Knot absolutes broken, world still turns.

eastunder1

So I'm in a wedding next month.  I got an email from the bride the other day about hair, makeup, limos, all that.  The cost of the makeup is $20, she is covering the hair.  OH MY GOD, SHE EXPECTS US TO PAY FOR OUR MAKEUP?!?  WHAT A TURD.  No, seriously, it's 20 bucks.  I don't care to pay twenty bucks to have my makeup look awesome.  I'm glad she's bringing in a makeup artist, because I can't do fancy looks.  She didn't make us buy shoes or ugly jewelry so I consider it an even trade out.  

I know according to knot law I should be emailing her right this second to let her know she is desperately in the wrong and if she wants it done SHE WILL PAY FOR IT DAMMIT, but I don't really care.  Its 20 bucks.

So on that note, what are some Knot unbreakable rules that you have seen broken and it wasnt an earth shattering event after all?

laurenclaire1386

Since I had very little input on the shower FI's side of the family gave me, there were people there who aren't invited to the wedding They might hate me afterwards, I really don't know.

NuggetBrain

Our friends had a cash bar at their wedding a few years ago.  There was an ATM in the venue, and we really didn't mind having to pay for our drinks (it helped that the food was great and the venue was really nice too).  It wasn't a ridiculous amount, and to be honest their wedding didn't have nearly as many stupid-loud-falling-down-drunk idiots as another wedding (same general group of people) that had an open bar.  It was a much more classy affair. 

They made a note of it on the invitations, which I know is another faux pas, but I really appreciated it because I would not have been nearly as happy if I'd showed up not knowing that I'd need to bring some cash for drinks. 

Wrkn925

I don't think $20 would tick me off either. 
Did she present the offer well?

I like getting all gussied up, so it would be fun for me.  And I'm always looking for different techniques and ideas for my makeup.

I would only be mad if she stomped her feet and demanded I do it, just because I'm stubborn.

cengle

My H asked his parents about finances and if/what they were contributing to the wedding.  They have a very good and open relationship, so his parents weren't put off at all by it.  They apparently had anticipated paying for most of it anyway.  So we're the tacky couple who asked for money. *Shrug* 

ohwhynot

I've seen one dollar dance.  It was kind of cute, actually.  I expect to see another one, maybe even this weekend.  My brother's daughter is getting married, and my bro said it was going to be a "real redneck wedding." I am not sure what he means by that, but I cannot wait. 

Cash bars are very common here.  In fact, even though we had a hosted bar, people were pulling out their wallets and, when they found out they weren't going to pay for their drinks, they kept pushing $$ at the bartender.  She did very well that night, even though we did ask her to take down her tip jar. 

I've had to stand for short ceremonies.  No big deal. 

kikibaby

$20 is really cheap for makeup. 

laurenclaire1386

I will say, though, that the general feeling on honeymoon registries among my friends/family is pretty much the same as it is here. One of FI's good friends got married in April and had one, and I had to do the frozen smile and nod thing while she extolled the virtues of her wedding guests paying for their Disney honeymoon. No, the world didn't stop turning, but some of her guests were put off by it.

cengle

I've been to many weddings with a dollar dance.  I even participated in one once, because I was close friends with the groom.  At the other weddings, I use that opportunity to make a trip to the bar. 

crfische

Dude. The Best Man and I ran a bang up dollar dance last weekend. It was awesome.

Um....I got more jewelry and shoes as a bridesmaid gift. One less thing to worry about I spose.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_knot-absolutes-broken-world-still-turns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0533d9f-0dd2-4aaa-8c09-f1c3977e4592Post:92c219f8-50fc-47f5-89a6-e30e56b5042b">Re: Knot absolutes broken, world still turns.</a>:
[QUOTE]My H asked his parents about finances and if/what they were contributing to the wedding.  They have a very good and open relationship, so his parents weren't put off at all by it.  They apparently had anticipated paying for most of it anyway.  So we're the tacky couple who asked for money. *Shrug* 
Posted by cengle[/QUOTE]

We did that too, with my mom and grandma.  I knew they were going to want to pay for something, so we just sat down with them and said "Okay, do you want to help out and if so, what do you want to help out with."  Same thing for his parents.  The sky didn't fall.

mgietler76

I was in a wedding last year and I was told to buy a dress, shoes (dyed to match of course) pay $50 to get my hair done (which she required an up-do) than she presented us with our gifts, a $5 charm bracelet that she told us NOT to wear for the wedding because it looked in her words "cheap" I never knew it was bad etiquette on the brides behalf as this was my first experience with weddings, it was awful.

eastunder1

i think splitting off SO's is a dicey thing.  I think if everyone knows everyone, it probably won't bother anyone.  If the SO's know no one and will not have a good time, it gets into not very nice territory.   In theory I think you should sit them together because its the right thing to do, but I also understand that there are times wehere it won't be a big deal if you don't. 

kikibaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_knot-absolutes-broken-world-still-turns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0533d9f-0dd2-4aaa-8c09-f1c3977e4592Post:cedf0763-464a-4748-ba81-31228dbbdc21">Re: Knot absolutes broken, world still turns.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Knot absolutes broken, world still turns. : I think it's a little different when the spouses are friends with other people at the wedding too. I'd feel uncomfortable sitting with complete strangers while my FI was sitting across the room at a head table. If we were at a wedding where I knew most of the guestlist, no problem.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Yep.  I was seated away from H the last wedding he was in, and it sucked.  I didn't know anyone there.  So, I took a whole bottle of wine and got really drunk.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_knot-absolutes-broken-world-still-turns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0533d9f-0dd2-4aaa-8c09-f1c3977e4592Post:ecd3f091-b12c-4bcf-827b-a1cccfa83077">Re: Knot absolutes broken, world still turns.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Knot absolutes broken, world still turns. : Yep.  I was seated away from H the last wedding he was in, and it sucked.  I didn't know anyone there.  So, I took a whole bottle of wine and got really drunk.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]
Getting drunk is the best solution to most problems.

FutureMrsTR

The wedding I was in a couple of weekends ago had a head table so H had to sit with some people I work with.  Not horrible, but not ideal for him because he doesn't know them that well.

Also, this has nothing to do with etiquette, but the hotel where the wedding was and that had the hotel block was AWFUL.  There was sand in our bed BOTH nights we were there and we weren't compensated at all for it.

cengle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_knot-absolutes-broken-world-still-turns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0533d9f-0dd2-4aaa-8c09-f1c3977e4592Post:ecd3f091-b12c-4bcf-827b-a1cccfa83077">Re: Knot absolutes broken, world still turns.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Knot absolutes broken, world still turns. : Yep.  I was seated away from H the last wedding he was in, and it sucked.  I didn't know anyone there.  So, I took a whole bottle of wine and got really drunk.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

You are my kind of woman! 

number55

I have seen/participated in:

- cash bars

- partial cash bars (a couple of tickets provided)

- no seating at ceremony

- a dinnertime wedding with no food save dessert (and some very light apps).

- registry info on invite

- cash bar info on invite 

- no cash bar info on invite (this annoyed me, luckily FI took out $40 before the reception).

- stag and does

None of them really bug me but I don't really get up tight about these things.

I will likely be the MOH to a bridezilla in the future. I have already been told that she is going to run her wedding as a dictatorship and that she wants to go to Vegas for her bachelorette. She is my BF and my MOH so I am going to have to take a big deep breath when the time comes and start saving early. I do love her though. Sigh.

MISSCOURTNEY20

I was at a scrapbooking party last night and one of the girls was sending her Thank you cards from her wedding last year AND the invites to their housewarming in the same envelope! The Thank yous were pretty nice cards from shutterfly but they had a "poem" printed on the inside as their message.

I was thinking "Oooh the E board would eat you alive!! Too many No-No's..LOL!!

pinkpinot

A recent wedding I was in the bride had everyone getting ready in her suite, I got there at 10AM and was there until 5PM and she had no food or drinks.  I was starving and so was everyone else including the makeup artists and hair stylists.  The hotel was pretty broken down and only had a vending machine for food!  Doritos just aren't appetizing that early.   By the time the cocktail hour started I inhaled 6 Swedish meatballs, got sick to my stomach and left the reception before the cake came out because I felt nauseous. 

laurenclaire1386

Registry cards in the invite still REALLY bothers me. I don't know why I'm so uptight about it, but I hate when people do that. And every wedding invitation I've gotten in the last 2 years, save one, has had one.

Beachy730

The etiquette rules I've always seen broken, and that I broke myself, were ones that are the norm in my area. 
1.  We had a head table with just WP.  Everyone's dates knew many people at my wedding, and we sat them all with their family or people they were very close with.  Nobody was with strangers, and there was no "date table."  I've been to many weddings though and i've never not seen a head table.  Its just the norm in my area.

2.  Stag parties are also the norm in my area, and H had one.  The kind where its a huge party that you sell tickets for, and at the stag there's lots of food, beer, raffles, gambling, and then strippers come.  I know many people frown on that party, but where I'm from the stag party is the first thing all the guys start talking about, and its definitely what the guys look most forward to.

3.  My gifts for BMs and all BM gifts I've ever gotten are always wedding related things.  I personally love it.  I can buy my own clothes and stores, and I would much rather spend my money on something I want, so I always love when my BM gift is something that saves me money on your wedding. 

4.  Also a gap between ceremony and reception is the norm in my area, and we had one at our wedding.  People change their clothes in between, grab a drink or two, and relax before the reception.  My friend got married in August and there was only an hour from when the ceremony ended and the cocktail hour started, and everyone complained that there wasn't enough time.  We had to go check into the hotel in the mean time and change, and we totally missed the cocktail hour. 


Apparently my hometown is just horrible on wedding etiquette.  But its what everyone knows and is used to, so when it doesn't happen people are thrown off and don't really like it.

AliGirl11

I asked a friend to keep the guestbook as an "honorary position" or whatever.  It's something that's expected where I'm from, though. 

Oh, the biggest thing is that we only sent invitations to out of town guests.  I'm sure that's very strange to the majority of you.  The custom in the small town where I'm from is to put an announcement in the paper that says "Invitations have been sent to out-of-town guests only.  All family and friends are invited to attend." 

mandapanda78

We had A and B lists. No one found out and no one got their feelings hurt.

kikibaby

I still stand that a lot of the things mentioned here are tacky.  Just because they're common in "your area" doesn't make them completely awesome and not at all tacky.  It just means people have stopped caring.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_knot-absolutes-broken-world-still-turns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0533d9f-0dd2-4aaa-8c09-f1c3977e4592Post:1187acbc-c0b0-498a-9e71-634004654e91">Re: Knot absolutes broken, world still turns.</a>:
[QUOTE]A recent wedding I was in the bride had everyone getting ready in her suite, I got there at 10AM and was there until 5PM and she had no food or drinks.  I was starving and so was everyone else including the makeup artists and hair stylists.  The hotel was pretty broken down and only had a vending machine for food!  Doritos just aren't appetizing that early.   By the time the cocktail hour started I inhaled 6 Swedish meatballs, got sick to my stomach and left the reception before the cake came out because I felt nauseous. 
Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]

This happened to me at my college roommate's wedding.  It was a total country wedding, and we got ready at her parent's house.  We were running around to do our own hair and makeup and get ready, and just never had a chance to make any food.  And there was nothing readily available for us.  By the time we got to the reception I was starving and extremely thirsty.  The bar was a keg and some boxed wine, and that happened to be the only thing in the hallway where we were standing waiting to be announced in.  The keg wasn't tapped yet, so my only option was to chug a glass of red wine.  Yeah i felt sick all night, but couldn't leave because I had no car. 

missy68

During my first wedding, I had honorary attendants. They weren't required to do anything or wear anything special, but I got them flowers.

I was also an honorary attendant at a college friend's wedding. Same deal.

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_knot-absolutes-broken-world-still-turns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0533d9f-0dd2-4aaa-8c09-f1c3977e4592Post:d4361355-634c-4fbe-8069-e81c1335339a">Re: Knot absolutes broken, world still turns.</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked a friend to keep the guestbook as an "honorary position" or whatever.  It's something that's expected where I'm from, though.  Oh, the biggest thing is that we only sent invitations to out of town guests.  I'm sure that's very strange to the majority of you.  The custom in the small town where I'm from is to put an announcement in the paper that says "Invitations have been sent to out-of-town guests only.  All family and friends are invited to attend." 
Posted by AliGirl11[/QUOTE]

They do this in my home town, and it is considered appropriate.  I have no idea how they get numbers for food and stuff...

And I've never been to a wedding with assigned tables.

[Deleted User]

i got an invitation recently from h's cousin, who is totally awesome. the invitation said something along the lines of "due to something something, children are not able to attend". i forget exactly what. then i noticed the registry info.

i got a good laugh because of how un-etiquetty it was, but i don't think less of her. i really don't think she knew any better. plus some members of h's extended family tried to convince me to do a dollar dance. they don't seem to really follow proper etiquette. but the cousin is still awesome.

Bubbalub

I've gotten invitations that say "Adults Only" which I've always found a little sketchy. I have no problem with not having kids at a wedding but there is no reason that needs to go on the invitation.

I've also seen wedding websites for couples we know that tell us what to wear. It depends on the situation how I react to it. One was a a national park in Washington and they said the ceremony was going to be outside "rain or shine" so to dress appropriately. I found that helpful because then I knew to save the high heels for the reception but wear layers for the ceremony.
Others have said something like "we are having a Klassy wedding so dress Klassy!" kind of a deal and I find that really offputting. Seriously? We are adults and we know how to dress ourselves appropriately. Good grief.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_knot-absolutes-broken-world-still-turns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0533d9f-0dd2-4aaa-8c09-f1c3977e4592Post:f27f478d-aa12-4c4c-b9f9-968d038a1993">Re: Knot absolutes broken, world still turns.</a>:
[QUOTE]i got an invitation recently from h's cousin, who is totally awesome. the invitation said something along the lines of "due to something something, children are not able to attend". i forget exactly what. then i noticed the registry info.<strong> i got a good laugh because of how un-etiquetty it was, but i don't think less of her. i really don't think she knew any better. plus some members of h's extended family tried to convince me to do a dollar dance. they don't seem to really follow proper etiquette. but the cousin is still awesome.
</strong>Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]


That's the way I feel about the wedding this weekend.  My brother and his family are amazing, generous, wonderful people, but etiquette is just NOT a part of their worldview.  It's just not.  They've already committed some faux pas, but it's easy to overlook them because 1. It's not something to which they've really been exposed, and 2.  Their intentions are pure. 

I do notice these things now, but I really understand how people who've never really been expected to know certain things wouldn't even know they don't know, so wouldn't educate themselves on these matters.

That sounds condescending, but I don't mean it that way.  They are terrific folks, and honestly their love for family & friends will easily outshine any faux pas they make.