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February 2012 Weddings

I may be a control freak, but... (long and venting, sorry!)

we're keeping the wedding small.  There are less than 100 people coming.  The only people who got plus ones were the engaged/married/living together couples and my MOH and BMs,  

MOH is my sister.  She is 19 and has been dating her boyfriend for two weeks.  I'm not his #1 fan...but she invited him to be her date to my wedding.  And stay at my parents house (my parents have asked my grandparents not to stay over...idk why she thought it would be ok to invite him to stay over when 1. my parents haven't met him and 2. she knows it will be stressful for Daddy to give me away, let alone have another guy in the house).  And I reiterate...it has been TWO WEEKS!!!

BM #1 has a bf.  They have been together for 2 years and I'm  happy to have him there.

BM#3 has been my problem BM.  We have been best friends since high school and saw each other when I came home from college.  She has some personal issues going on, which I have dealt with in the past.  She turned in her RSVP late and had a plus-one.  I texted (nicely) to ask who it was (the text said something like "saw you have a plus one! Who is the lucky guy?!") and she never responded. I haven't actually talked to her in over 2 weeks.  BM#1 is her roommate and said that she doesn't actualy HAVE a date yet; she's planning to meet someone on eHarmony and bring him.  I have no problem with finding dates online, but for a wedding? I'm skeptical (bc for the past 8 months she has had TERRIBLE eHarmony dates)  The other issue I had was that her BM dress did NOT match my description.  I asked her to send pics before she bought a dress, but she did not.  When I saw it (online) I didn't think it worked for being in a wedding...it looks more like something you would wear to a wedding.  I very politely suggested that we shop to see if there was something she might like better because that didn't fit my vision of "cocktail dress" and she got really upset and said for me to just take her out of the bridal party if it was going to mess up my pictures (not at ALL what I said!)  I finally consented and let her keep the dress...it looked a little better in person and she's not who they'll be looking at anyways.

My wedding is 15 days away.  Am I a bridezilla to not really want BF of 2 weeks and eHarmony dude to be in wedding pictures?

My other issue is that my BMs haven't done ANYTHING to help with the wedding.  They both live in the town where I'm getting married (I live 3 hours away) and they haven't tried to help at all.  The only thing they have done is buy dresses (we're doing black cocktail dresses for BM dresses, their choice of where to get it/what it looks like).  My sister and a family friend hosted my shower.  My guestbook attendant has done more to help with the wedding than the BMs and I wish I had asked her to be a BM instead. My mom is frustrated because she thinks they need to plan a shower or a bach party or offer to help out with setting things up (especially since they live 5 miles away from my mom and could easily do something for her), but they haven't done anything.  We've been friends for years, but I never talk to them unless I make the first phone call.  When I e-mailed the itenerary for the rehearsal dinner/wedding day, it was "stressful" for them-all they are having to do is show up!!!  Is this my fault? Should I have made a "bridesmaid to-do" list when I asked them to be my bridesmaids?

Re: I may be a control freak, but... (long and venting, sorry!)

  • Welllll 1) BMs have no job to do but buy the dress, shoes and show up and stand next to you. So a list is a no no unless they ask for one to help. 2) The non existant relationships don't have to be in any posed photos, they might be in random candids but the girls will feel stupid in the end if the relationship doesnt work and they have those pics of them looking great ruined by that tainted memory.

    Take a deep breathe and have a glass of wine!
    Nichole Tampa, FL BabyFetus Ticker
  • Completely agree with PP - your BM's are only responsible for buying their dresses and showing up. They are not responsible for anything else. It also sounds like you seperated some people and their SO? What about those who have BF's/GF's that aren't engaged/married/living together? (just seeking to understand). And also, I wouldn't worry about those people being in your pictures, a photographer doesn't usually pose you, your mom, your dad, your sister, and her bf... Also, if your parents have a problem with your sis's new BF staying there, they should say something. That shouldn't be your stress!

    Just relax :) it will be here and gone before you know it!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • if its a new relationship, i would say no. invites are already out and headcount is in. you can say that your budget will not allow it and that you are sorry he wont be able to attend.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I understand your stress!  I'm planning our whole wedding by myself and my family is 1700 miles away. My BMs are all local but haven't even offered to help with favors or anything (but that's a different story...)

    The only official responsibility of BMs is to buy the dress/shoes and be there with you. I think that what PP have said is correct- the photographer won't include non-family or non-bridal party individuals in your pics unless you ask them to.

     I think that I would be a little irked if a BM RSVP'd with a date she didn't have yet, but if she's willing to take the chance, it's not your responsibility (as hard as that is to hear). As long as the date doesn't cause a scene it's no big deal.

    Everything will work out. I keep telling myself that at the end of the day we'll be married, no matter who is there with us, whatever the flowers are, and no matter what we wind up eating. :) 
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