Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..

acablitas

Agreed with all the pp.  Let him be and let him go.  And, don't follow him there.  Goes to show that you really don't trust him if you do that.

kewltif

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:0187baa7-d20a-4e70-9fdf-92a02864b351">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]The difference between Vegas and AC = legalized prostitution I agree with all prior posts, you must not trust him.
Posted by AnnPH424[/QUOTE]

Just because prostitution is legal, doesn't mean he's suddenly going to go pay a prostitute and think it's OK!

I don't think the reason that my husband doesn't go to prostitutes (atleast not my knowledge!) is because of the "legal" issue.

cvl105

Kristen - that's just gross....scumbags.

jamtom2011

Totally agree with previous posts.  You should trust your FI enough to let him go wherever he wants for his bachelor party.  My FI's best man wants to go to Vegas for FI's bachelor party because that's where they all went for his.  The only problem I have with FI going is that we are paying for our wedding and would rather him not spend the extra money to fly out there and gamble.  I told his best man that if they want to shell out the money for him they can go for as long as they want!

NJMom050911

I agree with most of you BUT being that I use to work for a company that frequently made me go out to Vegas for business trips a week long at a time...I would see a lot of what's going on there. Problem is, the stupid "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" is taking too literally at times.  And it is NOT the groom, it's his dumb drunk friends that PUSH dirty strippers on the poor groom who is too drunk to know what's going on. Even though sometimes, he might not be that drunk at all.

The issue of trust is not whether you trust that he will not cheat. The question in how will he react when his "boys" are rooting him on, what kind of pressure can he stand? In Vegas this pressure is doubled, sure this situation can happen in AC or in any other place in the world but I honestly believe that more people are pushed to do inappropriate things in this Sin City.

I'm going to end this with, my FI is going to Vegas in March for his cousins 21st bday which I am CONVINCED will also turn into a pre-bachelor party. But I do trust him and I hope he doesn't need to be doused in bleach when he comes back. Ha

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:4641b5fb-2a1a-4d04-9c24-755733ceb233">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long.. : Isn't this understood... particularly if you are in a committed relationship? Just seems odd you would have to tell him this for his b-party... what about every other night?
Posted by akmackay[/QUOTE]

I took it to be a joke. FI mentioned some bachelor party ideas and I said, "O.K., just don't come home with the clap." But I said it to be funny, not because he actually needed a reminder to keep it in his pants.

kpeteley

Chelsea - Seriously I know - that's pretty much what I said.  FI also worked at another place where this guy who's wife just had twins slept with a hostess that worked at his restaurant.  WTF is wrong with people.  Don't get married if your not ready for all that it entails!!

LuckyBrideToBe0013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:4641b5fb-2a1a-4d04-9c24-755733ceb233">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long.. : Isn't this understood... particularly if you are in a committed relationship? Just seems odd you would have to tell him this for his b-party... what about every other night?
Posted by akmackay[/QUOTE]

Haha. I see how you might take that from my post. I do not need to tell him that, he is a wonderful man that I trust completely. What I meant was that that those were my only requirements. Several other women who have been married in our group or families have insisted upon no strip-club rules and the like. He knows I do not like them and I would not be OK with it on a regular basis. But I wanted to make it very clear to him that I wanted him to have fun and enjoy a night with the guys.

I should have mentioned that my brothers are in the wedding party and will probably take part in planning a great party for him and I urge them to do so.

kewltif

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:bee1a080-97c0-4fde-84d4-2202c99a7528">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]"BTW most men are not going to cheat on their future wife in front of all their best guy friends and male family members a short time before the wedding."   I don't necessarily agree with this.  No one wants to hear this, but FI has always been honest with me about guys he knows/is friends with.  He went to a Bach Party for a guy he worked with (not anymore) in AC.  Well they went Gambling, then some of the guys went to a strip club and then proceeded to bring back a prostitute to the hotel room where all of the guys were.  FI being the lush that night passed out before they got back to the room. He found out the next day that at least 3 of the guys (one being the groom, another a married man) were screwing the prostitute in the other bed in the same room.  They actually told FI they tried to wake him up so he could too.  These are not FI's friends thank GOD and he no longer talks to them.  I had no connection whatsoever to these guys or the women in their lives that I would have found any of this out.  Oh and the married man told FI that he had his Bach the night before his wedding and also - screwed a stripper. I am very lucky that FI and I have the same view on strip clubs for our bach parties etc.  I also trust everyone that he has chosen to be a part of his Bach party.  He will be going to AC and this doesn't bother me.  My point is that this stuff does happen, and to girls that trust their significant others.  Both of these men are still married.  If a woman doesn't like the idea of her FI going to a strip club for moral or other reasons then it's her decision. No she should not forbid him, but they should respect each others feelings and discuss it. Trust is a completely different issue and I absolutely agree with all pp that if that it is what is going on in any relationship then some serious conversations need to happen ASAP.
Posted by kpeteley[/QUOTE]

This opens up a completely different conversation.  I know plenty of people who have cheated on their significant others.  I really think it has nothing to do with being his bachelor party.  If he is the type of guy to drag a prostitute home and have sex with her the same night as his friend in the same room as other guys, then that just says a lot about the person he is.  Odds are, this is not the first nor last time he will make a decision like that.

When I preach trust, it's going off a basic assumption that you are in a solid relationship and are with someone worth trusting.  Saddly, a lot of people you shouldn't trust nor should you ignore the warning signs.

Just Jen

This thread makes me appreciate all the more my supersweet, geeky FI who considers Dave & Busters the "standard" bachelor party ;-)

LuckyBrideToBe0013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:609859bb-cbf4-4624-b9fe-3bd1d867ab0f">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long.. : I took it to be a joke. FI mentioned some bachelor party ideas and I said, "O.K., just don't come home with the clap." But I said it to be funny, not because he actually needed a reminder to keep it in his pants.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

Yes, thank you for clearing that up. I appreciate your sense of humor =)

kpeteley

Tiff - your right.  I was trying to quote, but it didn't work out.  I was responding to the comment about FI not cheating in front of certain people.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:694e9393-4b51-4a97-b530-853f458b286f">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with most of you BUT being that I use to work for a company that frequently made me go out to Vegas for business trips a week long at a time...I would see a lot of what's going on there. Problem is, the stupid "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" is taking too literally at times.  <strong>And it is NOT the groom, it's his dumb drunk friends that PUSH dirty strippers on the poor groom who is too drunk to know what's going on. </strong>Even though sometimes, he might not be that drunk at all.

The issue of trust is not whether you trust that he will not cheat. <strong>The question in how will he react when his "boys" are rooting him on, what kind of pressure can he stand? In Vegas this pressure is doubled, sure this situation can happen in AC or in any other place in the world but I honestly believe that more people are pushed to do inappropriate things in this Sin City.</strong>
Posted by kathygrzywnowicz[/QUOTE]

I really have to respectfully disagree with that.
<strong>
FI </strong>is ultimately responsible for his own actions, not his buddies. (a) If he knows that he might make bad decisions when he drinks, then he should know when to stop; and (b) if he chooses to hang out with guys that would push an engaged/married man to cheat on his S.O. (through peer pressure, alcohol, holding a gun to his head, slipping him drugs, whatever), then he isn't making the kind of life choices that I want in a husband. The "friends" who'd push a committed guy to cheat on his S.O. don't suddenly turn that way in Vegas or because of alcohol ... that's the type of personality trait that you can see coming ahead of time.

I can <em>totally</em> understand not liking some of your FI's/husband's friends or certain personality traits, but if it's to the point where he's hanging out with people that would try and convince him to <u>cheat</u> (as opposed to, "Hey, let's go to a strip club and look at boobies!"), then I'd be re-evaluating why I married a guy like that in the first place.

mscutieri

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[QUOTE]"Hey, let's go to a strip club and look at boobies!"
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

I just picture Mike saying that to his brother and it made me laugh.

Lolyalyssa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:8a5ddf08-5b22-4e1e-8bcb-910c81c72932">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]This thread makes me appreciate all the more my supersweet, geeky FI who considers Dave & Busters the "standard" bachelor party ;-)
Posted by Just Jen[/QUOTE]

Yeah and then they all go home and play XBox together!  Hahaha.  I have one of these at home too. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

The only reason his "boys" will take him to AC is to play poker until they can't keep their eyes open any more.  It won't be to see stripers.

Laurms15

Man....one busy day at work and I miss all the fun!!

The only reason I don't want FI to go to Vegas is because there just isn't any cash for a trip like that in his pocket or that of any of the guys in the BP so it was never brought up as an issue.

Just because there are a ton of strip clubs in a location be it Vegas or wherever does not mean he will be more likely to go to them if he's going to go there are strip clubs around here too! There's just more selection in Vegas. Every time we drive past Hustler Club on the west side up in the 50's (NYC) I point it out and ask if FI has made a reservation there! I don't really care what he does. I trust him I know his values and maybe strip clubs are a little gross (I don't know I've never been) but so what the rules in most of them are pretty strict anyway. I know he's been before (for other b-parties) before we met.

Besides I'm sure they are all nice girls who are trying to work their way through med/law/phd school Why not help them out with a few singles here and there!

Pink7781

Of course your FH is acting weird, the message you gave him is that you want to have your parties in the same city because you don't trust him. Like PPs have said, if he's going to cheat, the city isn't going to make a difference. Have your bachelorette party the same night as his bachelor party (in DIFFERENT cities) so you won't be thinking about what he's doing you'll be having a great time yourself.

I'd definitely recommend some couseling before your wedding though, it sounds like there are some trust issues that should be worked out.

Just Jen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:6f85c9bf-6e39-4bd8-a62b-971bc471f81c">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]Besides I'm sure they are all nice girls who are trying to work their way through med/law/phd school Why not help them out with a few singles here and there!
Posted by Laurms15[/QUOTE]

It's like the T-shirt says: "I suppot single moms" ;-)

caketime

Confession time - I actually work with an ex-stripper (so she says - the ex part not the stripper part that's a fact) and can honestly tell you YUCKY!!!  She has some stories and in fact that is how she got into our current business - through a regular client.  Anyway, when she first told me what she did I went huh because she is nothing to look at - not that there is anything wrong with that.  DH met her and went "yup that's what they all look like or worse".

ETA: clarification

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:6f85c9bf-6e39-4bd8-a62b-971bc471f81c">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]The only reason I don't want FI to go to Vegas is because there just isn't any cash for a trip like that in his pocket or that of any of the guys in the BP so it was never brought up as an issue.
Posted by Laurms15[/QUOTE]

See, now, that's a reason I can stand behind.

There was a girl on the Bridal Party board a while back who said that her FI didn't want to take a honeymoon with her because it was too much money and too much time off work. But then he was all excited about going to Vegas for a week with his buddies right before the wedding. THAT would make me tell him, "No, that's a load of horseshiit and I will be extremely pissed if you go."

akmackay

kpeteley- that makes me SICK. Think of those poor wives/fiancees who are going to get a disease from them. Eww.

LuckyBrideTo Be...- ok glad to see you were joking. I was hoping it might be that, but you never know on here!

mscutieri

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:5a659cb7-3503-4486-89a6-56b70bd2c244">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]Confession time - I actually work with an ex-stripper (so she says) and can honestly tell you YUCKY!!!  She has some stories.  But when she first told me what she did I went huh <strong>because she is nothing to look at</strong> - not that there is anything wrong with that.  DH met her and went "yup that's what they all look like or worse". 
Posted by caketime[/QUOTE]

And this, I'm guessing, is why they keep the lights so low inside the strip clubs.

Lola Minnie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:1e5d56e5-c5ba-4fe9-9b18-156c083aca9e">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long.. : Yeah and then they all go home and play XBox together!  Hahaha.  I have one of these at home too. The only reason his "boys" will take him to AC is to play poker until they can't keep their eyes open any more.  It won't be to see stripers.
Posted by Lolyalyssa[/QUOTE]

I think we all have one of those boys at home.  Mine is quite the Modern Warfare addict!

akmackay

... and that was the last they ever heard from crazy4u201 ...

Linqdz

Wow, just wow. I just came home from work and am catching up on all the posts. It is rare that I read them all, but this time I had to.

I am basically saying what all the pp's have said. How can you not LET your fi go to Vegas? Tiff's first response was dead on when she said "I promise you that Fi's friends hate you." There is nothing more unattractive than an insecure crazy girl, and I am sorry, but that is exactly what you sound like. You're probably not that way, but your post makes you sound like that.

Since you are so upset about it, has there been something that has happened in the past that would make you distrust your Fi? It seems odd that you have such strong feelings about this. If something did happen, then you guys really need to work that out before getting married.

Telling a man what he can't do will only drive him to resent you. He will never be honest with you, because he feels like he can't. Unfortunately, it may be too late. Both me and Fi went to Vegas for our respective bachelorette and bachelor parties (at different times, of course). When he was away, he called/bbm'd me all the time and told me everything. He wasn't scared to share the details with me. Yes, his friends bought him lapdances....and I didn't give a shiiit. I trust him completely. That is what you need with your Fi. He needs to feel that he can tell you anything. Unfortunately, your behavior means that he cannot be completely honest with you. 

And for the girl who asked her Fi not to sleep with anyone while he was away...whaaaattt??!! That shouldn't even have to be said. And why just "sleep" with someone? So, he can get blowies all night, and that's ok? 


(I feel like I'm MB writing a long post )

akmackay

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[QUOTE]. And why just "sleep" with someone? So, he can get blowies all night, and that's ok?  (I feel like I'm MB writing a long post )
Posted by Linqdz[/QUOTE]

Blowies... hahaha I think I'll start using that

MelanieK2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:6f85c9bf-6e39-4bd8-a62b-971bc471f81c">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]Besides I'm sure they are all nice girls who are trying to work their way through med/law/phd school Why not help them out with a few singles here and there!
Posted by Laurms15[/QUOTE]

<div>Darn it!  I wish I had thought of this before starting med school...maybe I wouldn't be so badly in debt <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" /></div><div>
</div><div>And I think what everyone has said has been right on target...if you can't trust your FI to behave for one night, how can you do so for the rest of your lives?</div>

LuckyBrideToBe0013

Finish reading the posts, it was said tongue in cheek, which I cleared up further down.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bachlor-bachlorette-parites-acvegas-delihma-sry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f5df3761-1ec6-4320-836b-868740051127Post:96372cf1-173f-42a4-9db6-6b0ed4f73f92">Re: Bachlor Bachlorette Parites........ AC..Vegas delihma sry its long..</a>:
[QUOTE]And for the girl who asked her Fi not to sleep with anyone while he was away...whaaaattt??!! That shouldn't even have to be said. And why just "sleep" with someone? So, he can get blowies all night, and that's ok? 

Posted by Linqdz[/QUOTE]

She said it was a joke (like how I told my FI "not to come home with the clap").


[QUOTE](I feel like I'm MB writing a long post )Posted by Linqdz[/QUOTE]

Haha, I'm like a contagious virus <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

LuckyBrideToBe0013

I keep thinking about this post!

I don't want to leave you with out any hope.

I think you can still save this. You need to sit down with your FI. Tell him you are sorry for insulting and embarrassing him, and that was not your intention. Tell him you care about him and that you really want him to be happy and to be open with you.

if you can't get past the strip club thing, you could go one step further and perhaps offer something really cool that he would never do for himself. For instance, does he totally love a particular sports team? Set up (don't finalize but get info for plans) on sending him to see them at an awesome away game. Does he like horse or car racing? Get the info on an invitational. Do some research with him in mind and talk to his best man. Tell them you want him to be happy and didn't meant to get off on a bad foot with the guys. Pass off the information as a suggestion.

You can totally salvage this if you are open, understanding and creative. I suggest any girls that aren't into their guys doing a traditional b-party offer really cool alternatives. You want them to have a night they'll never forget and it doesn't have to involve boobies.

Good luck!