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Invites and Paper

No invitation to my nieces wedding.

My niece's wedding is in 3 weeks.  My husband and I have not received an invitation to the wedding.  We also did not receive an invitation to the engagement party, until someone told the bride we had not received that invitation. I was told a member of the wedding party had not received an invitation either.  Anyway, I have received an invitation to the bridal shower.  Do I go to the bridal shower, even though I am not invited to the wedding?  It's going to be a huge wedding, and my out of state relatives have been calling saying they received their wedding invitations and are coming to the wedding.  I would think since there was a goof on the engagement invitation, the bride would have done everything possible to make sure I received a wedding invitation. However, I don't feel, I should say anything to my niece (the bride) about not receiving the wedding invitation, because just maybe for some odd reason she doesn't want me there.  Besides, I don't want to do anything to upset her right before her wedding .  So, what I do?   

Re: No invitation to my nieces wedding.

  • Is this your niece on your side?  Could you call your sister or brother to ask what's going on?  Personally, I wouldn't attend a shower to a wedding I wasn't invited to, and it was rude of them to invite you to that if you aren't invited to the wedding.  I would call someone and find out.
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  • Yes, it's my niece.  For the engagement party, the bride's mother was asked by someone else, if there was a goof on the invitation and the mother (my sister-in-law) called to apologize and invited me and my husband to the engagement party and sent an invitation.  I guess, I am not real comfortable asking again, if there was a goof on the wedding invitation.
  • I wouldn't go to the shower. If there was a goof in the invites and you didn't get one and was suppose to, they should be calling you about your RSVP.

  • Who is the shower host (relative to both you and the bride)? Depending on the situation, I might call the shower host right before the RSVP deadline, and tell her that I wouldn't feel comfortable attending the shower since I haven't received a wedding invitation. That information might trickle down to the bride, in case the invitation really was lost. 
  • It's your niece...I'd say go to the shower if you are invited.

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  • I would call and ask.  If you were invited to the shower and engagement party, you're likely invited to the wedding and its a goof.  That would be absolutely bizarre and terrible etiquette no to invite you to the wedding but the parties and showers before it...
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  • I would go to the shower and ask the bride's mom about not receiving an invite.
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  • I would call the bride's mother (your sibling, if I'm reading this right). It's possible your niece has your address wrong. 

    She's getting married in three weeks, and hasn't had a shower yet?  Weird.  That happened with my shower, but my MOH seriously dropped the ball.  

    If it turns out you aren't invited to the wedding, I wouldn't go to the shower.  If you're not important enough to get invited to the wedding, you don't owe her a gift.


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  • I think its strange that they invited you to the shower and didn't invite you to the wedding. Which makes me think that invite did get lost.
    That being said as far as the engagement party goes, one of my good friends called to ask if she could invite her mom to my bridal shower (she is throwing the shower). I was not planning to invite her mom to my wedding (and thus not to my shower either). When her mom ASKED to be invited to my shower after I had given and checked the invite list twice; I felt bad and could not say no (even though I thought it was pretty obvious I was not planning to invite her). My mom says I should just not invite her to the wedding since she invited herself to the shower; but now I will be inviting her and her husband to the wedding. SO unless the bride or her mom said they sent an invite and it got lost I would not take for granite you were originally invited to engagement party and wedding. If you call and ask someone you will definitely be invited. I'm not sure there is a good way to go about getting a real answer.

    Now all of that being said; if you want to go to the shower and spend an afternoon with your niece then I say go even if you weren't invited to the wedding. If you are not excited about the shower then don't go and see if they call about the RSVP for the wedding. You can always give a larger present for the wedding if you skip the shower.
    Also, what type of mail are they using that they don't get the invitation returned if it doesn't get delivered?
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I read this as MOB is your husband's sister.  In that case, I would have my husband call his sister, and ask whether we were invited.  Unless they are estranged or something, I cannot imagine an aunt & uncle being excluded when more distant family is invited.  And also, it's his sister.  He should be close enough to her to just ask.  If it were a more distant family member or friend, I would never do that.  But his sister?  He needs to call her and ask what's up.

    Either someone is pissed of at him/you and you'll need to deal with whatever it is or bride has your address wrong and wasn't bright enough to fix it after the e-party.
  • Today, I received a rehearsal dinner invitation, addressed to Mrs. Pam S., but it did not include my husband's name.  Is this because I am the Aunt?  My husband and I still have not received a wedding invitation.  I had decided to go to the bridal shower, out of consideration for my niece (bride).  But, now I am thoroughly confused about what to do.  Not sure, I want to attend the rehearsal dinner without my husband.  I saw where someone said, not to ask, if we were suppose to be invited to the wedding, because then they feel they have to say yes. 
  • I would assume you've been invited to the wedding. I can't imagine you were invited to an engagement party, shower, and rehearsal dinner but not the wedding. Just call someone and see what's up.
  • ritakellyritakelly member
    100 Comments
    edited May 2011
    I'm not saying you shouldn't ask. I was just saying in my case I felt I had to say yes. Now, that person was not a family member and I thought it was pretty obvious that I had not "forgot" her. I didn't send her a STD, I never asked for her address, and I didn't put her on my original list to the girl throwing the shower.

    If you just got an invite for the rehearsal dinner; I think you should call at that point if you haven't been sent a invite to the wedding. That's ridiculous that they haven't inquired about the RSVP yet or just asked in casual conversation "have you received your invite".

    Edit: Also, I would ask about the rehearsal invite only going to you. That's so strange (your not even the blood relative, right, you husband is). I can't imagine they only want you to come without your husband. -- :\
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