Rehearsal the day before

rrkenney

Long story short, I in CO, getting married in MA and having a Sunday wedding. I wanted to have the rehearsal and 3 hour "counseling" with the priest on the Thursday before the wedding (which all of the guests agreed to months ago). Friday is the bachelor party and I do not want to have the rehearsal on Saturday (the day before the wedding). because I want to have time to do errands and enjoy the day. (rehearsal+counseling=8hours and priest is coming in from 2 hours away so we can't ask him to come in one day for the rehearsal and another day for counseling). Also, the guest list will go from 30 to 50 due to out of towners arriving. I've been talking about the Thursday rehearsal since we booked the space back in the spring.

As soon as I confirmed the dates with the priests I got an email from MOH stating that she is signing up for a Thursday night class that she will not be able to miss because she's missing it for a conference two weeks later. I know I shouldn't be mad at her but I'm really upset. At least call with news like that, don't be flaky and email! And the ceremony is in the Orthodox church, which MOH isn't familliar with so she will be learning about the structure of the wedding at the rehearsal.

Besides the opportunity to vent, I need advice from those of you who had/are having the rehearsal the day before. Does it work? What can I do to prevent myself from getting too stressed out if 8 hours of my last minute planning are taken up with this? At this point I want to schedule the rehearsal for Thursday and give MOH notes later but we have a really small bridal party that is all family so I don't think that would go over well.

jayjoe

Unless you are doing something different, your MOH doesnt really need to be at the rehearsal. All she has to do is walk down an aisle. I had 3 BM's that couldnt make it to the rehearsal. It was a total non-issue.

Cant help with the night before rehearsal though, mine was 3 days before because my priest was a dipshit who kept switching things up on us at the last minute.

[Deleted User]

We had our rehearsal and RD the night before the wedding. I think that is pretty typical.

Like pp said, she doesn't have to be at the rehearsal esp if she has been in other weddings. If you are really worried about it, why not have someone video tape it and then she can watch and know exactly what she needs to do.

We got married on a Saturday, rehearsal and RD was Friday evening. H bachelor party was the Tuesday before the wedding and mine was Thursday (night before the rehearsal.) Everything worked out fine, just don't get too trashed bc you don't want to feel like crap for your own wedding.

banana468

It was very easy to do the rehearsal and RD the day before.  By that time, all wedding related shopping, drop offs and errands were done.  The only thing left was to rehearse and get married.

And I have to say, if I was in the WP and asked to attend a Thursday rehearsal, I'd be a bit annoyed.  I understand why you're doing it, but understand that not everyone is available to give up their work or class schedules for the rehearsal.

I also wouldn't be upset at your MOH.  You have about two months until you get married.  Emailing to say that she can't make it isn't a flaky response at this point.  Emaling you the night of the rehearsal would be flaky.  Let it go.

rrkenney

I'll update the post, we're getting married in the Orthodox Church which is a little different from the typical bridesmaid walking down an aisle. And the Thursday time was cleared with everyone before we approached the priests with it so we knew it wasn't an issue at the time.

banana468

It's great that it wasn't an issue at the time - but now your MOH has a scheduling conflict so try to understand it and do what you can to fill her in.

Even though she may not do things that are standard at other weddings (what those things are I don't know), we're not talking anything so complex that you can't fill her in though. 

skippylouwho

But it is an issue now. If everyone but the MOH can make it on Thursday, have it then. On Saturday make time to take your MOH to the church and walk through what she needs to do with her. Most likely it will take 20 minutes out of your day (plus drive time). 

OR find video tape the rehearsal and email it to her so that she can see what you need to do. Ask her to watch it a couple of times before she comes for the wedding.

You can work around this.

quotequeen

Her telling you this by email does not make her flaky.

brookelynpaisley

This isn't a big deal. Surely someone else who does attend the rehearsal can fill her in. Unless she has to do some acrobatic spectacle or something, she should be fine.Life happens around weddings all the time - people will understand that your MOH couldn't attend a rehearsal on a week day night 3 days before the wedding. 

If you do decide to move it to Saturday night, I agree with banana - by the time the rehearsal rolled around the night before our wedding, everything was done. I was able to spend my entire day with the bridal party having lunch, getting mani/pedis, taking a nap, etc. You'll have your shopping and errand running done prior to then, I assure you.

rrkenney

I'm reassured by the fact it sounds like must people have everything is done by the day before! I've been having the "it's the morning of the wedding and there are no flowers/hair/invitations sent/dress/suit/insert item" nightmare since before FI and I even got engaged so I always envisioned the day before as a frenzy of craziness.

And I know some of you disagree, but I'm a big proponent of if you have bad news pick up the phone, tone of voice says so much more than words. I've had my share of bad experiences of emailing instead of calling and now that I call instead of email I run into a lot fewer conflicts that stem from misunderstanding. (Which is why I haven't emailed her back and plan to call her when I figure out what our options are)

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-day-before?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eedd4ce2-b258-4e63-ae5d-acf111233ee7Post:91585eda-a2ad-4d1b-a809-903dc97190ea">Re: Rehearsal the day before</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm reassured by the fact it sounds like must people have everything is done by the day before! I've been having the "it's the morning of the wedding and there are no flowers/hair/invitations sent/dress/suit/insert item" nightmare since before FI and I even got engaged so I always envisioned the day before as a frenzy of craziness. And I know some of you disagree, but I'm a big proponent of if you have bad news pick up the phone, tone of voice says so much more than words. I've had my share of bad experiences of emailing instead of calling and now that I call instead of email I run into a lot fewer conflicts that stem from misunderstanding. (Which is why I haven't emailed her back and plan to call her when I figure out what our options are)
Posted by rrkenney[/QUOTE]

I understand your reasoning on the phone call. PPs were just saying that emailing =/= flaky.

Trust me, we all have those worries as brides. Weddings are a huge undertaking and they consume your thoughts when you're in the process. But I assure you that you will not wake up the day of your wedding to something catastrophic. Besides, the day of, what's done is done. You can't do much about it that day, and the end result is that you'll be married. Start planning now for the last 2 weeks before the wedding - schedule (realistcially) when you will have things done by. Do your last minute vendor checks if you need the reassurance. And don't forget, you're marrying another person - he can help, too.

banana468

I understand what you mean about the phone call.

I think the issue about it is that what you see as really bad news and what your MOH sees as really bad news aren't the same thing here.

mysticl

I have never been to or known anyone to have a rehearsal that wasn't the day before the wedding.  That way people don't have to make arrangements to be there way early and pay for hotel accommodations for days and take extra time off of work if they are out of towners.

I have Orthodox friends so I get why it is really important for her to be there.  Can you switch things around and make Thursday your last minute running around day instead?

I get that it's annoying that she agreed to this and then had to change but if this class is something that will further her education/career and she has the opportunity to take it you can't really expect her to not do it because of your wedding interfering with one day of the class.

leduxiemerenard

I was in a wedding where a bridesmaid couldn't make it to the rehearsal-- we just videotaped it and had someone stand in for her.  She watched it when she got in and everything worked out fine.  

amandajean36

Is an Orthodox Ceremony 5 hours long?  just curious why you say everything will take 8 hours (rehearsal + 3 hours of conseling)...or does that include rehearsal dinner time as well?

I've never been to an Orthodox ceremony, so I really have no idea...and now I'm curious

rrkenney

The Orthodox ceremony is only an hour, which doesn't seem long to me since the regular services are an hour and a half but is longer than the average wedding. The 8+ hours is for three hours of counseling, a break, one hour of rehearsal, and dinner (which would actually be lunch because if we do Saturday we need to do a 11:00 rehearsal because they have services in the evening). It might be more like 7 hours but will be a long day regardless of which day we have it. I can see why a weeknight would be inconvenient for some but if it's Saturday at 11a then we are tying everyone up for the whole weekend (and the boys will be recovering from the Friday night bachelor party, which can't be Thursday because FI has friends coming from out of town).

I'll probably just do it on Saturday since I don't want to upset my family (MOH is a cousin). It's just frustrating because this wedding thing is all about making other people happy, not about doing what my fiance and I want to do. Then again, maybe I'm being more of a pushover than I should be.