Etiquette & Time-table for giving/receiving gifts for wedding???

SandraHutchman

I am FLOORED that so many people did not give or send gifts that attended our wedding. I would never DREAM of attending a wedding without either having had sent a gift already or bringing a gift with me!!! Although there were quite a few waiting for us when we got back from our honeymoon, we still have not received anything (not even a card) from about 1/2 our guests!! QUESTION: Is there a way to broach this subject with friends or family (which actually has hurt my feelings) that have not sent anything? I know I should take the higher road and still send a thank you card for attending but I feel that it's disrespectful to us as a couple to come and not even acknowledge how special of an event it was--and that we invited them to share it with us--with even the smallest token!!!!

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-time-table-givingreceiving-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e59b89de-4018-4917-a076-228245f1af5dPost:eceebff6-1698-4e3b-b038-b875f3c7bc01">Etiquette & Time-table for giving/receiving gifts for wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]I am FLOORED that so many people did not give or send gifts that attended our wedding. I would never DREAM of attending a wedding without either having had sent a gift already or bringing a gift with me!!! Although there were quite a few waiting for us when we got back from our honeymoon, we still have not received anything (not even a card) from about 1/2 our guests!! QUESTION: Is there a way to broach this subject with friends or family (which actually has hurt my feelings) that have not sent anything? I know I should take the higher road and still send a thank you card for attending but I feel that it's disrespectful to us as a couple to come and not even acknowledge how special of an event it was--and that we invited them to share it with us--with even the smallest token!!!!
Posted by SandraHutchman[/QUOTE]
I applaud your use of caps and extra punctuation to add drama. Some people didn't give gifts. Deal. You sound whiny and gift grabby. It's up to you about whether you only send TYs to people who gave gifts, or to everyone who attended. Some say (and count me in this number) that the reception is your thank you to your guests who came. Whatever you do, don't mention anything to the people who didn't get you a gift. That would FLOOR me.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-time-table-givingreceiving-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e59b89de-4018-4917-a076-228245f1af5dPost:eceebff6-1698-4e3b-b038-b875f3c7bc01">Etiquette & Time-table for giving/receiving gifts for wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]I am FLOORED that so many people did not give or send gifts that attended our wedding. I would never DREAM of attending a wedding without either having had sent a gift already or bringing a gift with me!!! Although there were quite a few waiting for us when we got back from our honeymoon, we still have not received anything (not even a card) from about 1/2 our guests!! QUESTION: Is there a way to broach this subject with friends or family (which actually has hurt my feelings) that have not sent anything? I know I should take the higher road and still send a thank you card for attending but I feel that it's disrespectful to us as a couple to come and not even acknowledge how special of an event it was--and that we invited them to share it with us--with even the smallest token!!!!
Posted by SandraHutchman[/QUOTE]

I really don't think there's a way to broach the subject without look like a gift grabby, spoiled brat, unfortunately.

You should take the higher road.  You should look at it this way: be thankful that you received gifts from half your guests instead of seeing it that the other half didn't get you gifts.  And the people who didn't give a gift DID acknowledge how special of an event it was - by coming.

redheadfsu

A gift is not required. Did it cost your guests money to attend (like travel)?

Yes, a card would be nice, but you can't demand one. Let it go.

lilianne22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-time-table-givingreceiving-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e59b89de-4018-4917-a076-228245f1af5dPost:afc943f8-e59a-4a86-b8ba-f543ec82bb5d">Re: Etiquette & Time-table for giving/receiving gifts for wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Etiquette & Time-table for giving/receiving gifts for wedding??? : I applaud your use of caps and extra punctuation to add drama. Some people didn't give gifts. Deal. You sound whiny and gift grabby. It's up to you about whether you only send TYs to people who gave gifts, or to everyone who attended. Some say (and count me in this number) that the reception is your thank you to your guests who came. Whatever you do, don't mention anything to the people who didn't get you a gift. That would FLOOR me.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

This.

bellebride116

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-time-table-givingreceiving-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e59b89de-4018-4917-a076-228245f1af5dPost:eceebff6-1698-4e3b-b038-b875f3c7bc01">Etiquette & Time-table for giving/receiving gifts for wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]I am FLOORED that so many people did not give or send gifts that attended our wedding. <strong>I would never DREAM of attending a wedding without either having had sent a gift already or bringing a gift with me!!! </strong>Although there were quite a few waiting for us when we got back from our honeymoon, we still have not received anything (not even a card) from about 1/2 our guests!! QUESTION: Is there a way to broach this subject with friends or family (which actually has hurt my feelings) that have not sent anything? I know I should take the higher road and still send a thank you card for attending but I feel that it's disrespectful to us as a couple to come and not even acknowledge how special of an event it was--and that we invited them to share it with us--with even the smallest token!!!!
Posted by SandraHutchman[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I feel the same way. I would never not give SOMETHING... unfortunately, not everyone thinks that way. At this point, you pretty much should just take the higher road and let it go.... I also wouldn't send a thank you for attending especially if you already thanked in person. I would send thank you's out to those who DID give a gift though. 

</div>

LDYGTR13

I know it sounds horrible, but I'm sorta feeling the same way. I know a wedding isn't about giving or recieving gifts, but I'm a little insulted that we only recieved ONE gift from ONE person (outside of H's immediate family) on Fi's side. No cards either. To me it just seems sort of rude, but again, it sounds horrible of us to actually SAY such things lol.

But I feel where you're coming from.

ETA: I accidentally posted too soon! Anyway, I plan to take the high road and just suck it up. I'm hoping that maybe we'll get more down the road, but if we don't, I wont be too bummed. At least I got to see these people - it's the people who said they were coming, then didn't show and haven't answered my calls/texts/fb messages when I say "I was so bummed you didn't show up! I hope everything's okay" that I'm annoyed with lol.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I also wouldn't not give someone something for their wedding, but with the vague knowledge I have of my friends' financial situations (like the kind of jobs some work and about how much rent they pay) I did NOT expect everyone to give us something. I was actually surprised when  few people got us gifts that I never would have though would be able to. Because gifts aren't required for ANY event.

Bubbalub

As pps have said, the reception is the thank you for guests who attended a wedding and many people feel that a thank you card is reserved for those that gave an actual gift.

And you come across as terribly selfish and materialistic if you are really that upset that not everyone got you a gift. A wedding is about a marriage, not presents.

filaw

I don't think you come across as that terribly selfish saying this here.  Here's your place to vent without hurting anyone, and I also would be shocked by that.

However, *don't* say *anything* to *anyone*.  Also, don't send thank yous to people that didn't send a gift.  If I were a guest that hadn't sent a gift, I would feel like it was an underhanded way of rubbing my face in it.

NatandIsaac

I guess I don't understand where you are coming from as I am getting married because I want to make a sacred commitment to my best friend, and not because I want people to buy me presents.

I don't think you need to send thank you notes to people for the attendance, so long as you were able to thank them in person. Congratulations on your marriage.

banana468

You've been married for under two weeks.  Relax about this.  We received gifts from guests MONTHS after the wedding.

Yeah, they should give you something but right now is not the time to begin wondering what's up with the derelict guests.

[Deleted User]

Not another thread about this. Get over yourself.

We didn't receive gifts from everyone either. Things are tight for a lot of people right now. Just be happy they were there to share in your special day.

Manwaithiel

Make your siggy pic smaller please.

Bubbalub

Please clarify who you are talking to, Manwaithel.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-time-table-givingreceiving-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e59b89de-4018-4917-a076-228245f1af5dPost:170fba9e-22f0-4ab2-af26-6ca757fa901d">Re: Etiquette & Time-table for giving/receiving gifts for wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]I am of the mindset that a guest's attendence at your wedding is a gift in and of itself. It would be nice if everyone were able and willing to give an additional gift to the couple as tradition dictates but I honestly don't understand why anyone would actually be upset if people didn't get them gifts even though they attended their wedding and celebrated with them.
Posted by Bubbalub[/QUOTE]

Keep in mind that the reception is actually a gift to the guests.

I agree it's a little silly to be upset at the lack of gift, but unless you're spending a ton on travel expenses, you really are remiss in your etiquette if you don't give a gift. 

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-time-table-givingreceiving-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e59b89de-4018-4917-a076-228245f1af5dPost:19a60a12-222f-4bd8-b70b-87be2b72c910">Re: Etiquette & Time-table for giving/receiving gifts for wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]Please clarify who you are talking to, Manwaithel.
Posted by Bubbalub[/QUOTE]

The OP, sorry. Not you. I like your siggy pic =)

OP, make your siggy pic smaller. Either my computer is messed up, or your picture is huge and sprawled over the entire page.

srkropf

You know there is no LAW saying you must bring a gift. Second, TOTALLY agree with LC on this-- you're super whiny (they're called GIFTS not PAYMENT). Third, your sig pic is GIANT, may want to work on that

PS-- LC-- like my use of all caps?

aurianna

Ok. Fully on board with you about the fact that people really SHOULD give a gift of some sort (assuming they are employed / not undergoing extreme financial hardships). I may be outting myself as a greedy person here, but so be it... while I haven't had my wedding yet, I can safely say that I bet I'd find it discouraging to spend so much time and money in making a truly enjoyable evening for my guests, only to have them not extend the very customary curtesy of at least giving us a card. I think that's crappy.

However, as everyone has said, it is wrong to EXPECT gifts, so I hope you actually were kidding about asking people you didn't get them from.

Funny story...

I went to a wedding three weeks ago out of town for my FI's cousin. I ordered a gift for the couple off of their registry last week (because you have a year to give, don't you? Did I make that up?).
Well I guess it didn't ship fast enough. Because I got an email from my FMIL saying that the cousin told her she couldn't find a gift from us and wanted her to ask us if we sent one so she could write a thank you.

I was livid. Not only at the bride for being rude and tattling to my FMIL, but at my FMIL for actually relaying it.
The present arrived the day after she sent the email.

If you don't want to cheese off your guests, do not ask if they sent you something.

pizzanfries4me

PM'ed ya

MyNameIsNot

Your focus on gifts is more than a little disgusting.

Yes, etiquette dictates that you should get a gift for a wedding that you go to.  But the faux pas of not giving a gift is nothing compared to showing your greed with your focus on gifts.  

You should be embarrassed for even thinking this, much less writing it.  

filaw

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-time-table-givingreceiving-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e59b89de-4018-4917-a076-228245f1af5dPost:df2e396f-3405-42a4-a195-6b8b6ee48d63">Re: Etiquette & Time-table for giving/receiving gifts for wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE] You should be embarrassed for even thinking this, much less writing it.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

<div>OP, I totally disagree.  I think it's only natural to think it, and fine to find a place to vent about it where no one gets hurt (as in, *not* to anyone involved).</div><div>
</div><div>I'd be really hurt if 1/2 of the people I had invited to our wedding couldn't even be bothered to send a card.  I still don't think you should say anything, but I'm totally with you on wondering what the heck is up with that.</div>

SandraHutchman

Thanks...I don't know how I've ended up being a villain here  but I guess it is what it is...and if stating my opinion and venting means that I am a selfish, materialistic, whiny brat...what else am I being called? I just have to remember everyone is entitled to their own OPINION!!!

So to all those that recognize that I am only VENTING and not DEMANDING--Thank you!!! And to those whose opinions differ from mine, Thank you for your comments and I respect that not everyone has to agree with me. 

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-time-table-givingreceiving-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e59b89de-4018-4917-a076-228245f1af5dPost:eceebff6-1698-4e3b-b038-b875f3c7bc01">Etiquette & Time-table for giving/receiving gifts for wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]I am FLOORED that so many people did not give or send gifts that attended our wedding. I would never DREAM of attending a wedding without either having had sent a gift already or bringing a gift with me!!! Although there were quite a few waiting for us when we got back from our honeymoon, we still have not received anything (not even a card) from about 1/2 our guests!! <strong>QUESTION: Is there a way to broach this subject with friends or family (which actually has hurt my feelings) that have not sent anything?</strong> I know I should take the higher road and still send a thank you card for attending but I feel that it's disrespectful to us as a couple to come and not even acknowledge how special of an event it was--and that we invited them to share it with us--with even the smallest token!!!!
Posted by SandraHutchman[/QUOTE]

Okay Miss Caps Lock. You asked for opinions. You were given opinions. They were just a little more straightforward than you would have liked.  So don't get upset that you got your OPINIONS.

SandraHutchman

Well...I guess I read too much Cosmo or Glamour because I thought this whole posting on a board was meant to be fun and light-hearted and when I made up that poll, it was supposed to be very tongue and cheek...much like those polls in Glamour or Cosmo...some of the selections are supposed to be a bit outrageous! So my apologies to those that I have seemed to have offended or put off!! Like I have stated before and I will state again I am not demanding gifts from my guests...and I was just venting and as I said already as well, I know that I will take the high road and send thank you notes to everyone! 

It is fair to say that I am not a prolific poster and I thought it would be entertaining to see the different opinions on this matter and oh boy, did I ever get some opinions! It was very enlightening and thank you all for sharing! Some of you were empathetic and some of you well right down angry. But I guess that's what I love about this country--the freedom we have to express our opinions! CAP LOCK AND ALL!!! 

mrabbito

i think it's rude of a guest to not acknowledge one of the biggest celebrations in your life with a card and some kind words.  It's pretty well known that weddings take time, (varying amounts of) money, and effort to plan and the least you could do as a guest is thank the B&G and/or send along some kind words in a card if not a gift.  I am siding with the 'never show up empty handed' group, and the last wedding i went too i felt embarassed that we gave less then we normally do, but it was all we could do at the time.

I fully understand finances/economic climate, but a card...a $1 card from the dollar store is not too much to expect from a guest.  heck, a card with some meaningful thoughts and well wishes could be way more memorable then cash.  Personally, i don't think there is an excuse for not being able to spend $1 and 5 mintues of your time for someone who deemed you an important enough friend/family memeber to share their special day with them. 

soooo....all in all i can understand no gift, but no card is rude.  incase you didn't catch my drift!

and to answer the other part....i don't think there is a tactful way to deal with it, i think you just have to take the higher road on this one. 

chuygrl77

It is rude of them not to give a gift but please please please do not approach your family (even in joking) about this subject.  Take the high road, send a thank you to the guests who gifted and leave it at that.  you may be surprised at how many gifts you're still going to receive.

Gismo123

Ya you're a gift grabber!  Guests are NOT required to buy you ANYTHING!  If someone gets you a wedding gift it's out of the kindness of their hearts so be grateful you got any gifts!  Sheesh some people are so selfish!

eshaufle

There's been questions about this before and I'll say the same thing...

I agree that it would hurt me too if 1/2 of my guest list (or even any of my guest list) did not at least write a nice, heartfelt note in a letter or card to me.  I'm not talking about gifts, but a general acknowledgment.  After all, these people were important enough to you that you wanted them there at your wedding.  You would hope that they reciprocate those feelings for you and would want to wish you well. 

Yes, if you are actually upset that you didn't receive any actual, tangible gift that comes off as a little petty.  I do agree that I personally would never show up to a wedding wtihout a gift but so people just don't get that. 

I do think you have the right to be hurt that 1/2 did not even write you a note.  Don't say anything to them though.  Just move on but your feelings are allowed to be hurt for sure.

SineadHickey

I don't think you're a b****. Come on, we're all going to think exactly what you're thinking if it happens/happened to us? You just can't do anything about it other than vent. You have to take the high road, but you seem to already know that.

fhorns147

Strictly speaking, guests are not required to give a gift although it is customary.  However, you should not send thank-you cards to guests who didn't give you a gift.  Even if you did this with good intentions, people will think you did it to guilt them into giving you something.