Registering for a charity

smokeybailey

I just received an email from a charity that I actively support.  Unfortunately, they have had to sever ties with their affinity credit card (and are losing funds from that) but they included a link for "creative giving."  One of the ways that one can "creatively give" is to register for donations for a wedding (or other event like a birthday, death, etc.).

Because I love this cause and it means so much to me, I think it's a great idea for them.  I want to see them be able to do as much as they can.  However, I can see that some people may look at this like a honeymoon registry or something similar.

What would you think if you were invited to a wedding and when you inquired about where the couple was registered, you found out that they were registered with a charity?

AdeleDazeem

Are they only registered with that charity and no where else?

I'd be annoyed then.

But, if this charity registry is just one thing in addition to their BB&B registry, then I wouldn't have a problem.  I can choose not to give to the charity if I want.

opalsky007

A lot of people will disagree with me, but I don't really think there's anything blatantly wrong with it. A lot of times with funerals, you'll find out that the family requests donations to a charity in lieu of flowers. If it's a cause I support, I'd donate. If not, I'd give the side-eye to the charity, and give some other gift instead.

pristinedemon

We didn't quite have a charitable registry, but in lieu of favors, we donated to charity. All our guests LOVED the idea. Especially if they know that this charity is something that means a lot to you. The charity we donated to is very near and dear to us, so our guests were really into the idea. Besides, it's not like contributing to the registry is the only option. Iif there's anyone who doesn't like the idea or wants to just get you a gift, they still can.

Brie2010

It would bother me, especially if it's your only registry.

I am picky about who I donate to.  I have beefs with a lot of charities, and I was really annoyed when I got a charity "favor" for one of my most-disliked charities awhile back.

I also think it's kind of AW-ish, like "we're too totally awesome and socially conscious for a real registry."

ac_in_dc

I'm torn. Sometimes I think it's kind of judgey, other times I think it's a nice gesture.

I think it's OK so long as you give guests other options (maybe a traditional registry in addition to a charity registry).

Brie2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registering-charity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e2fe1be6-862c-4163-b7ba-7269f31d01e6Post:364edf1f-bda1-4444-bbd7-be02d997f500">Re: Registering for a charity</a>:
[QUOTE]We didn't quite have a charitable registry, but in lieu of favors, we donated to charity. All our guests LOVED the idea. Especially if they know that this charity is something that means a lot to you. The charity we donated to is very near and dear to us, so our guests were really into the idea. Besides, it's not like contributing to the registry is the only option. Iif there's anyone who doesn't like the idea or wants to just get you a gift, they still can.
Posted by pristinedemon[/QUOTE]


Unless you speak to every guest, don't make sweeping judgments. 

Besides, who's going to say to a bride "I hate that charity, so thanks for the crappy donation in my honor, moron" on her wedding day?  Nobody. 

betrothed123

If there's another registry it wouldn't bother me, but if that's the only registry, I'd be a bit put off.  What if I don't support that charity?  I'm not giving them money, but if it's your only registry, you've limited what I know you want to only a charity.  You'd probably end up with some ugly non-returnable gift.

I also see it as an attention grabbing type of thing.  It kind of says "Hey, look at how great I am, I'd rather give money to charity than get gifts."  If that's truly how you feel, that's fine, but give to that charity in private.  Don;t ask your guests to give in your honor.  I want to give you a gift, not some random charity.

smokeybailey

The first thing that came to my mind when I saw this was that people would think that it was AW.  However, when I looked at from the shelter's perspective (it's a local animal shelter), I thought, well, why not?  They do need the money.

I do a toy and supply drive every holiday and send out emails, post bulletins, and ask for donations.  Does that make me an AW?  Hey, look at me, I am collecting for the animal shelter!  I am so great.  I don't believe so.  At the end of the day, the dogs, cats and rabbits get new toys, beds, food, etc.  Who cares what people think of me?  Those who also want to support can and those that don't, don't have to.

I have no idea if someone would have this as their only registry.  If it was and that annoys you, does it also annoy you if a couple has NO registry?  (a blatant request for cash)

pooh8402

I too would be annoyed if it were the only registry. I also do not like all charities, and I prefer to give an actual gift anyway. In fact, I probably would do just that--send you a gift and ignore the charity. If I want to donate my money to a charity, I reserve the right to choose which charity to donate to.

I also think that donating to a charity as a favor is not a favor, for the reason I listed above. and if you're giving that as a favor, you may as well have skipped favors, period.

MeaghanandMichael

I love the idea. If I really hated the charity I could still give money. It's not a tough predicament to solve and I love money going towards good.

Brie2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registering-charity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e2fe1be6-862c-4163-b7ba-7269f31d01e6Post:5a81ab57-e2bd-4a09-b631-29f5b2bc0780">Re: Registering for a charity</a>:
[QUOTE]The first thing that came to my mind when I saw this was that people would think that it was AW.  However, when I looked at from the shelter's perspective (it's a local animal shelter), I thought, well, why not?  They do need the money. I do a toy and supply drive every holiday and send out emails, post bulletins, and ask for donations.  Does that make me an AW?  Hey, look at me, I am collecting for the animal shelter!  I am so great.  I don't believe so.  At the end of the day, the dogs, cats and rabbits get new toys, beds, food, etc.  Who cares what people think of me?  Those who also want to support can and those that don't, don't have to. I have no idea if someone would have this as their only registry.  If it was and that annoys you, does it also annoy you if a couple has NO registry?  (a blatant request for cash)
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

I would also be annoyed if a couple had no registry.

In the toy drive situation--that's an unprompted act of volunteerism when nothing is required or expected.  Cool.  A charity registry, though, to me, says, "we are too cool for the normal registry so we're doing this instead."

My two cents--if you're that excited about a charity, do a small registry of physical gifts for the few people who insist on giving those.  Then, take all the cash you get from everyone else and quietly give it to charity.  Same purpose, less offensive IMO.

smokeybailey

Stage-so I am wondering what people think about having no registry.  If I have a charity registry (or let's say a honeymoon registry) with no other registry, you have the same options as no registry-unguided boxed gift, gift cards or cash.  If providing only a charity registry is rude then supplying no registry is just as rude, yes?

Just wondering.  I'm not getting married any time soon so I am not really concerned about it for myself but I am wondering how it can be more acceptable so the organization can perhaps frame it differently.  Like I said, I want them to get every dollar they can.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It wouldn't bother me. Unlike the whole "in lieu of favors" thing, I can choose to give if I want to. I'd encourage them to have a traditional registry, though.

I don't know that I would do it, even if it was a charity I supported, because I want to give something TO the couple. Not necessarily a boxed gift, but something for them specifically.

smokeybailey

Brie-
I get what you are saying.  I guess my perspective is different because I enjoy giving to charities in lieu of gifts or flowers.  It feels more special to me than picking a new pot off the Target registry and better than giving cash. 

However, I have only done this in death situations as no one I know has ever asked for a charitable donation in lieu of a birthday or wedding gift.

Again, I hear you and see your perspective.  Like I said, that is the first thing I thought when I looked at it.

goheels05

I'd be fine with it regardless of whether or not it was a charity I support.  If it wasn't one I support, I just wouldn't give.  Ideally, though, I think they should also have a traditional registry.

cengle

If that was their only registry, more than likely, they would be getting a gift card from me.

baby green bird

i'm sorry, but one's charity of choice might not be mine as a guest to a wedding. i asolutely would not contribute to the charity. i established my own charities and causes long ago, and i don't need to honk my own horn in announcing them to my wedding guests.

pristinedemon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registering-charity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e2fe1be6-862c-4163-b7ba-7269f31d01e6Post:507685ae-814a-4b25-b2c7-2a3f617e43ea">Re: Registering for a charity</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registering for a charity : Unless you speak to every guest, don't make sweeping judgments.  Besides, who's going to say to a bride "I hate that charity, so thanks for the crappy donation in my honor, moron" on her wedding day?  Nobody. 
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

Fair enough. I think it may have been a little different in our situation because DH has cancer (which I can promise ALL our guests know for sure) and we donated to the American Cancer Society. Plus, DH is a blabbermouth and told pretty much everyone about it beforehand.

We did it because 1) we were poor after all the associative costs of DH's chemo and it was cheaper that way and 2) because everyone knew our situation, we figured people would like the idea. Worked fine for us, but I can see how some couples might get the side-eye for it...

SparrowSong

If it's in addition to other options, I think it's fine. It's nice to have a cause you believe in, and an opportunity to raise a good amount of money for that cause. It should not remotely feel mandetory though. I just would be annoyed if I was basically being informed "this is the gift you are giving us" with apparently no other option.

I do think all the hoopla about charity-giving associated with weddings is a bit AWish. Is it compensation for guilt after blowing $30,000 on one party, $2400 on one dress? I just think charity is like prayer, both should be done quietly and privately without a lot of banner waving that draws attention to the act. And I don't know why someone who wants to donate $6000 to the humane society can't do it on a random tues in february, but instead uses an opportunity to print out 135 little slips of paper trumpeting "in lieu of..." I don't get the point if it's not simply an ego-stroke.

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registering-charity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e2fe1be6-862c-4163-b7ba-7269f31d01e6Post:5a81ab57-e2bd-4a09-b631-29f5b2bc0780">Re: Registering for a charity</a>:
[QUOTE] I do a toy and supply drive every holiday and send out emails, post bulletins, and ask for donations.  Does that make me an AW?  Hey, look at me, I am collecting for the animal shelter!  I am so great.  I don't believe so.  At the end of the day, the dogs, cats and rabbits get new toys, beds, food, etc.  Who cares what people think of me?
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]
Soliciting donations on behalf of an organization, without attached obligation, is one thing.  Soliciting donations from guests is on a completely different plane.  When I go to a wedding I'm expected to bring a gift.  Therefore, there is an expectation that I give to that charity, if it's the only registry you have.  You created that expectation by not offering me any other options.

Brie2010

Smokey, one thing we are considering doing for our favors is supporting a local charitable business.  My aunt is developmentally disabled and works in a candy shop run by the charity who owns the group home she lives in.  It looks and functions like a regular old candy store, but the employees are mostly people with disabilities and most of the business profits go towards helping integrate disabled individuals into work situations.

So, if we do this, our guests will get what looks like a regular favor--a box of fudge, or two turtles in a bag or something--but we know that the money is going to a good cause. 

It's not at all registry-related, but might be something for your animal shelter to look into.  Doggie keychains?  Dog-shaped cookies?  I don't know.

smokeybailey

Brie-that's a great idea.  I'll see what I can come up with and figure out if it is something the store can handle.  It's worth a look into.

thanks.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I think registering for a charity and nothing but says, "Hey, we only want this. So please abide by our wishes." If you put it on an equal playing field with another registry, it comes across as more take-it-or-leave-it. Same with having no registry.

RachNRich

Rich wanted to do this for our wedding. I instantly said no---not because I hate giving to charities, but because our wedding isn't a fundraiser. There may have been someone offended by our charity choice---I did not want to go down that road.

Not to mention, in our 3 years together, the only "charity" I've seen Rich donate to is Starbucks and Mazda. Our wedding is not the time nor the place to get all charity on everyone. If it was our "thing," I would have considered making it an option--but it would have seemed so out of place.

That being said, we don't have any registries at.all. We had to delete them when they showed up on Google---personal information and all.

september's bride

Honestly, I'd be fine with it. I believe in and support the idea of charity, and would donate to a cause if the bride and groom supported it. I've come to the conclusion that I won't ever be 100% in support of any one charity, because there will likely be a business practice, tenet or something else of theirs that I disagree with. But, I realize if I keep finding fault with these organizations and don't donate as a result, I'm hindering (in a small way) the good that they DO do. So I'm trying to be open-minded about these things from now on...

smokeybailey

Rach,
I guess part of the assumption is that this organization is near and dear to your heart.  I obviously donate to this one (hence the newsletter) as well as volunteer.  I am extremely passionate about animal welfare and this particular shelter.  By no means would anyone be surprised by it.  However, I could see that if it came out of the blue people would be take aback.

The bigger surprise would be that I was getting married.  Now, THAT would freak everyone out.

ring_pop

Even if the couple registered for it, I'd feel weird donating to the charity as a GIFT to them. Despite their good intentions, a donation is not a gift. I'd rather gift them the cash; then it's up to them to decide what to do with it.

MyNameIsNot

I find it a little "oh, I have no use for your little gift, just go give it to charity."  I don't know why.  But I wouldn't be offended or anything.

I've gotta say, I really like the idea of donating in lieu of flowers.  I hate donations favors, partially b/c it isn't a favor at all, and it seems sort of selfish to donate something that isn't yours anyway.  I still find it a little AWish, but it seems a lot more altruistic than the favors because the flowers are something that really are for the couple, not the guests. 

tenofcups4me

I think it's a great idea. If you're lucky enough (and generous enough) that you don't want or need actual gifts, I'd be happy to donate to the charity assuming it's a charity that I don't personally have an issue with, especially since I almost always give money as a gift anyway. If I did have an issue with the charity, I'd probably still just give you a cash gift (that you could donate yourself, of course, if you chose to).

I don't see any reason why you would have to have a registry somewhere else too, unless you actually want one. A registry is just a suggestion -- if someone doesn't want to buy off the registry (in this case, donate), they don't have to. I don't get how anyone could be "offended" by that.

like_fireworks

I see nothing wrong with a charity registry. We are registering through Change the Present alongside a small gift registry and our guests can choose the specific charity and cause they want to support. If they don't want to support any of the charities, they can go to the other registry. I also like the idea of favors that are related to the chairty. That way, your guests have a favor to go home with, and you supported the cause at the same time.