tipping situation - help!

packlite

i posted earlier this week but didnt get a response, any feedback is appreciated!

I know people ask about the deal with tipping quite a bit, but I wanted your input on what my planner suggested for tipping the other day.  She said its standard to provide a tip for all vendors who don't provide you with a tangible product.  Our waitstaff/bartender/caterer is all part of venue and gratuity was included.

This means I would need to tip DJ, Officiant, Limo Driver, Lighting guy, Planner and possibly her day of assistant.  Planner also suggested that I could give her the tips in cash on Friday before rehearsal.

My issues with this based on what i have read her on this forum - our DJ owns his own company.  THe lighting guy owns his own company.   It seems weird to tip a minister.  Our planner owns her own company.  I can see tipping the limo driver. 

Furthermore, giving her the money before we receive the services is a bit more unsettling to me.  And it is blowing my mind that we need to tip people who own their own companies are making a profits off of what we have paid them.  It's not like they are waitstaff, bartenders, etc.

What do you think?

[Deleted User]

I am not so sure I agree with your wedding planner, even though we did not have one. Our reception venue included a 18% gratituity fee with the final payment as well as a seperate fee for the bartenders, so therefore we did not tip them anymore than that. We did not have a lighting person, but my guess would be if the person works for the venue, and you are paying him a seperate or included but specific fee, I wouldn't think he would need a tip either. We did not tip our DJ or photographer. We did however, tip the limo driver that took us from the reception to the hotel after the wedding. I hope this helps you!

bellebride116

I usually tip anyone who goes above and beyond, business owner or not. 

I sort of developed a new stance on how I look at tipping... why am I going to tip someone who is already getting paid to do their job? If they go above and beyond, yes, but if service was just average, why am I tipping? I'm already paying! Why do people clap when the airplane lands? The pilot was just doing his job! LOL sorry I was on the plane the other day and very bored so I had thought about this and it made me think about tipping.... are we going to be tipping our doctors soon too?  

For our wedding, we pretty much gave EVERYONE a tip except the waitstaff... we had a 22% service charge in our contract. Our DJ went above and beyond and even included extra uplights {more than we originally paid for and refused to take money for it} so we gave him a nice tip. Sure, he was the company owner, but he still has expenses too. His company may have made a profit, but not him personally. 

samurai21

Our limo company includes gratuity in their pricing, as does our caterer for their wait-staff. I feel that if they own their own business, everything I've already paid is going to them so they don't automatically need an extra tip. They're already deciding how much they will be getting paid.

If any of my self-owned vendors just do a phenomenal job I may tip them, otherwise I'm just going to write them really nice thank you's/recommendations with the permission that they can use it on their website, advertising, etc. For our priest, he isn't charging anything so we're giving him a gas card and a gift card to his favorite restaurant according to the church secretary.

edited to add: Also, when I interned with a wedding planner normally the bride/parents/whoever was paying would give her an envelope with the tips in it beforehand, but my boss would only dish them out once she was given permission.

tdso008

We're having the best man hand out the tips at some point during the reception, not prior to service being provided.  I get the coordinator suggesting that it's part of her job, but it still feels a bit off to me...

skippylouwho

Most weddings I've been in or attended the best man distributed any payment and/or tips.

jcamm11

The wedding planner who owns her own company not only asking for a tip, but asking for it in advance?  That is off..

packlite

Yes, the request in advance is what makes me NOT want to tip now - especially when all these people own their companies.  Here is the list of people she suggested I tip, I didn't have it in front of me when I first posted.

DJ (he owns), Officiant (strange, b/c we are already paying him), Lighting (he owns), Photobooth (we ARE getting a tanglible product AND he owns), Wedding Planner (umm..that's her, and she owns). 

We will tip the limo driver - but that is the only one I can see doing right now.

Considering that all of these people own the companies that we hired, I am really not inclined to tip, and the ask prior to the event kind of put me off a bit also.  She also continues to mention what a "great deal" we are getting from her.  Umm, ok thanks?