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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Lighting the Unity Candle - Procedures?
FI and I want to have a unity candle as part of our ceremony. We love fire, candles, and this symbol of becoming one. But, we are really unsure about what procedure to use in lighting the two side candles.
The unity candle set is a basic traditional one - two tall tapers and one middle pillar candle. We plan to use the tapers to light the middle pillar, during the ceremony - simple. But when are the two tapers supposed to be lit, and by whom? I have seen it done in other weddings by the parents, by just the mothers, and by the candlelighters (if there are other candlabras on stage, which there will be). I have seen it done before the seating of the parents/grandparents, during the seating, and right after the seating. So I have no idea what to do!
FI's parents are divorced, and they are not on good terms, so we probably could not do the two sets of parents together lighting it. But my mom is uncomfortable with the idea of the just her and his mom lighting it, she prefers my dad to go up with her. I can have the candlelighters do it, or I can have them already lit prior to the seating of any guests... but I just don't know.
Any advice?
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Re: Lighting the Unity Candle - Procedures?
[QUOTE]I think the Moms usually do them. That's what I always see anyway. I'd tell your mom to get over it.
Posted by FutureMrsFezz[/QUOTE]
<div>This. It's a 2 minute job. I'm not sure why it would be such a big deal for your mom.</div>
I think you're over thinking this. If it's going to be an issue just have them already lit.
[QUOTE]I think my mom would do it without too much of a fuss if I wanted her to. But I have to kinda agree with her - I would not want my dad left out of it. :/ I am kinda leaning towards the idea of having them already lit prior to the ceremony. Is that weird?
Posted by cammien[/QUOTE]
Is your dad already walking you down the aisle? Because if so, that would be awkward for him to come down to accompany your mom to light the candle before the processional and then go back up the aisle to get you. I mean, you can do it if you want. There's no one way to do it.
With that said, it's not weird to have them already lit prior to the ceremony.
And both sets lit the candles, which makes most sense to me since we used symbolism that included the idea that we came from our parents, created our individuality and were now creating a union of two that would exist as an entity in addition to our individuality.
That would not have worked well with just the mothers lighting the candles. How terrible is your FH's parents' relationship? Can't they suck it up for one candle lighting?
The idea of having candlelighters or attendants light them makes no sense to me in the context of how I interpret the symbolism of the lighting.
Just our moms did ours, but they were escorted all the way up to the candles per the priest's direction (by my brother and H respectively - which is who we'd planned to escort them in anyway). i.e. MIL and H walked down the aisle and then all the way up onto the alter, then H stood back while MIL lit the candle and then he walked her to her seat. Likewise with my mom and brother. I've also seen where the MOG walks in and waits at the first row of seats for MOB to walk in and then they go up onto the alter together. If your mom is uncomfortable being up there by herself either of those would be an option