Invitation wording proof please!

fairy_diva

 What do you think?

Let this be our destiny

to love, to live

to begin each new day together

to share our lives forever

Tracy Lynn Xxxx

and

James Michael Yxxxy

invite you to share in their joy

as they vow their lives to one another

on Saturday the twenty-fifth of September

Two thousand ten

at half past three o’clock

The Pavilion at Lake Stephens

Surveyor, West Virginia

 

rae19

1. comma after Saturday to separate from date

2. I think it's two thousand and ten rather than two thousand ten

I think it is great! cute poem

jeanna85

actually two thousand ten is correct.
two thousand ten = 2010
two thousand and ten = 2000.1
i took too many math classes in college.
some etiquette sites say that:
two thousand ten = American
two thousand and ten = British

banana468

I don't love the poem at the beginning.  It's a bit wordy but it also causes the invitation to change voice in the middle.  The invitation should be in the 3rd person so the poem should be as well:

Let this be their destiny

to love, to live

to begin each new day together

to share their lives forever

Also, it's half AFTER and not past.

Lisa50

Here's my $0.02 ... 

• I agree with comma after Saturday
• I absolutely agree with Two thousand ten
• I wonder if, following the time, "in the afternoon" should be added

Honestly, I'm not clear on that last one.  Perhaps someone else here knows the proper etiquette for "in the afternoon (evening)."

Best of luck!

fairy_diva

ok, here's what I think about the advice so far..

1.  yes, it needs a comma: fixed
2.  after double checking it is two thousand ten
3.  I think instead of this:
      

Let this be their destiny
to love, to live
to begin each new day together
to share their lives forever

I'll do this: 

Let this be our destiny
to love, to live
to begin each new day together
to share our lives forever

invite you to share in our joy
as we vow our lives to one another
on Saturday, the twenty-fifth of September
Two thousand ten
at half after three o’clock
The Pavilion at Lake Stephens
Surveyor, West Virginia

 

No longer switching person, but since its the bride and groom inviting I think "our" would work.  Better?

4.  According to further etiquette research, it is "after" not past, but adding the afternoon in not necessary.  Since 3:30am is not a normal accepted time for a wedding.

detailsBYoksanaDOTcom

Consider switching the fonts where your names are cursive and the rest of the information is not. Your names need to pop out of the rest of the information, and so far they dont. Plus that cursive font gets to be too difficult to read, if there is too much of it- you are no longer reading the text, but recalling the itt from your memory since you've spent all that time designing the invite, but for people who were just reading it for the first time, it is difficult to read. 

Good luck!

banana468

Don't write the invitation in the first person.  It shouldn't read as "our" it should read as "their".

Let this be their destiny
to love, to live
to begin each new day together
to share their lives forever

invite you to share in their joy
as they vow their lives to one another
on Saturday, the twenty-fifth of September
Two thousand ten
at half after three o’clock
The Pavilion at Lake Stephens
Surveyor, West Virginia

kristinanddan

The t in the year should be lower case.

JanoBean75

I'm not a fan of fluffy invitations either -- they seem to read more as an announcement than an invitation.

And you'll get a lot of back-and-forth on the year. Both "Two thousand and ten" and "Two thousand ten" are correct in the invitation world. The reason some people don't like the "and" is that in math, "and" is a decimal. But a year on an invitation is NOT math and most high-end companies (Crane, William Arthur) use "and."

I like what Squirrly wrote.

jlk0219

Squirrly, you're definitely right about more civil unions occurring and the possibility of it getting more confusing for people.  What I meant is that the majority of Americans will expect a wedding ceremony when they receive such an invitation, since that is what is considered mainstream, and the majority of Americans still look at anything less than marriage between a man and woman as unacceptable.  I'm not saying I agree with this- I'm just stating our current political culture.  I can see where confusion would occur in more liberal areas of the country where civil unions are common.  I can't speak for what is common in West Virginia because I don't know.  I think this is an issue where the OP will have to look at who her guests are to know whether or not they'll be confused by it.

My main point was that I think if the OP likes the "fluffy" wording, then she should use it.  Since her ceremony location is somewhat non-traditional (a park, not a church, etc.) I don't think she should feel constrained to use the traditional invitation wording.