Etiquette

Addressing Envelopes.....and stuff

Is it tacky to do "&" instead of "and" on the envelopes?
If we are not using inner envelopes how who it be written for a total family of 4 with all diff last names?
Should I call everyone to ask how they want their name on the envelope.....there is an Ed...we call him Ed so do we put Ed or Edward?

Thanks!!!!!
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