Plus-Sized

Need reassurance...

Disclaimer: I  just need someone to pat my head and say it's all going to be okay.

I bought my dress early, because I happened to find it, and loved it. I had no intention to buy it right away, but I did, and I don't regret that. I will always love my dress. I did worry about sizing; my weight, never good, tends to fluctuate. The head seamstress swore to me, up and down, that she could alter this dress many sizes either way, whatever happens, when the time comes. It fit when I bought it, and we'll adjust as we need to. So I stopped worrying.

Six months later, I put my dress on again, just to see it, and show two female relatives. :) And I can still put it on. Yay! But it's looser in the straps, and tighter in the waist, than it was. I'm standing there thinking, that's okay, we're still good, alterations were always in the game plan, and my wedding is over a year out anyhow. Who knows where I'll be then! But my future stepmother-in-law chose that moment to tell me I needed to join Weight Watchers and do something RFN if I want to be able to wear this dress when I get married.

Yikes! I mean, why say that to me, as I stand there in my dress? Of course I'd like to lose weight by then, but I've got some health things going on (that she knows about) and I'm doing my best with them, and it makes it hard to worry about vanity. My FH just wants me to be happy and healthy at our wedding, and so do I, and I hardly think I need to panic just because my dress got a little tighter in the past 7 months! I'm not being delusional, am I? It'll be fine! 
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Re: Need reassurance...

  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers

    It sounds like it fits, it's just a little tight.  You mentioned your seamstress said she can alter the dress many sizes either way......I don't think it's possible to let it out many sizes!  There's only so much material to work with.  Maybe you can follow up with her to see what her thoughts were on making it bigger.  Was she thinking of adding a corset?  Or adding more material?  Perhaps talking to her again will help calm the nerves.  :)

  • 1) talk to seamstress.  I am not a wedding seamstress, but I've done alterations on a lot of other clothing and there's a ton of stuff you can do to alter clothing.
    2) the SECOND anyone gets in front of my grandmother, she just has verbal diarrhea about what we can do to look better in our clothes For example, I was a late bloomer and finally grew in the bra area when I was 22.  When my prom dress actually fit in the chest l(it was, for once, the exact bridesmaid dress my cousin had chosen...SCORE), she told me she would have put me on a diet but there was no way that I had the willpower to stick to it.  She likes to ask my mother if she deliberately chooses "the fattest dresses in the store" or if she just enjoys looking like a slob (and my mother is always very, very well-dressed). 

    She's just a charmer who is freaked out about how she looks in her clothes and directs it on to EVERYONE around her.

    3) Seriously, don't bring this woman to fittings with you.  Find other things that don't involve the dress.  Down this way lies madness.  It sounds like you have hit the nail on the head with what you need to be gorgeous on your wedding day- confidence and a dress that makes you feel gorgeous.  Don't let her drag you down.  :)
  • Well, thanks. I have to be honest that I wasn't expecting to be told (though, I appreciate the time anyone ever takes to answer) to re-contact the seamstress over this. Doesn't everyone get alterations on their dresses? I'm very excited about the fact that I don't need to have it hemmed, because it's already the right length, but I knew when I bought it the sleeves/straps would have to be taken up, and maybe the waist needs to be let out (my seams have plenty of extra fabric, if needs be). Not to mention it's a year away, why worry now?

    My point is that it seemed to me my future stepmother-in-law was overreacting hugely, and making me feel bad unnecessarily... am I so wrong to feel that way?
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  • No, you're not wrong to feel that way.  She's probably just a little troll like my grandmother who likes to point out any flaw ever.

    And the seamstress thing wasn't meant to be a dig at you.  I always feel FANTASTIC after going to the seamstress- that woman can make anything look good and makes me feel confident even on my worst days.  I want to shrink her down and carry her in my pocket.  I should probably pay her more than I pay therapists.

  • I am so sorry your FSMIL was so insensitive!!!  :(  I know those words are able to be erased but in some cases you need to consider the source.  I know this is easier said than done, but love yourself and your curves and forget everyone else.  You will look amazing on your wedding day, your FI will fall in love all over again and at the end of that day you will be his Wife...not matter what words someone said to you in a quick moment.  Keep your head up...you are georgous no matter how that dress fits!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_need-reassurance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:87dad863-f4fa-4ce2-9d88-a965a554f94cPost:2633f210-8e10-4991-aab7-0f962d609785">Re: Need reassurance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am so sorry your FSMIL was so insensitive!!!  :(  I know those words are able to be erased but in some cases you need to consider the source.  I know this is easier said than done, but love yourself and your curves and forget everyone else.  You will look amazing on your wedding day, your FI will fall in love all over again and at the end of that day you will be his Wife...not matter what words someone said to you in a quick moment.  Keep your head up...you are georgous no matter how that dress fits!
    Posted by smilesavy[/QUOTE]

    What a nice message, thank you. :) And echoes what he has said to me as well. You are right, all I care about is being his wife. We love each other for who we are.

    I still want to look my best for him, and for myself, and I do love myself. I was reading some sites about alterations and learned that if all else fails, they can always turn a zipper back into a corset, and that would more than solve any problem I could have. And right now it's not even a problem! So either way I will wear my beautiful dress, and I *should* just consider the source, you are right. :)
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  • edited May 2012
    My dress was a little tight two months before the wedding. I wouldn't freak out. 

    You don't really need to join weight watchers. You just need to start making better choices. I love www.myfitnesspal.com. Its free and it works. 
  • What mfil said was totally inappropriate.  If you got it zipped up, then it fits.  Try to focus on your health and well being and everything else will fall in to line.  Don't worry about alternations now, with a year to go.  Especially since you know you have some room to play with the seems and you could change it to a corset back. 

    Generally, dresses can be taken in 2 sizes and not necessarily let out the same amount, hence the speculation about your seamstres's comment.  But if you can switch to a corset back you probably can add a size or 2. 

    Ignore future step mom in law!!!  It will be OK and you will look beautiful in a nicely fitted dress.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_need-reassurance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:87dad863-f4fa-4ce2-9d88-a965a554f94cPost:6b6d681e-68e6-44ba-93e6-a38f92f61213">Re: Need reassurance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]My dress was a little tight two months before the wedding. I wouldn't freak out.  You don't really need to join weight watchers. You just need to start making better choices. I love <a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com." rel="nofollow">www.myfitnesspal.com.</a> Its free and it works. 
    Posted by anglyn[/QUOTE]

    I understand this is meant kindly but... is that really the point? Am I wrong that it was more than a little hurtful for my future smil to say that to me, as I stood there happily beaming in my dress? That's why I called this post "need reassurance". I know how to diet, I know how to get a dress altered. I just don't know how to feel better when someone hurts my feelings.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_need-reassurance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:87dad863-f4fa-4ce2-9d88-a965a554f94cPost:422a7af9-4951-4e7c-94c0-bfba21f54cd2">Re: Need reassurance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]What mfil said was totally inappropriate.  If you got it zipped up, then it fits.  Try to focus on your health and well being and everything else will fall in to line.  Don't worry about alternations now, with a year to go.  Especially since you know you have some room to play with the seems and you could change it to a corset back.  Generally, dresses can be taken in 2 sizes and not necessarily let out the same amount, hence the speculation about your seamstres's comment.  But if you can switch to a corset back you probably can add a size or 2.  Ignore future step mom in law!!!  It will be OK and you will look beautiful in a nicely fitted dress.
    Posted by becka717[/QUOTE]

    My dress is only fitted in the bodice, and the rest is poufy and free. I've got extremely generous seam allowances, so I take my seamstress' word that there's room to work with if necessary. But more to the point, thank you for your words of encouragement.

    And even more importantly -- are you really just a week and change to go? Congrats -- you must be so excited!
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  • I'm so, so sorry for the hurtful words.  I have some health issues that affect my weight, so I may know a bit about where you're coming from on that.  I'm glad that you've seen some of the ways that the dress could be altered if you need it, and that it was reassuring information.  You're still a year out from the wedding, I think you said, so things may change by then.  Either way, for now, keep doing what you're doing -- take care of your health the best you can, and congratulate yourself on that!  I know it is *tough* and people tend to forget or not want to hear about how ongoing issues affect your life.
    You will be beautiful on your wedding day!  You will be glowing with love for this man who appreciates you for *you*, and you will outshine the dress, regardless of any alterations you may choose to have made.  Best wishes!
  • I am so sorry that someone chose that moment to say something about you.  My mother is the EXACT same way.  She is constantly talking about how fat I am.  That is why I didn't let her go dress shopping with me.  I used to be really thin and hopefully I will be again.  Being a bigger girl I know I am not in the same league as thin girls but I want to look beautiful on my wedding day.  I am sure you look (and will look) amazing!
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