Wedding Etiquette Forum

Are you inviting people from work?

I'm just two years out of school so I don't know work-invite etiquette - I'm an attorney in a large firm so I don't have a per se boss, but there's a partner and senior associate I work closely with.  They took me out to lunch when I passed the bar and we go to a few afterwork networking events together. Other than that, we're very friendly at work but don't really hang out socially. I'm on the fence about inviting them - also it's an out-of-town wedding, practically a destination wedding for people around here.

Are there any hard and fast rules I should know about?

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Re: Are you inviting people from work?

  • I work in a really large office building and my 'team' has 25 people plus there are other people in the office who I talk to daily about non-work related things.  I had a hard time deciding but I ended up inviting those people who have my number/I have theirs and they've invited me to do things outside of work.  I only bring up the wedding in the office if someone asks; anyone who has asked knows it's a small wedding so those who aren't invited will understand.
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  • I have sort of the same issue as well. My fiance and I work for the same company and he's really good friends with people in a different department so he's taken it upon himself to invite everyone he knows. Of course I know them too but I don't necessarily agree. I'm more senior in my position so i've decided to invite my boss who is one of the VP's of the company as well as all of her direct reports which make it's which makes it about 5 or so people. It works out fo me becuase we've designed tables of 10 so if each of them bring their spouse it'll work out great. I don't want to invite everyone on the team becuase we have about 30 people and I see that being too many people...plus we want to keep it more personal.
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    2500 Comments
    edited July 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_think-this-new-sex-education-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d6a9eaba-c048-4630-b136-3e4910c4558dPost:a5756f93-2cb1-4fe6-8df2-d0f9a3597947">Re: What do we think about this new sex education debate?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do we think about this new sex education debate? : I agree, but I also think this is where parents need to pull their head of the sand and deal with the issue. Most of the 5th graders I've known won't have the maturity to absorb the message, and the teachers probably won't take the course seriously because of a predisposed notion that they are "little kids". When I was in 1st grade I asked my mom what sex was because I heard it on the school bus and we had "the talk". I<strong>f my kid came home from 5th grade and said "We learned about blow jobs and anal sex at school today" I would not be a happy camper.</strong> Maybe I was super sheltered, but I had no clue what a blowjob was until I was 18.
    Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

    ETA:  Did this jsut show up in an etiquette thread about inviting people from work?  Hahahaha.  I'll try reposting it in its proper place. 

    I don't think any parent should be surprised at what their child is learning - Blue made the good point that the curriculum should be well circulated to parents with an opt-out if they so choose. 

    My about-to-be 5th grader had some preliminary sex ed in 4th grade; he was mortified the entire time, but he also read the booklet that came and it led to a lot of good questions and conversation.  A few of his classmates (girls) are hitting puberty - I am sure some more of the girls will have started their periods and starting breast development over the summer.  The boys are still mostly scrawny and clueless. 

    The gist of the sex ed stuff he got from school was "this is what's happening to your and/or your friends' bodies, and it's NORMAL."  That is a huge relief to kids who think that they are the only ones going through hormonal changes, or who wonder why their friends are and they're not. 
  • im watching this bc im debating about the same: my office is small (about 11 people) and we really hang out off work a lot, except for one person that i dont really like and is older we are all party animals and they all now about my wedding plans and ask about them. the problem is, the office have had 3 new additions, one of which i knew bc is a transfer from another office..they have been immediately welcomed into the group. I was not inviting the one i dont like and the 3 new additions so that will leave me with 10 people from the office (3 are married and i know their wives), perfect to make one table..NOW heres the dilemma: i know the one guy from before and hes kind of assuming hes invited, one of the new guys has a lot of connections and he gave me for free super expensive game tkts for my bf birthday plus like free gifts certificates for food, etc. Although i feel he is open to do that for anybody in the office bc he has openly offered and doesnt seem to be a big deal for him, now i feel obligated and if I invite him (the newest addition) I HAVE to invite everybody else!! thats another 5 people!!! I cant really afford it ($200 per person) WHAT SHOULD I DO??? HELP!!
  • I'm only inviting my boss.  There are 5 people in my department, 2 started with us after my list was finalized.  One is very anti-social, and the other, I wouldn't invite to my home.

  • I'm only inviting one person from work -- we are very close friends. Re: inviting the boss. I'm an older bride -- 40 and I'm a boss. Over the years I've been invited to a few weddings of women who work/worked for me. I could tell when I was invited because they felt obligated. To be perfectly frank, I wasn't interested in attending any of their weddings. While I like all of the women and I threw work showers for them, I didn't want to know that much about their personal lives. So, some of your bosses might be relived if you don't invite them.

  • I am inviting some of my co-workers at work but I do feel bad by not inviting some only reason being I have heard how they act out in public and once add some alcohol to that I just don't want them to be too over the top. Should I feel this way?
  • I work in a very large dept. and I went ahead in having bridal shower with the girls from work. I will invite my coworkers but just put an invitation in the bullentin whoever wants to go can go. My wedding will be out-of-town so I know not everyone will be attending :)

  • OK- so what about people who work in a REALLY small department?  Right now, it's only me, my co-worker, my boss and boss' boss.  And actually, my co-worker pretty much just invited himself while the topic was brought up.  In front of my boss.  They are both really cool guys, but then I would also have the department head.  At THIS point, that's 6 people.  We are supposed to hire two more people and another manager.  What does one do about the "invited" themselves crowd?
  • My wedding is 12 hours away from where I work so it is practically a destination wedding. I am inviting everyone to the wedding (it is a small law office with about 30 employees) and significant others and children. I believe that it would be rude to only invite half. My fiance (who used to work for the company also) and I are expecting about 7 of my co-workers to attend the wedding. We are lucky to be having it so far away otherwise I would expect many more people to show up, but my decision to invite all would still be the same.

  • I really need advice on this subject.  I have two issues
    1. My fiance wants to invite a female co-worker of his whom he had a crush on around the time he and I first met.  I think this is inappropriate but he says that since he is inviting all the "younger" people in his office it would be mean to leave her out for that reason.  Nothing ever happened between them, he liked her and she did not like him, but still......thoughts?
    2. I work on a "team" so to speak with about 12 women. I have discussed wedding plans in detail with two of them. A few other people casually ask how the planning is going but no details are delved into.  The other two girls are young, one just recently got married herself (did not know her when she got married I'm newer at the company) and have given me names of hair stylists and are always interested. I think I've decided to only invite those two.  I've composed an email to them requesting their addresses and explaining its a small wedding but I've enjoyed talking with them about it and hope they can come.  Does this sound okay? Is not inviting bosses and the entire team going to be a big problem?  Thank you!!

  • I worked in an office with people for 8 years and many of them feel like my family the ones I work very close with and we were friends outside of work, so I am inviting them...I have a new job because I move to a new state to be with my finace and my new job...I plan on inviting my boss and a few of the women I work with because I talk to them most and I want them at my wedding.  But I can relate to the whole guilty feeling of leaving people out...at my old job we had 150 people at the firm so it didn't feel bad leaving many of them out, while in this office 25 people work in this one building and I decided to only invite a few the good thing is, I don't dicuss wedding details with co-workers becuase I don't want them to assume they will be invited. 
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  • I talk with my co-workers about my wedding and planning, etc. but I don't hang out with all but one of them outside of work. The girl I do hang out with outside of work will be invited. The others aren't people who would even recognize my fiance if they saw him.
    As our wedding is a personal, special day, we want to invite only the important, close people to our wedding.

    In your case, I would only invite them if they know your fiance and hang out with you as more than just co-workers.
    Do you tell them personal things? if not, why invite them to something extremely personal?
  • That is a good point. I do talk about personal things with these 2 girls, but not really with anyone else.  As someone mentioned before, I wouldn't feel awkward with them at my house for dinner.  I do see them outside of work.  I feel like they've been so helpful that I want them to be there, not just an invite out of obligation.  I do see other co-workers outside of work but I'm not as social with them and do not discuss details of the wedding with them.  I just want to stress to them politely that they are the only ones invited.  Is that putting them in a hard place when they are 2 of 12 invited?? I feel like I should invite no one even though I want those 2 there just out of fairness.  This is so HARD!!! Thank you for your advice!!
  • A few people made comments that I wasn't inviting my boss.  He wasn't the one who hired me, but we get along well, and he's nice but thought both of us will move on with his careers.  He won't always be my boss.  I think weddings about people who have and will continue to support you.  I think he was a bit disappointed but I highlighted it was a small wedding.     I did fall prey to inviting the work girls who seemed really passionate about the wedding, so I invited them out of guilt, stressed I was going over my numbers and they declined!  
    To the other brides who said 'It's far away I doubt people will come anyway' you may be surprised as some people will look for any excuse for a weekend getaway!    Moral of story every person and situation is different.  

  • C*MiaC*Mia member
    100 Comments
    I work at a very large company (6K and counting) and frequently go and hang out with many of them after work and on the weekends. I only invited those who I felt were not co-worker/friends but more like friends/co-workers (if that makes any sense) Good luck!
  • I'm only inviting my boss and his wife because we work out of his home and are very close. I might be transfering jobs, soon, however, and I don't know how the small office thing works. Only if I'm truly close to someone (like someone said, "hang out outside of work") will I probably invite him/her.
  • rugbyjrugbyj member
    First Comment
    I work in an office with 16 people. I am middle mangt so I have a boss who I report to. I'm having a small wedding gathering primarily for family and close frens so I am stuck with what to do with the people at work. I hang out with about 5 of these people after work, we've even taken a road trip together. Do I need to invite my boss? what about the other folks? I'm trying to avoid sore feelings after I come back to work following my honeymoon.
  • I would say the 5 people you hang out with and your boss.  I have 3 bosses so its like if I invite one I'd have to do all 3 which is 6 more people! This is so hard because I didn't think about it until you mentioned it...I dont' want to come back to hurt feelings, but I can't invite everyone!
  • I am inviting my friends from work- people that I hang out with on a regular basis outside of work or talk to on the phone/do lunch with often- that kind of thing. I work with a LOT of people and inviting them all would be out of the question and the majority wouldn't expect it. There are however a couple ladies who I know expect an invite and won't be getting them- I guess they think we are closer than what we really are. If you've never planned a wedding then you don't know how expensive it is per plate and I don't really need simply "acquaintances" there. One of the ladies mentioned above actually asked me if she was going to be invited to our wedding. Seriously? Who does that. SO rude. I basically was flustered and said "Oh sure..." but when the time comes, I guess I'll have to explain to her I needed to trim down the list and really, we don't EVER hang out outside of work, and don't even work in the same dept. anymore. Yikes.!
  • My fiance is really going overboard with inviting work friends, but he has been with the company for 10 years - so it is a difficult spot for him to be in. I only invited one work friend who I hang out with on occasion outside of work. I figure two or more people from work, you get all weird and have to decide where to draw the line with who you invite. Which is what my fiance is going through right now. I am glad i made the decision to only pick one person. It's just too much politics now instead of about our wedding with my fiance's work friends. I hate that...
  • My wedding is coming up next month (August 28th)  I received news in April that I will be un-employed from work as of July 30th.  But I invited only the people I work closely with and immediate supervisors (which I have 3) Even though I won't be working with them.  We know each other on a personal level, so I felt that was acceptable.  Other co-workers/supervisors that I really don't know on a personal level - no I did not invite them.

  • I have a similar situation and problem. I have a small office, but not a really small office (about 22 people). I have 10 people in my department and though we are all close, I have only hung out with a few outside of the office. One of my coworkers (who I don't hang out with outside the office) keeps telling me she and the entire department are extremely excited to come to my wedding.

    My wedding isn't until May, but the guest list we have is already too long. What do I do about my coworkers? There are a select few who I definitely want to invite, but what do I do about the others? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings...
  • I work at a small law firm, myself, two other attorneys, a law clerk and a secretary. TO invite them all and a guest would be eight people... which is maybe more than I want. I'm not going to invite the clerk, as he'll be gone after the summer. But the other three I'm inviting, because we're small, it's good for my career, and I expect to make them listen to a lot of wedding chat in the next few months :) 

    Not to mention the fact that we are all close, have each other over for dinner, and go to other family events for each other. So I'd figure out the culture of your department and go with that instinct. 

    Re: the bride wanting to know what to do with her fiance's former crush---I say invite her. Leaving her out is a glaring omission, and don't you want her to see you lock that down? ;) Just make it clear to him that you really need him to be respectful of your natural nervousness about it, and that he should ensure he treats you like a goddess when she's around--heck, even when she's not. 
  • EJH4EVER THANK YOU! That is EXACTLY what I needed to hear!!! And I envy your small office!
  • That is one of the things I have been struggling with as well. I work in an office with 15 or so people, and also have 4 other offices in the area and work with some of them. I was thinking of only inviting those in my "core team" and friends I hang with outside of work.  The one thing that is making this difficult is my office mate just got married a few weeks ago and she did not invite anyone from work.  She talked of her wedding all the time but then left everyone out. She is pretty stuck up and I'm fine not being invited to her wedding, but now I feel that puts me in a bad spot because there are people from work I want to invite but I certainly do not want to invite her!  How do I invite some and not others when we all have lunch together, etc.  My other concern is that some of the coworkers were talking about her and how rude that was not to invite work people, they put me on the spot and asked if they were invited to my wedding.  I felt totally on the spot and said of course, open invitation.  Well now after reading everyones posts and thinking about it I only want those I'm close with at my wedding, and if they have never met my fiance and don't even know his name I'm not inviting them.  What do I do about those I said were invited? We want to keep our day personal and special, any suggestions?   
  • I am a big fan of not streching one's self beyond her means.  Although every bride struggles with feeling obligated to do something they are not really feeling, when you cannot afford to do something, you ought to draw theline (in my opinion).  

    Keep it classy though by being sensitive to their expectations; this means politely and gracefully explaining to people why they are not invited if there might be hard or hurt feelings.  One of my friends decided to have a small wedding and discussed the details as if I were invited for months.  When she downgraded the plans to a smaller wedding, she just quit speaking to me to avoid the embarassment.  It was beyond tacky.  I was hurt by it.  Not that this is your scenario, but I think the rule still applies.  Just talk to the people, explain the limitations and take comfort in knowing you handled the situation properly. 
    Good luck. 
  • I work with about 20 people who all know I'm getting married and most of who ask for weekly or bi-weekly updates on how the wedding planning is going and want to know details.  I am having a big wedding, but my big wedding guest list has grown slightly out of control.  I only socialize with 1 of my coworkers outside of work, so I'm going to send her an invitation.  As for the others I have decided to put an invitation on the board in the break room. Is that rude?  I don't want to hurt any feelings by not inviting them, but I don't have enough invitations to send to all of them.
  • I am opting to invite all my co-workers because honestly i wouldnt mind having any or all of them over for dinner , and we do all socialize out side of work as well. However, on a budget, and lets face it, I am the youngest one here and they all know what I make, they are coming dateless, I let them know months ago, and every one was ok with it. Mind you I work with all females who wouldnt mind a night out with out there kids or husbands,.
  • Hi --- I'm a lawyer, joinging a very small firm two months before the wedding.  I invited the three named partners (part of my agreement to join was time off for the honeymoon!). I will be working closely with two, and couldn't leave out the third.  I am not inviting the other 3 associates or the support staff.  It just felt right, given the culture at the firm, to invite only the partners.  I also know they will enjoy socializing with some of the other people I'm inviting.  If the partners don't feel comfortable coming, they don't have to.  It's an invitation to attend, not a requirement that they must. 
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