Inconsiderate neice

Heatherdawnyoung

My Fiance's niece announce yesterday (on FACEBOOK!!!...she's a child) that she too is getting married (wonderful except that she's barely 18) and they have chosen ONE MONTH to the day BEFORE our wedding day, which we've been planning for 6 months!!! Is that rude?  What is the etiquette regarding this sort of thing?  His family has been so helpful with our wedding, they are now going to be depleted and exhausted planning and implementing 2 weddings within 30 days!! I am concerned about that but moreover my SAVE THE DATES have been sent for months now....isn't it rude to announce and plan your wedding a month before your ours especially since ours have been announced and planned so far in advance??? Oh........and she invited my Fiance's ex wife......VIA FACEBOOK, without discussing with him or me.......I find that to be completely inconsiderate!!! AM I WRONG???

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inconsiderate-neice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9ffd8ee-f37c-4136-a752-66cc0cf105f2Post:afc5a39a-141a-4350-b84b-405efab7b36f">Inconsiderate neice</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiance's niece announce yesterday (on FACEBOOK!!!...she's a child) that she too is getting married (wonderful except that she's barely 18) and they have chosen ONE MONTH to the day BEFORE our wedding day, which we've been planning for 6 months!!! Is that rude?  What is the etiquette regarding this sort of thing?  His family has been so helpful with our wedding, they are now going to be depleted and exhausted planning and implementing 2 weddings within 30 days!! I am concerned about that but moreover my SAVE THE DATES have been sent for months now....isn't it rude to announce and plan your wedding a month before your ours especially since ours have been announced and planned so far in advance??? Oh........and she invited my Fiance's ex wife......VIA FACEBOOK, without discussing with him or me.......I find that to be completely inconsiderate!!! AM I WRONG???
Posted by Heatherdawnyoung[/QUOTE]
Whoa now, calm down there buddy. Yes, it's a little inconvenient if there's overlapping guestlists and lots of out of town guests, but no, she's not breaking any rules. You get one day, not one month.

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inconsiderate-neice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9ffd8ee-f37c-4136-a752-66cc0cf105f2Post:afc5a39a-141a-4350-b84b-405efab7b36f">Inconsiderate neice</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiance's niece announce yesterday (on FACEBOOK!!!...she's a child) that she too is getting married (wonderful except that she's barely 18) and they have chosen ONE MONTH to the day BEFORE our wedding day, which we've been planning for 6 months!!! Is that rude?  What is the etiquette regarding this sort of thing?  His family has been so helpful with our wedding, they are now going to be depleted and exhausted planning and implementing 2 weddings within 30 days!! I am concerned about that but moreover my SAVE THE DATES have been sent for months now....isn't it rude to announce and plan your wedding a month before your ours especially since ours have been announced and planned so far in advance??? Oh........and she invited my Fiance's ex wife......VIA FACEBOOK, without discussing with him or me.......I find that to be completely inconsiderate!!! AM I WRONG???
Posted by Heatherdawnyoung[/QUOTE]
NO! What?! No. No way. omg I can not believe it. Does she not know that month is yours?! Wow!

direy25

You're gong to get this a lot - you get ONE DAY.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

At least it wasn't a week before.  Or the day before.

It's a whole month.  Chillaaaax.

georgia_bride09

That is a bit inconsiderate of her, especially to all the family that will be attending both weddings, but it sounds like your problem lies more with the fact that she's 18 and has invited your FI's ex via FB.

There's nothing you can really do at this point except grin and bear it.

Also, as a tip, your full name as your sn is not the smartest thing; you can't change it, but you can make a new one.

goheels05

Yeah, actually, you are wrong.

1.  Lots of people announce their engagement via FB.  Personally, I think a phone call would be considerate to close friends and family, but they certainly don't have to call everyone they know.

2.  There is no etiquette on clearing your planned wedding date with your uncle's fiancee.

3.  The bride and groom do not have to clear their guests with other guests.  If you have a problem with the ex being there, then stay home.

You are getting worked up over nothing.  If she's "barely" 18, she could very well change her mind about getting married anyway. 

AdeleDazeem

Really?  After that rant, I have to ask how old you are...

I get that it may be a strain for family members who may have to travel twice in a short amount of time, but after that, I fear you may be over reacting.  You get one day.  She gets one day.  Breathe.  It will all be okay.

danieliza1127

A whole month before your wedding won't affect yours in the slightest.  You need to calm down and remember that your wedding has nothing to do with hers.  Now if they are in different areas of the country and it means that your FI's family will have to travel long distance and choose one wedding over the other, I could see being upset, but your save the dates are already out and if she really is that young and immature, I'm sure they'll choose your wedding. 

wadingmoose

You're probably wrong.

Stackeye210

How far away is your wedding?  Is the time frame even realistic that she'll be able to put a wedding together (and afford it)?  My BIL decided he was going to plan his wedding the day after ours because it'd be convenient for out of town guests, I was really annoyed by that, but it wasn't my wedding to dictate.  It also ended up falling through when he realized how financially strenuous wedding planning can be. 

Anyhow, of course it isn't really 'nice' to do that to a family, by planning two weddings so close together, however, she isn't technically breaking any rules.  She can plan her wedding any day that she wants to have it, be it the day after yours, or the month before yours.  You get your one special day, and while you understand the added stress this may cause, you don't really lay claim to her wedding date. 


good luck.

FutureMrsTR

I understand being a little annoyed, but there's nothing you can do about it without you looking like the bitchy one.  And it's great that his family has been helpful in the wedding planning, but no one has to plan your wedding except you and your FI so just be prepared to do that.  Deep breaths.

Heatherdawnyoung

That is the considerations....all of the family having to travel now to not just one....but two weddings within 30 days.....plus the costs to the families, etc....not just that I do feel that she should have waited....I find that the family should be considered....a wedding isn't JUST about the bride..it's a family affair and all should be considered.  I think one wedding, per family, per season should be the etiquette (unless eloping of course)

emilykathleen511

No, she didn't do anything wrong. You don't own the whole 2 months surrounding your wedding. You get ONE day.

In fact, she was probably trying to get under your skin, and you are letting her by being all offended. Kill her with kindness is my advice to you.

jonchrissy

A month is not bad at all, she could have picked the same date! What would you do then!

wadingmoose

Also, it's spelled "niece," at 18 she is no longer a child.  She's legally an adult with the ability to help choose the next president of the United States.  She can legally drink in Alberta, Canada. 

And, strangely enough, she can legally marry someone on a day she so chooses.

Heatherdawnyoung

thanks

missy68

Hey- could be worse; could be your FSIL, and the day before your wedding, and a surprise. True story.

You're overreacting a bit. It's not that much to get excited over, and plenty of time between weddings.

ohwhynot

Well, she's going to have to scramble a bit to pull together a wedding for this August, but that's not your problem.  Just let it go.  His family shouldn't be doing so much for you that they'll be "depleted and exhausted" by simply attending two weddings. 

Again, just let it go.  There may be some people who cannot attend both weddings; that's okay - it's not a reflection on you, your marriage, or how much they care about your or your fi. 

Your niece is NOT being  rude.  She has no obligation to check with her uncle to see if he's okay with her wedding date.  She has no obligation to see if he's okay with her inviting his ex-wife, either.  If they're close, then she can invite the ex - you and your fi just have to be grownups about it. 

Calm down and take a step back.  It'll be fine, really. 

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inconsiderate-neice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9ffd8ee-f37c-4136-a752-66cc0cf105f2Post:343a2317-4022-40c9-b5fb-4889651e7d86">Re: Inconsiderate neice</a>:
[QUOTE]That is the considerations....all of the family having to travel now to not just one....but two weddings within 30 days.....plus the costs to the families, etc....not just that I do feel that she should have waited....I find that the family should be considered....a wedding isn't JUST about the bride..it's a family affair and all should be considered.  I think one wedding, per family, per season should be the etiquette (unless eloping of course)
Posted by Heatherdawnyoung[/QUOTE]
One period is sufficient to end a sentence. Just sayin.

BecW2be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inconsiderate-neice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9ffd8ee-f37c-4136-a752-66cc0cf105f2Post:0d636b96-0b1a-47a9-9d1e-b6066557d281">Re: Inconsiderate neice</a>:
[QUOTE]Really?  After that rant, I have to ask how old you are...
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

My guess is one month older than her neice. Neice's wedding date is just payback for robbing her of her birthmonth!

nda_roxybabe

Well, what can ya do?

akhensley81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inconsiderate-neice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9ffd8ee-f37c-4136-a752-66cc0cf105f2Post:9d820b9f-382a-4b91-9ab7-06f550142b62">Re: Inconsiderate neice</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand being a little annoyed, but there's nothing you can do about it without you looking like the bitchy one.  And it's great that his family has been helpful in the wedding planning, but no one has to plan your wedding except you and your FI so just be prepared to do that.  Deep breaths.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

This. Exactly. My FBIL announced a whirlwind engagement a little more than a month ago... and is getting married a month before us, too. We've been planning ours for almost a year. Is it somewhat irritating? Yes. But is there any reason to freak out about it? No. Just take this one step at a time and you'll be fine. :) Promise.

ohwhynot

Well, I consider september an autumn month and august a summer month, so I guess she fits within your "one family wedding per season" rule (that you just pulled out of your butt). 

wadingmoose

I think you're upset that because it's your FI's second marriage people will go to his niece's wedding instead of to yours, right?

crfische

I'm just going to suggest a glass or 7 of wine, and back out of this here thread.

direy25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inconsiderate-neice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9ffd8ee-f37c-4136-a752-66cc0cf105f2Post:a8c1d97d-24e2-40b8-b3b5-25c12d4fd2fa">Re: Inconsiderate neice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inconsiderate neice : Huh. Really now?
Posted by mag920[/QUOTE]
I'm curious about this one too.  So now you get a whole season for your wedding?

smore154

Blech- oh well. My cousin did the same thing to me but you know what- you chill out and just deal with it.

JoyTate1

I didn't know I was supposed to check with my whole family as well as my FI's (who by the way, has a good 10 aunts/uncles) to make sure no one else was getting married this season. 

Moneypenny424

One wedding PER SEASON??  That's silly.

I understand that it can be annoying to have the family travel 2x in one month for the weddings, but it will be fine.  Relax.  And I doubt anyone will be depleted and exhausted helping out with 2 weddings.  If you're having them to so much that they will be depleted and exhausted, you are asking them to do too much and you should scale things back or hire people to help you.

shoegal715

Honestly, you sound like the immature one, and like a bridezilla. 

It's your NEICE. You should be happy she's getting married. 

And yes, you get a DAY, not a month. I would expect someone your age to understand that.