I have never had a strong desire to be a mom. I had one doll growing up and she wasn't my baby; she was my friend. I love other people's children. I've been a camp counselor and a baby sitter. I know how to care for babies and children. I can be maternal. I just don't want to be.
Type 1 (juvenile) diabetes runs in my family and usually skips a generation. My mom has it, I don't. If I had kids, they likely would. My FI recently found out he has polycystic kidney disease. That is the disease that killed his father. We both have other genetic problems, but those are the two major ones. Pretty much both have a 50/50 chance of being passed on. I'm almost certain the diabetes would, but I'm not a scientist.
He has decided he wants kids. I really think it is a response to his diagnosis, but I'm not certain. I am still against having kids. He agreed with me until (as far as I know) yesterday. I'm not even kidding when I say from our first date we have agreed that if we ever decide to have kids adoption would be the way to go.
I asked him why he changed his mind on that. He gave me an answer that literally is the most hurtful thing he or anyone has ever said to me. He said that if we adopted I probably wouldn't be very likely to be motherly to the kid. I told him he was wrong and that was very hurtful.
I don't know what to do at this point. Part of me is afraid of passing along these deadly genes we have. Part of me is afraid he is going to die young (like his father) and leave me alone with a kid that I am not even sure I want.
To clarify, I do kind of want kids, but just not (always) the biological kind. I would hate to have a child knowing what I know and then have to give it multiple shots a day as it screams, and prick their little fingers. The thought of that breaks my heart. I also don't want to bring a baby into the world knowing it only has a 50/50 shot at living a normal life. It would be my worst nightmare if it had both diabetes and PKD. I want the experience of having them, but not the pain of killing them with my bad genes.