Dare I ask...

meg213f

This topic always seems to get some people heated and I don't know why but I do want people's honest opinons.

Open Bar or Cash Bar?

I wanted open but my FI thought that he had one too many fraternity brother's going that would take advantage. We compromised and we are having complimentary wine passed around at dinner and possibly a signature drink.

What is every one else doing?

I'm sorry if this has been posted before..I went to look back to see if there was a post and couldn't find one.

jessicabessica

We're having an open bar.  We were going to have beer/wine and a signature cocktail, but my parents are hosting, and they wanted to host a full bar.  People are traveling from some long distances for our wedding, so I definitely understand wanting to treat them "right," and if right means a full open bar to the hosts, it doesn't really matter to me.  I don't know if we're still having a sig cocktail.  What are you thinking for yours? 

We didn't want to do a full bar because we're having a mid-afternoon lunch reception, and we just didn't think it was necessary to have copious amounts of hard liquor at that time of day.  But I've made peace with it.  It's the Sunday of a holiday weekend, most people will be staying in the area...let them drink whatever they want. 

One thing to think about for you, Meg, is that if people are determined to get smashed, they will, whether they have to do it on wine alone or pay for it themselves or bring in a flask.  I think that having a good bartender who is able to cut people off or otherwise moderate drinking habits is key to making sure that people don't get too out of control with drinking. 

littlefieldmj

We're doing a cash bar and I don't see anything wrong with it.  I know traditionally and etiquette-wise it should be open bar, but it's common for all the weddings I've been to recently to have a cash bar.  We'll have non-alc offerings like lemonade, iced tea, coffee, etc available for free.  Our reception is at a restaurant, so any booze we'd want to serve would have to be purchased through them, and it was too costly.  We're having a daytime reception (2-7p), so I don't think guests will care. 

Story: I had a friend who went to a wedding that had an open bar for a two hour window before dinner.  She and her friends pounded drinks to take advantage of the free booze, and then they were sloppy for the rest of the reception.  She regrets it now of course, and said because of that, she'd never do an open bar.  Just a thought to pass along. 

I think it has to do with the circles you run in and the expectation of the guests.  We're feeding 'em and entertaining 'em, if they need booze on top of it to have a good time they can purchase it, NBD.  I think having passed wine is a wonderful comprimise to an open bar.  Bottom line: you have to know your crowd.  Good luck planning!!

Nomer

I agree that this is always a sticky topic but IMO you can only do what you can afford. With that said, the only thing I find really tacky is when people are expected to pay for non-alcoholic beverages as well. I went to a wedding once that was like that, and that was a definite turn off for me. As long as you're NOT doing that then whatever you decide will be fine.

We went with an open bar for cocktail hour and then did a signature drink and wine with dinner. It worked out well for us because people still had "free" alcohol after the open bar was open and if they didn't like their choices, they could purchase what they wanted. It was a decent compromise, I think. But my family is also Italian so wine with dinner is kinda a given.

slwager

May I ask is this a budget issue or safety issue?  If it's budget I think it's fine to "scale down" your bar to beer and wine etc.  If it's because you think they'll get smashed...they might.  and not having booze won't change that.

michelly73

We are doing open beer, wine and a signature martini. My personal opinion is that its nice to offer your guest some sort of liquor option. If they were coming to my home, I would have beer and wine on hand. This is just on a larger scale. But to each's own.

LHB2011

We're doing beer/wine and signature drink for the length of the reception (including cocktail hour and dinner).  Our caterer charges a fixed price per person for bar options as well and the full open bar was too high for us, but we wanted to offer liquor (also, I'm half-French on my mom's side, and my family would have disowned me if I didn't serve wine.  Wine isn't liquor in France, it's a preferable alternative to water ;-)
Are your bar options consumption-based or per-person based?

plato79

We aren't 100% sure yet. I feel like this has been my resounding response to all questions lately! Included in our package is: full open bar for cocktail hour, champagne toast, and wine with dinner. We have toyed with open beer/wine, we have toyed with full open, and we've toyed with just purchasing another hour or so. Then we've also thought about setting a flat fee and when it's exhausted, changing it over to cash. I stress about this big time and I'm not sure what we'll end up picking. I agree w/pp that whatever we choose, non-alcoholic beverages will be on us. 

I think people should offer what they can afford and are comfortable with. I take no offense either way at the weddings I've attended.

britthall06

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_maine_dare-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:98Discussion:5b64c4d4-116c-42b6-8f7e-5d76dd7ce1d7Post:9d7d83a7-9775-404e-8e59-c87168a91f2e">Re: Dare I ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]We're doing a cash bar and I don't see anything wrong with it.  I know traditionally and etiquette-wise it should be open bar, but it's common for all the weddings I've been to recently to have a cash bar.  We'll have non-alc offerings like lemonade, iced tea, coffee, etc available for free.  Our reception is at a restaurant, so any booze we'd want to serve would have to be purchased through them, and it was too costly.  We're having a daytime reception (2-7p), so I don't think guests will care.  Story: I had a friend who went to a wedding that had an open bar for a two hour window before dinner.  She and her friends pounded drinks to take advantage of the free booze, and then they were sloppy for the rest of the reception.  She regrets it now of course, and said because of that, she'd never do an open bar.  Just a thought to pass along.  I think it has to do with the circles you run in and the expectation of the guests.  We're feeding 'em and entertaining 'em, if they need booze on top of it to have a good time they can purchase it, NBD.  I think having passed wine is a wonderful comprimise to an open bar.  <strong>Bottom line: you have to know your crowd.</strong>  Good luck planning!!
Posted by littlefieldmj[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this. I know our guests, they know us and they'll understand that paying for their drinks isn't in our budget. Personally, if I've been offered plenty of non-alcoholic drinks and choose to have beer, wine or a mixed drink I don't mind opening my wallet for it. It's absolutely an awesome gesture if you can afford it and some crowds expect it, but not everyone can do it.

staceymhanson

We are doing a cash my parents are paying for a majority of stuff but they will not pay for a open bar, and we can't afford it with the other things we are paying for. I would rather spend the money on good food then booze. I find nothing wrong with cash bars the last 5 wedding i have been to have been cash bars. I say do what you can afford and want and to hell with anybody else its yours and your fiance's day!

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_maine_dare-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:98Discussion:5b64c4d4-116c-42b6-8f7e-5d76dd7ce1d7Post:9d7d83a7-9775-404e-8e59-c87168a91f2e">Re: Dare I ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]Story: I had a friend who went to a wedding that had an open bar for a two hour window before dinner.  She and her friends pounded drinks to take advantage of the free booze, and then they were sloppy for the rest of the reception.  She regrets it now of course, and said because of that, she'd never do an open bar.  Just a thought to pass along. 
Posted by littlefieldmj[/QUOTE]

I don't like when there is an open bar for part of the time and then all cash.  I don't mind if it's full open bar for cocktail hour and then switches to wine and beer, or even if it's all just wine and beer or all cash all the time (you do what you can afford and what fits into how you've prioritized your budget, I'm fine with that).  It's just when it changes over, I feel like I'm not getting the same as some other people because I don't drink as fast.  It's more a principle thing than having to pay for my own drinks. 

plato79

<div>This is one of the reasons I'm pushing for us to just have cash bar after the cocktail hour or beer & wine for the remainder of the night. I feel like it's confusing, too, if at some point things just get cut off. I have yet to attend a wedding where things turn over to cash mid-reception, so I'm wary of doing it for my own. I have no issue with paying for all of my drinks and I think everyone likes open bar when it's available (though I never expect it). I just feel like it would be weird to switch half way. Anyone else have thoughts? Has anyone attended a mid-way-switch wedding? I'm curious how it went. </div><div>
</div><div>We are paying for the entire reception ourselves, so it'll be a stretch to do all-open.</div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_maine_dare-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:98Discussion:5b64c4d4-116c-42b6-8f7e-5d76dd7ce1d7Post:b63b4013-0ad8-408b-84a4-698427b1b1af">Re: Dare I ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dare I ask... : I don't like when there is an open bar for part of the time and then all cash.  I don't mind if it's full open bar for cocktail hour and then switches to wine and beer, or even if it's all just wine and beer or all cash all the time (you do what you can afford and what fits into how you've prioritized your budget, I'm fine with that).  It's just when it changes over, I feel like I'm not getting the same as some other people because I don't drink as fast.  It's more a principle thing than having to pay for my own drinks. 
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

hcorr34

This will be a decision we make in June.  If we have extra money, then we'll do something beyond cocktail hour, but right now, just cocktail hour will be open for beer and wine and possibly a signature drink.

Before getting engaged and coming on here, I NEVER knew that cash bars were a wedding no-no in the eyes of the etiquette police.  I've never been to an open bar wedding, and I've been to a lot of weddings.

schadbourne

i have never been to an open bar, it has been either cash or no booze at all.

As a guest I love the option to get drinks and pay for them than no booze. To me no booze= minimal dancing.

we are having a cash, there is simply no money to have an open bar

fickrj5

We are meeting with our reception venue next month and will decide if beer, wine, and bellinis are an affordable option.  I have no idea what they are going to charge us for them so we will have to decide when we find out.  I would like to offer those three, but if it's not in our budget than our crowd will understand.  All non-alcoholic beverages are included in our package. 

jpickering8

Non-alcoholic beverages will be free, we may have a couple of kegs that we purchase but otherwise it will be cash.  All of our family & friends drink obnoxious amounts of beer so wine would be left on the tables.. Our family will definitely understand..

I've been to both cash & open bars.. We always assume it's cash & it's a nice surprise if it's open at all.. I'm not worried about it though

chrispygal

I've been to both and honestly, either one is ok with me.  We wanted to offer open bar to our guests no matter what we did, but that was our personal preference.  I never get upset if I have to buy drinks at a wedding, but always think wine at the table or drinks during cocktail hour is a nice touch.    

jelenybeany

so funny i just "found out" the other day that a cash bar is supposed to be tacky...i've never been to a wedding with an open bar though...i don't think i'd ever expect free alcohol. My FI and I are hashing this out right now. I don't want people getting liqoured up at our wedding, but I also want to offer something. I think we should just do open cocktail hour, and then complimentary non alcoholic drinks for the rest of the night. He wants full on open bar. Of our 40 guests, only abour 15-20 are old enough to drink/will drink so it's not an issue of cost, it's an issue of his frat buddies who pee in trashcans every time they have a couple of beers.

Also my venue is confusing the heck out of me on how they do open bar.

hcorr34

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_maine_dare-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:98Discussion:5b64c4d4-116c-42b6-8f7e-5d76dd7ce1d7Post:1b9fa322-7d75-4c83-a1db-502d82ccf66b">Re: Dare I ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]so funny i just "found out" the other day that a cash bar is supposed to be tacky...i've never been to a wedding with an open bar though...i don't think i'd ever expect free alcohol. My FI and I are hashing this out right now. I don't want people getting liqoured up at our wedding, but I also want to offer something. I think we should just do open cocktail hour, and then complimentary non alcoholic drinks for the rest of the night. He wants full on open bar. Of our 40 guests, only abour 15-20 are old enough to drink/will drink so it's not an issue of cost, <strong>it's an issue of his frat buddies who pee in trashcans every time they have a couple of beers</strong>. Also my venue is confusing the heck out of me on how they do open bar.
Posted by jelenybeany[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't let this be your deciding factor.  If people want to have more than one or two drinks, they're going to drink, regardless of if it's free or they have to pay. 

shandorfml2

We're doing cash bar, can't afford open and I have never heard of it being tacky until joining the knot haha. I've been to a few weddings and they were all cash.