Need some advice, please.

Kristin789

Your mom is freaking out because her youngest boy is getting married.  Soon after that, she knows that your younger sister will get married too, and that means that her job - the most important job ever and the one she enjoyed the most - is truly over. She's not going to be MOTHERING anymore. She'll be someone's MOTHER. Totally different. And she's not ready for this. Not at all. She is so freaked out that she's making ridiculous threats to get your attention and your love to help her with this transition.

And instead, you are pissed off and you and FI are going to look into different venues and different things to really shaft your mom and call her bluff and shove it to her with your middle finger raised.

I'd suggest that you spend more than a minute thinking about how much your parents, especially your mom, have given and have given up to raise you and your siblings, and how very BIG of a deal it would be to have your LAST son get married.

Then schedule a time when you and your mom can do something together. Something she likes. And talk to her about how she will always be your mother, and you will always love her. Tell her that even after you get married, you will still find a way to spend time with your parents, because your parents are the foundation of your life. No, it won't be exactly the same, but you will try hard to make it as good as you can. 

(My DH gets together with his parents one weekend a month, no matter what.  Usually I don't go, because that's THEIR time and I want time alone with my mom too. And we have a wonderful weekend apart, delighting our parents who expected to sit home, alone, in lazyboy chairs falling asleep with the Tv on for the last 25 years of their lives.)

See if your mom wants to work on the Rehearsal Dinner details. See if your mom wants to work on the wedding details, since she's hosting it at her house and that's totally overwhelming in itself. She has all kinds of stuff in her head about legal liability and caterers and toilets and moving the stuff that could get knocked off of a table and broken. See if you can help with any of these "readying" details.

Try to find a way to HELP your mom and LOVE your mom, instead of finding a way to dismiss her, label her a fking selfcentered b!tch, and throw her under a bus.

GroomNeedsAdvice

In Response to Re:Need some advice, please.:[QUOTE]Your mom is freaking out because her youngest boynbsp;is getting married.nbsp;nbsp;Soon after that,nbsp;she knows that your younger sister will get married too, and thatnbsp;means that her job the most important job ever and the one she enjoyed the most is truly over. She's not going to be MOTHERING anymore. She'll be someone's MOTHER. Totally different. And she's not ready for this. Not at all. She is so freaked out that she's making ridiculous threats to get your attention and your love to help her with this transition.And instead, you are pissed off and you and FI are going to look into different venues and different things to really shaft your mom and call her bluff and shove it to her with your middle finger raised.I'd suggest that you spend more than a minute thinking about how much your parents, especially your mom, have given and have given up to raise you and your siblings, and how very BIG of a deal it would be to have your LASTnbsp;son get married.Then schedule a time when you and your mom can do something together. Something she likes. And talk to her about how she will always be your mother, and you will always love her. Tell her that even after you get married, you will still find a way to spend time with your parents, because your parents are the foundation of your life. No, it won't be exactly the same, but you will try hard to make it as good as you can.nbsp; My DH gets together with his parents one weekend a month, no matter what.nbsp; Usually I don't go, because that's THEIR time and I want time alone with my mom too. And we have a wonderful weekend apart, delighting our parents who expected to sit home, alone, in lazyboy chairs falling asleep with the Tv on for the last 25 years of their lives.See if your mom wants to work on the Rehearsal Dinner details. See if your mom wants to work on the wedding details, since she's hosting it at her house and that's totally overwhelming in itself. She has all kinds of stuff in her head about legal liability and caterers and toilets and moving the stuff that could get knocked off of a table and broken. See if you can help with any of these "readying" details.Try to find a way to HELP your mom and LOVE your mom, instead of finding a way to dismiss her, label her a fking selfcentered b!tch, and throw her under a bus. Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Mom? Is that you?

aragx6

^She always sounds like that.

Your comment made me laugh -- not quite out loud, because I haven't had coffee yet, but close.

StephBeanWed61502

We're convinced Kristen types to us from some point in the 1950s.

And Kristin, his mom IS being a self-centered b!tch.  Seriously.  She's going to refuse to go to her son's wedding over the number of bridesmaids?  How is that anything other than ridiculous and insane?

juliebug1997

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-some-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f269116b-1549-4715-b052-868690d04f54Post:1418c971-a737-44ed-8ec7-38d358968bf7">Re: Need some advice, please.</a>:
[QUOTE]Your mom is freaking out because her youngest boy is getting married.  Soon after that, she knows that your younger sister will get married too, and that means that her job - the most important job ever and the one she enjoyed the most - is truly over. She's not going to be MOTHERING anymore. She'll be someone's MOTHER. Totally different. And she's not ready for this. Not at all. She is so freaked out that she's making ridiculous threats to get your attention and your love to help her with this transition. And instead, you are pissed off and you and FI are going to look into different venues and different things to really shaft your mom and call her bluff and shove it to her with your middle finger raised. I'd suggest that you spend more than a minute thinking about how much your parents, especially your mom, have given and have given up to raise you and your siblings, and how very BIG of a deal it would be to have your LAST son get married. Then schedule a time when you and your mom can do something together. Something she likes. And talk to her about how she will always be your mother, and you will always love her. Tell her that even after you get married, you will still find a way to spend time with your parents, because your parents are the foundation of your life. No, it won't be exactly the same, but you will try hard to make it as good as you can.  (My DH gets together with his parents one weekend a month, no matter what.  Usually I don't go, because that's THEIR time and I want time alone with my mom too. And we have a wonderful weekend apart, delighting our parents who expected to sit home, alone, in lazyboy chairs falling asleep with the Tv on for the last 25 years of their lives.) See if your mom wants to work on the Rehearsal Dinner details. See if your mom wants to work on the wedding details, since she's hosting it at her house and that's totally overwhelming in itself. She has all kinds of stuff in her head about legal liability and caterers and toilets and moving the stuff that could get knocked off of a table and broken. See if you can help with any of these "readying" details. Try to find a way to HELP your mom and LOVE your mom, instead of finding a way to dismiss her, label her a fking selfcentered b!tch, and throw her under a bus.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

You're probably friends with my ILs who told my husband to get a prenup because, since I was a poor teacher, I was obviously just marrying him for his money.  Grow up!  If his mom is going to ruin the whole wedding based on the number of BMs then she is being petty.  If she hates the FI, then she should just come right out and say it. 

OP,
My ILs hate me too and they hate the guy my SIL married as well.  No one is good enough for their children. 

GroomNeedsAdvice

Plus, I don't ever recall saying she was a bitch. I would NEVER say that about my mother. Out loud. Or online. I'm still not convinced it's not her.

angelstar975

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-some-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f269116b-1549-4715-b052-868690d04f54Post:3c463294-2451-4778-8694-27553a607c26">Re:Need some advice, please.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Need some advice, please.: Mom? Is that you?
Posted by GroomNeedsAdvice[/QUOTE]

Best.response.ever.

Meegles4

I think Kristin turning out to be Groom's mom would be the best thing ever.

As schmoopy as she was in her explanation, Kristen sort of has a point about the whole "marrying off her kids" thing and the emotion your mom probably feels about that. That may be part of what's playing a role here. Doesn't excuse her behavior though.

So, yeah, duh, tell her how grateful you are and how much you love her. But I bet you already do that because you sound like a good guy. And, then, you know, tell her that she really is being a little out of line and that the WP is just fine and y'all will still be married at the end of it and no one will be hauled off to Emily Post jail.

mica178

How did I miss this thread yesterday? 

Oh, Kristin. 

eirwyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-some-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f269116b-1549-4715-b052-868690d04f54Post:3c463294-2451-4778-8694-27553a607c26">Re:Need some advice, please.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Need some advice, please.: Mom? Is that you?
Posted by GroomNeedsAdvice[/QUOTE]
I am SO glad I clicked back to this thread. Holy hell that was funny...

zigspective

^ No kidding.

I'm rather new here, is there a win the board award around? Because, seriously, this needs it.

QueerFemme

I can't wait to see how this turns out.   Seriously, I would probably do a combination of looking for another venue and having a heart to heart with mom & dad.  Like, right now.  Explain that you are not replacing the bridesmaid, and you don't agree with the perspective that its unconventional, and that you are extremely hurt that they would pull their support with only a month to go.    And, at the same time, make sure you have a couple of venue options and book one of them immediately after your conversation with mom & dad if it doesn't go well and your mom doesn't calm the F down. 

If the conversation doesn't go well, book a venue, notify all of your vendors of the location change... then start calling your guests.  You don't have to say WHY its being moved... just "apologies for the confusion, but we needed to change the wedding location.  here is the new address... I'll be following up with an email in the next day with all of the information and directions." 

Also, I know one of the earlier posts said you didn't want to burden your fiancee with this... but, I hope you have told her this is happening.  I would be furious if I might have just lost my wedding venue and my fiance didn't tell me.

heylady87

It's totally fine to call up your guests and update them on the venue change. Things happen!