I want a very small wedding but have a BIG family :(

[Deleted User]

My fiancee and I would like a small intimate wedding of about 25 people, casual with no wedding party. I have a very close large family and it isn't that I don't want them there I just don't want to have a wedding with 100+ guests. In our case this means not inviting first cousins, aunts and uncles that I am very close with and see many times a year. We would like our guest list to consist of brothers, sisters, moms, dads and grandparents along with our closest friends only. Is it terrible if I do not invite them all to my wedding? I was thinking of having a destination wedding to just avoid the drama this may cause. HELP!!!

AbbeyS2011

Sounds like you have immediate family on your guest list, and that is fine.  If Aunt Rose calls and complains, just tell her you wanted an intimate wedding, and leave it at that. 

aragx6

No, it's not terrible. But it likely will involve some hurt feelings if your family is used to big weddings where the whole family is invited.

Summer2011Bride

You're definitely not obligated to have a large wedding. Immediate family/close friends is fine. Like PP said, if large weddings where everyone is invited is common in your family, just be ready to field some questions.

tpender13

I think it's perfectly acceptable to only keep it to immediate family and close friends. If people ask, you can just tell them exactly that, perhaps because you wanted to keep it smaller/affordable/whatever.

FWIW, you don't have to do a destination wedding to keep it small. SIL is getting married this month in Puerto Rico, partly because she thought it would be easier to get away with not inviting all the extended family. Now she regrets that because a lot of people that she would like to be there (including H and myself) can't go. I'd hate to see that happen to you.

RebeccaB88

I think the safest way to do this is to have a family-only wedding.  Meaning, don't invite any friends at all.  If your family is big and used to everyone being invited, then you might have trouble explaining to Aunt Mildred why your college roommate made the cut, but she didn't. I think it's too likely to cause hurt feelings if non-family guests are included.  But, you know your crowd better than we do.

kateguess22

If you choose a venue that can only accomodate up to 30 people (or so) then you can just say that you wanted a really small, intimate wedding and the venue you wanted could only hold 30 people or so. I wouldn't have a destination wedding just because of this unless that is what really works best for you and the guests that you are going to invite. You could also make a list of all the family that are not going to be invited and make a point of inviting them to other get-togethers in the year after the wedding- housewarming party, bbq, etc. and it can be several different get-togethers so don't think that you have to throw a big celebration that may as well have been your wedding. That way you can say to your relatives. "After the wedding we really want to have you and so-and-so over for a movie night/bbq/dinner. Let's plan something!" and spend some quality time with them. You don't have to feel guilty about having a small wedding that doesn't include all of your relatives. What matters is that you invest a little time and love into your relationship with them and that will go really far.

Also, most people won't think that they're not invited because you don't love them or because you didn't want them at your wedding. They'll undertand that a big wedding just isn't what you wanted. Don't feel guilty! Make the guest list exactly what you want it to be and keep making an effort to stay close with those relatives! Once you make your final decision avoid stressing over it.

EC88

I think some people will be offended or upset but it is your wedding and so it is your choice about how many guests you want to invite. Plan what you are going to say in advance to those who ask.

bonge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-want-a-very-small-wedding-but-have-a-big-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f03f247a-13e6-413d-a4ca-4b300dd2f2c8Post:9d2ee74c-b82d-4222-9f3a-4a381a0668e2">Re: I want a very small wedding but have a BIG family :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the safest way to do this is to have a family-only wedding.  Meaning, don't invite any friends at all.  If your family is big and used to everyone being invited, then you might have trouble explaining to Aunt Mildred why your college roommate made the cut, but she didn't. I think it's too likely to cause hurt feelings if non-family guests are included.  But, you know your crowd better than we do.
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]

<div>this. </div><div>
</div><div>Your close family (aunts uncles etc) might be upset that they got "passed over" for friends. </div>

mbuckley85

My cousin basically wanted to do this.  She was going to exclude 1st cousins and everything.  It ended up being too hard and the invites are now extended to first cousins. 

Where she went wrong, was that she had a bunch of friends invited.  She was cutting family members to include friends :-(

Usually I'm pretty whatever when it comes to invites, I get that people don't want to invite EVERYONE to everything.  But when I found out (after the fact) that I wasn't on the initial guest list of my first cousin who is 15 days older than me (graduated from the same high school and everything, see her every holiday, etc), I felt that was kind of harsh!

LizzyRB

That sounds fine

alannamackenzie

I understand what you're going through. We both have big families and we want a small ceremony/reception of only about 50. We sat down and each wrote out a guestlist of everybody we would invite if we could invite everyone and mine alone came out to 75. I would say make an A/B sort of list...but not the normal A/B list. Make a family list and a friend list. then choose the family members that you couldn't bear to not be there..and the same with the friend list. Send those chosen an invite and then after the occasion, send an announcment to everyone else. Because you have a big family, you will get some hurt feelings. But if they love and care for you, they will understand. Don't invite an aunt whom you have only met twice instead of a close friend you have inside jokes with...you'll end up regretting it.