Uninvited guests

Carla1019

How would you handle some people assuming they are invited to the wedding but you have no intentions of sending them an invite?

Example: A close family friend of my FH is also very close friends with his ex girlfriend. I know that she does not like me and I had no intentions of inviting her to the wedding when she found out we were engaged she ask FH if her son was going to be our ring bearer? WTH? Ummm... no.

So now when the STDs go out I know she will question why she didn't get one.

I can't say because we are having a small intimate wedding because we are inviting 200 people. I can't say it is only family and close friends because she is considered family.

What is the best way to tell people that they can't come to your wedding because you really don't want them there?

slwager

don't say anything.  she'll get the message.

AbbeyS2011

If she asks about STDs and why she did not receive one, just tell her the guest list has not been finalized.  If she pushes, just tell her honestly that she is not on the list.  She will get over it.

BTW - I hope you are not sending out STDs just yet.  6-9 months is a good timeframe for mailing them out. 

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

Mrs.B6302007

"We're working on our guest list. Have you tried the bean dip?"

or

"I'm not discussing wedding plans today- I need a break. Have you tried the bean dip?"


or

"Have you tried the bean dip?"

KatieJTx

My friend got married, his fiance loathed me like it wasn't even funny. She had some jealousy issues, maybe confidence, whatever. Point is, when I asked them about bringing my boyfriend as my plus one (assuming I was invited) she replied "The invites will have instructions on them. I'm mailing them next week" One month later still no invite in mail box. Needless to say I got her message loud and clear. 

Avion22

Um, yeah, I think you can just tell her that you don't feel comfortable having his EX there at the wedding.  It would be weird and awkward.

Carla1019

Thanks for the feedback!

I'm going to send the STDs out 6 months in advance. This lady is out spoken and I'm 100% positive she will demand an explanation. She made it loud and clear that she felt my FH should marry his ex over me so I have no idea why she would want her son in our wedding! I'm not fake and I have no problem telling someone the truth, but I'm trying to be as delicate as I can with this matter because she is considered family on his side.

redheadfsu

Just tell her that, "unfortunately we didn't have room in the budget for everyone we wanted to invite. I'm really sorry. But we can always grab lunch after we get back from our honeymoon."

Mrs.B6302007

Hey, Carla.  You might want to seriously conisder removing your wedding website info from your siggy.  You and your FI are only about a google-click away from an interent stalking.   Crazy things have happened on these boards.

MPaskel07

for something like that I am one of those: I'm sorry but we're trying to keep the wedding small and only inviting close family and friends.

but I have had people I haven't spoken to in 4 years ask me on facebook and stuff and I haven't found a polite way to say: "sorry but I don't even know who you are anymore because you haven't spoken to me/returned my calls or emails so nope, you're not invited to the most important day of my life"

*shrug* lol

Carla1019

Thanks Mrs. B,

I just removed it.

Mrs.B6302007

No problem. =-)  I'd hate to see anyone have to deal with drama like that.

blush64

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-guests-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1a0b841-f962-4ae5-8d5e-5df4d7added0Post:b3ab2834-7147-4b79-b1ed-1a5f48265146">Re: Uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Just tell her that, "unfortunately we didn't have room in the budget for everyone we wanted to invite. I'm really sorry. But we can always grab lunch after we get back from our honeymoon."
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

I really like this way! I would try to avoid anything that might provoke confrontation with this girl since you said she is considered family. By telling her this way she has no choice but to let it go, or else she will look like the bad one.

mizjodi

Just adding my two cents in, that the pps have good advice! That's all! Carry on!

ootmother2

Watch out for that bean dip!  usual result is farting your brain out!

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-guests-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1a0b841-f962-4ae5-8d5e-5df4d7added0Post:46b636ec-920c-444b-9d22-968c809ec902">Re: Uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]for something like that I am one of those: I'm sorry but we're trying to keep the wedding small and only inviting close family and friends. but I have had people I haven't spoken to in 4 years ask me on facebook and stuff and I haven't found a polite way to say: "sorry but I don't even know who you are anymore because you haven't spoken to me/returned my calls or emails so nope, you're not invited to the most important day of my life" *shrug* lol
Posted by MPaskel07[/QUOTE]

I've had people I went to high school with message me on FB and ask if they were invited too.  I basically said the same thing "Um, I haven't seen or talked to you in over 6 years, why would I invite you to my wedding?"  Then again I really don't give a shiit if I piss those people off, so I wasn't afraid to be blunt. 

If you don't want to rock the boat, definitely do the "I'm sorry, but we weren't able to invite everyone we would've liked, but I'd love to grab a drink with you after the wedding"  type response.