What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???

pooh8402

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:fda8cfdf-707d-4be2-815e-841a0f20d87d">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]I hear that yes i have too many but<strong> i was in the other girls weddings too</strong> and on top of that have sisters and a niece old enough to be a BM.  THe other issue is that I have a cousin too who is an honorary. My fiance's cousin wasn't even mentioned to be in the wedding until last night per MIL. They dont seem to care that Im not having my own cousin to be a BM.  I just don't know what to do. Ex them all and keep my MOH?
Posted by futureautry[/QUOTE]
weddings are not tit for tat. you don't have to have them as BMs just because you were a BM in their wedding. but I guess there's nothing you can do, you can't "ex them all" if you've already asked them. just tell your FMIL no. follow Brooke's initial advice.

M&R7111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:fda8cfdf-707d-4be2-815e-841a0f20d87d">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]I hear that yes i have too many <strong>but i was in the other girls weddings too </strong>and on top of that have sisters and a niece old enough to be a BM.  THe other issue is that I have a cousin too who is an honorary. My fiance's cousin wasn't even mentioned to be in the wedding until last night per MIL. They dont seem to care that Im not having my own cousin to be a BM.  I just don't know what to do. Ex them all and keep my MOH?
Posted by futureautry[/QUOTE]

You should not feel obligated to have these girls in your BP just because you were in theirs.  My god, I would have so many BMs if I did that!!!  (I was always a bridesmaid....now a bride!! :) )

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:adaa3621-2621-46ab-a8d8-d7feb91c6ff3">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids??? :  A person suggested she try asking this question the TheKnot because "... they have wonderful information about all things wedding related! You might find a tip or suggestion there that answers your question. "
Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

oh ffs

Moneypenny424

I wouldn't be honored to be a B-list friend. 

Just tell your MIL that you already have too many BMs and 1 more will make an already unwieldy situation unmanageable.

brookelynpaisley

You defined a junior bridesmaid. Having her be honorary is understandable - they're often in wedding parties because they're young members of the families. I'm pretty certain this bride is talking about grown women. When I think of an adult honorary bridesmaid, I wonder if she's expected to buy a dress, be in pictures, and stand up at the ceremony. Or is this bride expecting them to just chip in for her shower and fuss over her? Or maybe a little of each: buy a dress but sit with guests? Won't that be fun?

And WTF - my post just ended up on a month board.

futureautry

No he is not close his mom has to beg him and his sister to invite her to go places! 

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:fda8cfdf-707d-4be2-815e-841a0f20d87d">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]I hear that yes i have too many but i was in the other girls weddings too and on top of that have sisters and a niece old enough to be a BM.  THe other issue is that I have a cousin too who is an honorary. My fiance's cousin wasn't even mentioned to be in the wedding until last night per MIL. They dont seem to care that Im not having my own cousin to be a BM.  I just don't know what to do. Ex them all and keep my MOH?
Posted by futureautry[/QUOTE]
Just because you were in someones wedding doesnt mean they have to be in yours.
WHAT does an "honorary" BM do?

futureautry

An honorary bridesmaid is someone who is regonized at the wedding and has reserved seating.  They can also be the registry attendant.  My  sister did it in her wedding.  I have been an honorary myself, I wore a dress of my choice and got recognized.

M&R7111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:0635aa9e-b18f-4b3e-9a6e-c43fb0a498d8">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]An honorary bridesmaid is someone who is regonized at the wedding and has reserved seating.  They can also be the registry attendant.  My  sister did it in her wedding.  I have been an honorary myself, I wore a dress of my choice and got recognized.
Posted by futureautry[/QUOTE]

But why not just be a bridesmaid???

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:baf4283b-9d1a-416a-b510-64e734c96e9f">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]No he is not close his mom has to beg him and his sister to invite her to go places! 
Posted by futureautry[/QUOTE]
Is she that horrible of a person that this girl's aunt has to step in and find friends for her?

Moneypenny424

Does FI have honorary groomsmen?

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:0635aa9e-b18f-4b3e-9a6e-c43fb0a498d8">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]An honorary bridesmaid is someone who is regonized at the wedding and has reserved seating.  They can also be the registry attendant.  My  sister did it in her wedding.  I have been an honorary myself, <strong>I wore a dress of my choice and got recognized.
</strong>Posted by futureautry[/QUOTE]

Like you got a trophy?!

My grandma had reserved seating because she's almost blind. I had no idea she was actually an honorary bridesmaid.

nda_roxybabe

I have an honorary BF and an honorary bestfriend. I even might get an honorary dog. Apparently it's what everyone is doing these days

pooh8402

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:0635aa9e-b18f-4b3e-9a6e-c43fb0a498d8">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]An honorary bridesmaid is someone who is regonized at the wedding and has reserved seating.  They can also be the registry attendant.  My  sister did it in her wedding.  I have been an honorary myself, I wore a dress of my choice and got recognized.
Posted by futureautry[/QUOTE]
wait wait wait, what the hell is a registry attendant?  please tell me you mean the guest book, because I hope to hell you don't mean someone who checks your registry to make sure you have everything or something like that.

btw, what you're describing sounds closer to a house party.

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:0635aa9e-b18f-4b3e-9a6e-c43fb0a498d8">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]An honorary bridesmaid is someone who is regonized at the wedding and has reserved seating.  <strong>They can also be the registry attendant.</strong>  My  sister did it in her wedding.  I have been an honorary myself, I wore a dress of my choice and got recognized.
Posted by futureautry[/QUOTE]

Missed that. As in, they tell everyone where you're registered? Awesome. Or they keep track of gifts? This all sounds horribly lame for anyone over the age of 10

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:e2986aa8-ce2d-437c-92de-3bc4fea22d71">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]I have an honorary BF and an honorary bestfriend. I even might get an honorary dog. Apparently it's what everyone is doing these days
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

I have an honorary husband. I made him honorary dinner tonioght and later he'll get some honorary nookie.

What's gotten into me today?

Sing2phins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:0635aa9e-b18f-4b3e-9a6e-c43fb0a498d8">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]An honorary bridesmaid is someone who is regonized at the wedding and has reserved seating.  They can also be the registry attendant.  My  sister did it in her wedding.  I have been an honorary myself, I wore a dress of my choice and got recognized.
Posted by futureautry[/QUOTE]
Oh, please can I be the registry attendant?  Pretty please?  And can I also be "recognized"?  That would truly make me feel special in a way that just being a regular bridesmaid wouldn't.

Moneypenny424

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:acd0df0a-4067-4b07-b44c-a4466ec04a4a">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids??? : My grandma had reserved seating because she's almost blind. I had no idea she was actually an honorary bridesmaid.
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

DED.

M&R7111

How do you recognize a honorary bridesmaid? 

"If everyone could please draw their attention to the woman sitting in the reserved seat in the front row - our runner-up for the bridesmaid position......"

quotequeen

I want a registry attendant!  Then I would immediately know what I'm receiving without having to go to the trouble of stalking my registry myself, right?

futureautry

I just want everyone to part and know they are important to us. 

BTW Guest registry/guest book/ guest book attendant is what I was meaning not Target Club Wed registry.

pooh8402

you can show people that they're important to you without having them in your wedding party. btw, you do know you have to buy gifts for all these people, right? large wedding parties are expensive.

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:f9badecb-25cb-4591-9744-107b1ed68a7f">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]I just want everyone to part and know they are important to us.  BTW Guest registry/guest book/ guest book attendant is what I was meaning not Target Club Wed registry.
Posted by futureautry[/QUOTE]

So then just make them a bridesmaid or ask them to do a reading. Don't give them BS titles and draw attention to the fact that their friendship is in second-class-citizen territory.

Moneypenny424

What's done is done, but everyone who is important to you doesn't have to be IN the wedding party.  At this stage, I don't know how much of a difference it will make to have 10 BMs v. 9.  I don't know if this is worth fighting over.

nda_roxybabe

Brooke- maybe you got an honorary humor?

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:789ff47c-a9a3-48df-9cd2-ec7cda42cf1c">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]How do you recognize a honorary bridesmaid?  "If everyone could please draw their attention to the woman sitting in the reserved seat in the front row - our runner-up for the bridesmaid position......"
Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

oooh, you make this position sound so good when you say it like that!


From Sex in the City:
<span class="quotestandard">Carrie: Are you sure you can leave the Guest Book unattended?
Miranda: It's a bullsh!t job.</span>

mica178

Why don't you honor these friends of yours by allowing them to enjoy the wedding rather than be a sucky friend and make them sit by the guest book all night long? 

brookelynpaisley

Probably

jamiefour

What the what?  So does this person walk down the aisle?  I am so confused.

brookelynpaisley

No, they sit in the front row and get felt sorry for.