check out what she wrote on my reply card!! what do to???

LauraT25

I agree with Banana, even if they were on again/off again, it's not our place to judge whether or not that constitutes a 'real' relationship or not.  I think it's best to assume that they will be together when the wedding comes to avoid this sort of situation.  And yes, I do think you should cut guests rather than invite them without their SO.

jennifer15522

The funny thing is if she called us up and was like could I bring him we probably could have talked about it and I probably would have caved and said yes haha. She won't pick up any phone calls from us--we've left a few messages. As for the daughter, I'm hoping she'll talk sense into her mom and we can all be happy friends again hopefully before the shower.

banana468

I'm hoping your messages say, "I'm so sorry for being remiss on the invitation.  Of COURSE your boyfriend is welcome and we hope to see both of you there!"

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Let's just say it's never rude to NOT invite a friend, but it is to NOT invite an SO. (Well, unless you told someone they would be invited and then you recind on the invitation.)

I don't even think you have to invite people who you ONLY think are going to be together forever. Some marriages don't last forever. If someone has only been dating a few weeks, they might choose to not bring their boyfriend - they might find it too awkward to go to a wedding with a new flame. But it's a nice gesture.

M&R7111

She should have called if she had an issue with her bf not being invited.

I would be more pissed that she wasted the damn postage money to send back a response card like that!!

leayn

I think you should write "No, I didn't.  Are you coming to the wedding?" and mail it back to her.  She's ridiculous.

MissusTexas

I think she forgot this is not HER wedding. Keep her daughter, and if you have to then talk to the unreasonable woman about your limited number of guests.

mandykaine

I don't understand why weddings bring out so much drama.

I don't think you're wrong in not inviting boyfriends/girlfriends. As you said, if she had called, i think it may have gone differently. 

Good luck- maybe she'll regain a little sense.

Sing2phins

Am I the only one who doesn't think a wedding for 90 people is "intimate"?

karbar42

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_check-out-she-wrote-reply-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0483b2d-037e-4f84-82bb-9805db305f13Post:5e8b25fc-3a83-4912-b144-7de7ac2b0b9f">Re: check out what she wrote on my reply card!! what do to???</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should write "No, I didn't.  Are you coming to the wedding?" and mail it back to her.  She's ridiculous.
Posted by leayn[/QUOTE]

<div>I like this idea.  </div>

qwerty777

My dad is the 7th of 8 kids, and my mom is the 3rd of 11. I have 60 first cousins, not including spouses, and we're close to all but about 5. On my dad's side, almost all of them have kids. On my mom's side, they range in ages from 3 (with a sibling on the way) to 31. We invited everyone over the age of 18 with a SO, whether we thought they were serious or not. If they were single, they did not get a plus one. And we had a low budget.

She should have been invited with her BF regardless of how serious anyone thinks she is (except if they were "off" when invites went out, I wouldn't have invited him either). That being said, I would not invite the BF now because then everyone else would expect the same (though again, that should have been done in the first place). Saying they have to be engaged or married in order to be invited is just plain rotten. H and I dated for 6 years before we got engaged, and I would have been livid not to get invited simply because I didn't have a ring on my finger.

Kristin&eric

dont kick out the BM not her fault her mom is rude. Just call the mom and let her know whats going on

saschaduran

I think if this were a matter of budget, I would consider inviting the boyfriend although it certainly isn't required.  But when you get into an issue of space, and a yacht has limited space for a SPECIFIC number of people, that guests do need to be limited.  If her bringing an on/off stranger to you means that one of your close friends or family will not be able to attend, then she needs to understand.

But I agree, the card alone would make me irritated enough to not budge on my decision.

mstar284

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_check-out-she-wrote-reply-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0483b2d-037e-4f84-82bb-9805db305f13Post:caafa6ec-27a0-4b33-abd8-23aba7782e5c">Re: check out what she wrote on my reply card!! what do to???</a>:
[QUOTE]She has terrible handwriting. 
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

I was just thinking that she had pretty handwriting. But you should see mine...I don't think I really properly learned how to write in cursive. It looks like I'm trying too hard.

Morfudd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_check-out-she-wrote-reply-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0483b2d-037e-4f84-82bb-9805db305f13Post:6be451ab-ce5b-4637-8942-e350f03145d2">Re: check out what she wrote on my reply card!! what do to???</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I the only one who doesn't think a wedding for 90 people is "intimate"?
Posted by Sing2phins[/QUOTE]

No. But a girl can dream, I suppose.

tigerlily25

Ugh. Dont cave in and invite him...dont do it!!!

irshis20

You should have invited her boyfriend to attend with her. I know plenty of people in relationships of less than a year that I would still consider serious. I knew my fiance was "the one" probably a month after our fist date.

A good friend of mine (one of my bridesmaids, actually) left my boyfriend off the invitation to her wedding when he and I had been dating for about 9 months ("1 seat" had been saved for me). It turns out he couldn't travel with me to the wedding, but I was pretty insulted. I didn't say anything to her about it, but it really hurt me.

For the record, I wouldn't call a 90-person wedding "intimate." That's probably about what our wedding will be size-wise, and I've been to much smaller. If you wanted to draw the line at "intimate" it probably should have been drawn earlier.

danieliza1127

You can't drop her daughter from the bridal party just because her Mom is a jerk.  Then YOU would be the jerk.  Just contact her and explain the situation and ask if she's coming or not.  There's nothing much else you can do.