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Wedding Invitations & Paper
jwatts2
member
"Adults Only"? Is it rude?
My wedding is next September and is out of town for both sides of our families. For a variety of reasons, my fiancee and I decided we wanted "adults only" for the ceremony and reception. Due to budget concerns (my family is HUGE, inviting my cousins children would honestly add another 41 people to the menu. My location does not offer a childrens menu either), and the fact that my cousins do not watch their children and I do not want them running all over (I remember their weddings, what a nightmare!) we felt it would be best to have adults only.
Someone please tell me if this is rude? And also the best way to word it on the invitations??
Thank you, this is my first post!
Jodi
Someone please tell me if this is rude? And also the best way to word it on the invitations??
Thank you, this is my first post!
Jodi
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "Adults Only"? Is it rude?
All but two of our guests are coming in from OOT and we're being married in a historic home that does not allow children - it's actually in the contract we signed.
The same day the STDs went out, we e.mailed anyone invited who had a kid and let them know about this. We didn't want them booking airline tickets if it was going to be a problem. We didn't have any problems; all of them said grams and gramps were on standby. One friend who will have a two month old told me that she still had friends in Philly who would watch her newest little one and the other two. From what I've seen on these boards though, my situation is the rare one.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
There is no polite way to explicitly say it on the invites. Do not put "Adult Reception" or "Adults Only" on the invitation. Address the invitiation only to those invited. So Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, not The Smith Family. If guests RSVP with their children (or other uninvited addittions), simply call them up and say "I'm sorry for any confusion, but the invitation was intended for you and Mr. Smith. We are unable to accomodate little Johnny and Suzy. I hope you are still able to attend."
It's not rude to have an adult reception. It is rude to state, "Adult Reception" or "No children please" or anything along those lines on the invitation.
Just address the invitation to those in the family you wish to invite.
That said, if you have a website and a lot of OOT guests, I'd do things to make it clear. For example, BIL and SIL had a link on their website about how they were providing childcare during the reception for guests who were traveling with children and a child's meal would be provided downstairs.
If you're not doing that, you could say things like, "For our OOT guests, if you need a babysitter on wedding day, please contact the following people who can put you in touch with some great local babysitters."
And if people ask if their children are invited or they make comments about how their 4 yo daughter can't wait to see you in your dress, just be honest and nice about it.
ie: Jane Doe accepts declines
& they can circle & send it back. I figured it could help with the confusion of children not being invited. I also put it on my wedding website so that my guests would know ahead of time. If some fall through the cracks & still RSVP that their children will be coming, we'll have to make that dreaded phone call. But stand by your decision, don't let anyone guilt you into anything you don't want - it's your day!
My Planning Bio ** For Sale
UPDATED 1/5/11
We did an adult-only destination wedding, and no one declined due to childcare issues. This was probably because 1) the wedding was in Vegas, so people were less inclined to bring children even had they been welcome, 2) the two infants in the family were the exceptions, and 3) it was relatively easy for the parents of older children to leave them with relatives; for instance, my brother's stepdaughters just spent the weekend with their bio-dad.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
I beg to differ with ppl saying not to put "adult reception" on invites and just addressing them to Mr. & Mrs. If you don't make it known that it is adult only from the door it can't lead to an akward situation/conversation with responding guests if they take to upon themselves to add chlidren's names to the rsvp cards (believe me it happens much more that you would expect).
If it is an Adult Reception put it on the invitations your guests not have any problem with you being honest and up front with them and if they do...s**t on them.
[QUOTE]I beg to differ with ppl saying not to put "adult reception" on invites and just addressing them to Mr. & Mrs. If you don't make it known that it is adult only from the door it can't lead to an akward situation/conversation with responding guests if they take to upon themselves to add chlidren's names to the rsvp cards (believe me it happens much more that you would expect). If it is an Adult Reception put it on the invitations your guests not have any problem with you being honest and up front with them and if they do...s**t on them.
Posted by ncanduci[/QUOTE]
That's a really bad attitude to have.
You don't assume that your guests don't understand how to read in advance. Address the envelope appropriately and if you have to go back to have the awkward conversation, it's awkward for the guests since THEY made the mistake - rather than you making the error in a rude invitation.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
[QUOTE]The proper etiquete is to say 'Adults Only Ceremony and Reception' on the reply card only and not the invitation. :)
Posted by belgirl[/QUOTE]
Did you bother to read above? You are definitely mistaken in your etiquette here.
[QUOTE]Uh yes, I read, and from doing research, putting exclusions on the invite is considered inappropriate; however on the reply card its acceptable as long as you put "Adults only Ceremony and Reception" . Addressing the invite with adult names only is also acceptable. Your rudeness Is really not necessary
Posted by belgirl[/QUOTE]
I'm not being rude. I was just surprised that you are stating something that isn't correct.
You should not indicate "adults only" anywhere within the contents of the invitation. I'm not sure where you found that information. It's incorrect.
http://www.superweddings.com/interview_ocalastarbanner_1201.html
http://www.beau-coup.com/wedding-invitations-etiquette-proper-wording.htm
http://www.a-wedding-reception.com/wedding-reception-etiquette.html
Linda Kevich is off her rocker on quite a few points.
Beau Coup misses other wording issues.
And I have no idea what the other reception etiquette site is. It's off on the adult's only portion at least.
However I can understand why people think it's OK if it's out there.
When in doubt, go to established sources like Crane's.