In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-i-not-allow-a-guest-to-bring-a-specific-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f01a5a0d-e1c3-4158-866b-d848032369ccPost:71d862aa-7506-424d-8761-cb2f85769581">Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date? : This is a disaster waiting to happen. I could be wrong, but since he is married and not in process of a separation or divorce I think it would be absolutely sh1tty of your friend and HIM to flaunt this at your wedding in front of her parents. I don't see how he can be someone's boyfriend while he someone elses husband. This would not be OK with me either. Does he know his in-laws will be there!? And yet he would have the balls to show up with his girlfriend NOT his wife? I agree it is not appropriate but I can also see where you technically should not dictate who your friend can and cannot bring. However, I would think your "friend" would know this is not an appropriate time to show off her new "boyfriend!?" Posted by erinlin25[/QUOTE]<div> </div><div>I read it as to be the girlfriend's parents, not the wife's. ..OP, am I correct?</div><div> </div><div>But I honestly don't see this as being any different as, say, inviting the cousin who is a drunk or the sister-in-law no one likes or the aunt who was arrested for shoplifting. I couldn't imagine telling a friend, "I don't like the way you're living your life so I'm going to take matters into my own hands and not acknowledge that you're involved with this man."</div><div> </div><div>If this were me, I'd invite him (on her invitiation) and if other people in our circle had a problem with it, I'd tell them to suck it up and keep their mouth shut during the wedding. I'd probably also ask the friend to mention it to her parents so they're not totally caught off guard. ::shrug:: but that's me. </div><div> </div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-i-not-allow-a-guest-to-bring-a-specific-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f01a5a0d-e1c3-4158-866b-d848032369ccPost:6747b33e-c516-484e-9c62-dac3cafdf475">Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?</a>: [QUOTE]I'm sorry, I know I'm going to get flogged here, but I honestly do not count cheating couples legitimate couples if one of them is married to someone else, because I believe it's morally wrong. However, if I were in your position, I would invite neither of them to avoid unnessesary drama, it already looks like your other friends have put her on their S--- list anyway. Posted by Amyzen83[/QUOTE]
Screw etiquette. I agree with you. I would be offended if my friend wanted to use MY wedding as the first "outing" of her and her cheating arse boyfriend when she knows it creates drama for many of my other guests. To ME, a real friend would respect my commitment of marriage and not want to show an utter disrespect for those vows by bringing a man who is hurting a wife and children. to ME, that is disrespectful, so I say "screw etiquette" and don't be forced to be a part of hurting another woman and children
. Weddings are about love and a vow to commitment of a monoqomous marriage, I'd be pretty mad at my friend personally for not taking that into consideration ESPECIALLY if this is the first time she is introducing him to people in the world who knowingly disapprove of it.
I am with others, you might be better off just not inviting her to avoid the whole drama because a good friend wouldn't put you in this position.
"Screw etiquette"... on the etiquette board? Really?
So all of you talking about not having unfaithful people at your weddings because they are about "love, commitment, etc.", are you polling everyone on your guest list to see if they have ever been unfaithful?
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-i-not-allow-a-guest-to-bring-a-specific-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f01a5a0d-e1c3-4158-866b-d848032369ccPost:0b02c9ed-5037-4442-b8c6-b3ad8f566509">Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?</a>: [QUOTE]I don't go out with married men, so OP's objection wouldn't be with respect to me. Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]
You also don't care about being rude to people that you feel have wronged you in some way... Unless of course they are paying for your wedding,
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-i-not-allow-a-guest-to-bring-a-specific-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f01a5a0d-e1c3-4158-866b-d848032369ccPost:1f02ec59-6c60-450e-a124-e87b9fc934e4">Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?</a>: [QUOTE]Ziggy, I have quoted numerous Etiquette books that say a "must" invite is required for spouses, fiancés, and [maybe, different authorities disagree] live-in or long-term companions. I am not saying screw etiquette. I am saying that the Knot board has these made up rules, that are not generally accepted etiquette, and that in this situation OP has no obligation to invite an invited guests married BF. Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]
And I know for a fact that you've been given quotes from etiquette books in regards to including step parents on invites and/or leaving off moms who are not paying/hosting, yet you still argue against both. Regularly at that.
And the "screw etiquette" comment was directed to the poster just above you who, you know, said "screw etiquette".
"Screw etiquette. I agree with you. I would be offended if my friend wanted to use MY wedding as the first "outing" of her and her cheating arse boyfriend when she knows it creates drama for many of my other guests. To ME, a real friend would respect my commitment of marriage and not want to show an utter disrespect for those vows by bringing a man who is hurting a wife and children. to ME, that is disrespectful, so I say "screw etiquette" and don't be forced to be a part of hurting another woman and children"
Yea I agree in this instance, a real friend would not bring their drama to a wedding. I get it people are not perfect and infidelity does happen, but parading it around when they know it's a sticky subject and at a WEDDING nonetheless, is just selfish and blatanly rude. Whether she realises it or not, she and arse bf are cheapening the vows and bonds of marriage. If I had a friend like that, I wouldn't keep them in my life, but that's me. It sounds like wife doesn't even know, and neither do her kids, so clearly this would be a shock to her, and then having it documented in random wedding photos? OP, you don't need to be involved in this situation. Invite her and a +1 if you want, but I advise against it.
It's not bad etiquette to not invite her with her boyfriend because he can't be her boyfriend if he's married to someone else and not separated or in the process of a divorce.
He's married to someone else. You can't be part of two social units! He's part of the social unit that is his married unit to his wife. He can't pick and choose when he's in one relationship and when he's not.
This isn't a 'let people in established relationships bring their SOs' issue. She's not in a legitimate relationship and you owe her nothing by saying that he's not welcome.
Or do as PP suggested and say, "I'm inviting by social unit. What's his wife's name again?"
OP, you can choose to not invite your friend with a date. However, if you invite her with a date you can't specify who she can or cannot bring. If you're inviting all of the other truly single people with dates and don't give her one, she will probably be upset though, so keep that in mind.
If you haven't sent out your invitations yet, I think it's perfectly fine for you to only invite her, and not allow her a guest. You can tell her that your budget doesn't allow for everyone to bring a date, and that you're only inviting both parties of non-married couples if you're close with both people. (That's what I'm doing with my wedding. If the person is my friend, they will know other people at the wedding, they don't have to bring their own company.)
In Response to Re:Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?:[QUOTE]If you haven't sent out your invitations yet, I think it's perfectly fine for you to only invite her, and not allow her a guest. You can tell her that your budget doesn't allow for everyone to bring a date, and that you're only inviting both parties of nonmarried couples if you're close with both people. That's what I'm doing with my wedding. If the person is my friend, they will know other people at the wedding, they don't have to bring their own company. Posted by stacythepirate[/QUOTE]
But this approach is rude to anyone with a legitimate SO you just aren't close to.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-i-not-allow-a-guest-to-bring-a-specific-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f01a5a0d-e1c3-4158-866b-d848032369ccPost:53168374-10d2-4730-9561-c7b59ed2e378">Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date? : Hahaha no. I'm even letting his cheating ass walk me down the aisle! <strong>Hopefully my FI will use my dad as a great example of what NOT to do as a husband.</strong> My dad is 0 for 4 when it comes to successful marriages. Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]
You made me giggle. I am not having my cheating father walk me down the aisle, but, he is coming sans lastest flavor so that's a win. He certainly isn't jinxing JACK.
201 Invited
139 Attending
20 Declined
42 Are making me wait
OP, it's a crappy situation your friend is in. I feel badly for her. I appreciate you not wanting drama at your wedding.
Is there a chance that he would not attend? I ask, because one of my friends was "the other woman" and he lied and kept saying he was trying to leave blah blah blah, and she kept trying to have him come to social gatherings and he came MAYBE 2x. MAYBE. In a 2 year period. Usually cheaters don't want to be where people are already onto them. Normally they want secretive rendevous. Get it in, shower and go home to tuck the kids in, was this guy's mantra.
201 Invited
139 Attending
20 Declined
42 Are making me wait
I think people are forgetting that this is an etiquette question...not a moral question. Morally is it wrong? Yes, 100%. But, are you willing to lose a friend over this by not letting her bring who she thinks is a legitimate boyfriend? That's what it comes down. I don't think she's using YOUR wedding as an excuse to "debut" him. She probably feels comfortable enough that she CAN bring him and not worry about other things. Aren't your guests allowed to enjoy themselves too? After all the reception is for your guests, not you.
I agree that he may not come, if he's trying to be sneaky and it sounds like it's your friend who is desperately trying to make something work that's only doomed to failure and heartache. He doesn't want to leave his family for her, so what is your friend really getting out of this relationship anyway? Sounds like she needs a major reality slap! Still I don't count their relationship as legit. Wife trumps Girlfriend period end of story!
In Response to Re:Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?:[QUOTE]I think people are forgetting that this is an etiquette question...not a moral question. Morally is it wrong? Yes, 100. But, are you willing to lose a friend over this by not letting her bring who she thinks is a legitimate boyfriend? That's what it comes down. I don't think she's using YOUR wedding as an excuse to quot;debutquot; him. She probably feels comfortable enough that she CAN bring him and not worry about other things. Aren't your guests allowed to enjoy themselves too? After all the reception is for your guests, not you. Posted by Jessalyn2013[/QUOTE]
That's a load of BS.
She CAN'T BE in a legitimate relationship with a married man. He is in one with his wife.
And if a friend of mine used logic like that with me I'd have zero qualms about ending the friendship.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-i-not-allow-a-guest-to-bring-a-specific-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f01a5a0d-e1c3-4158-866b-d848032369ccPost:d587d143-4ee6-4c64-92f6-1efe0d69ba27">Re:Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?: That's a load of BS. She CAN'T BE in a legitimate relationship with a married man. He is in one with his wife. And if a friend of mine used logic like that with me I'd have zero qualms about ending the friendship. Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
I'm not saying I agree with it. I personally wouldn't condone it and I've actually been in a situation where my best friend was dating a married guy. I was not happy with it, but I kept my opinions to myself because it wasn't worth it to me to lose the friendship over it. Granted, if I wasn't close with her or didn't care about the friendship that much I would have reacted differently.
I unfortunately think you are not going to avoid drama no matter which way you choose. If you allow him to come, there will be drama because people don't think he should be there. If you say he can't come, there will be drama because your friend thinks she should be able to bring her boyfriend. You indicated your friend specifically asked if she could bring him. Since she asked, she probably knows if is a little contraversial, and I would sit down with her and say you would really prefer if she didn't. Just know she will probably be offended, and might not even come if she is that mad. But, I don't think you should have to have someone at your wedding you don't want to be there, SO or not. If she is a good friend, she will put her feelings aside and come celebrate your wedding solo.
When my husband and I had been just dating for a year or two, my cousin didn't put a +1 guest on my invitation because he had never met my boyfriend, and I'm sure was trying to keep the numbers down. It didn't bother me at all, personally. Not inviting a husband, or fiance, on the other hand, I think would be rude.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-i-not-allow-a-guest-to-bring-a-specific-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f01a5a0d-e1c3-4158-866b-d848032369ccPost:cb7bf9cb-bade-4203-8e00-0258b9bea2e1">Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?</a>: [QUOTE]I unfortunately think you are not going to avoid drama no matter which way you choose. If you allow him to come, there will be drama because people don't think he should be there. If you say he can't come, there will be drama because your friend thinks she should be able to bring her boyfriend. You indicated your friend specifically asked if she could bring him. Since she asked, she probably knows if is a little contraversial, and I would sit down with her and say you would really prefer if she didn't. Just know she will probably be offended, and might not even come if she is that mad. But, I don't think you should have to have someone at your wedding you don't want to be there, SO or not. If she is a good friend, she will put her feelings aside and come celebrate your wedding solo. When my husband and I had been just dating for a year or two, my cousin didn't put a +1 guest on my invitation because he had never met my boyfriend, and I'm sure was trying to keep the numbers down. It didn't bother me at all, personally. Not inviting a husband, or fiance, on the other hand, I think would be rude. Posted by LQ82[/QUOTE]
My husband proposed to me on March 8th. So, he shouldn't get a wedding invite with me listed as his guest on March 7th, but on March 8th he should? Why? Because of a piece of jewelry? I can promise you that we were serious about marriage long before he gave me a diamond - or else he wouldn't have proposed.
Etiquette is about not being rude to your guests, which includes accepting their relationships without passing judgment on their seriousness. Just because YOU weren't offended doesn't mean it wasn't rude of the bride and groom not to invite your boyfriend.
OP: you friend clearly considers herself to be in a serious enough relationship to attend a social event with this man at which she knows people will be attending who know the situation. If you do not want to damage your friendship, just invite them both, especially if you have already invited her or otherwise implied she will be receiving an invitation. If they cause a scene at the wedding, you are well within your right to ask them to leave.
OP, after reading your response a second time, I think in order to avoid a bomb and overpour of drama, I'd have a serious heart to heart with your friend about what she is asking you to do. Lets say the marriage between bf and wife do end officially and your friend is the one he ends up with, there will be plenty of opportunities for her to show him off then, but your wedding is not appropriate especially since you are celebrating a new marriage where you are both commiting to be faithful to each other. I just don't think the wedding is the best place for bf to make his debut. But if he is sneaky, like I mentioned earlier, he probubly will decide on his own not to come and your friend will be wearing the egg on her face.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-i-not-allow-a-guest-to-bring-a-specific-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f01a5a0d-e1c3-4158-866b-d848032369ccPost:40641675-1a28-4f82-a492-bd2ff15af159">Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date? : My husband proposed to me on March 8th. So, he shouldn't get a wedding invite with me listed as his guest on March 7th, but on March 8th he should? Why? Because of a piece of jewelry? I can promise you that we were serious about marriage long before he gave me a diamond - or else he wouldn't have proposed. Etiquette is about not being rude to your guests, which includes accepting their relationships without passing judgment on their seriousness. Just because YOU weren't offended doesn't mean it wasn't rude of the bride and groom not to invite your boyfriend. OP: you friend clearly considers herself to be in a serious enough relationship to attend a social event with this man at which she knows people will be attending who know the situation. If you do not want to damage your friendship, just invite them both, especially if you have already invited her or otherwise implied she will be receiving an invitation. If they cause a scene at the wedding, you are well within your right to ask them to leave. Posted by ZiggyZos[/QUOTE]
ZiggyZos: Just my opinion. I guess I looked at it as it was cousin's day- it wasn't about me and my needs, and they can choose to celebrate with whoever they want to celebrate with. My bf wasn't a part of their life and their relationship, so wasn't a part of the wedding. It had nothing to do with him not accepting that I had a bf I was serious about. I understand I'm probably the minority in seeing things this way. It's just my opinion that if the poster feels strongly about not wanting him there, she shouldn't have to invite him. Yes, her friend will probably be offended, but that is the trade off she has to decide on. I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing her opinion if her friend specifically asked if she could bring him.
Stage, FWIW, I would have been distancing myself from a friend who did this. If this was a dealbreaker for the friend then I wouldn't have a problem letting that be the final straw.
I'm going to be mean and say to invite her and let her bring him. If she actually shows up with a married man as her date...hello facebook. There will be a ton of people there who probably judge their relationship and will have no problem making sure the pictures of the two of them get tagged or somehow sent to the wife's crowd (or wife if they know her). You don't have to do anything mean to her. Invite her and spare the drama between the two of you. From there, if she makes her own bad decisions they are very likely to bite her in the butt sooner or later. The boyfriend must feel that he either has nothing to lose or feels that the wedding is too far and he will know absolutely no one there.
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Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date? : This is a disaster waiting to happen. I could be wrong, but since he is married and not in process of a separation or divorce I think it would be absolutely sh1tty of your friend and HIM to flaunt this at your wedding in front of her parents. I don't see how he can be someone's boyfriend while he someone elses husband. This would not be OK with me either. Does he know his in-laws will be there!? And yet he would have the balls to show up with his girlfriend NOT his wife? I agree it is not appropriate but I can also see where you technically should not dictate who your friend can and cannot bring. However, I would think your "friend" would know this is not an appropriate time to show off her new "boyfriend!?"
Posted by erinlin25[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I read it as to be the girlfriend's parents, not the wife's. ..OP, am I correct?</div><div>
</div><div>But I honestly don't see this as being any different as, say, inviting the cousin who is a drunk or the sister-in-law no one likes or the aunt who was arrested for shoplifting. I couldn't imagine telling a friend, "I don't like the way you're living your life so I'm going to take matters into my own hands and not acknowledge that you're involved with this man."</div><div>
</div><div>If this were me, I'd invite him (on her invitiation) and if other people in our circle had a problem with it, I'd tell them to suck it up and keep their mouth shut during the wedding. I'd probably also ask the friend to mention it to her parents so they're not totally caught off guard. ::shrug:: but that's me. </div><div>
</div>
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, I know I'm going to get flogged here, but I honestly do not count cheating couples legitimate couples if one of them is married to someone else, because I believe it's morally wrong. However, if I were in your position, I would invite neither of them to avoid unnessesary drama, it already looks like your other friends have put her on their S--- list anyway.
Posted by Amyzen83[/QUOTE]
Screw etiquette. I agree with you. I would be offended if my friend wanted to use MY wedding as the first "outing" of her and her cheating arse boyfriend when she knows it creates drama for many of my other guests. To ME, a real friend would respect my commitment of marriage and not want to show an utter disrespect for those vows by bringing a man who is hurting a wife and children. to ME, that is disrespectful, so I say "screw etiquette" and don't be forced to be a part of hurting another woman and children
. Weddings are about love and a vow to commitment of a monoqomous marriage, I'd be pretty mad at my friend personally for not taking that into consideration ESPECIALLY if this is the first time she is introducing him to people in the world who knowingly disapprove of it.
I am with others, you might be better off just not inviting her to avoid the whole drama because a good friend wouldn't put you in this position.
[QUOTE]I don't go out with married men, so OP's objection wouldn't be with respect to me.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]
You also don't care about being rude to people that you feel have wronged you in some way... Unless of course they are paying for your wedding,
[QUOTE]Ziggy, I have quoted numerous Etiquette books that say a "must" invite is required for spouses, fiancés, and [maybe, different authorities disagree] live-in or long-term companions. I am not saying screw etiquette. I am saying that the Knot board has these made up rules, that are not generally accepted etiquette, and that in this situation OP has no obligation to invite an invited guests married BF.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]
And I know for a fact that you've been given quotes from etiquette books in regards to including step parents on invites and/or leaving off moms who are not paying/hosting, yet you still argue against both. Regularly at that.
And the "screw etiquette" comment was directed to the poster just above you who, you know, said "screw etiquette".
He's married to someone else. You can't be part of two social units! He's part of the social unit that is his married unit to his wife. He can't pick and choose when he's in one relationship and when he's not.
This isn't a 'let people in established relationships bring their SOs' issue. She's not in a legitimate relationship and you owe her nothing by saying that he's not welcome.
Or do as PP suggested and say, "I'm inviting by social unit. What's his wife's name again?"
But this approach is rude to anyone with a legitimate SO you just aren't close to.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date? : Hahaha no. I'm even letting his cheating ass walk me down the aisle! <strong>Hopefully my FI will use my dad as a great example of what NOT to do as a husband.</strong> My dad is 0 for 4 when it comes to successful marriages.
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]
You made me giggle. I am not having my cheating father walk me down the aisle, but, he is coming sans lastest flavor so that's a win. He certainly isn't jinxing JACK.
201 Invited
OP, it's a crappy situation your friend is in. I feel badly for her. I appreciate you not wanting drama at your wedding.
Is there a chance that he would not attend? I ask, because one of my friends was "the other woman" and he lied and kept saying he was trying to leave blah blah blah, and she kept trying to have him come to social gatherings and he came MAYBE 2x. MAYBE. In a 2 year period. Usually cheaters don't want to be where people are already onto them. Normally they want secretive rendevous. Get it in, shower and go home to tuck the kids in, was this guy's mantra.
201 Invited
That's a load of BS.
She CAN'T BE in a legitimate relationship with a married man. He is in one with his wife.
And if a friend of mine used logic like that with me I'd have zero qualms about ending the friendship.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date?: That's a load of BS. She CAN'T BE in a legitimate relationship with a married man. He is in one with his wife. And if a friend of mine used logic like that with me I'd have zero qualms about ending the friendship.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
I'm not saying I agree with it. I personally wouldn't condone it and I've actually been in a situation where my best friend was dating a married guy. I was not happy with it, but I kept my opinions to myself because it wasn't worth it to me to lose the friendship over it. Granted, if I wasn't close with her or didn't care about the friendship that much I would have reacted differently.
When my husband and I had been just dating for a year or two, my cousin didn't put a +1 guest on my invitation because he had never met my boyfriend, and I'm sure was trying to keep the numbers down. It didn't bother me at all, personally. Not inviting a husband, or fiance, on the other hand, I think would be rude.
[QUOTE]I unfortunately think you are not going to avoid drama no matter which way you choose. If you allow him to come, there will be drama because people don't think he should be there. If you say he can't come, there will be drama because your friend thinks she should be able to bring her boyfriend. You indicated your friend specifically asked if she could bring him. Since she asked, she probably knows if is a little contraversial, and I would sit down with her and say you would really prefer if she didn't. Just know she will probably be offended, and might not even come if she is that mad. But, I don't think you should have to have someone at your wedding you don't want to be there, SO or not. If she is a good friend, she will put her feelings aside and come celebrate your wedding solo. When my husband and I had been just dating for a year or two, my cousin didn't put a +1 guest on my invitation because he had never met my boyfriend, and I'm sure was trying to keep the numbers down. It didn't bother me at all, personally. Not inviting a husband, or fiance, on the other hand, I think would be rude.
Posted by LQ82[/QUOTE]
My husband proposed to me on March 8th. So, he shouldn't get a wedding invite with me listed as his guest on March 7th, but on March 8th he should? Why? Because of a piece of jewelry? I can promise you that we were serious about marriage long before he gave me a diamond - or else he wouldn't have proposed.
Etiquette is about not being rude to your guests, which includes accepting their relationships without passing judgment on their seriousness. Just because YOU weren't offended doesn't mean it wasn't rude of the bride and groom not to invite your boyfriend.
OP: you friend clearly considers herself to be in a serious enough relationship to attend a social event with this man at which she knows people will be attending who know the situation. If you do not want to damage your friendship, just invite them both, especially if you have already invited her or otherwise implied she will be receiving an invitation. If they cause a scene at the wedding, you are well within your right to ask them to leave.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I not allow a guest to bring a specific date? : My husband proposed to me on March 8th. So, he shouldn't get a wedding invite with me listed as his guest on March 7th, but on March 8th he should? Why? Because of a piece of jewelry? I can promise you that we were serious about marriage long before he gave me a diamond - or else he wouldn't have proposed. Etiquette is about not being rude to your guests, which includes accepting their relationships without passing judgment on their seriousness. Just because YOU weren't offended doesn't mean it wasn't rude of the bride and groom not to invite your boyfriend. OP: you friend clearly considers herself to be in a serious enough relationship to attend a social event with this man at which she knows people will be attending who know the situation. If you do not want to damage your friendship, just invite them both, especially if you have already invited her or otherwise implied she will be receiving an invitation. If they cause a scene at the wedding, you are well within your right to ask them to leave.
Posted by ZiggyZos[/QUOTE]
ZiggyZos: Just my opinion. I guess I looked at it as it was cousin's day- it wasn't about me and my needs, and they can choose to celebrate with whoever they want to celebrate with. My bf wasn't a part of their life and their relationship, so wasn't a part of the wedding. It had nothing to do with him not accepting that I had a bf I was serious about. I understand I'm probably the minority in seeing things this way. It's just my opinion that if the poster feels strongly about not wanting him there, she shouldn't have to invite him. Yes, her friend will probably be offended, but that is the trade off she has to decide on. I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing her opinion if her friend specifically asked if she could bring him.