Catholic ceremony readings really stink.....

Davesgrl2011

Is anyone else having a traditional Catholic ceremony?  My fiance and I are Roman Catholics.  My FI is very practicing while I am not really practicing at all.  I agreed to have a traditional wedding at his church b/c I love him and it doesnt really matter to me either way.

So... my problem is the choice of readings.  We have to pick 2/3 three readings, 1 from the Old Testament, one from the New.  We could probably pick two from the new testament if we wanted.  However, all the readings stink.  I hate them.  There is not one that is not horrible to women.  All about "the duties of a wife" and nothing about the duties of a husband.  I swear that one reading is about a man who has decided to "take to wife" a woman who has killed seven previous husbands when they had sex with her on her wedding night.  I refuse, repeat REFUSE to stand up there and have these readings in my wedding.  I wanted to pick a poem by Shakespeare and another by e.e. cummings but the priest said no.

There is another reading about how "my lover is like a gazelle, leaping to meet me" and I just burst out laughing.  And it is about a girl in a harem so I don't see what that has to do with a marriage. 

I am not trying to be disrespectful, but the Catholic view of marriage, women, and the relationship between a man and woman is really getting under my skin, big time.  I won't even go into the Pre Cana.....

So- does anyone have any other readings from the Bible that arent all about the "beauty of a chaste and obediant wife"? 

Thanks!

trix1223

1 John 4: 7-12

bibliophile2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_catholic-ceremony-readings-really-stink?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:11a0a58c-490d-468e-98d0-fc2efb4eff34Post:944a14ef-a1d0-4bf5-a585-465a3e2f5756">Catholic ceremony readings really stink.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Is anyone else having a traditional Catholic ceremony?  My fiance and I are Roman Catholics.  My FI is very practicing while I am not really practicing at all.  I agreed to have a traditional wedding at his church b/c I love him and it doesnt really matter to me either way. So... my problem is the choice of readings.  We have to pick 2/3 three readings, 1 from the Old Testament, one from the New.  We could probably pick two from the new testament if we wanted.  However, all the readings stink.  I hate them.  There is not one that is not horrible to women.  All about "the duties of a wife" and nothing about the duties of a husband.  I swear that one reading is about a man who has decided to "take to wife" a woman who has killed seven previous husbands when they had sex with her on her wedding night.  I refuse, repeat REFUSE to stand up there and have these readings in my wedding.  I wanted to pick a poem by Shakespeare and another by e.e. cummings but the priest said no. There is another reading about how "my lover is like a gazelle, leaping to meet me" and I just burst out laughing.  And it is about a girl in a harem so I don't see what that has to do with a marriage.  I am not trying to be disrespectful, but the Catholic view of marriage, women, and the relationship between a man and woman is really getting under my skin, big time.  I won't even go into the Pre Cana..... So- does anyone have any other readings from the Bible that arent all about the "beauty of a chaste and obediant wife"?  Thanks!
Posted by Davesgrl2011[/QUOTE]

Wow. I don't even know where to begin. I apologize in advance for the length.

First, you need to pick an Old Testament reading, an epistle (letters of the New Testament) reading, a gospel reading, and a psalm. This is standard in the Catholic church whether you have a mass (with Eucharist) or just a ceremony.

Second, I think you would do well to really learn what the Catholic church <em>does</em> teach about women (not what you think it teaches), because there is much more to it than what you described in your original post.

Third, I think Pre-Cana and pre-marital counseling generally is a good idea. Let's find and correct problems before they start.

Fourth, the story of Tobit is not about a woman who killed seven husbands because she would not have sex with them. They were killed by a deamon because she and her husbands were not inviting God into their marriage. The prayer from Tobit reading (Tobit 8:4b-8) is, in my mind, beautiful.

Fifth, I think any of the following readings are lovely: Genesis 1:26-28, 31a; Jeremiah 31:31-32a, 33-34a; (there is a reading from Ruth, though spoken to her mother-in-law that many ladies on the Catholic board have been able to use, but I don't have the exact citation handy); any of the suggested psalms; Romans 8: 31b-35, 37-39; Romans 12: 1-2, 9-18; 1 Corinthians 12:31-13:8a; Philippinas 4:4-9; Hebrews 13: 1-4a, 5-6b; 1 John 4: 1-7; Matthew 5: 1-12a; Matthew 5: 13-16; Matthew 7: 21, 24-29; Matthew 19: 3-6; Matthew 22: 35-40; John 2: 1-11; John 15: 9-12; John 15: 12-16.

Yes, I pulled that straight out of "Together for Life" but I think you need to look at things with an open mind. I am sure you're disappointed that you do not get to do the readings you had in mind, but you can include them at the reception or in your programs.

You made the decision to have a Catholic wedding. I know you said you're not really practicing, but I think you really need to think about what it means to be Catholic, to get married in the Church and to, presumably, raise your children in the Church. This is not the last time that what is fun, easy or trendy is going to contradict what the Church prescribes for you.

Finally, please come ask questions over on the Catholic board. There are many, many very knowledgable ladies over there who would love to help you understand your faith better -- and maybe learn things about it that you never knew.

Riss91

ditto bibliophile. I think it is really easy to read something about the role of woman in the Church and come to the wrong conclusion. I'm Catholic, and I had the same impression before I explored the topic further. Also, some pre-cana instructors are horribly misinformed and teach ideas that are NOT true to the Church. In fact, many priests dish out wrong information, too.

The ladies on the Catholic board have given me great insight into this topic, as has my husband and pastor. Definitely feel free to ask questions if you'd like to get the real deal.

ootmother2

Matthew 22:36

It simply says that the most important thing in life is to love God and to love thy neighbor as thyself.

It's pretty simple but touching

ootmother2

add on

I think bibli is talking about The Song of Ruth from the OT.  I think many mistake "where thou goest, I will follow" as she is addressing her mother in law, not her husband.  You can do much better than that.

Genesis has the best readings, IMO

ootmother2

Check these

OT: Tobit "Allow us to live together to a happy old age

NT: 1 Corrinthians, If I do not have love, I gain nothing

These are not sexist or corny, I promise!

Good luck

ETA: Gospel: John 2, 1-11

mob2689

"A family that prays together stays together,"  I am not Catholic, but if you are marrying anyone that religion is very important to them,  you need to make darn sure that you will respect that as well and commit yourself to it as much as they do other wise you may have termoil within your marriage If you love him as you say you do you will accept/respect his religion and learn it. Good luck,

Davesgrl2011

I think honestly that I have a bad taste in my mouth about "our" Catholic church because of the Pre-Cana and b/c of how extremely traditional this particular church is.  I don't mean to offend anyone, but my FI understands that I am not now nor ever will be the type of person who will be going to church every Sunday. 

I don't understand why our church would give us only a few choices for readings.  And I swear that ALL of the choices protrayed women as being chaste and obedient to their husbands.  However, I should have done my own research as the choices they gave us were only suggestions.  Hopefully when we go to talk to the priest he will allow us to make changes to the suggested readings. 

My FI and I have talked a lot about religion and our beliefs, which are different in many ways, but we are careful to be respectful to each others beliefs.  I don't think that I need to become as involved and dedicated to his church just because he is..... and if I did it would be dishonest and false because I don't feel that way, which I think would cause more turmoil in our marriage than if I just let him do his thing. 

Thanks for the suggestions for readings!  I really liked some of them and I will def be using them and thinking of the Knot while they are being read lol!   

brianabrad

I understand your disappointment and concern. We are having a Catholic ceremony without a mass. FI is Catholic and I am not. Like you I agreed to the having a church wedding and have been attending mass with him for well over a year now. When I first got the Together for Life book I was a little concerned with our choice of readings but then when I re-read them and really thought about it there are some that are very pretty and fit FI and I perfectly.

If you need some other thoughts or want to talk about it you can PM me. I also have a program template that some of the others ladies have said was helpful.

naomikb

Ignoring the other issues, which other girls have already addressed, I will agree that I had trouble picking readings, particularly an Old Testament one.  Here are the 2 we picked (Christian but not Catholic ceremony), nothing negative about women or wives at all:

Romans 12:1-2, 9-18
I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. ²Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect. ⁹Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; ¹⁰love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. ¹¹Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. ¹²Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. ¹³Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers. ¹⁴Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. ¹⁵Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. ¹⁶Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. ¹⁷Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. ¹⁸If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Matthew 5:14-16

¹⁴“You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. ¹⁵No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. ¹⁶In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.

lizrollins

excuse my ignorance, what is "Tobit" in the bible? i have a bible and never seen or heard anything about that one. and yes, i really read my bible and know it fairly well. i have a suggestion that no one else has given you. why don't you go right to the source on this one. Im talking about God himself here. Ask him what you should do and what HE wants from you. give it a little time and let him answer. im sure you atleast know how to pray? i mean, isnt what God wants for us more important then what man wants for us? after all, God created us and knows everything about us. thats my advice, seek God not man.

blush64

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_catholic-ceremony-readings-really-stink?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:11a0a58c-490d-468e-98d0-fc2efb4eff34Post:aa95e988-4654-4c2d-8d35-222750c52fe4">Re: Catholic ceremony readings really stink.....</a>:
[QUOTE]excuse my ignorance, what is "Tobit" in the bible? i have a bible and never seen or heard anything about that one. and yes, i really read my bible and know it fairly well. i have a suggestion that no one else has given you. why don't you go right to the source on this one. Im talking about God himself here. Ask him what you should do and what HE wants from you. give it a little time and let him answer. im sure you atleast know how to pray? i mean, isnt what God wants for us more important then what man wants for us? after all, God created us and knows everything about us. thats my advice, seek God not man.
Posted by lizrollins[/QUOTE]

It is in the bible. If you use the St.James version and I believe the NIV it won't be there.

EDITED
There were some good suggestions by PP. Just read through them and see if anything seems right for you. It's too bad the priest at the church gave a you a bad feeling about things.

LauraT25

The book of Tobit is not in Protestant Bibles.  I had to look it up, I was scratching my head over it, too.

kristinanddan

We used Tobit as our OT reading and  the traditional 1 Corinithians as our NT (overdone, but I've always loved the passage).

klasnd22

Here is an ot we are planning on using.

Song of Solomon 8:6-7 (New International Reader's Version)

 ⁶ Hold me close to your heart like the seal around your neck.
      Keep me close to yourself like the ring on your finger.
   My love for you is so strong it won't let you go.
      Love is as powerful as death.
      Love's jealousy is as strong as the grave.
   Love is like a blazing fire.
      It burns like a mighty flame.
 ⁷ No amount of water can put it out.
      Rivers can't drown it.
   Suppose someone offers
      all of his wealth to buy love.
      That won't even come close to being enough."

Ephesians 5:21 is also a good one if you are looking for equality.
We are thinking of using Ephesians 4:25-5:2 for our NT reading.

²⁵ Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ²⁶ “In your anger do not sin”^[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷ and do not give the devil a foothold. ²⁸ Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

 ²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 5:1Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children ² and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Psalms are always a good go-to reading also and some are so beautiful.

mbcdefg

Our readings were:

Old Testament: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes%204:9-12&version=NIV

Responsorial Psalm: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%20128&version=NIV

New Testament: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%2012:1-18&version=NIV

Gospel: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%205:1-12&version=NIV (The Beatitudes)