WDYT: Were we wrong? Long - sorry

uppereastgirl

Neilly, your mother did exactly the right thing.  It isn't inappropriate for them to help out financially or otherwise, extensively or otherwise.  Moms just aren't supposed to be the hosts.

neilly18

I guess I am a little defensive - trying not to be but i felt slightly attacked by SIL the way the text was handled.  Anyway I am trying to keep an open mind even it does not seem that way.  I was most definitely defensive when it was suggested we were trying to save 44 cents --

alliecarrie41

im not attacking your or your MOH/sister.  you just asked for an opinion, and im on the boat of sending out invites but more and most importantly following up with ALL guests, in the BP or family or not, to whether or not they are attending and never assuming anything.

alliecarrie41

what exactly are you apologizing for anyway?  it's your MOH who should be apologizing if anyone, like you said, you didn't do the inviting.. right?  im sleepy and confused

neilly18

Allie - that is mostly what I am upset about. I can really see her point about wanting an invite and even though it would not have occurred to me to send it,  I get it.  My MOH  is my sister who is also her SIL too so this could be going through my sister or even if she wanted to approach me it did not need to be by text.  The  whole text chain went something like this (abbreviated) - her first text "what did you do this weekend" - my response - "we had the shower"  her response - "what???? I never received an invitation."  my response -- "didn't you, mom and sis talk about it?" her - yes, but I never received an invite - my feelings are really hurt.   my response - explanation and apologyNow I know this is abbreviated but she and my family had talked about it a lot - in fact on Friday night she and my sister were on the phone talking about a joint gift., but she said she would do one on her own.  (side note -- the gift is really unimportant)

cherylanddan0706

Like I said its my opinion personally if I got an invite to an event I was co-hosting I would think it was a waste of invite.

LarissaAnn

I honestly have no idea. My sister, mother, and bridesmaids planned and hosted the shower, and it was a surprise to me. I had zero input in the planning. So I don't know if they got invites - or if they kept some just as souvenirs even.

alliecarrie41

i guess everyone has their opinions. who doesn't buy extra invites just in case anyway?  very weird to me not to send to everyone.  i saved one for myself and i was the host, is that weird? no.  i'd call and say you really missed her there but really had a great time and apprecaited her being a part of the planning process and can't wait to see her at the wedding.  done.  if she has any sense at all she'd just say i missed you too, thanks for calling, and be done.  take it up with MOH if she wants, NOT YOU.

I <3 Seabass

Just curious, what are you planning to do with your wedding invitations? Are you going to send one to everyone or are you going to follow the same rules about OOT, family, etc...?

neilly18

wedding invites went out to everyone  as I do see the wedding as the most special occasion of all. I thought the shower was beautiful and appreciated it to the fullest extent but in my eyes it was not an essential function to be given and i guess thats where our standard famly procedure fell into place.  The same SIL has a birthday party every year for my niece and nephew and I have never received a paper invite, but also have never missed it - even after they moved to Iowa.  I apologize if I sound defesive I don't mean to and have taking to heart that my SIL feelings were  hurt and whether or not mine would have been in the same situation is not the point.  The point is to reconcile the feelings that are there so they don't get compounded in the future.