me to saying stupid things such as I'm being a snotty brat.   This was my first board post on the knot and it will be my last. I had no idea the people on here were so ridiculous, immature and idiotic (name-calling?... how old are you?), and hypocritical (claiming I'm being judgmental when I'm not meanwhile that's all a lot of you are doing with me).  One person says something and every one jumps on the bandwagon knowing much about nothing and focusing on things that were never said or meant.    
Posted by luvvtoobeme[/QUOTE]



If many people. Are saying you are being judgmental, and you insist you are not, the you may need to go back and evaluate what you said. This board is very fair with the advice that is given.

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:b411450d-6520-4434-8590-6e056f1f6974">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : Wait... I'm being a snotty brat? By not inviting someone that doesn't like or respects me and has lied on and about me on several ocassions? She's even lied about my fiance believe it or not.  I've said earlier that I could go on and on and on about things she's done but I chose not to.  The thing is you do not know this person to call me names because I chose not to invite her.  I have said nothing to show that I'm judging her for still working.  All I have said is that I don't understand why she's still working.  If you knew the situation like I do you wouldn't understand it either.  But you don't nor do you know me to saying stupid things such as I'm being a snotty brat.   This was my first board post on the knot and it will be my last. I had no idea the people on here were so ridiculous, immature and idiotic (name-calling?... how old are you?), and hypocritical (claiming I'm being judgmental when I'm not meanwhile that's all a lot of you are doing with me).  One person says something and every one jumps on the bandwagon knowing much about nothing and focusing on things that were never said or meant.    
Posted by luvvtoobeme[/QUOTE]

Interesting how now OP is saying that this co-worker has lied about her and her fiance, when she never said ANYTHING like that in her OP(yes, i know she called her rude and fake, but that is not nearly the same thing.  That just sounds like unfounded insults)

Backpedaling much?

luvvtoobeme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:6c9de8d0-df2c-4608-87b6-19ceebe5d772">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : Interesting how now OP is saying that this co-worker has lied about her and her fiance, when she never said ANYTHING like that in her OP(yes, i know she called her rude and fake, but that is not nearly the same thing.  That just sounds like unfounded insults) Backpedaling much?
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]


Yeah... I'm sure you're just THAT insightful to get such a great feel for what I've dealt with a co-worker over years in 3 short paragraphs in a board post.... Riiiiiight. You know best! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
(I know you're just absolutely fantastic at seeing straight through posts, but in case you missed it- that was sarcasm)

Carla1019

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:0471cd70-1ff3-4f87-808d-92d96676e91f">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : I'm not looking for anyone's validation. I don't need it. <strong>What I was looking for was advice on handling someone who is not invited asking for so many details. </strong>  Most people's advice was to just invite her, but whether or not to invite was NOT the question. Furthermore, its not an option.  My fiance was very put off by her when she lied about him and he does not want her there either. You only know what I'm telling you guys, true. But it seems like you're taking it upon yourself to fill in the blanks in ways that make me look like I'm a horrible person when I'm not. If I was so bad I'd have NO problem giving her every single detail and then enjoying the moment she realizes she's not invited. That's not me. I was asking for help on how to handle it so it would be nothing like that.
Posted by luvvtoobeme[/QUOTE]

In a matter of fact tone, tell her, "Thank you for your interest in the details of my wedding. But I feel bad talking about it to everyone I couldn't afford to invite. Would you like to go out to lunch when I bring in my photo album?"

She will feel hurt but if she already doesn't like you than what will really change?

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:6b1646c3-70ab-417f-b43d-27a7ddcc47d6">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : Yeah... I'm sure you're just THAT insightful to get such a great feel for what I've dealt with a co-worker over years in 3 short paragraphs in a board post.... Riiiiiight. You know best! (I know you're just absolutely fantastic at seeing straight through posts, but in case you missed it- that was sarcasm)
Posted by luvvtoobeme[/QUOTE]

Just making the point that all of a sudden you're presenting us with information intended to make people "side" with you instead of your co-worker.  Just an observation.

We're only working with the information you provide. If you didn't provide all the information we need to form an informed opinion, who's fault is that?

Choco9

OP, in your repeat posting you said it is hard when other coworkers come by to ask about the wedding planning.  Do you have other coworkers or is it just the two plus you?  I was confused by this.

If you don't want to invite this woman, then don't.  If you truly have only two coworkers and you invite one of the two, expect the other one to be pissed.  Seriously that is all there is to it. 

A lot of ladies on this board were trying to give you advice on how to save YOURSELF a lot of trouble by just throwing her an invite since she seems to be (and again, I need clarification) one of only two coworkers and any idiot could forsee the aftermath of a hostile work environment if she isn't invited and the other is.  That is all they were doing.

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:fd800128-3a49-4f10-a4d0-c772d331fd8d">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : Seriously? What has this woman done to you that has you so worked up? Didn't give you a peppermint from the bottom of her purse?
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

<3

luvvtoobeme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:fd800128-3a49-4f10-a4d0-c772d331fd8d">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : Seriously? What has this woman done to you that has you so worked up? Didn't give you a peppermint from the bottom of her purse?
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that was it.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:6c9de8d0-df2c-4608-87b6-19ceebe5d772">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : Interesting how now OP is saying that this co-worker has lied about her and her fiance, when she never said ANYTHING like that in her OP(yes, i know she called her rude and fake, but that is not nearly the same thing.  That just sounds like unfounded insults) Backpedaling much?
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

<div>In another page, this woman will have stolen her stapler and raped her kitten.</div>

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:e3943027-026e-4af3-89d4-327f6d3b67f6">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : Yeah, that was it.
Posted by luvvtoobeme[/QUOTE]

Instead of just giving snotty responses can you answer the question a previous poster asked?

Whether you have only two coworkers or do you have several coworkers? (I guess in one of your other threads you mentioned several people asking about your wedding who are not invited?)

If you have several then you don't have to invite all or neither. Just have the few that you do invite keep it quite.

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:89d5abff-07d5-4cbc-9d66-94c3fd3b3aa7">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : In another page, this woman will have stolen her stapler and raped her kitten.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Not the red swingline!

NOOOOOOOO

luvvtoobeme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:a95e6dce-d456-4637-bcec-7351a247fc75">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, in your repeat posting you said it is hard when other coworkers come by to ask about the wedding planning.  Do you have other coworkers or is it just the two plus you?  I was confused by this. If you don't want to invite this woman, then don't.  If you truly have only two coworkers and you invite one of the two, expect the other one to be pissed.  Seriously that is all there is to it.  A lot of ladies on this board were trying to give you advice on how to save YOURSELF a lot of trouble by just throwing her an invite since she seems to be (and again, I need clarification) one of only two coworkers and any idiot could forsee the aftermath of a hostile work environment if she isn't invited and the other is.  That is all they were doing.
Posted by Choco9[/QUOTE]

I work in an office with 2 other people.  Our office deals heavily with 2 other departments. People from those departments often stop by to say hi and chit chat.

I understand the logic behind the "just invite her". I get that that's everyone's advise about the actual invitation issue. And I appreciate those who are saying that just to have me avoid the drama. The thing is inviting her or not was not what I was asking for advise on. I wanted to know what is the best way to address people who ask a bunch of questions but are not invited. She is not the only person that does this, but of everyone she does it the most mainly because I see her 5 days a week. I just wanted advise on one topic and its turned into all of this about almost every topic but the one I needed advise on.

mmw&lmd

X-posted from one of the bunch of dups you posted.

Okay, I get that you don't like this lady, and that's fine.  You can invite (or not) whoever you want.  But why are you going on about her AGE and how she's STILL WORKING at 85?  What the heck does that have to do with anything??

My grandmother is 86 and worked until a few months ago.  She worked because she is alone and her work gives her life purpose.  It kept her going.  How rude of you to speak about her like that.  It would have been more tactful for you to stick to "I just don't like her."  I say props to her for continuing to work, what a strong woman.

I hope in 50-60 years people don't talk about your age like it's a disease.

The reason everyone is on your case is because of the way you worded your OP.  You can't make comments that are going to downright offend people if you're not looking for drama.  Also, in the future, put all of the facts in your OP and don't magically remember later.  If it's important (making malicious false claims about FI) may have put a few more people in your court.  

Just tell her she isn't invited and deal with the fallout.  You know how she is, and seeing it happen before, you should have some idea on how to handle her.  Be as polite and sincere as you can about it.  Just because this woman may be bitter doesn't mean you should treat poison with poison.  I also advise against lying, because that can always come back and bite you.

mmw&lmd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:52a04bd6-b7fa-4be0-a343-1f152ff16b15">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong : I work in an office with 2 other people.  Our office deals heavily with 2 other departments. People from those departments often stop by to say hi and chit chat. I understand the logic behind the "just invite her". I get that that's everyone's advise about the actual invitation issue. And I appreciate those who are saying that just to have me avoid the drama. The thing is inviting her or not was not what I was asking for advise on. I wanted to know what is the best way to address people who ask a bunch of questions but are not invited. She is not the only person that does this, but of everyone she does it the most mainly because I see her 5 days a week. I just wanted advise on one topic and its turned into all of this about almost every topic but the one I needed advise on.
Posted by luvvtoobeme[/QUOTE]

<div>How would she react if you said something like, "The details of my wedding aren't open for discussion.  I appreciate your interest, but I'm just not interested in discussing it."</div>

Choco9

Although I consider my situation to be very different than yours, here's my advice based on what you have said:

I had a small(er) wedding and couldn't invite my cousin's wife's sister who happens to live in my area (while my family is across the country).  I see her here and there but am not close to her.  She would ask about the wedding every time I saw her and I would mention that we were having a small affair, that planning was going fine, and try to change the subject immediately.
 
Again, I consider this to be very different because I did not work closely with her or see her on the daily.  I had lunch with her the other day and showed her pictures and she was thrilled.

If you are having a large wedding, however, I would really, strongly consider inviting her still if it was in any way an option.  You can't say you are keeping it small if you really are not and she will know if you have a big guest list and she still didn't make the cut (people talk).  If you didn't work every day with her I would never suggest finding room in the list if you truly don't want to invite her.  But since this could make your life more difficult at work I would think about it a little harder.

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE] A lot of you seem to be hopped up on the fact that she's 85... As if that makes her some kind of saint. The truth is regardless of age she is not a nice person [/QUOTE]

No, we're hopped up on the fact that you think her working at 85 is a valid reason to dislike her.  If she's not a nice person <em>regardless </em>of age, than there was no reason for you to <em>regard </em>that fact important enough to mention in your original post.

luvvtoobeme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:806a3a6a-79c7-440c-a105-1737a1e43278">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]No, we're hopped up on the fact that you think her working at 85 is a valid reason to dislike her.  If she's not a nice person regardless of age, than there was no reason for you to regard that fact important enough to mention in your original post.
Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

Where did I say I don't like her because she's working at 85? Stop saying things I didn't say. I said she's 85, we would never be friends outside of work. And that's the truth. Other than the elders in my family, I don't have any close friends that far outside of my age range and I'm not 85. I don't know how old you are but when is the last time you went out for a drink with someone 50+ years older than you that wasn't related to you?

luvvtoobeme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-co-worker-probably-thinks-shes-getting-invite-shes-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d76018a7-25b9-408f-92a6-a334f2fd3dc7Post:583f90ca-ecdf-40b0-b208-f19b7b9b1891">Re: This co-worker probably thinks she's getting an invite... She's wrong</a>:
[QUOTE]Although I consider my situation to be very different than yours, here's my advice based on what you have said: I had a small(er) wedding and couldn't invite my cousin's wife's sister who happens to live in my area (while my family is across the country).  I see her here and there but am not close to her.  She would ask about the wedding every time I saw her and I would mention that we were having a small affair, that planning was going fine, and try to change the subject immediately.   Again, I consider this to be very different because I did not work closely with her or see her on the daily.  I had lunch with her the other day and showed her pictures and she was thrilled. If you are having a large wedding, however, I would really, strongly consider inviting her still if it was in any way an option.  You can't say you are keeping it small if you really are not and she will know if you have a big guest list and she still didn't make the cut (people talk).  If you didn't work every day with her I would never suggest finding room in the list if you truly don't want to invite her.  But since this could make your life more difficult at work I would think about it a little harder.
Posted by Choco9[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your story. That helps.