Bridezilla Moment?

vinlove77

FI and I are not living together before the wedding. This is mostly due to his parents' stance on the issue, which I understand. We are in the process of building a home which will be ready about one month before the wedding.

FI's family is now planning on coming out a week and a half before the wedding, as compared to the couple of days prior as they had originally planned. We have offered to let his parents/sister stay at our new home since there is such a financial burden in them traveling here (plus they are throwing us a reception back east a month later).

To be honest, we were planning on staying together in the new house in the few weeks leading up to the wedding (I know, shady) and I was going to go stay at my mom's the couple days before. Logistically it just made sense, our apartment leases will be up and we figure the family will not know if we live together for a couple of weeks. All of our joint stuff will be moved in no matter which route we take, mostly because I don't want to come home from a honeymoon and have to immediately move.

Am I being psycho for feeling a little annoyed by being displaced for over a week now? Part of it is that I'll still be working for the first few days they are here. Of course I'm going to suck it up because I love FI and his family, but I feel like this is added stress on top of an already stressful time! I suggested either FI or I staying in a guest room so that I could be in my own home, but even that is a no-no.

Sorry, this was long winded.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Did he say that wouldn't be okay with his parents? Because I assure you some people have done that before. Even people who were virgins until marriage.

I would definitely have a problem with his parents dictating that. If they want to stay with you, they can stay on your terms.

I also have a slight problem with him being so scared of his parents that they allow him to dictate his life to that extent. If you're cool with it, fine, but I don't think I'd be marrying someone who said we couldn't live together 'cause his parents would be mad.

PharmacyBride

I think moving a month before the wedding will either be very fun and exciting or stressful- a positive attitude will go a long way.

Personally, I hate when parents push their views on grown children who are obviously making a huge commitment towards each other.  So for me, the thing that stood out was that his parents are controlling and your solution is lying.

If it was me.. I would be honest and just admit I was moving it.  I am also a horrible liar (and I really hate lying) and I like to rebel when people try to control me.  This, however, is my response to the situation and it isn't necessarily better.

You probably can get away with lying.. but it is up to you how you want to handle it.  Do the parents know about the leases ending- would they be understanding about this issue?  Most families wouldn't want you two to experience the extra financial burden.

snwilson0416

If you're old enough to get married and live together, you're old enough to tell parents the truth, regardless of their feelings on the matter.

redheadfsu

what msmerymac said. 

angel2210

Had my in-laws been here for a week and a half before the wedding, either myself or my MIL wouldn't have survived until the wedding day. And I adore my MIL. But I was so crazy stressed that every little thing she did was driving me nuts and that was from 3 hours away. Why are they coming so early?

Honestly, I'd be up front with them. It's not like they have to know you're sleeping together. And if that were an issue, don't sleep with him while they're there. Sleep in a spare room.

LP11509

If you're old enough and mature enough to get married, you should also be old enough/mature enough to take your own stand on this.  Don't let your FIL's have that much control over you and your FI.  Make the decision that is best for the 2 of you and stick with it.

FWIW, I was terrified about telling my IL's when H (then FI) and I decided to move in together a year before our wedding.  I thought they were going to throw a fit.  But really, while they weren't thrilled about it, it wasn't nearly as bad of a reaction as I had expected.  Give them some credit - you might find that they're more flexible than you think.

vinlove77

Thanks for all the advice everyone. FI and I haven't brought up the subject yet because we are still so far out from the wedding. I love his parents and you are right, they will either understand or they won't.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Oh yeah, I just realized you have 10 months left. Worry about it when you need to worry about it.

vegasgroom

I got upgraded to sleeping in the same room status at the inlaws house once we got engaged, hooray! :-)

angel2210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridezilla-moment-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5982824-3993-40c9-b6ca-b267725f6179Post:30755d05-97aa-4b92-944c-306b307673ae">Re: Bridezilla Moment?</a>:
[QUOTE]I got upgraded to sleeping in the same room status at the inlaws house once we got engaged, hooray! :-)
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

Haha, me too! Then, the other day, I realized that because we've already been allowed to sleep together our first time staying at their house this weekend won't really be any different. It was a little disappointing, ha!

donnaoneill

I am almost in the same situation as you. Me and my FI both graduated college this past May and his parents would pretty much disown him if they found out we've ever even slept in the same bed. I have been living in his apartment with him since May and we have been lying to his parents about it. They think I'm living with my parents 15 miles away, but I'm not. I have to hide all my junk if theres a hint they might come over. While they are controlling their son still and you may all think you would stand up in this situation, it is extremely difficult to face crazy-A inlaws. I love my in-laws, but this is the only part that bothers me, so why risk a good relationship for the rest of our lives when we can just avoid it? Our wedding is just under a month away, and I've endure only 1 surprise visit, thankfully. His parents expect me to move all of my stuff in AFTER the honeymoon, but I'm telling them it's all going in the week before, because I work, and do not want to take extra time off after I've already taken some for the wedding to move into my apartment. 

Sorry this is long!! But I would tell your parents that living with your FI a week before the wedding isn't crazy. Sleep in separate beds, and they will have to deal with it. 

P.S. Even though we've been engaged for 10 months, me and my FI still sleep in separate beds when we go to his parents house. Thank god my parents don't care what we do.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridezilla-moment-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5982824-3993-40c9-b6ca-b267725f6179Post:30755d05-97aa-4b92-944c-306b307673ae">Re: Bridezilla Moment?</a>:
[QUOTE]I got upgraded to sleeping in the same room status at the inlaws house once we got engaged, hooray! :-)
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

That's awesome.  We still had to sleep separately even though we were moving to Italy together 3 days after the last time we stayed at their place.

JanoBean75

FI's father was a little like that -- I'd stay over and FI would pretend I was in the guest room by shutting the door and messing up the blanket a bit in the morning. FI was living at his dad's house back then.

My parents on the other hand didn't expect us to sleep in separate beds.

squirrly

Wait, so your FILs are not tolerant of you sleeping under the same roof, even?  Yeah, I'd tell them they need to get over that.  It's your house, and you're going to live in it.  And then I'd do just that.  Move your stuff in, and do whatever suits you when they're not there.  I can understand one of you sleeping in the guest room while his parents are in town, as there's no reason to create a huge argument if it's that easy to avoid.  But, I wouldn't let them force you to sleep in a different house just because they disapprove. 

Life's full of compromise.  They should learn how.