Too old for a big wedding?

I <3 Seabass

Do you think that after you reach a certain age that's it no longer appropriate to have the big white wedding day? If so what do you think the cut off age is?I was talking to when of my coworkers (no clue how old she is, if I had to guess, maybe early 40s) and she was like if I ever get married, the most I would do is elope to Vegas. At my age you can't have the big production that you girls are having.

uppereastgirl

That's interesting.  I think if it is a second marriage at that age and you went big the first time, you shouldn't have a big production the second time around.  Don't want to obligate people to go through all that again. But I think as long as the style of the wedding is age-appropriate, a big affair is perfectly appropriate at any age.  There are lots of older people who marry someone many years their junior, and 40-something just isn't what it used to be.  I just think at a more advanced age, you have to be more sensitive about what kind of dress you wear, what your bridesmaids wear, you don't opt for the Cinderella carriage to bring you in, you don't make your entrance with smoke effects and then do a first dance that breaks into Baby Got Back, etc.  I think class and elegance is a little more important in that context.  

jen629

You know I was 38 at my wedding and would personally have felt like I would've missed out on a lot without my family there and being able to walk down the aisle in a religous setting. Maybe its just me but I have never been married and really waited for that for my whole life I wouldnt have traded it for doing it any other way

kewltif

While I don't think there is a hard rule to this, I do think after a certain age it just doesn't feel the same to have a big wedding.  I would say 40s and up. I mean, of course it's your choice!My dad said "weddings are for young girls." He's talking about the spectacle of the whole thing and how young girls get really into the show and big party.  It's sort of his way of making fun of the whole thing.  He's also been married three times, so I'm sure each wedding was a little smaller and more subdued than the last

jtheiss

I'll be 32 when I get married and I would say that my wedding is a bit more subdued than the weddings I attended in my early 20s. We're having a moderate number of guests (around 140), mostly because over the years we've lost touch with lots of people from HS and college. Our wedding party is smallish compared to a friend who had 9 attendants on each side when she got married at 24! And I think the older you get the less likely it is that your parents will foot the bill for everything. When you have to pay for it yourself you get a little perspective on the importance of the bash in relation to the bank account, so a small subdued wedding is more appealing. Don't get me wrong, we're still having a party! But we're focusing on family and friends and creating a nice day without the extravagance I may have wanted a few years ago.

drod58

Me personally don't think so.  I am getting marry by the church (only being married by the civil for 25 years) and having the big white (or Ivory) wedding day and I'm 51.The only time that I felt weird was when I was trying my wedding dress and all those young girls where looking at me.  Maybe in my case is different, but there is not age to have your big wedding, this is my personal opinion.

mbcdefg

If it's the first marriage, then no, I don't think there's a cutoff age for a big wedding. I don't think a 50 year-old bride should have to have a tiny ceremony in a matronly suit just because she's 50. I think I'd be more apt to give the side-eye to someone having a big wedding if it was her second or third time around. Of course, it'd depend on the circumstances (divorced or widowed, if she had a big or a small wedding the first time, etc.). I think that the Cinderella-themed, fairy tale, smoke machine, ridiculously elaborate party thing is sort of silly at any age, but I think younger brides get away with it more often because people just chalk it up to their maturity level. I also think that people's idea of "appropriate fun" changes as they get older, so even though I don't like heavy club music, I'd find it more acceptable at a 25 year-old's wedding than a 50 year-old's.

Phyllisbride

I was thinking the same thing, being that I was getting married at 43, and my Bm's were from 35-48. I was starting out with just a MOH and a BM, but once i got planning, it turned in to a regular large wedding, I thought, Its my one and only wedding, I want the whole wedding thing, the pictures, the big reception.. I made some changes since we were older. we got married on a golf course instead of a church, we saw each other 1st for pictures, and I also tried not to make it traditional, to make it a little more modern. I kept saying things about my age and people were saying I was crazy, that it was my wedding. I also feel that I waited a long time, and I did want a big wedding.. so my answer is, to each his own.. 

kewltif

I also agree with Uppereastgirl about the classiness of an older wedding. I think after a certain point you do start to look a bit foolish with a ballgown on.There was one dress I saw in a magazine that I loved, but it really reminded me of a "second marriage" type of dress.   It was just a little too simple for me.

AlmostLoCo

This is an interesting discussion. I will be just shy of 37 when I get married and I have a ton of friends getting married soon who are in their late 30s.  As far as I know, while every one is having a "nice" wedding, none of them are having a huge blowout bash. I think this has more to do with financial priorities changing over time than anything else. Its funny though, I've been meeting with DJs recently.  There are all offering these light shows and I keep saying no, partly because I would feel silly creating a clubby type of atmosphere for a bunch of 36-42 year olds!

mbcdefg

I think a lot of people also figure that, by the time you reach a certain age, you should find better uses for your money. 20-somethings often don't own a home or have kids to put through college and are't so worried about a retirement fund. Whereas a lot of people aged 40+ have had experience in the workforce for several years and are thinking about 401(k)s and retirement funds, own homes or are in a better position to buy them, might have college-aged kids to worry about, etc. I think society expects these people to find better uses for their money, instead of blowing it on a one-day party.

JeannineG122

I think a lot of people are getting married older now too.I was 34, and although I wanted to go away, and have something more intimate, low key.  My husband wanted the big party.I have to be honest, I cringe when I see early 20 somethings getting married.  My 20's were too important to me, and marriage is no joke.

The_Future_Mrs_Rickels

I dont think you can ever be too old for a big wedding.  I do think that you can be too old to have a princess fantasy wedding like i have seen on tv.  I am almost 30 and there is no princess fantasy for me.  I think you can throw a fabulous party at any age. 

Partymixx27

I'll be 32 when I get married and I would say that my wedding is a bit more subdued than the weddings I attended in my early 20s. We're having a moderate number of guests (around 140), mostly because over the years we've lost touch with lots of people from HS and college. Our wedding party is smallish compared to a friend who had 9 attendants on each side when she got married at 24! And I think the older you get the less likely it is that your parents will foot the bill for everything. When you have to pay for it yourself you get a little perspective on the importance of the bash in relation to the bank account, so a small subdued wedding is more appealing. Don't get me wrong, we're still having a party! But we're focusing on family and friends and creating a nice day without the extravagance I may have wanted a few years ago. THIS.  Same exact situation with me.  I don't feel that there's an age cut-off for having a large, showy wedding, but as you get older you're probably more likely to put things in perspective and no longer want all the elaborate things you thought you needed when you were 25.  That's not to say you shouldn't go all out and celebrate with your family and friends, because it's still an important day no matter how old the bride gets.  For thier first wedding anyway.  But it would be far less of a "pretty princess day" with the stretch limo party bus and all of the hoopla you see when brides just want to party it up. Another thing is that these huge bash type weddings are a relatively new concept.  When my parents got married, they went to the courthouse and got married, got a catered dinner and drinks and celebrated with close friends and family back at thier apartment.  A $50K wedding (or equivalent) would have been just unheard of back then.  It's really turned into such a $$$ industry that it just wasn't a few decades ago.

kle0113

I don't think you are ever to old to put on that dress and have a nice wedding big or small.  I mean some small weddings are a lot more fun then big traditional ones.  To make the point on 2nd marraige:I will say that I was married before and really wanted to just go to an island and call it a day.  MH was sort of on the same page as me, but his parents do not like to fly so we were going to do Florida.  MH also in a way wanted the whole wedding experience which I agree with him and he deserves to have it as well.  I would always say that if I got married again and he was not and he wanted the whole wedding experience I would never take that away from him.  Well when push came to shove my SIL found the perfect place for our wedding (and she is using the same venue for her wedding).  I would not say that our wedding was big by any means, but it was perfect for us and I loved every minute of it. 

jjjenny

I think the atmosphere is different as you grow older.  I'm having a biggish wedding and I'm 35.  I know that it will be a good time but I know if I had gotten married in my 20's it would be a huge wild affair.  Now, its my experience that the weddings we attend are more subdued.  The craziness of youth has calmed.  Its not that we're having any less fun, its just a different kind of fun.  So I kinda understand her mindset.

I <3 Seabass

If I was 40 something going into my first marriage (assuming I didn’t' have any kids and at that point probably wouldn't have kids ever) I think I would be more settled. I would already own a home and would have a lot more disposable income than I do right now. I think it would be the perfect opportunity to have the big wedding that I wanted without having to rely on financial help from parents or scaling back because we couldn't afford it or b/c we’re saving for a house.To uppereast's point it would need to be age appropriate but I wouldn't see anything wrong with having a big wedding at that age.

alliecarrie41

i think if i was older, say in my 40s, and it was my first marriage, i'd still want the 'wedding' experience but it wouldn't have all this_crap we put ourselves through now.  likely much more simple.

mbcdefg

I also think there's a difference between what KIND of big party you're having. I think a 50 year-old would look silly having a big themed wedding or a whimsical wedding, with lots of colors, feathers, a band giving out inflatable saxophones and sunglasses, a giant poufy dress, etc. But even if she had 300 people, I think it'd appear a lot classier and more mature if she had a fancy cocktail reception, a classy jazz band and a sleek designer gown.

LarissaAnn

I don't see an age issue, and the idea that there could be pisses me off. I was 38, and happen to be into antiques, so I fell in love with the Manor. The atmosphere there is what kept me from doing a clubby laser light show, not my age. It wouldn't be venue-appropriate. As for me, I'm all about the clubs. Had I done a modern venue, like some club or loft in Manhattan, the disco balls would've been turning! And I was also looking for a big fluffy ballgown. Why the hell not? It's my freakin' wedding. I ended up with big fluffy A-Line instead, but definitely not some skinny, simple dress just 'cause someone might think I'm "old." I'm not. Funny thing is, I didn't do this because "I've been dreaming of it all my life." I haven't. I've never dreamed about my wedding, planned it prior to engagement, been dying to get married, or even played dress-up with a wedding theme. So I did this because 4 days after I got engaged at age 38, I went to look at dresses, and I liked the ones that made me look like a cupcake!

emt16

I dont think there is an age cap, my godmother got married later in life and had a very nice celebration.

kewltif

Totally flameworthy confession, it's the older bridesmaids that stand out to me more. I know, it's your best friends and siblings and you want them in your wedding, but there's something about a bridal party of 40-50 year olds that looks funny to me and I've definitely heard comments passed at weddings.

lovbulldgs

I don't think you are ever to old to have the celebration of a wedding.  I will be 36 when I get married next May and I did feel I was too old to be wearing a ballgown dress and to have a big wedding party.  We are having my sister as my MOH and FI's best friend as the Best Man. 

justkris10

Tiff, I was going to say the same exact thing - I agree completely with that statement I wouldn't think twice about a 50 year old bride...but 40-50 year old BM's just seem strange to me, sorry if this is your case jmo

JeannineG122

Just two days ago, I was asked by an older man coworker why I waited so long to get married.  Then he moved onto why I won't have kids.

Phyllisbride

ages of my bridesmaids 34, 36,41,42,44 and my moh sister 47my sister looked just as good as the 34 year oldI dont think they looked silly at all, they looked beautiful.they were in a navy blue simple strapless gown    

neilly18

I am 35  and getting married in 6 weeks.  I am having the same celebration I would have had if I was 22.  Now maybe the faces have changed and the people may be drinking a little less but that is their choice not mine.  I have been through a lot in my 35 years and this wedding is almost like a victory celebration.  My family would have felt cheated out of a celebration if I had chosen something different.  That  being said if your style was low key when you were 20 it is OK to be low key at 40. As far as BMs mine are 36, 37, 41 and 43. I would not have it any other way.  BMs are supposed to be the people who you want to stand by your side and honor you.  These are the 4 people who have been by my side through thick and thin.  We would I cast them aside now just because of their age -- they did not cast me aside ever!

acablitas

If I was a little older - say 20 years older than I am right now (not saying how old I am.. lol), I would probably just go for a smaller intimate wedding with close family and friends. 

neilly18

I guess the truth is we can never say what we would do 20 years from now.  Believe me there a things I do now at 35 that I would never have done at 20 and things at 20 I would never do now. For almost every question people ask that starts "should I" or "can I"  the answer is usually it is your day do whatever you want.  This should pertain to your wedding whether your 22, 28, 35, 45, or 85.       

Sydney.O.Rutledge

I think it's all good.  No matter the age, a flattering dress for bride and her attendants is what's important.  I find it really touching when someone marries past the average age for the first time.

kewltif

I think with the older bridesmaid thing it's about appropriate dresses and styles. You should look good for you, not look like you're trying to look 20 (that's for women in general, rock your age, don't try to look like a teenager). My cousin who is in her mid 40s got asked to be a bridesmaid for her cousin's wedding. She did it, but felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing. She's on the heavier side and she did not like wearing a strapless dress. My cousin would have looked/felt much better in more of a MOB style dress. That's her though.