Wedding Etiquette Forum

A Tip About Gaps

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Re: A Tip About Gaps

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tip-gaps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e272cf29-11a4-40bc-bc9f-b9ef00572f5fPost:4350dcaa-cdb0-44bf-8cd1-a29ca8d0ddcf">Re: A Tip About Gaps</a>:
    [QUOTE]I still can't get over the whole catholic thing. I wasn't raised catholic and I don't understand why I am EXPECTED to sit through a catholic mass because it is someone else's belief.   I would do it for close friends and family, but when a distant relative or friend gets married, I don't think its necessary for me to sit through their catholic mass. I don't believe in the same things and I find it really uncomfortable to have to sit through something I don't believe in.  In my family and circle, many people don't go to the actual wedding and just go for the reception. My parents and I also never attended church for any of my cousin's christenings or first communions. Many of my mom's siblings converted to Catholocism later in life and raised their kids in the catholic church, but I was not, nor were either of my parents. I have to say that I know most of you aren't in agreement, but I don't think that you are considering the other side at all. I don't attend for religious reasons.  I also won't be offended or upset if people come to our reception and not our wedding. I don't get the big deal. We are celebrating a marraige, and that doesn't mean you have to witness the exchange of vows.
    Posted by Callmefia[/QUOTE]

    I wouldn't attend a ceremony that included content that I found really terrible or offensive or discriminatory.  I've been to one Catholic wedding (at least one that I remember well), and it wasn't in that category.  If I truly felt that way about a ceremony, I don't know if I would go to the reception or just decline the whole invitation.  I don't know if I would be friends with a person that would want that kind of ceremony, so there's also that. 

    Sitting through another person's religious thing isn't the most comfortable thing in the world for me either, but it's certainly something I can do because I care about that person. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tip-gaps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e272cf29-11a4-40bc-bc9f-b9ef00572f5fPost:51e55b82-4149-427b-bc4e-1e3030da9bd7">Re: A Tip About Gaps</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Tip About Gaps : Wow really? Someone just showing up to the reception would really bother me, the ceremony is 'the wedding', the rest is just icing on the top.  You don't get to eat the frosting and throw away the cake. <strong>Does it go the other way around? can my Christian family just ditch my secular ceremony because they don't agree with our faith (or lack thereof). </strong> It's not like you're being asked to pray, take communion, etc., it's just a matter of sitting there for an hour, watching something beautiful that comes from a tradition you may or may not agree with.  If your friend wanted to watch a movie you didn't really care for, but it was really important to her, you would probably do it, right? It's like that, except the wedding is shorter than a movie, and one of the most important days of a persons life. 
    Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

    I said I would go to a Catholic mass for a close family or friend to be supportive, and just as such I expect my parents and sister to come to my wedding, but otherwise, I don't care if people skip our ceremony and just come to the reception. So yes, it works both ways. 

    I have been to many a wedding where people skip the ceremony so I'm really surprised that people are so offended over it. I'm not trying to be totally "assy" but I guess maybe in some circles things are just done different (hey I have seen a lot of posts on here with the pot lucks, shower invites, and all those other strange regional things, so why not this? I also don't recall anyone being told they were "assy" over it!) 

    My coworker and I were just talking about it at lunch and she said she could care less if I came to her catholic mass ceremony! We have completely different circles and her family is mostly catholic while mine is not, so I think it extends across more than just me! Even in my FI's family a ton of people didn't attend his cousin's catholic mass but came to the reception.

    Do you ever notice that your cousin Bob was at the ceremony or not? I can't imagine noticing, so why would it bother me? I have no intention of being pissed at anyone on our wedding day!
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  • amys325amys325 member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tip-gaps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e272cf29-11a4-40bc-bc9f-b9ef00572f5fPost:46b99b97-7123-4f93-8489-82cc54ff37a9">Re: A Tip About Gaps</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Tip About Gaps : I said I would go to a Catholic mass for a close family or friend to be supportive, and just as such I expect my parents and sister to come to my wedding, but otherwise, I don't care if people skip our ceremony and just come to the reception. So yes, it works both ways.  I have been to many a wedding where people skip the ceremony so I'm really surprised that people are so offended over it. I'm not trying to be totally "assy" but I guess maybe in some circles things are just done different (hey I have seen a lot of posts on here with the pot lucks, shower invites, and all those other strange regional things, so why not this? I also don't recall anyone being told they were "assy" over it!)  My coworker and I were just talking about it at lunch and she said she could care less if I came to her catholic mass ceremony! We have completely different circles and her family is mostly catholic while mine is not, so I think it extends across more than just me! Even in my FI's family a ton of people didn't attend his cousin's catholic mass but came to the reception. Do you ever notice that your cousin Bob was at the ceremony or not? I can't imagine noticing, so why would it bother me? I have no intention of being pissed at anyone on our wedding day!
    Posted by Callmefia[/QUOTE]

    It's funny because I'm originally from NE Ohio and people would always skip the ceremony.

    Is it a NE Ohio thing?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tip-gaps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e272cf29-11a4-40bc-bc9f-b9ef00572f5fPost:1890333c-9ab5-4a59-aded-6c6b1d3cd931">Re: A Tip About Gaps</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Tip About Gaps : It's funny because I'm originally from NE Ohio and people would always skip the ceremony. Is it a NE Ohio thing?
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]


    I'm getting married in SE Michigan and my priest told me to expect only half of our guests to attend the ceremony.  However, he implied that it was more because of the gap between the ceremony and the reception than because it was a Catholic ceremony.  Either way though, I was surprised attendance was so low.  I always go to the ceremony, regardless of type or length gap afterwards.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tip-gaps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e272cf29-11a4-40bc-bc9f-b9ef00572f5fPost:1890333c-9ab5-4a59-aded-6c6b1d3cd931">Re: A Tip About Gaps</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Tip About Gaps : It's funny because I'm originally from NE Ohio and people would always skip the ceremony. Is it a NE Ohio thing?
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

    I don't know, but like 90% of the people I know probably wouldn't care about this stuff, so maybe?!
    I guess we are all just douchecanoes. =D I'm pretty sure if my aunts and uncles were mad we never attended mass for their children's first communion and christenings we would have heard about it from them or Grandma. She isn't shy about that.

    FI's cousin was married in this big old catholic church and I knew in advance that they had a huge wedding of like 400+ guests. Seemed like about 100 to 150 were at the church. They had like 20+ bridal party (I think 16 each). It almost seemed like they had more attendants than people who attended the wedding.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tip-gaps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e272cf29-11a4-40bc-bc9f-b9ef00572f5fPost:f2290cd6-8728-4c59-a9b9-91cdec6d6c36">Re: A Tip About Gaps</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Tip About Gaps : I'm getting married in SE Michigan and my priest told me to expect only half of our guests to attend the ceremony.  However, he implied that it was more because of the gap between the ceremony and the reception than because it was a Catholic ceremony.  Either way though, I was surprised attendance was so low.  I always go to the ceremony, regardless of type or length gap afterwards.
    Posted by RunsWithBears[/QUOTE]

    I always go to the ceremony, but when I found out people skip the ceremonies, I started to pay attention and it's amazing how many people don't show up.  It's probably around 50% in a lot of the cases I've seen.
  • I'm pretty sure that, like, 90% of our guests were actually at the ceremony.  I know one of my cousins was running late and didn't make it, and one of H's cousin's walked in right before communion (only knew that b/c it was on the video) but we also had several guests who RSVP'd that they couldn't make the reception and attended the ceremony anyway. 

    And did I notice in that moment?  no, but my parents and MIL did, and we had fun guessing who the backs of heads belonged to in some of the wider shots, haha
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tip-gaps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e272cf29-11a4-40bc-bc9f-b9ef00572f5fPost:3f2cb476-7550-4ccb-b8d9-41fdebaf9480">Re: A Tip About Gaps</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Tip About Gaps : I always go to the ceremony, but when I found out people skip the ceremonies, I started to pay attention and it's amazing how many people don't show up.  It's probably around 50% in a lot of the cases I've seen.
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]


    Yeah, I guess I never paid much attention before.  I figured not everyone goes to the ceremony, but I thought it'd be more like 25% of the people that didn't come, not 50%. 
  • I hate major gaps, especially if there is nothing to do in between. Where i am from there is no such thing as a daytime reception. It is completely unheard of, every wedding has an evening reception unless a couple elopes. It's just the way it is around here. 

    We are getting married in a small town with nothing to do. I got the latest possible time which is 4pm because they have evening mass @8 so the priest needs to be done by then & he comes for supper. 

    I included my times with my invite package. 
    Wedding at 4, 45 mins or so for a catholic service sans mass. 
    10 minutes to the reception site
    cocktails start @ 5:30

    That really only leaves 30 mins but every wedding i have been to people stand outside chatting & having a cig so i really only expect it to be 10 or 15 minutes. 

    We are doign a first look so that we do not leave our guests hanging while we take hours worth of pictures. We are doing most pics before the ceremony in my hometown where we live & the family pics where the ceremony is. 

    A wedding that early for a 6pm reception is nuts, i wouldn't go to the reception. I think that is extremely rude, which is why i am trying to limit the time as much as possible for my guests, i want them to be happy, not having to sit around for hours wondering what to do. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tip-gaps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e272cf29-11a4-40bc-bc9f-b9ef00572f5fPost:7fae4dfd-c693-45b0-94ca-5d12a257f80f">Re: A Tip About Gaps</a>:
    [QUOTE]When I receive an invitation to a wedding at a Catholic church, I just assume it'll be a Nuptual Mass. I don't see anything particularly daunting about sitting for an hour, watching someone I love get married.
    Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

    <div>I didn't say it was daunting.  I'm a fairly religious Christian, so when I know I'm going to be attending something that's a full Christian church service rather than a modified version, I like to prepare myself mentally as if I'm going to church.  </div><div>
    </div><div>FTR, my home church is Lutheran and believes in transubstantiation.  </div>
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