Advice Needed!

wwest21

I hope no one is in the situation I am in, but I need some help. I know I have over a year to figure this out...but I would feel better for some advice. My father passed away in February at the age of 46, from Melanoma, it was pretty unexpected. We thought we had more time. But, this leads to a few questions...I am thinking of having my mom walk me down the aisle, my brother is already in the wedding party. Any suggestions for the Father/Daughter dance? Any idea's for a tribute to him at the wedding? This has been the worst two months of my life and it is so hard to continue to plan my wedding when my Dad won't be there to walk me down the aisle...that's one thing almost every girl looks forward too.

One more question, I am getting a tattoo on the back of my shoulder area next weekend...it will be a cross with a cancer ribbon with Dad and his birth/death dates. It will be pretty small, but do you think that is tacky?? If it was anything other than my dad I wouldn't do it...I have always wanted a tattoo on my back and I feel like this is a perfect thing to get. I just wanted someone's opinion on these few things.

Thanks everyone!

aross23

I am very sorry to hear about your situation.    That would be sweet to have your Mom walk you down the aisle. I've heard of girls having their Mom's walk them down the aisle....or you could walk down alone. I have an idea for your father/daughter dance. Either you and your hubby....or you and your brother (would be nice if you only have one sibling and you shared the same Dad) could do a tribute dance to the song "In the Arms of the Angels" by Sarah McLaughlin. The lyrics talk about finding comfort in the arms of the angels. It would be really sweet. I am doing it as a tribute to my 2 deceased grandmothers and I've never shared that with anyone yet. I am happy to share it with you! You can also have a picture of him at your ceremony by your unity candle and you can light a candle just for him. Hope this helps!

em01092

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I agree with PP. The candle and dance ideas are great ways to remember your father. Pick whoever you want to walk you down the aisle, as they should feel honored to have the privilege. Just make sure your mom is ok with it if you do want her to, because some mothers are traditional and may feel uncomfortable with this role. 

Even though your brother is already a GM, I don't see why he couldn't do it anyway, and just stand last in line of GMs. (That is, unless you wanted your BMs and GMs to walk in together, one girl would be left out, if you have even numbers. I'm just having the girls walk in, but they will leave arm in arm with a GM)

As for your tattoo, no it is not tacky at all. Its special and meaningful to you, and that is what matters. Unless your church has an issue with tats, or bare backs for that matter, then I say proudly show it off. I have two tats, a treble clef/bass clef heart on my wrist and a I have my zodiac sign linked together with my FI/grandma's sign on my back, and I don't plan on hiding them! They are also small, neither bigger than a quarter in diameter, so I doubt many people will notice because the heart is on the inside of my wrist (won't show if I'm holding a bouquet!) and my hair is long and covers my back tat most of the time. However if people see, cool. They are a part of me, but not all of me. 

meganb1977

My heart goes out to you.  I think anything you want to do as far as walking down the aisle is fine, and if you look around on the boards you'll find many ideas to honor your father.  Ditto pp on the tattoo, whatever is meaningful to you is not tacky.  If you're getting married in a church, they will let you know if they have regulations about covering your shoulders for whatever reason, but other than that if you would not normally cover it and it's "you" I also say why cover it for your wedding?

cgyvhu

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't think the tattoo is tacky at all - and I don't see why you need to cover it up for the wedding.

I think doing 1 or 2 tributes to your dad would be sweet - just don't overdo it or you might find yourself feeling very sad on your wedding day, and that's not how you should have to feel.  A mention in a program, a memorial candle at the ceremony, a bouquet charm with his picture on it, and leaving a seat empty in his memory at the ceremony and reception (perhaps with a flower on it), are all things I've seen done.

And whoever you want to walk you down the aisle can do it - even if your brother is a groomsmen he can do it, your mom can do it, you can walk alone.  Your brother or mom could also do a dance with you instead of your dad, if you want and they feel comfortable with that.

dnice818

Another idea for a tribute to your father...do you have a small item: piece of jewelry, cuff link, etc. of his?  You could tie it to your bouquet, keeping a little piece of him with you that day.

mybestfriend4eva

Wow so sorry to hear hunnie!!! I lost my mother when she was way to young so I feel for you completely. That being said the tattoo not tacky at all. I think its very sweet and a special thing you can do. As for the walking down the aisle I think asking anyone is fine. This is supposed to be someone you hold very near and dear to you. I think that having your mom walk you down would be very special for you both and even with the situation it could be one of those magical moments at your wedding that most other brides wont have as they typically walk with their dad. So take a breathe and know that your mom can and will make the big walk just as special as your dad would have! As for the father daughter dance you could just pick one of your dads favorite songs and have it be a dance where you and anyone else takes a moment to celebrate him! I will be doing this for my mom at our wedding. Good luck and stay strong my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this hard time. Stay positive and if you need anything im here for you!

wwest21

Thanks for the advice girls! I really like all your ideas. Like someone said I don't want to go to crazy because in the end it is suppose to be the happiest day of my life, and I don't want sad reminders everywhere. I think I am going to find something to put on my bouquet of my dads. I am going to do some searching thru his things to see what I can find. My photographer said she would make a slide show for like a digital photo frame we can use to put out by a memorial candle. I am defintely going to leave a seat open for him at the ceremony/reception. My Fiance's father also passed away when he was around 11 so about 15 years ago. We both will be going thru an emotional time leading up to the wedding.

But thank you so much for the adivce ladies!! So much appreciated!

afortunada818

Im sorry for your loss... But I do think that instead of being sad, you dad will want you to be as happy as can be. Im sure he'll be looking down on you very proud and very happy because you have found the love of your life. I am in a similar situation, although my dad is alive, i dont know him. I have a younger half brother (same mom diff. dad) and he's a groomsman, so he wont be the one walking with me. Instead I will have my grandpa to do so... and i will dance with him the father/daughter dance. I call him dad since i was a little girl, and that's what he has been to me all my life. What i think is that if you dont feel any special connection with anyone from your family, then dont have anyone to walk with you. I think is perfectly fine, I mean i dont think just a random person should do it. No matter what deep in your heart you know your dad will be there by your side, as im sure he has always been.
  best wishes!