venue complications-long

I'm basically just going to list out my frustrations, and if you happen to have a suggestion, please feel free to offer it :-)

essentially my fi was zero help in planning our wedding. he kept saying "i don't care, i just want good food, you decide". He's like this with basically everything. So I researched venue locations for months. I found a venue I liked, and booked it.

Now I'm becoming frustrated with the venue. I love the actual space, but the woman who runs it isn't a bag of peaches to work with. She acts annoyed with me every time I email her, and it truly seems to me she's making this whole wedding thing up as she goes along. (She probably is considering there's only been one other wedding at this venue.)

While I'm talking to my fi about this last night, he tells me he thinks we should cancel the venue, and do a tent wedding, and that's what he wanted to do all along! Are you serious? He honestly offered zero opinion on any of this, and now all of a sudden he'd like me to know he's disappointed in the venue and food situation. He even had the nerve to tell me I should have researched more!

Can I reiterate that I am a stay at home mom, so once the house is cleaned up and my baby is happy, all I have been doing for months is researching? I met with at least a dozen venues, have spoken with caterers, done online research, driven all over the state, and attended three bridal shows this year to get ideas, and he tells me I should have done more research?

It wouldn't be a big deal to cancel on our venue because we get the deposit back as long as we cancel two months in advance, but I feel like our wedding plans have changed so often all ready (we originally wanted to elope, then decided since our family was devastated we'd have a small ceremony in Florida where most of our family is, then that was terribly inconvenient for everyone here so we cancelled that, and I booked the place we're at now) I'm worried that we're never going to settle on a place.

There are a ton of positives about having a tent wedding, and while it would get expensive quickly, I think ultimately we would save at least some money. What really makes me want to have a tent wedding is that I'm dying for more creativity with food, beverages, and decorations at our current venue, but it's all restricted.

The only real things stopping me from changing to a tent wedding is that I'm TERRIFIED it will rain. It makes me shake in my rain boots thinking about it.

Also, I just want something final. Our wedding is four months away, and I hate to change something so major so close to the wedding.

Also, the woman who owns are venue terrifies me, and even though it's in the contract that I get my money back, I'm scared to tell her. I'm not a spineless person ordinarily, but this woman is scary.

Anywho, I just needed to get that out there I guess. Anyone else have major last minute changes?

Re: venue complications-long

  • schadbourneschadbourne member
    edited December 2011
    well since you or your FI are not happy about your current location i would change it. When you tell the lady you would like your money back tell her straight up. I am not pleased with your customer service and lack of profesionalism. I have decided to go with another option that suits me and my FI better.

    tent weddings can cost a lot because of all the things you have to rent/buy. Though if its a small wedding it could be fairly inexpensive.

    when i was considereing tent weddings i considered clear tents. In that case if it was sunny you could see the sky and if it was rainy you could see the rain dripping (both were romantic in my view)

    looking something like this

    a company in maine that rents them is this :

    then again if you are looking for budget i might research a new venue. Where are you looking? Ladies on here are very helpul with venue suggestions (some you can't find on the internet)

    then again there is always the option of eloping and having a reception for friends and family on another day/month or year that could be as related to a 'wedding' reception or party as you want

    good luck, you are not alone with venue frustration (my coordinator at my venue called me and asked me what time my wedding was again to see if she could do a brunch the same day!!!!!) i was like um he!! no
  • edited December 2011
    So sorry about the complications. I agree that you both sound uncomfortable with the venue, and should change. Depends on what you want for a venue. Tents can be expensive, but I have no clue what your budget is. I looked into a bunch of reception sites as well, what area are you looking to get married? Some of the not-as-popular or well known probably still have availability.
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  • jelenybeanyjelenybeany member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    for 40 people are budget for everything is around $5000...that's dress, food, venue, decorations, etc.

    if anyone has any reasonable suggestions that would be great.

    I LOVE the clear tent. I've never heard of that. I agree that it wouldn't matter if it were sunny or raining. That's awesome.

    We're flexible about where we get married. We live in the Portland area, but are willing to travel (as are our guests) a couple of hours. I really don't want something that looks like a banquet hall though. Our venue didn't look like that. Thanks for your suggestions.

    I can't believe your venue would try and squeeze a brunch in on your wedding day!!!
  • plato79plato79 member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh man - Jeleny, I'm so sorry to hear about these frustrations! I agree w/PP that you probably should cancel the venue (but not until you've already booked another one). Also, be sure to reread your contract with the current venue to be 100% sure there aren't any worries about cancelling and that you'll get the full deposit back. 

    Take it from me: I had to cancel my venue and moved my wedding up 4 months (different graduation date, quit my job, etc.). Calling the venue sucks, but just do it and stick to your guns. Also be clear about when you will receive your payment back and in what form of payment. You want to make sure to cancel under the terms of the contract (i.e. it may require notice in writing). 

    That being said, planning my wedding in 4 months was a God send. I could not be happier about moving places, moving the date, and getting it all done. This is your and FI's wedding - make it one you won't regret. I understand you want a final venue (I really did think I was nuts when I was going to cancel), but it sounds like things will work out. You might even be able to get a deal since any place that is not booked yet will not likely BE booked. Be sure to ask for discounts!

    Good luck! Be strong! Hugs!
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  • plato79plato79 member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Check out Sunday River - they have good prices, good foor, beautiful settings and can do a 40 person wedding. They list their prices on their website. Emily who is the wedding coordinator is THE NICEST PERSON to deal with too. I highly recommend it!
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  • jelenybeanyjelenybeany member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    thanks plato :) i'll check them out, they look nice :)
  • edited December 2011
    I just wanted to agree that it sounds like you should cancel.  It's crappy that your FI waited until now to mention that he actually does have an opinion about this, but it sounds like you also would prefer finding something else, so I think if you both agree, you should go for it.  

    That clear tent is awesome.  I never saw anything like it.  I just wanted to mention that if it's a hot day, people might roast--the clear tent will let the sunlight in, and then I might be worried about a greenhouse effect that kind of traps the heat.  Just something to think about if and check with the tent company if you go that route.  

    It sounds like you have a lot on your plate between being an awesome stay at home mom and planning your wedding.  I don't have kids, so I don't know how I would feel as a SAHM, but I would guess that doing those two things exclusively might drive me crazy (or crazier, as FI likes to say), so I hope you have some time to hang out with friends and do things totally for yourself!

    Good luck!

  • britthall06britthall06 member
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you have to deal with this! I know how it feels, I just did the opposite..swapped from a tented reception to indoors 4 months before the wedding and I'm not thrilled about it, but this could work in your favor! (By the way, congratulations on still having a fiance around to marry! You clearly have more patience than I do! haha)

    I don't know much about what's out there in your neck of the woods, but I would definitely look for nice parks, maybe sunday river like they said. I'll warn you that when I initially started looking I had a hard time finding any place that will let you just pitch a tent. There were outrageous fees, requirements for catering, just not the flexibility we needed..which is why I recommend parks and not places that are typical wedding spots.

    Good luck, I hope it all works out!
  • edited December 2011
    fosters clambake is doing our RD and has fabulous food if you're going for a more laid back vibe.  they also have wonderful venue suggestions and carry insurance for many of them.

    it sounds like you won't be happy in your current location.  your fi is being a dumb boy and all that but it seems like he echoing what you already think.
  • edited December 2011
    slwagger's recc reminded me to post my recc for our RD caterer--Finest Kind in North Yarmouth.  She has a variety of menus online, she seems reasonably priced, and she's very nice to work with.  She had us come over to her house to do a tasting and then gave us the leftovers (no charge for the tasting if you book her).  She's very no drama, too, and has experience doing clambakes for 1000+ people, so our BBQ in the park is no sweat.

  • littlefieldmjlittlefieldmj member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href=" Wedding BoardsForum:98Discussion:a563e95e-995e-4626-8dc0-b86e396fcd3bPost:499b336e-82c8-4857-ac4a-50d06a6891d1">Re: venue complications-long</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>fosters clambake</strong> is doing our RD and has fabulous food if you're going for a more laid back vibe.  they also have wonderful venue suggestions and carry insurance for many of them. it sounds like you won't be happy in your current location.  your fi is being a dumb boy and all that but it seems like he echoing what you already think.
    Posted by slwager[/QUOTE]

    I'll second Foster's.  We're doing our wedding there, and Michelle at Foster's is wicked nice.  They have land out back where you can pitch a tent, and you'll have the space all day, for as long as you want.  I can't remember the fee, but I remember being surprised at how inexpensive it was.  We're using their indoor option b/c I didn't have a budget for a tent.  Good luck planning!!
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  • jelenybeanyjelenybeany member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    finest kind has been recommended before as well. If we do the tent wedding, we'll be doing it in my FIs parent's yard...they have 40 acres and a massive empty house since their children are grown. I actually found a tent person who's prices were rock bottom, but this is in the middle of nowhere. Now I need to find a caterer who won't charge me crazy fees to cater to us in the middle of no where.

    thanks again everyone!
  • jq104jq104 member
    First Comment
    Who is your cheap tent person?
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