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Having a crappy day and being selfish about it. (Long)
Ugh. I'm having a horrible day and I'm being a brat about it. I can't talk to anyone about my sucky day because the two people I would talk to won't understand.
I woke up today from a dream that immediately put me in a bad mood. In the dream, I was cheating on my FI with a guy from school. *gasp*. Now, said guy is cute, and in all my classes, and I have no actual feelings for him. So whatever, no big deal, it's just a dream, but it brings to mind past indiscretions of mine that were more real. Day is off to a bad start already, AND I couldn't look that particular person in the face all day without thinking of my awkward dream. Ugh.
Oh, and it's raining for the 3rd day in a row and 35 degrees. Lovely. And I got lost (wandering around in the rain) trying to find my way to an interview for an internship that I'm interested in that turned out to be unpaid- not the end of the world, but not great.
Fast forward to lunch. Eating with my best friend and her boyfriend. The three of us always eat together and we were friends before they were dating. Then they proceed to make plans for studying all weekend and hanging out together as I sit awkwardly off to the side... can you say third wheel? No one wants to invite me to hang out... noooo... I mean, I get it, they're dating, but seriously? An afternoon or something? It doesn't have to be a lovefest allllllll weekend. Whatever. Just pretend I'm not there.
And finally, my afternoon class. We're peer reviewing final papers for each other. If we want to rewrite them we can, but we get to know everyone's opinions first and a preview of our grade with and without rewrites. I thought I was in decent shape going into today. My paper got TORN APART by the rest of the class. I was basically told, for the third time this semester, that I still don't have a foundational question for which I'm basing my entire paper off of. And I knew it was bad when the prof asked me to stay after class and talk to her. So I go to her office and she's like, "you're at a B in the class, a B- at this paper, and you would have to get an A to bring your class grade to a B+". She then proceeded to tell me that "sometimes the juice isn't worth the squeeze" and asked if I only picked my topic because it's an area of interest that my FI likes. I told her I wasn't going to bother rewriting and that I would just take my grade as is. It's not worth the pain.
Oh, and after all this, my socks are wet.
Now for the selfish part. I can't call my best friend from home about this and b!tch about my grades, because all she'll do is talk about her schoolwork and how she never gets bad grades- well, I'm sorry honey, but I'm going to a way better school than you are. I'm not taking online classes, I went to a better undergrad, and I'm going to a better grad school. The reason you have never gotten a B is because you've never had to try. But of course, I can't actually say that to my best friend since 6th grade. That's mean, and I try to not be a mean person. Instead, I'm venting here.
And for what I'd hope would be obvious reasons, I can't call my FI and b!tch about my bad morning, because I don't need him to know about my bad dreams and he's already listened to me complain up and down and inside out about this particular class and grades.
UGH. Why did I decide to do grad school? Why am I having one of those stupid days where I just want to curl up and eat popcorn until I explode? BUT instead I have to open a book and try to memorize ancient greek principle parts until they're coming out my ears?! I effing hate this.
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Re: Having a crappy day and being selfish about it. (Long)
And in the scheme of things, one B isn't the end of the world - I totally understand not wanting to start over on something you've already put a lot of effort into!
But we're here to give you internet loves and hugs too. School sucks you know whats sometimes - I know - and so I can empathize there too.
Also - wet sock are the lamesauce. They're worse than wet jeans! What a topper to your day
This box shipped toys? No this box is toy!
I think we all have those weird dreams sometimes and you just have to say 'boy that was wierd' and move on.
It really sucks when a paper or a project you worked so hard on and were feeling pretty confident about gets trashed. I think I would do the same as you and put it behind me. It probably isn't worth making yourself crazy about.
I also have wet socks at the moment so I can feel for you!
Take care. I hope the rest of your day improves!
Hope your days gets better. I'm not in grad school but I'm an English major taking all 300-400 level courses so I have a slight understanding of what you are going through with papers. I have three ten page papers to write over the next two weeks. And I wouldn't worry too much about the dream, it's just a dream. But sending good knottie vibes your way!!
At least the day is almost over, and you deserve the break you're giving yourself. Enjoy your muffins and TV. Tomorrow is another day. And I'm sure it will be better than today