Plus-Sized

Ignoring my Mother and Sisters

I'm a size 24 right now, and since last April have lost 42 lbs. I have been making an effort to lose weight, and my family refuses to say I look any better. All my mother said was "Keep going."

I'm comfortable with being bigger. My sisters however are not. They are twins, and one is 290 and the other is 340 at age 22 and 5'6". My mother is 5'4'' and 175 lbs. I wear things that show off my bust and are more form fitting. All my mother tries to do is attempt to buy me clothes (I've been moved out for 5 years) that drape and cover me up. She refuses to see that FI loves my curves and supports me no matter what shape I am. 

On top of all of that, my mother hates FI and will not help with the wedding at all. Finds it a huge waste of money (Our budget is 4k, not 20k...). She tried to buy us off with paying for our honeymoon and not doing a wedding. She doesn't understand the need for a wedding with an attendance of  150 people. We have come to the conclusion that she is jealous of the fact I'm getting married cause I want to, and not because I got knocked up like she did. And that I have tons of close friends that both FI and I want there for this special day. I cannot cope with the fact my own mother cares nothing for her eldest daughters wedding. Wants nothing to do with it, and changes the subject whenever either FI or I bring it up. I start crying whenever I think about it. It's ruining my wedding...
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Re: Ignoring my Mother and Sisters

  • I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. It's such an accomplishment that you've lost 42 lbs. Congratulations for that!

    As for your mother not supporting your weight, my mother is the same way, so I can empathize with your situation. Try not to worry about what she thinks. Your FI loves you just the way you are, and as long as you're happy with how you look, that's all that matters. :)
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  • tiffielynn91tiffielynn91 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited February 2012
    WOW. thats alot to deal with. Im sorry that you have to deal with this. Parents can be tough, but you need to be happy with yourself and love yourself. it sounds like you are very happy with yourself. and Congrats on you 42 lb weight loss, that amazing. Siblings can be tough to deal with. Dont jump to the Jellous thing because it can only lead to problems. just be happy that you found an amazing man to love and care for you and be happy for that, and thankful for what you have. 
  • I'm sorry your mom isn't more excited about your wedding.  That must be very difficult.  Clearly you have friends and family that do love you because you have 150 of them to invite :)   If you think your mom is jealous because you are choosing to get married, she may also be jealous of your weight loss.  It must feel so great to have lost that much! 

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  • Congrats on your weight loss! I think your mother is really losing out by treating you the way she does and I don't blame you for being fed up with her.  My mother was very abusive when it came to my weight when I was a kid and teenager.  I was 5"3 and 110 lbs and she would buy me clothes that were 2XL and constantly make jokes about my weight whenever I'd eat in front of her. I haven't spoken to her in about five years and when H proposed she was infuriated and acted like a child.  Maybe putting some distance in between you and your mom will show her that you're not going to tolerate her behaviour (so that your relationship doesn't get to the point that mine did with my mother). 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_ignoring-my-mother-and-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:1272e103-6563-453a-a06d-57ab657a4712Post:bcb18a7b-0f2b-4d33-98f4-fa5fe17b97a5">Re: Ignoring my Mother and Sisters</a>:
    [QUOTE] I haven't spoken to her in about five years and when H proposed she was infuriated and acted like a child.  Maybe putting some distance in between you and your mom will show her that you're not going to tolerate her behaviour (so that your relationship doesn't get to the point that mine did with my mother). 
    Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]
    This is something to consider, as painful as it may be. That way, she has nothing to comment on if you don't mention things to her.

    No matter what, don't let her bring you down- ever. That's exactly what she wants. Keep doing what you need to do, and weight loss no matter what the number is a wonderful thing.
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  • Congrats on the weight loss! But a bigger ConGrATS on being an amazing person who is confident in herself!

    You need to distance yourself from your mom and live your own happy life. It seems as if she has some issues, maybe w/ self confidence, or depression! If she isn't willing to get help for it you can't let it bring you down.

    I would def stop disscussing the plans with her... Invite her to the wedding, but have a talk with her and let her know if she is going to bring her bad mood she and it can both stay at home!

    good luck!
  • I just have to keep going! I'm so used to getting walked all over by them and FI is helping me be my own person. And my MOH and best man are already on standby to kick my mother out and/or my sisters if they try to rain on my parade. One twin has never had a partner, and the other...well, she turns into her twin when around her twin. And the twins duplicate what my mother says. 3 people saying the same thing...ugh, don't know how I dealt with it for years. 

    It's MY wedding and if they don't like it, or me, they can SHOVE OFF! 
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  • deetuneddeetuned member
    First Comment
    edited February 2012
    First and foremost, stay confident, and keep loving yourself.

    Your mom may have more jealousy about your confidence in your appearance than about your actual wedding. It kind of sucks and I can't imagine how it must make you feel to have her pull away from your wedding. Do you have the kind of relationship where you can open up a real and rational discussion with her about it? It might be difficult but communication can change everything.

    Don't forget too that your family sees you all the time, so they may not see a change in your size after your (awesome!) weight loss. But YOU know and feel it and that's what counts!!!

    Best of luck! 
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