Save the dates for adult only wedding

kaylamarie83

My fiance has a very large extended family with lots of children. We have decided that we would prefer to have just the adults at our wedding, so that they can enjoy themselves. He feels that this is something that we should state on our save-the0dates so that people can start to plan accordingly. What would the appropriate wording be?

MyNameIsNot

It's improper to word anything about anyone who is not invited.  The correct way for both invitations and STDs is to address them to those that are invited only.  Should people mistakenly RSVP with extra guests, you call them and politely explain that those guests were invited. 

If you really don't think people are smart enough to get it (and some aren't) spread that it is adult only by word of mouth.

duckie1905

Ditto.  It isn't appropriate to put things like "adults only" on wedding correspondence.  Address invites, STDs, etc only to those invited (Mr. and Mrs. John Doe instead of Doe Family) and call anyone that RSVPs with extras to let them know that their kids aren't invited.

jamlynlaw

I am not having children at my wedding either.  I totally agree... You need to let your guest know ahead of time!  They have to find a babysitter and be aware a head of time so they do not get upset as the time gets closer.  If they do not know ahead of time they will get their children excited for the wedding and then have to disappoint them or they will bring them anyways!  MOST people these days are not aware of the proper invitation.  If you just do Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, they will NOT realize that they can not bring their children.   Sorry, but I know what your going through and when I had a post about this a lot of people told me not to say anything, but everyone I know totally disagrees.  Especially the people that have children. 

I was looking for a good poem or a fun and polite to say no children...However, I have been out of luck thus far.  As of now we are just going to put.....  This evening will be a celebration for adults only. 

Good luck.  If you find something else thats better please let me know  

squirrly

Really, to say anything about not inviting children OFFICIALLY would be very, very rude.  The best thing to do is address the STDs to the adults ONLY, do NOT say "and family."  Then, ask your immediate family and WP to casually let other friends and family know that it will be an adults only event.

If you have a wedding website, you could create a section titled "Child Care" and note that there will not be a children's room at the reception, but that you would be happy to help any OOT guests find a qualified local babysitter, if they would like to travel with their children.  That implies that children will not be at the reception with outright saying so. 

jennylove810

How much time to people really need to find a babysitter?  Assuming we're not talking about out of state travel or overnight stays, and assuming you send your invites out several weeks before the wedding, I'd figure that would be MORE than enough time for parents to find a babysitter.

aerinpegadrak

Are any people planning on coming from OOT with children?  This is a concern that we have for our destination wedding, because I'd hate for people to buy a plane ticket and book a hotel room for a child who isn't invited.  I would call up (or have FI call, if they're on his side) anyone who would have to travel and give them a heads up that you can't accommodate children.  That's pretty much our plan.

sdbeatty85

How does it work if I have a lot of nieces and nephews under the age of 12 and 2 brothers that are only 10 and 12? I obviously want them all there and the girls are in my wedding party. But I have Friends and Aunts and Uncles that all have young kids and I do not want them there simply because we have to keep our guest number down. Will they be offended that their kids can't come but there will be some kids there?

squirrly

Yes, some people will be offended.  But some people will be offended that you didn't have the same colors they did at their wedding.  Or that you didn't invite the parents and grandparents of all the members of your WP. 

Invite the guests you want to be there.  Try to apply a uniform rule (only children of immediate family, etc.), but accept that no matter what you do - someone will be offended.  That doesn't mean you've done something wrong, though.  As long as you're uniform, polite, etc., it's totally ok to design your guest list as you chose.

BrandiRN

Most people that I have known put on the invitation "Adult

reception to follow" or something similar.

kgadbois

I have been debating the same issue for quite some time now as I am having a cottage tent wedding and there is simply not enough space to have everyone PLUS their children. Not to mention that I would then have to rent high chairs etc and it would get quite complicated.  For the save the dates I just addressed them to those family members invited, however, based on peoples responses to my parents and myself, I know for a fact that it was not clear from the addressing that children were not invited.  

So... I have decided to write on my invitation that an "adults only reception" is to follow the ceremony.  While that may disappoint people initially I think it avoids the potential for a lot more awkward situation if you became forced to call someone up to 'uninvite' their children.

I know this is against true wedding tradition but lets face it, how many "traditional" weddings are there anymore?

kellymsky

I would just write on the invites adults only. Anything goes these days and if it's close family and friends they will not find this rude and if something little like that is gona set them off then they shouldn't be at your wedding either. p.s. I have 2 kids and I would never be offended to receive a invitation that said adults only on it.

tommyandy

Get married at 9 pm.  That way it is past their bedtime. 

sarahmilbury

I recently had an OOT adults only wedding and we sent an email to all guests after the STDs were mailed out mentioning no children were invited.  We had a small wedding at a vineyard that simply did not have room or the venue for children.  Had we invited children we would have had a very different wedding consider all most all our friends have children under the age of 3.  We prefered an adults only night to celebrate our marriage.

A few people did not attend and we got a couple off side comments but frankly I could care less.  People need to understand this is your day not their day to show off their kids.  Some friends that brought their kids for the weekend thought it was unacceptable to consider leaving their child with a certifed, qualified, & professional baby sitting company so they brought a family member with them to take care of the child. 

Everyone will have a different opinion of how you choose to host your wedding.  Beware of the people who think it's unreasonable to leave their kids for even an hour but if they can't do that for you then get rid of them.

Have a great child-less day!!

squirrly

As I said before, it's absolutely acceptable to invite whomever you want.  However, you should understand that if you have a child-free wedding, some parents WILL be offended, so you should be prepared for that.

That said - it IS impolite to say "Adult Only" or send notice that you're not inviting children.  If you address the STD only to the parents, your guests should figure it out.  If they're unsure, they'll likely ask someone.  If your immediate family and WP know it's a no kids event, they can spread the info by word of mouth.  If they RSVP with kids, then you can call the parents and let them know that only the adults as detailed on the invite were actually invited.  Just be prepared for some number of declines because of it. 

JNL$LSM

We tried that polite way on our save of dates and people did not understand that. So, we had to put on our invites no children allowed, because people did not understand when it says Mr. and Mrs. John Smith that only Mr. and Mrs. John Smith were invited, sorry little Billy has to stay at home. People even got mad because no kids were allowed but the children in our wedding party. They were like you shouldn't have kids at the wedding at all. WT heck oh well. At the end of the day it is your day. Do what makes you happy.

MyNameIsNot

You aren't supposed to put "adults only" on the invitation because it is rude to put who isn't invited on the invitation. 

If people arent' smart enough to read the envelope, then you have to call them and explain to them how it works.  But most people are smart enough to realize that only the people named on the envelope are invited.  Just because people are clueless doesn't mean you should be rude.  If you really don't think they'll get it, spread it by word of mouth.

squirrly

Think about it this way - would it be polite to put "No Redheads" on the invitation? 

I really dislike pretty much any way to word this.  The least offensive is on the RECEPTION card to say

Adult Reception
Immediately following the ceremony

And I really still don't like that.  But, at least it's describing the reception rather than saying who isn't invited, and it isn't on the actual invite.

aerinpegadrak

Maybe I just have a dirty mind, but if I hear "adult reception," it sounds like there's going to be some questionable entertainment there.  It's not something I'd want associated with my wedding.

smilz4milz

:::chiming in:::

We had a no kid reception (we had a DW @ Sandals so no worry about kids there).  We didn't state anything on the STD's though.  We did however list it on the invitations as "An Evening for Adults".  This was reinforced via our wedding website, our RSVP's ("RSVP to this evening for adults"), and when needed MOH, uncles, mom, friends, everyone knew to tell anyone who might bring their kid that it was a no-no.

Before planning my own wedding, I had no idea about paying attention to how the envelope of an invite is made out to know who can/ can't attend.  I didn't expect anyone else to know *or even pay attention* to how their envelopes were addressed.

IMHO ~ If you feel as strongly about having no kids at your reception as we did..cover all your bases!  I can tell you that our friends with kids (which is nearly all of them!) thoroughly enjoyed their night out!  We were even complimented on our decision by some who we thought would be pissed.

GL!  And remember, no matter what you do, someone will probably be offended...it's just too hard to please everyone.

squirrly

I don't like it either.  I just hate it the least of all the options.

kelalwed

If you're ceremony is in a church, you cannot say "no children", but...you can say "Adult Only Reception"

This is what my fiance and I did on our save the dates. 

If the ceremony is not in a church (as well as the reception), then it is okay to say on the save-the-dates, and invitations that the ceremony and reception will be adult only. 

If people call about it, then just explain that there is an age limit (if there is one). Just be honest and say that it will be more for adults. 

Here is our save-the-date so you can see how we worded it. 

Hope it helps. 

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_save-dates-adult-only-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:c4ec859d-a886-4bef-8236-5acb07e51b8cPost:a83fb037-f9a2-4bfe-80a8-20f7569e7563">Re: Save the dates for adult only wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're ceremony is in a church, you cannot say "no children", but...you can say "Adult Only Reception" This is what my fiance and I did on our save the dates.  If the ceremony is not in a church (as well as the reception), then it is okay to say on the save-the-dates, and invitations that the ceremony and reception will be adult only.  If people call about it, then just explain that there is an age limit (if there is one). Just be honest and say that it will be more for adults.  Here is our save-the-date so you can see how we worded it.  Hope it helps. 
Posted by kelalwed[/QUOTE]

So - it's only necessary to be polite if your ceremony is in a church?  This is not a legit etiquette rule. 

When you have a party, you invite the people you want to come.  You don't go running around telling people they aren't invited.  Saying "Adults Only" is the same thing as running around telling people you're having an awesome party, but they aren't invited. 

[Deleted User]

Yeah. Seeing it on the STD doesn't make it any better for me. Still not a good idea.