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    In Response to Re:Awkward situation with dad..:[QUOTE]Excuse me, Wally, but you might want to carefully climb off that high horse before you fall and break your neck. You know NOTHING about any of us or what our relationship with our fathers is I didn't SPEAK to my father for two years after the affair and another year after the dreaded graduation dinner. I am far from a "daddy's girl", but have YOU ever tried cutting your father out of your life? You get a whole lot of "but he's your DADDY", "this has nothing to do with you", "what an awful, spiteful child you are", and my personal favorite "the Bible says to forgive and to honor your parents".

    So, yeah, not having my dad at major events really wasn't much of an option. And considering that THAT was hard enough on my mom, watching him inappropriately maul the new wife at dinner, brag on all the things she did that mom didnt, etc was seriously torture.

    So, please feel free to go eatadick right about now. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]



    I sincerely think that her comments were not directed at you specifically, however I can see how that would be extremely upsetting.
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    willywally5willywally5 member
    First Comment
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-situation-with-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2c8ed69-f23c-4ac5-a6d7-e70a97787858Post:7673feca-efc2-4ef3-8e55-bb73b3a8c25c">Re:Awkward situation with dad..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Excuse me, Wally, but you might want to carefully climb off that high horse before you fall and break your neck. You know NOTHING about any of us or what our relationship with our fathers is like, thankyouverymuch. I didn't SPEAK to my father for two years after the affair and another year after the dreaded graduation dinner. I am far from a "daddy's girl", but have YOU ever tried cutting your father out of your life? You get a whole lot of "but he's your DADDY", "this has nothing to do with you", "what an awful, spiteful child you are", and my personal favorite "the Bible says to forgive and to honor your parents". So, yeah, not having my dad at major events really wasn't much of an option. And considering that THAT was hard enough on my mom, watching him inappropriately maul the new wife at dinner, brag on all the things she did that mom didnt, etc was seriously torture. So, please feel free to go eatadick right about now.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
    <div>Actually, I wasn't speaking to you at all. I only skimmed your initial response to the OP.</div><div>
    </div><div>I am mostly speaking about my little friend NYUGirl who so adamantly defends her cheating Daddy Deep Pockets, actively hates her SM (and really all step parents), looks for ways to punish the OW/SM on a regular basis, gives bad advice and is very insulting. </div><div>
    </div><div>And you are misunderstanding my stance, or at least reading things into it that were never said. I never once said anyone should cut their father out of their life. Nor did I even hint at such a thing. I'm saying OP and NYU and anyone else who thinks their philandering father is innocent and the only person that wrecked their happy home was the 'other woman' needs to realize that the blame is shared between the OW and their father. I'd be pissed as hell at both of them. And I'm sure it'd take a very long time for such a wound to heal. Obviously for these ladies (OP and NYU), the wound has healed enough to warrant inviting their fathers and, in NYU's case, it's healed enough for her to expect him to open his wallet.</div><div>
    </div><div>It seems very contradictory to accept one's father, but not his choices/lifestyle/partner. And it's borderline hypocritcal if you accept his money on top of it. </div><div>
    </div><div>You're right, I don't know you. Obviously things weren't healed to the extent OP (and NYU) expressed when you felt forced to include our father in big events like graduation and weddings. I'm sure it was horrible. These women seem to be past that point, but are choosing to place all of the blame on only half the guilty parties.  </div><div>
    </div><div>(edited for clarity)</div><div>
    </div></div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-situation-with-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2c8ed69-f23c-4ac5-a6d7-e70a97787858Post:80102d5b-9acb-4571-883e-9af843889a62">Re: Awkward situation with dad..</a>:
    [QUOTE]@MrsG- My mom keeps saying "don't worry about me" and I know that she wouldn't make a scene or cause any issues, but she was pretty surprised when I told her that my dad planned on bringing his GF. I think we both have the same thought--why would she want to go? Seems like torture to be at an event knowing that the bride and groom don't want you there. As a side note, I understand that people move on. I would have no issues with my dad bringing a woman he was dating-I just think it's inappropriate for him to bring the woman he decided to "date" while he was still *married*. Isn't there some kind of etiquette regarding not bring a mistress who helped break up a marriage to a marriage ceremony?! ;)
    Posted by phfiely[/QUOTE]

    I thought someone posted the other day that "affairs" are the exception where you don't need to invite to a wedding.

    Honestly? I would break etiquette on this one and say "no" because this woman broke up your family...You have a right to not want a reminder of that on your wedding day, HOWEVER, are you comfortable with that decision if it makes your dad not come? Only you could answer that
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    willywally5willywally5 member
    First Comment
    edited August 2012
    I didn't mean you at all, Stage, and certainly didn't mean to dredge up painful ish for you.  I probably shouldn't have used 'All these' when it was only meaning those two and a couple others I've seen around lately. The ones who want Daddy Dearest to whip out the wallet really fry my clams! 

    H's mom had 4 or 5 marriages, to an astounding array of losers. So I get it that there are some serious deadbeat steps. 

    And, FWIW, H and I have both been cheated on by former spouses. It happens. And it's awful.

    It sucks when the way you envisioned life/graduaton/wedding/whatever doesn't pan out the way you dreamed. It especially sucks when that happens through the selfish actions of others. 

    ETA: I agree that she should invite the GF to the wedding; I'd probably invite her to the RD just to avoid wrath. Maybe they'd get lucky and she'd be sooooo uncomfortable at the RD that she'd decide not to come to the wedding even though the invitation had been graciously extended? One could only hope. 
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    I have never really been close to my Dad. He also had an affair on my Mom causing there divorce and us moving across the country. Now that being said I would do anything in the whole world to have my Dad there on my wedding day but he passed away when I was 16. I was always so mad at him for what he put our family through, so I barely talked to him his last few years. I know I was only 16 but knowing what I know today I would let him bring her, as long as your Mom is okay with it, which it seems like she's putting her bad feelings aside for you. Life is so fragil and short, you never know how long we have left with the people we love.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-situation-with-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2c8ed69-f23c-4ac5-a6d7-e70a97787858Post:ba89bd3a-8209-43ec-983a-1e96a389b8ac">Re: Awkward situation with dad..</a>:
    [QUOTE]It may not be in line with the straight etiquette rules - but I agree with you, I wouldn't want her there.  The day is about your and your fiancee and your families and the woman who played a role in breaking up your family should have the grace not to show up.  It's sweet of your mom to try to keep the peace but I'm sure she'd be somewhat uncomfortable.  I'd talk to your dad and ask him to just leave her home, out of consideration for everyone involved.  Hopefully he'll see reason.
    Posted by beardo1111[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this...I think there is a point where the common good may have to outweight ettiquette (sorry guys). I would not want my mother or myself to be uncomfortable or hurt by an unwelcome person's presence at my wedding. If you still feel bound by etiquette to invite her, I would have a serious talk with your father (alone of course!, maybe w/your FI if you need moral support) and let your father know exactly how you feel this woman's presence will affect you and your wedding. Make sure he's aware she is not being welcomed with open arms (which one would hope he'd know you enough to realize, but I've learned not to assume) and that if she came to the rehearsal (especially) and wedding you (and it sounds like the rest of your family) would be very uncomfortable and unhappy.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-situation-with-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2c8ed69-f23c-4ac5-a6d7-e70a97787858Post:7d533dcb-c2ad-4f74-a9c7-80261d7a01ad">Re: Awkward situation with dad..</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward situation with dad.. : That is because you are also encouraging poor advice.  Look, the wish that the dad would leave his GF at home, is not bratty. But she shouldn't voice it, unless her dad asks what she prefers or what she would like. If she follows through with the advice that you agreed with and talks to her dad and asks him to leave the GF at home, THAT IS bratty and rude.  Because it is not all about the OP.  Yes, it is her wedding day but that doesn't mean she gets the go-ahead to act like a spoiled and rude brat.  ETA: And again, I am not sayign the OP is a spoiled brat.  But that she will come across that way if she brings this up with her dad. Two wrongs don't make a right.
    Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]

    I do not agree, OP is not being in any way bratty or rude. From what it sounds like, talking to her father would not be "all about the OP" as you put it. Her entire family was broken by his actions with this woman, who likely was aware that she was involved with a married man and wrecking his family. The way I understand OP's post is that she would be discussing the exclusion of this woman for the good of her mother, siblings, relatives, and herself on a very important family day. Now if she sat down with her father and self rightously demanded this woman be excluded from everything, that might be bratty...however; if she sits with her father and explains her concerns and her feelings about the situation, and maybe requests that he leave her at home for the rehearsal dinner, the intimate family affair, but reiterates that she can be present at the wedding (less likely to be uncomfortable) that would in no way be bratty or rude. She is being considerate of the feelings of her family and herself.
     
    What good is "etiquette" if she and her family are miserable and/or stressed due to this person's presence? So she can look back at the day and say "at least I was polite"? Somehow I don't see that being much condolence.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-situation-with-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2c8ed69-f23c-4ac5-a6d7-e70a97787858Post:7673feca-efc2-4ef3-8e55-bb73b3a8c25c">Re:Awkward situation with dad..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Excuse me, Wally, but you might want to carefully climb off that high horse before you fall and break your neck. You know NOTHING about any of us or what our relationship with our fathers is like, thankyouverymuch. I didn't SPEAK to my father for two years after the affair and another year after the dreaded graduation dinner. I am far from a "daddy's girl", but have YOU ever tried cutting your father out of your life? You get a whole lot of "but he's your DADDY", "this has nothing to do with you", "what an awful, spiteful child you are", and my personal favorite "the Bible says to forgive and to honor your parents". So, yeah, not having my dad at major events really wasn't much of an option. And considering that THAT was hard enough on my mom, watching him inappropriately maul the new wife at dinner, brag on all the things she did that mom didnt, etc was seriously torture. So, please feel free to go eatadick right about now.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I agree, wholeheartedly.
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    I don't think people are defending the other woman.  I think the issue is that cheating dad is 1/2 to blame, cheating other woman is 1/2 to blame, but the only bad guy is the other woman.  I was cheated on by my first husband, repeatedly.  I personally put more blame on the spouse who chose to cheat as that person is breaking their vows.  Plenty of blame to be had by the "other woman" but I don't understand forgiving the dad and not forgiving the other woman.  They both did the same thing, but, as I said before, the cheating spouse is a much bigger jerk than the "other woman" because they were married and chose to cheat.
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    NYU, I understand that your father represents many positive things to you.  But as I said, I think blame belongs far more on the cheating spouse than the other woman.  One is breaking a vow, and the other one is just sleeping around.  Other women aren't what destroy families, cheating husbands (or wives for that matter) do.
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    In Response to Re:Awkward situation with dad..:[QUOTE]I don't think people are defending the other woman. nbsp;I think the issue is that cheating dad is 1/2 to blame, cheating other woman is 1/2 to blame, but the only bad guy is the other woman. nbsp;I was cheated on by my first husband, repeatedly. nbsp;I personally put more blame on the spouse who chose to cheat as that person is breaking their vows. nbsp;Plenty of blame to be had by the quot;other womanquot; [b]but I don't understand forgiving the dad and not forgiving the other woman.[/b] nbsp;They both did the same thing, but, as I said before, the cheating spouse is a much bigger jerk than the quot;other womanquot; because they were married and chose to cheat. Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    Because it is her [b]dad[/b] who I am sure she has happy memories with as well....what is the other woman's qualities and redeeming contributions to her life besides helping tear her family apart? It's a lot easier to forgive someone you love for their actions than a stranger.
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    willywally5willywally5 member
    First Comment
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-situation-with-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2c8ed69-f23c-4ac5-a6d7-e70a97787858Post:c52a3f4f-ad75-4b57-baa8-3df34d2ebcc2">Re: Awkward situation with dad..</a>:
    [QUOTE]kmmsg,   I think that the issue being discussed is really a relationship one, not an etiquette one.  Everyone knows that SOs should be invited.   People do disagree as to whether the rule applies to "the other woman" but I do not think that will be resolved here and even if it could, imho, the real issue is how can handling invites best be done, recognizing and giving consideration to dad/child relationship.  To those who say, oh, invite SO/SM, I disagree.  I think that will encourage dad not to consider the (adult) child's feelings (as seems to be happening already, with OP).  I think that the adult child should discuss with dad. As to who broke up any marriage, I suspect that there are many stories. <strong> I wont be so arrogant as to make sweeping statements.</strong>
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    <div>Doesn't generally seem to be a problem for you, the 'sweeping statements'?</div><div>
    </div><div>KMM has it right. Nobody is 'defending' other women (or other men) but are simply saying that the blame must be shared. </div><div>
    </div><div>While your father means  good memories for you, that doesn't make him innocent. And you will never know if his new wife has anything good to offer you or the world in general because you are too busy hating her and doing anything you can to punish, exclude and be nasty to her. (Evidenced by your posting history.) She's your DAD'S WIFE, for chrissakes. She's not going anywhere, no matter how much you wish she'd go to hell. </div><div>
    </div><div>Extending a wedding invitation to her is not offering her 'every courtesy', it's just being polite. I wonder how much foot-stamping and 'it's my wedding' your father has had to endure over the last few months. Like I've said before in responses to your posts asking for validation or your rudeness, if you were my kid and acted like this, you'd get buttkiss. </div><div>
    </div><div>As far as being 'vicious', sweetie, you take the cake on that. Negating the main job of the last 17 years of my life with your drivel if about as nasty as I've heard. </div>
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    willywally5willywally5 member
    First Comment
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-situation-with-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2c8ed69-f23c-4ac5-a6d7-e70a97787858Post:da7127c3-4895-4f7a-9d60-2fb5f0103897">Re: Awkward situation with dad..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wally, there is no rule that the blame MUST be shared.   As to your saying - again -- that I must need therapy because I want nothing to do with the other woman, while I continue to have a relationship with my father, I will politiely disagree.  In politie society, one is allowed to ignore some one, particularly someone who engages in hurtful behaivor.  It is my father's decision as to how he deals with that.    Of course, people are defending the other woman -- by saying that she is entitled to customs and courtesies extended to people who do not engage in such behaivor.  
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    <div>You just go ahead and keep on with your delusion, sweetie. And keep extending 'customs and courtesies' to your father who DID engage in such behavior. </div><div>
    </div><div>I bet you'd sing a different tune if Daddy didn't have such deep pockets. Whatever. Just quit digging at your SM and see how much damage you can do to your 'relationship' with Dad. I'm sure it will work out really well for you all. </div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: Your sweeping generalizations about step parents in a ridiculous thread the other day are what I was referring to. </div><div>
    </div><div>I certainly have NEVER been the other woman. As a matter of fact, both my husband and I had as$hole cheating spouses, so I've been there, too. </div><div>
    </div><div>And my second marriage is alive and well, thank you. But thanks for making another sweeping statement. But you keep right on HOPING you get your perfect Daddy back from his wfe's evil clutches. </div><div>
    </div><div>Oh, and the 'rule' about blame being shared when TWO people screw up? It's called LOGIC.  </div><div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-situation-with-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2c8ed69-f23c-4ac5-a6d7-e70a97787858Post:da7127c3-4895-4f7a-9d60-2fb5f0103897">Re: Awkward situation with dad..</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Wally, there is no rule that the blame MUST be shared</strong>.   As to your saying - again -- that I must need therapy because I want nothing to do with the other woman, while I continue to have a relationship with my father, I will politiely disagree.  In politie society, one is allowed to ignore some one, particularly someone who engages in hurtful behaivor.  It is my father's decision as to how he deals with that.    Of course, people are defending the other woman -- by saying that she is entitled to customs and courtesies extended to people who do not engage in such behaivor.   -------------------------------------- ETA -- unless you were the other woman, I hardly see how I have negated any years of your life. As to my dad's wife not going anywhere, most second marriages end in divorce.  But even if their's doesnt, my dad has made it clear he is more than willing to see me for lunch, golf, etc just the two of us. 
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]<div>It takes two to tango. </div><div>
    </div><div>I think it's incredibly naive of you to place all the blame on the OW and let your father off scot free. </div><div>Trust me, if it wasn't your SM it would have been some OW. </div><div>
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    willywally5willywally5 member
    First Comment
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-situation-with-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2c8ed69-f23c-4ac5-a6d7-e70a97787858Post:d1790024-67d6-4612-858f-5f2df6280338">Re: Awkward situation with dad..</a>:
    [QUOTE]What have I ever said that  even implied that I wouldn't want a relationship with my dad if he were not well-off?  My god, you would likely explode if I said SM married him for his money.   You seem hell bent on saying that children must treat stepparents the same as parents.  Maybe some do, but many don't.  SM is dad's wife.  That doesnt make her a parent or a quasi parent.   SM may be a great person or not a great person.  In my case, given she was the other woman in his first marriage, that puts her down a few pegs in my book. What sweeping statements have I made? That most second marriages end in divorce?  Thats a fact. That stepparents are not parents?  They are not.  If you were to get divorced, in most states, <strong>you could not be ordered to pay chiuld support?</strong> Why not? Because you are not a parent.
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]<div>
    Actually, in some states, a step parent's income is taken into account when calculating child support when they are married to the child's bio parent. Step parents also have legal rights if there is a divorce as to visitation. So there are gray areas, not just the black and white with which you view bio vs. step parents.
    <div>
    </div><div>It is a fact that most second marriages end in divorce. But not all of them. But you keep hoping for that for your dad so you can rid his household of that evil vixen he couldn't help but decide to bang. </div><div>
    </div><div><div>I've read ad nauseum about your thoughts about your SM in your post history. Pretty sure you DID say she married your dad for his money. If you didn't actually say it, you implied it. You also went on about his money being seperate,pre-nups, her not working or having her own money, etc. (Like any of that would be a child's business AT ALL.) My  head didn't explode. It just further indicated where your values lie. </div><div>
    </div><div>Extending an invitation to an event, even to your all-important PPD, isn't treating a step parent the same as parents. Don't give her a corsage, don't announce her, don't have her walk in to any hoopla like your mom does, but invite her. </div><div>
    </div><div>Look, I'm going to be blunt here. Your attitude says spoiled little girl to me, and I don't like you, your generaliziations and your campaign against your SM and step parents in general. Based on your posts, I find you offensive, snotty and full of yourself. Maybe that's not how you are IRL, but that's how you come across here to me. </div></div></div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: Oh, and I get it that she 'chased him for years.' Yeah. He didn't have to let her catch him. I get it that you don't find that fair? Oh well. That's life. </div><div>
    </div><div>And that's pretty much all I have to say about that. </div>
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    Well, bless your heart, you've got me all figured out. Yup, that's me. Narrow-minded, my-view-is-the-only-one Wally. 


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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-situation-with-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2c8ed69-f23c-4ac5-a6d7-e70a97787858Post:0724b659-4fda-466f-ab5b-e778f0f39244">Re: Awkward situation with dad..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Crash, as I have said (and others), a child (adult or otherwise) can be more inclined to forgive a relative (who has shown himself to have lots of good or redeeming qualities) than to forgive a person who has done nothing but have an affair.<strong> I could give you the entire history of my dad and SM (which I doubt you know), but she chased him for years</strong>.   So who knows what would have happened.  But that is not the point.  The point is that adult children can foregive their own parent, but not the step parent.   I get it that stepparent may find that unfair.  Thats life.
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    <div>So what you're saying is that she forced herself on him, and he was an unwilling participant in the affair?</div><div>
    </div><div>This woman didn't make vows to your mother.  This woman didn't break her vows.  This affair is your father's fault.  You are just blaming it on the other woman so you don't have to deal with your feelings toward your dad.</div><div>
    </div><div>Either way, if you tell your dad that you aren't inviting her to the wedding, he's probably not going to come.  He's already left his wife for this woman.  Obviously, she is his first priority.  </div>
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    Growing up I had stepsisters and a stepbrother.  My mom and stepdad met long after the marriage was over but that didn't stop their mom from treating my mom like the other woman and making my stepdads life a living hell when it came to his kids.  Birthdays were strained, at graduation parents sat on opposite sides of the gym, birthdays with grandchildren had to be separate.  All because grownups couldn't act like grownups, including my stepsisters when they became adults. 

    To the OP, your mom sounds like an amazing woman and a grownup when she says it's okay to invite her.  Why does she say this, because she loves you, knows it's not about her, and can suck it up for those two days.  If she can suck it up, so can you. 

    You may not like this woman, but it takes two to tango and your father had just as much to do with the destruction of his marriage as the GF did.   If they are still together it means he might end up marrying her. You can't exclude her then.  Doing so will only push him out of your life.  Are you willing to give your father an ultimatum of her or me? Remember he choose her over your mother, he can just as easily choose her over you. 

    I know that sounds harsh, but I don't know how to candy coat this.  I left my ex due to his cheating.  He choose the other women over me.  It hurt, and it hurt like hell.  But I can't live my life hanging onto that hurt and pain.  I had to let it go.  This means that as my kids grow up I will have to allow him into my life for the important milestones.  I have to do it because I love my kids and don't want to ever make them choose between their parents. 

    If you love your dad and want him in your life, find a way to include the GF.  You don't have to honor her at your wedding and RD, but she should be there. It sucks you have to do this, but it is the grownup thing to do.
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    Be the bigger person.  You are breaking up a social unit if you exclude her.  You are also, while understandable, putting more blame on her for the breakup of your parent's marriage that you are placing on your father.  That is understandable as the first encounter with her was as his "mistress".  However, saying you do not want her there while inviting your dad really shows that you blame him and not her.

    I think you either need to let go of the issue toward both of them, or hold them both accountable.  You need to decide if your anger toward her is strong enough to make you say it is ok to cut ties with your dad.  Or if your ties with your father are strong enough that you can let go of your anger toward both of them.

    But, either invite them both or do not invite either.  There really ins't a middle ground that says anything other than "I blame you but think all is great with my dad"

    Also, I think that in the midst of thinking that your mom will be upset by the woman attending, you are forgetting that while she may be upset the woman is there, your father is also a negative memory and was a part of the breakup of the marriage.  I am guessing he is also someone your mom has some ill feelings toward.

    So, while I understand it, and I understand the desire to just exclude her, the bottom line is she is a part of your father's life.  They are a package deal.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-situation-with-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2c8ed69-f23c-4ac5-a6d7-e70a97787858Post:3f1dd986-c4a3-4e57-a677-5634639fd40f">Re: Awkward situation with dad..</a>:
    [QUOTE]How does your mom feel about this?  I know it's not proper ettiquette, and yes, this is the E board, but I'd go with my mom's feelings over proper etiquette.  If she's uncomfortable, I wouldn't invite the mistress.  
    Posted by MrsGandthebeag[/QUOTE]


    She's his GIRLFRIEND, not his mistress.

    Her father's relationships are none of the OP's business. He's in one. She needs to invite the girlfriend.

    Sincerely,
    A child of divorced parents.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-situation-with-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2c8ed69-f23c-4ac5-a6d7-e70a97787858Post:78d7140f-98e4-4cde-afe3-8aabaf2ac092">Re: Awkward situation with dad..</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Wally while I agree that the dad is a major douche in this situation, in fact I think all cheaters male or female are asshats, I am totally ok with calling the chick a home wrecking slut. if men couldnt find women who were willing to sleep with married men then it would be pretty effing hard for them to cheat wouldn't it?</strong> Etiquette may say invite her but in this case I am so ok with breaking that rule. If dad doesn't come as a result I would be ok with that too. OP that is what you have to decide. Are you going to be ok with your dad not attending if you draw a line in the sand. My aunt is married to a drunken asshole who made a complete scene and mortified my cousin, his step daughter, at her wedding last year. I already hated the douche and his antics clinched it for us that married to my aunt or not, he wasn't getting an invitation. We also realized not only might she not be ok with attending without her husband but that there would probably be long term hard feelings and it could end up in a broken relationship. And we did it anyway. She hasn't rsvpd yet and the deadline is next week. I love her but I'm not losing a minute of sleep over the possibility of her opting out. She knows he is a drunk and if she wants to live with that ok, her choice. But I'm not tolerating or enabling his ass any more. Is that pepper etiquette? Nope and I'm ok with that. Judge away.
    Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

    And then everyone would be happily married forever and ever!

    Yeah, no.
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