Inviting Kids?

eospassion

my fiance and i are hesitant to invite some children to the wedding and reception. it will be a friday evening ceremony with dinner and then reception to follow through the night. i have cousins that are mature 12 year old and i want them to come. but i feel it would be rude to exclude immature 12 year old children of my friends that arent family... is there a phrase that will help in the invitationsn do we talk to the parents and tell them not to bring the kids. and younger children than 12 or babies are too young i think too... we want our friends to enjoy themselves and not have to watch everything their kid is doing. help

DarlinPenguin

Look, ettiquette rules are not laid in stone. They vary greatly by the person that you're talking to. 

None of my family or friends were offended by the note (which BTW, were in my STD's not my formal invites.) Two mentioned that they were grateful for it. This does not make them rude, or backwards or wrong. This just means that they disagree with your cookie cutter rules. 

It worked for my family and friends. Would it work for yours? Most likely not. 

You, and only you, know the people that you are inviting. You know that YOUR guests would find a note offensive. You opted for the phone call. Great, that's fine. I'm happy it worked for you. 

I, however, along with most of my family, knew that MY guests would find the personal phone call offensive, however it was handled. We all felt that a personal phone call after an RSVP could be embarressing to the parent, and make them wonder if it was their child specifically that was not welcome. I opted for the note, and it worked wonderfully. No one is offended, no one is refusing to come (as of right now, we are fully expecting all of our invited guests to be there), the sky has not fallen. 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, it all depends on your guests. 

eospassion

thank you everyone for their input. yes i see how best to address the invites for my group of families and friends. i am close enough and rspectable enough that i will address the names of those invited. and then i can speaek with those that might get confused... my main concern looking forward is that noone is offended by not being able to bring their children. and weddings are great for children just not all children. 

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e37c2664-4013-4b77-aa23-1e0c2ca15ab3Post:8f5dd6c3-8e7a-4f83-b4d8-6a273bbbd22d">Re: Inviting Kids?</a>:
[QUOTE]thank you everyone for their input. yes i see how best to address the invites for my group of families and friends. i am close enough and rspectable enough that i will address the names of those invited. and then i can speaek with those that might get confused...<strong> my main concern looking forward is that noone is offended by not being able to bring their children</strong>. and weddings are great for children just not all children. 
Posted by eospassion[/QUOTE]

<div>I think as long as you make it clear that this is a general rule for all children people should be understanding - you're fully within your rights to exclude children if you want to, and it sounds like you're planning to handle it quite tactfully.  GL!</div>

shaylucey90

We are getting married at a winery and are not inviting children aside from those in the wedding party.  We have decided to put on our website (several times in fact, in bold letters) , rather than on the invitation, that we ask those with kids to make arraingements for their children as it will not be a kid friendly event.  

tatersparkle

Honestly, I think a person needs to know her guests...and I really think that WAY to many people are super easily offended. I have a 1 year old and I would not be offended in anyway if someone were to send me an invite with a little preprinted card saying that it was an adult only reception...I don't understand why people are so concerned with offending people with this little idea. If you can say that you honestly would be offended by that, then you have some deeper problems than whether or not your kid was not invited. That being said, I think if you you think your guests need to be told, then tell them, if you don't think so, then don't and deal with it as it comes. We are personally allowing children, but we are not going have an open bar or be next to a lake or anything like that. Deal with it how you see fit, and if someone complains, then just let it roll off, you have a lot more important things to worry about with planning your wedding. You know the people you're inviting and how their children are better than anyone else...

Mrs.B6302007

OP- If you're that concerned as Darlin Penguin says you are (IDK, seems like she's putting words in your mouth) then just invite NO children at all.  No children will be around the bar.  Problem solved.

Tarra+Trav

We are in the middle of the same problem. We have a lot of children in our family and a lot of our friends have children, but we just do not have room to take a seat for each child. We agreed to only invite kids in the family, but we do have 3 very close friends that we are allowing to bring their children. 2 couple are in our wedding party and one is our photographer. I understand it is rude to allow them to bring their kids and not others, but I finally just decided that if anyone was going to complain I would very politely mention that they were doing us a great service by standing up with us and photographing for us. Also, that although we would really have loved to have all of the special little people in our life there it just was not possible for us. We literally would have to cut out adults (distant family members and best friends) in order to accomodate children we've never even met. I hated the idea of not allowing people to bring their children but it was a difference of 35 seats (like i said- people we have never met), and my fiance and I finally just agreed that we were not willing to do that. we did the best thing we could. We will only address the invitations to the parents and hopefully they will be understanding. I do not want to make the phone call telling parents the invite was not extended to their children, but what else can we do?

Sydney91

I was at a wedding where the bride's young nephew had an attack of the immaturities and saw fit to throw a temper tantrum. His mom (the bride's lovely sis) did absolutely nothing to stop it. I was one of the kids that put away this little tantrum. Never underestimate the power of peer pressure and older children calling the other a whiny crybaby. With enough children around, they can almost take care of themselves (there was about 25 of us kiddies terrorizing the tantruming kiddie into silence). Don't rule out kids from the wedding. Some of the best memories I had as a child were meeting up with cousins and infrequent friends at weddings, spying on the parents, drinking virgin cocktails to be grown up, and learning how to be a mature little munchkin. I can understand banning those with parents that don't know how to properly teach their kids discipline though. I understand not wanting kids around: my fiance's nephew and niece aren't exactly tazmanian devils, but they leave a similar path of destruction behind them (when I first met the little boy he broke my glasses).

mrselliepayne

For an etiquette board, a lot of these responses seem pretty dang harsh. Sheesh. I put it in my invitations that we're not having any children at all under the age of twelve at the wedding and also that people need to call ahead if they intend to bring anyone whose name isn't on the invite. The bottom line is that it's my wedding, I'm paying for it (and the invitations, of course), and I would sooner specifiy and be safe than be sorry later when there's a screaming baby while I walk down the aisle. Individual circumstances vary, but OP, you shouldn't have to feel bad for wanting your special day to be as close to perfection as possible. In your situation, I would put it on invites and privately invite the desired twelve year old at your own discretion. Again, it's your wedding.