How do I get RID of maid of honor?!?!?!?

criner16

I recently got engaged in December. I have kind been expecting it since August so naturally everytime I would visit my boyfriend my roommated would ask if he popped the question. Each time she would start talking about wanting to plan my wedding. Not so much help plan it, but PLAN! I always just brushed it off as nothing. When I finally did get engaged she jumped right in to start the planning! I appreciate the thought behind it, but I want to plan my own wedding. She has been married before and is now no longer married. She drops comments left and right about getting married, how her marriage went astray, what her things cost, how her family was cheap...you name she probably said something negative about her wedding. I do not want to be rude but I do not want to hear all these negative things about weddings.

NOW the BIG PROBLEM!!! She has assumed she is my maid of honor! I do not want her to be my maid of honor much less in my wedding period! She is a good friend but I do not want her in it. I'm not really sure where the assumption she would be my maid of honor came from, but she has assumed it! I feel like I will just have to have her in my wedding, its been a few months since I realized that what she believes! I should have said something when I first heard her say something, but I did not want to make a scene! What do I do? I feel if I take her out completely I will burn a bridge. She is a good friend, but I am not sure if the friendship will last!

pooh8402

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rid-of-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9569bf2-a73c-4d0d-adee-6e3ef902318aPost:bc155b5a-344a-4cb0-aff1-64075cd8b9a6">How do I get RID of maid of honor?!?!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently got engaged in December. I have kind been expecting it since August so naturally everytime I would visit my boyfriend my roommated would ask if he popped the question. Each time she would start talking about wanting to plan my wedding. Not so much help plan it, but PLAN! I always just brushed it off as nothing. When I finally did get engaged she jumped right in to start the planning! I appreciate the thought behind it, but I want to plan my own wedding. She has been married before and is now no longer married. She drops comments left and right about getting married, how her marriage went astray, what her things cost, how her family was cheap...you name she probably said something negative about her wedding. I do not want to be rude but I do not want to hear all these negative things about weddings. NOW the BIG PROBLEM!!! She has assumed she is my maid of honor! I do not want her to be my maid of honor much less in my wedding period! She is a good friend but I do not want her in it. I'm not really sure where the assumption she would be my maid of honor came from, but she has assumed it! I feel like I will just have to have her in my wedding, its been a few months since I realized that what she believes! I should have said something when I first heard her say something, but I did not want to make a scene! What do I do? I feel if I take her out completely I will burn a bridge. She is a good friend, but I am not sure if the friendship will last!
Posted by criner16[/QUOTE]

well, you won't be getting rid of a maid of honor, because you don't have one. you tell her that this is your and your FI's wedding. her help is appreciated when asked for.and stop discussing wedding plans with her.

sucrets4

Douse her in gasoline and make it look like a car accident?

WildRumpus

OMG eleventy.

FutureMrsTR

You can't take her out when you haven't put her in.  It's rude of her to assume anything.  If you don't want to say anything to her, you could avoid it and she'll get the hint when you don't ask her to buy a dress.  Or you could mention who your bridal party will be sometime along the planning path and she'll figure it out.

salt78

Lyme. Trust me.

BecW2be

Poison apple. It's the only way.


...sorry, I just watched "Enchanted". Back in the real world, you're going to have to shut up and stop sharing wedding details. Don't even give her the date. Vague comments are your best friend now. Any time she mentions the wedding, look at her like she has ants crawling out of her ears.

You're also going to have to be upfront and tell her you haven't picked your wedding party yet. Stop letting her assume. That's not fair to her.

sarabellam

I hear arsenic works very well in situations like this.

alixzafiris

Nah guys, you've gotta like... lead her into the woods and leave her with a big bad wolf. For realz. That'll solve that problem right quick.

crfische

Use more punctuation. It will scare her right off.

sarah0725

Yup, dump her in the river.

polichik

Salt, I love you.

squirrly

You need to be honest with her.  Either be upfront/blunt about it, or mention that you went dress shopping with your BMs, etc.  One way or the other, she'll get the picture - but if you don't say anything, you're lying by omission.

MissLeahM

Just tell her that you appreciate her help and that you're not ready to choose your MOH just yet. 

Or be honest and get her out of your hair. 

fangsiting

I know a guy, but it's gonna cost ya.

maybe just casually refer to your MOH.  Like, "hey roomie, my MOH Sue & I are going to look at florists this afternoon.  see you later!" 

eastunder1

I'm going to start capitalizing the word RID every time I use it. 

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rid-of-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9569bf2-a73c-4d0d-adee-6e3ef902318aPost:f8f75627-3786-446c-ab4c-10e28f5c72b7">Re: How do I get RID of maid of honor?!?!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Salt, I love you.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

<div>I love you too, pretty! :)</div>

Moscow04

whatever you do, do it soon.  I remember my college roomate ( Who I lived with two years and were very close) got engaged while we were still roomates.  I assumed I was a bridesmaid since she didn't really have any other close friends.   (I know I shouldn't have assumed but its only natural sometimes)  She never asked me so I didn't mention it I figured she would eventually.  She never did and I found out she asked our other roomates except for me then she didn't even invite me to the wedding.  Never told me why and just let me assume for myself that I wasn't included.  I remember being very hurt and confused and feeling like she owed me some sort of talk.  Long story I know but you need to be sincere and respectful of her and give her a reason whatever it might be.  you owe her atleast that much.  Hopefully she will understand and act like an adult and respect you for atleast letting her know up front.   Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[Deleted User]

Um, she can't lose what she never had - like being your MOH.

hetshup

Punch her in the anus.

For real? Tell her flat out that you will ask for her help when you are ready and that you are not planning on having her in the wedding. 

plessjm

The sad part is you have to live with her... its kinda hard never to talk about your wedding in your own home. I would have to say you are just going to have sit her down and just tell her. Be kind...be gentle...be blunt. If it burns a bridge then she is not a true friend anyways. "I won't be your friend anymore cause you didnt ask me to be MOH" is the lamest burned bridge ever.

akhensley81

It sounds to me like the big problem is going to be the awkward elephant in the room AFTER you tell her that she's not your MOH.

First of all - use PP's advice and yes, do tell her soon. I liked the suggestion, "I haven't picked my MOH yet." Or maybe you have - and you can just explain to her who you've picked and why.

Perhaps - to help with the elephant - if you wanted to give her *a job* but not a BM spot, maybe ask her to be your Mistress of Ceremonies? If she's so geeked about planning, that might be a good job for her??

Or... you could always just spike her wine with Benadryl... wait until she falls asleep... then drive her out to the middle of a cornfield somewhere and leave her there. Whatever.