Need semi-WR advice, please!

emilykathleen511

So DH and I were discussing what we should do, and DH says, "Why don't you ask those knot people?" And so here I am.  

dogsandfrogs

My only concern is the money related to the items that you say actually belonged to her.  Did she give you those items under the impression that she would never see them (or any money from them) again?  If the answer is yes, then you don't have an obligation to give her anything, though as you've mentioned it'd be nice to give her at least some of it for both her time and monetary contributions.

If the answer is no, then obviously you need ot reimburse her what she would have expected to get from the items herself.

aleighk1

Write her a check for the amount that was hers. If she's anything like my mom, she won't accept the money. Or maybe accept it and "just never get around to cashing it."

jessicabessica

Was any of this stuff a gift to you?  If they were, it would be somewhat rude to give her the proceeds from the sale.  

I might offer to give her what you got for your SIL's wedding items, since that is kind of helping your MIL with reducing clutter (if I understand your post correctly), and then the stuff MIL made for you, I would consider a gift, unless she specified otherwise.  

ETA: Unless she told you that she expects to be reimbursed for her monetary contributions to your wedding, I would consider that a gift.  

StephBeanWed61502

I'd probably send her a check for whatever percentage of the money represents "her" items, if that makes sense.  This is, of course, assuming she won't be insulted by it - my parents would be fine accepting the money in situations like this, but I know FI's parents would be offended by the offer, especially if we were "paying them back" for something that was intended as gift, KWIM?  So think about what you know about her and what the intent behind giving you the items in the first place was, then decide whether reimbursement is appropriate.

tpender13

I think my answer depends on how much money we're talking about. If it were $150 you got from the consignment shop and $60 of it would be her share, and she doesn't have any expectations of seeing the money, I probably wouldn't bother. If we're talking more like $1000 where she'd be getting hundreds, I'd feel guilty keeping her share of the money.

Meegles4

I think I'd ask. Especially if you think she's going to decline it anyway. Then it just eases your conscience from the get go.

I agree with PPs that it also sort of depends on the amount of money and whether MIL had the impression she might see some return on those items, even if it was never discussed.

Again, I think a gentle ask would be appropriate.

mbody

If MIL gifted you the items, then I'd just say keep the money. If MIL lent you the items and was expecting them back after the wedding, or in this case, the money from the items, then give it to her.

If it were my parents, they would never ever take the money. FI's parents, I could maaayyybe see taking the money, but would not be upset if they found out we kept it.

rebarobert2012

This is a tricky situation because she could be offended if you do send her a check, but she could also be offended if you don't pay her for the items that were hers.  In this case, it sounds like she made the items as a gift for you and doesn't expect payment.  If I were you, I think I would keep the money from the items but perhaps get her a nice gift card to her favorite restaurant or something similar that you know she would like as a thank you for helping you with the wedding.

NOLAbridealmost

Hmmm...you've been married over five months? And she hasn't said anything?  It seems like items she gave you were a gift for the wedding.  If you're really concerned just have FI call her and double check to see if she wanted to be compensated for any of that stuff, but I think you're safe keeping the check.