Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:367db1f7-0812-43ab-a681-91ee39a675fb">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]The OP and I live in the same general area, and cash bars around here have been done with no issue.  I don't b*itch when I go to my friend's house for dinner and she forgot to get wine, I drink what's there (and that might just be water). I'd do the same at a wedding.  People deal.  I don't know what crowds others run in, but my friends and family love me and will celebrate my day whether the bar is open, cash or outright closed. At the end of the day, you're there to celebrate marriage and love. And if all a guest is concerned about is whether or not his or her drink is free, well, I gotta say, they've got different issues than I do. I've been to both cash and open bars, and there's less abuse at cash bars.  At the end of the day, to each their own. <strong> I had one friend who got married--her now husband, his father, her uncle and a cousin were all recovering in AA</strong>. Guess what? It was a booze free reception.  We all had fun.  We dealt.  We lived to survive another day.  Life. Goes. On. 
Posted by booboo1978[/QUOTE]

Thanks for comparing apples and oranges.

aragx6

I always hate that alcoholic excuse.

1. That's obviously not at all the case with this OP and I absolutely would be more understanding if that were the reason

2. A huge part of being a recovering alcoholic is learning to be OK with others drinking. Every recovering alcoholic I've ever known has made "grinning and bearing it" an art form. If you can't be around those who are drinking you have almost no hope of long-term recovery. Unless you hole yourself up in a cabin by yourself.

My future in laws just hosted a graduation party for their nephew (since the mother of the kid lives overseas presently) and while FFIL is a recovering alcoholic he still certainly served wine and beer at his home during the party. He would never have considered doing otherwise.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:367db1f7-0812-43ab-a681-91ee39a675fb">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]The OP and I live in the same general area, and cash bars around here have been done with no issue.  I don't b*itch when I go to my friend's house for dinner and she forgot to get wine, I drink what's there (and that might just be water). I'd do the same at a wedding.  People deal.  I don't know what crowds others run in, but my friends and family love me and will celebrate my day whether the bar is open, cash or outright closed. At the end of the day, you're there to celebrate marriage and love. And if all a guest is concerned about is whether or not his or her drink is free, well, I gotta say, they've got different issues than I do. I've been to both cash and open bars, and there's less abuse at cash bars.  At the end of the day, to each their own.  I had one friend who got married--her now husband, his father, her uncle and a cousin were all recovering in AA. Guess what? It was a booze free reception.  We all had fun.  We dealt.  We lived to survive another day.  Life. Goes. On. 
Posted by booboo1978[/QUOTE]

The point isn't that we're pissed about not being able to get wasted on someone else's dime. At all. It's that being a gracious host involves 1) providing what others enjoy if at all possible and 2) not making them pay for it. If she provided tea, water, lemonade and soft drinks and had a dry wedding, that would be within the bounds of etiquette, though not preferable for many of her guests (or many people here, honestly, as a glass or two of alcohol is appropriate for a formal evening event).

I hate Coca-Cola. I never buy it because it makes me gag. But if my MIL or my mom visit me, I buy it because I know it is something they enjoy. Same goes for my bar at home. I currently have vodka, rum, tequila, gin, scotch. I rarely drink cocktails, but I have a good friend who only drinks vodka and cranberry. It's not necessary for me to have it, but I know it makes my friend happy and therefore makes me a good host.

ETA: there seems to be a huge divide in the Boston area. A lot of ladies on here from Boston say they've never seen a cash bar and many say that's all they see.

amys325

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:c456b97a-ce9b-4378-81a2-9b160f56a327">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth?? : <strong>Okay, but what if your friend didn't forget the wine, and charged you for each glass you drank?  Because that would be the real comparison here.</strong>  The OP is not asking whether or not to have alcohol, she is trying to have it and charge her guests for it.  Not the same comparison.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

That is not the real comparison.  That's just ridiculous.  Having a cash bar at least gives your guests the option to have a drink.

Weddings aside, I go to many charity events and social events where sometimes i have to buy a ticket and <gasp />  pay for my own drinks.  Are these people not hosting me properly?  Should I stop donating to the animals because they make me buy a glass of Malbec? 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:f2b8e212-ab9d-4d57-9ea3-d25769a8a00c">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth?? : That is not the real comparison.  That's just ridiculous.  Having a cash bar at least gives your guests the option to have a drink. Weddings aside, I go to many charity events and social events where sometimes i have to buy a ticket and <gasp />  pay for my own drinks.  Are these people not hosting me properly?  Should I stop donating to the animals because they make me buy a glass of Malbec? 
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

The point of a fundraiser isn't the host you. It's to donate money. The point of a wedding reception is to host your guests because they took the time and effort to witness your wedding ceremony.

It's like when people come in here and ask about pot luck receptions. There's nothing wrong with a pot luck in general if the point of the party IS a pot luck. It's wrong when you're supposed to be hosting/thanking people.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:f2b8e212-ab9d-4d57-9ea3-d25769a8a00c">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth?? : That is not the real comparison.  That's just ridiculous.  Having a cash bar at least gives your guests the option to have a drink. Weddings aside, I go to many charity events and social events where sometimes i have to buy a ticket and <gasp />  pay for my own drinks.  Are these people not hosting me properly?  Should I stop donating to the animals because they make me buy a glass of Malbec? 
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, are we playing l'et's throw out every possible ridiculous thought in my head and see what sticks'? A cash bar at a charity gala is entirely different as I'm assuming most people wouldn't be too happy if they drank up all the money that was supposed to go to the sad puppies. Andplusalso, I've been to many that were in fact an open bar.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:f2b8e212-ab9d-4d57-9ea3-d25769a8a00c">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth?? : That is not the real comparison.  That's just ridiculous.  Having a cash bar at least gives your guests the option to have a drink. Weddings aside, I go to many charity events and social events where sometimes i have to buy a ticket and <gasp />  pay for my own drinks.  Are these people not hosting me properly?  Should I stop donating to the animals because they make me buy a glass of Malbec? 
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

<div>Seriously, I think you are lacking in your logic skills right now.  That is the exact same thing.  The wine is available, but only if you want to pay for it.  Saying her friend forget to get the wine would be like having a dry wedding.  Not having any alcohol at all is not the same as having alcohol there but charging anyone who wants it.  </div>

futurepivko

you can be like the girl i went to high school with who annonced it in her fb status for all of her 3000 friends to see that 'only beer and wine is hosted, if you want liquor you MUST bring your own!'    it was SO classy.

LuluP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:f2b8e212-ab9d-4d57-9ea3-d25769a8a00c">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth?? : That is not the real comparison.  That's just ridiculous.  Having a cash bar at least gives your guests the option to have a drink. Weddings aside, I go to many charity events and social events where sometimes i have to buy a ticket and <gasp />  pay for my own drinks.  Are these people not hosting me properly?  Should I stop donating to the animals because they make me buy a glass of Malbec? 
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

Good God, did you really just compare a FUNDRAISER to a wedding?

OP, if you agree with Amy, go ahead and write cash bar on the invitations. After all, every time I go to a BENEFIT, I pay for a ticket and yes, usually there's a cash bar.

Amy, don't be ridiculous. What if I invited you over for dinner, and said: We have water for free, but if you'd like to have a glass of wine, that will be $7. You wouldn't find that rude? After all, I'm giving you the OPTION to drink.

booboo1978

It's not apples and oranges. People are complaining about having to pay for alcohol. What if it wasn't there at all? Would people really still leave? Seriously.
In the grand scheme of life, are you really going to look back at your friends' weddings in 30 years and say "I can't believe she had a cash bar!"
Put things in perspective and realize that in the grand scheme of things, this is such a small part of life and events. 
And yes, I've been at friends' houses and paid for my own food.  If we've gotten pizza or other deliveries, yes, I've chipped in for my own food and not expected them to foot the bill.  I've also given my friends money towards alcohol purchased for large parties IN THEIR HOME.   We've all split costs.  I don't really see how this is any different, other than it's a grander scale.  It's a big party at the reception. If I can give my friend $10 towards pizzas or beer at her place, then I can buy a drink (or not) at her reception.

LuluP82

Ok, here's the real point.

If you don't care for Etiquette rules, which, if you're having a cash bar, you don't...then why don't  you just write cash bar on the invitations? Why does it matter?

If your friends and family won't judge you for having a cash bar, they won't judge you for it being on the invite, either. Moot point.

booboo1978

There might be some divide in Boston.....but I've been to both open and cash (and nothing at all) and just dealt.  I drink, or don't...that's my call. Whether someone chooses to host a bar or not is NEVER a concern for me, whatever the occasion. I literally do not care, and have to say, neither do my friends or family. 

amys325

I'm just being as ridiculous as the rest of you that are acting like it's the end of the world to not have booze for one night....

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:f2b8e212-ab9d-4d57-9ea3-d25769a8a00c">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth?? : That is not the real comparison.  That's just ridiculous.  Having a cash bar at least gives your guests the option to have a drink. Weddings aside, I go to many charity events and social events where sometimes i have to buy a ticket and <gasp />  pay for my own drinks.  Are these people not hosting me properly?  Should I stop donating to the animals because they make me buy a glass of Malbec? 
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

Your comparison of weddings to charity events which are designed to make money is interesting, for sure. 

Amy.  You are on the etiquette board.  Paying for all those things which are offered to your guests is proper etiquette.  Offering things to your guests at a price is a breach of etiquette.  DNB's comparison to being charged for wine at a friend's home was apt.  You yourself said you would prefer the option to purchase a glass of wine than to go without, and this is the option you would have at DNB's dinner party scenario.  If you'd be fine with that, well good on you, but it would be rude of your hosts to allow or even suggest that you pay for it yourself.  There is absolutely no point in arguing about this.  If your guests pay for a portion of your party, then you have not properly hosted them.

Meg1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:450cde0e-fd6e-42df-b481-c11234bdf906">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm just being as ridiculous as the rest of you that are acting like it's the end of the world to not have booze for one night....
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

It's not ridiculous to go without alcohol for one night.  It is ridiculous to charge your guests for something you are serving.  You would not charge them for dessert, why charge them for drinks?  After all, its not the end of the world to not have dessert one night.

LuluP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:450cde0e-fd6e-42df-b481-c11234bdf906">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm just being as ridiculous as the rest of you that are acting like it's the end of the world to not have booze for one night....
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

It's not the end of the world not to have booze for one night. I don't have booze lots of nights. In fact, I'm invited to a party over the weekend where I'm not having booze even though the hosts will provide it because H and I don't drink and drive, we want to get home, so someone has to drive and it's my turn.

It wouldn't be the end of the world, but it would be incredibly RUDE if I showed up and to their party and they charged me $8 for a margarita. Yes I could just not buy one. But why invite me over to a party if you can't afford it? Just don't invite me.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:450cde0e-fd6e-42df-b481-c11234bdf906">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm just being as ridiculous as the rest of you that are acting like it's the end of the world to not have booze for one night....
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

<div>Who on here has told the OP that she HAS to have alcohol?  Not one person.  There is a difference in saying you have to host it than saying you have to provide it.  If alcohol is available, it needs to be provided free of charge to your guests.  Like the same analogy I've asked several times already, would you charge your guests to eat the passed hors d'ouvres?  No, you just wouldn't have them if you couldn't afford it.</div>

ricksang

Common sense just flew out the window. I love when people get on the E board , ask advice, and then argue when their bad manners are pointed out.

I honestly don't care if people host a cash bar or not but the OP said her crowd asked about an open bar. If my guests were asking for requests (which they did) I would try my best to accommodate them (which we did).

Yes the day is about marriage, but it is also about a day of gathering with your friends and families and HOSTING an event in not only your honor, but their honor as well.

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:450cde0e-fd6e-42df-b481-c11234bdf906">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm just being as ridiculous as the rest of you that are acting like it's the end of the world to not have booze for one night....
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

No, what you're doing is missing the godforsaken point.  A dry wedding is acceptable.  A hosted bar is acceptable.  What is not acceptable is to charge your guests for a portion of your party.  If you can't afford a bar, you don't have a bar.  If OP wanted a dress that was out of her price range, nobody would suggest that having her guests pick up the tab was acceptable.  It is also not acceptable to ask her guests to pick up the tab for her bar.  If she wants the fancy dress, she needs to pay for the fancy dress, and if she wants a bar, she needs to pay for the ever loving bar. 

annakb8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:2f0e5552-b8a3-4578-9751-8631018edd59">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth?? : No, what you're doing is missing the godforsaken point.  A dry wedding is acceptable.  A hosted bar is acceptable.  What is not acceptable is to charge your guests for a portion of your party.  If you can't afford a bar, you don't have a bar. <strong> If OP wanted a dress that was out of her price range, nobody would suggest that having her guests pick up the tab was acceptable. </strong> It is also not acceptable to ask her guests to pick up the tab for her bar.  If she wants the fancy dress, she needs to pay for the fancy dress, and if she wants a bar, she needs to pay for the ever loving bar. 
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

I think the people on SYTTD would definitely suggest this.

(Disclaimer for those of you who seem to completely lack common sense: this is not OK! They would only do this because they are sales people. It does not make it acceptable for you to have a cash bar!)

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:6747e706-5711-4293-95ba-ff7840d8a30c">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]There might be some divide in Boston.....but I've been to both open and cash (and nothing at all) and just dealt.  I drink, or don't...that's my call. Whether someone chooses to host a bar or not is NEVER a concern for me, whatever the occasion. I literally do not care, and have to say, neither do my friends or family. 
Posted by booboo1978[/QUOTE]

That's fine and it's a totally valid opinion. But charging people for an item at a hosted event such as a wedding is not proper etiquette, and there are certainly people who DO care. I'm sure plenty of people on this board won't care either way (though no one would be offended by a frree drink...) and almost no one here would actually SAY anything or make a scene, as that would also be rude. But I'm sure any number of my older relatives would whisper about it being tacky behind my back.

If you follow proper etiquette, you have the benefit of knowing you followed proper etiquette behind you, which means the rules of social interaction. If you don't, you honestly never know what kind of response you'll get.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:289f369c-1d3e-4027-9b10-7010c0f2ad6a">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not apples and oranges. People are complaining about having to pay for alcohol. What if it wasn't there at all? Would people really still leave? Seriously. In the grand scheme of life, are you really going to look back at your friends' weddings in 30 years and say "I can't believe she had a cash bar!" Put things in perspective and realize that in the grand scheme of things, this is such a small part of life and events.  And yes, I've been at friends' houses and paid for my own food.  If we've gotten pizza or other deliveries, yes, I've chipped in for my own food and not expected them to foot the bill.  I've also given my friends money towards alcohol purchased for large parties IN THEIR HOME.   We've all split costs.  I don't really see how this is any different, other than it's a grander scale.  It's a big party at the reception. If I can give my friend $10 towards pizzas or beer at her place, then I can buy a drink (or not) at her reception.
Posted by booboo1978[/QUOTE]

You compared OP to a wedding where the groom & several others are recovering alcoholics.

OP just does not want to figure out a way to host her family & friends. She booked a place she can't afford. She refuses to look into other options. It is apples and oranges. She is refusing to be a good host whereas your example is completely different.

The Mel and Todd Show

OP, in one of your earlier posts, you said you were splurging on uplighting.  If I went to your wedding and you spent extra money on lighting and yet I paid for my drink, I would be pissed.  Worry about lighting after you've figured out how to pay for your guests to attend. 

Amy et al, this is what we're talking about.  You don't splurge on unnecessary items if you are having a budget wedding where a bar is not an option.  A budget wedding does not have fucking uplighting. 

caseyhaynes429

Just so you know, we're not paying for all parts of our wedding. Groom's side is DJ and they got a great deal on it-still more than we were expecting to spend on it. My family is paying for food/venue things except alcohol because they dont want people to abuse it. And I dont either, so Im not paying for it.

Once again, thanks for your awesome advice everyone.

caseyhaynes429

And dont worry, I wont be making any more posts on this board because I clearly have no etiquette.

amys325

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:c14fc6af-0053-4f98-8b73-15d0312c7b6d">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, in one of your earlier posts, you said you were splurging on uplighting.  If I went to your wedding and you spent extra money on lighting and yet I paid for my drink, I would be pissed.  Worry about lighting after you've figured out how to pay for your guests to attend.  Amy et al, this is what we're talking about.  You don't splurge on unnecessary items if you are having a budget wedding where a bar is not an option.  <strong>A budget wedding does not have fucking uplighting. 
</strong>Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

Such nasty language for a proper woman like yourself.

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:77c34771-953b-44a0-afd3-ae4350db1ae1">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth?? : You obviously haven't met Mel
Posted by bree4305[/QUOTE]

Word.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:e481759f-78b8-4970-90ed-7ba16f71ae7a">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]And dont worry, I wont be making any more posts on this board because I clearly have no etiquette.
Posted by caseyhaynes429[/QUOTE]

This is just one of those heated topics where the same few people that have very strong opinions get involved.  You'll find there are a lot of people on TK who are indifferent about it.

Goldlie11

I love all of the generalizations.  I will answer the OP only.  If you have to ask on TK, then it probably isn't common in your social circle.  If it were common, you wouldn't have to worry about letting people know, they would expect it.  If your venue doesn't accept CCs, then you really should make sure people know that it is a cash bar.  I might be paranoid, but I don't use free standing ATMs. 

If you are including a reception card, I would put what is hosted.  Something like, " complimentary soda, juice, lemonade, ect.   A no host bar will be available."  I say put it on the card because you really want to make sure that everyone knows (once again this is because it doesn't seem to be the norm in your family).  Not everyone will go to your wedding website. 

Personally, I find cash bar strange.  It would have never occurred to me that people would have things for sale at their wedding.  To me, that's just embarrassing.  I would never do it myself.  

caseyhaynes429

So for anyone else who may read this post I figured I'd just clarify some things...

First of all, I was just looking for an answer as to whether it was ok to put "cash bar" on the invitation or do word of mouth. Now I know many think it's horrible to even do a cash bar, so I should not have posted this here.

Second, I think a lot of people misunderstood when I said I was asked by a few people if it would be an open bar... These were our friends. It's common in our circle to have cash bars, people obviously just like open bars more.

'm 22 and my FI and I are the first of all my group of friends to get married. We party a lot (which I guess is also "bad etiquette") and my friend and family like to drink a ton-especially at celebrations. They asked if it would be an open bar bc they wanted it to be-hoping we would be like yaa!-but i dont think they were really expecting us to-more just seeing if we were that dumb to supply them with all the alcohol they could drink. They know we're young and on a budget. So i figured it would be good to make some kind of universal annoucement to everyone that it wouldnt be an open bar..just so there would be no questions about it. 

There, I said my peace. I'm sorry if this is offensive to some people, where I'm from cash bars are no big deal. I didnt think this would create such a big issue.