Wedding Invitations & Paper

FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus

Please help me build a new sticky.  Post your best advice HERE. 

NOTE:  This particlar thread is not for discussion on WHY something is good or bad.  Please start a new one if you want to debate something here.  I'd like this to be a concise quick reference.  If you post something totally out there, it will be subject to deletion.  In an ordinary post, I wouldn't do that, but let's focus on tried-and-true advice here - not special circumstances or exceptions.
DIY & Planning | Married 

Married: 2010
Mom to J: 2011
Mom to H: 2014

Image and video hosting by TinyPic



Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
«134

Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus

  • Q: What shouldn't go on the invitation?
    Registry information, attire guidelines (unless the wedding is truly black tie, or if the venue has dress code restrictions), any permutations of "no children allowed."
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • edited April 2010
    Q: Do I have to invite someone to the wedding if I sent them a STD?
    A: Yes

    Q: Do I have to invite someone to the wedding if they are invited to the bridal shower and/or bachelorette party?
    A: Yes

    Q: Do I have to invite a guest with their spouse, FI, or live-in partner?
    A: Yes

    Q: Even if I don't like the spouse, FI, or live-in partner?
    A: Still yes

    Q: My reception location only holds X people, how many people should I invite?
    A: No more than X people.  There is no way to predict how many people will accept your invitation.  Some brides have extremely high accept rates (almost 100%).

    Q: Can I invite someone to the ceremony only?
    A: No

    Q: I don't want people to bring their kids.  How do I communicate this?
    A: Address the envelopes (inner and outer) to the people invited. 
    If a guests RSVPs with their children, call them up and say, "I'm sorry for the confusion.  We are having an adult reception and aren't able to accomodate little Johnny.  I hope that you and Bob are still able to attend".
    ccohen0819
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:be0ee022-5282-4f00-bab9-fa9065c707b9">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
    [QUOTE]should i include a space on the invitation for the names of the invited? a lot of the more modern invitations seem to have just the details of the event and no space to put to whom it is!
    Posted by topcatiom[/QUOTE]

    the names of the people invited are on the envelope, it isnt like  a christmas card where you write their name at the top above the printed sentiment.

    maybe i misunderstood your question though?
    10-10 siggy favorite summer picture Image and video hosting by TinyPic http://hiscb.blogspot.com/
  • go to several post offices with COMPLETE invitation to get a quote on postage.

    yes you need to put postage on the return envelope for the rsvp.

    address it to WIFE AND HUSBAND LASTNAME, to not seperate the man from his last name.
    10-10 siggy favorite summer picture Image and video hosting by TinyPic http://hiscb.blogspot.com/
  • i agree, i dont want to have to write the names on it, it is however quite common where i live (UK) but i dont like it!
  • flissypflissyp member
    First Comment
    I am having the same problem. We are having a destination wedding and some people were able to tell us as soon as they received the STD that they wouldn't be able to come to the wedding. I think I might still send them an invitation with a note saying that we thought they would like an invitation as a momento. What did you decide to do?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:55f0031f-fbc0-4e87-993e-702bf4170b43">FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
    [QUOTE]Please help me build a new sticky.  Post your best advice HERE.  NOTE:  This particlar thread is not for discussion on WHY something is good or bad.  Please start a new one if you want to debate something here.  I'd like this to be a concise quick reference.  If you post something totally out there, it will be subject to deletion.  In an ordinary post, I wouldn't do that, but let's focus on tried-and-true advice here - not special circumstances or exceptions.
    Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

    I love your map for the wedding.  Who made that for you?
  • I have a question---I am not getting married in my home town--in order to try and keep my wedding small.  My friends's children are being invited to the weekend (i.e. Friday night dinner, ceremony, & Sunday breakfast); but, I am having a separate kids party for them.  Do I need to invite the children of my family who live in the city where I'm getting married to the ceremony and kids' party?


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:7af7069c-e95e-4342-b109-f78da7b1dafa">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus : I love your map for the wedding.  Who made that for you?
    Posted by xheddyx[/QUOTE]


    I did.  I used the directions on Weddingmapper.com, except that I used Photoshop as my software of choice.  It took some serious time to get it right, though - the better part of a Saturday afternoon.
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • Can I put our website at the bottom of our invitation? We only have invitations and reply cards, no other inserts, thanks!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:a4c090ae-12c6-41ab-bbda-dfce737b0e06">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can I put our website at the bottom of our invitation? We only have invitations and reply cards, no other inserts, thanks!
    Posted by khowa01[/QUOTE]


    I would not.  You can make lovely inserts out of coordinating paper/cardstock with your website on it very inexpensively.  Business card sized is fine.  Just try something like this:

    For more information on accommodations, transportation, and [insert other stuff here but DO NOT MENTION REGISTRY] please visit our wedding website:  <a href="http://www.brideandgroom.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.brideandgroom.com</a>
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • Is it okay to not let the invited single guests bring a guest?

    We have a limited amount of people that the venue can hold and have already had to trim our list.  I feel like its not fair to let some of the single people invited bring a guest who we may have never met when we've already crossed off someonewe would like to have there.

    We invited the spouses of all married couples and in a serious relationship couples.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:ff79e172-7cf5-4f6b-80d0-7981f5933a55">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is it okay to not let the invited single guests bring a guest? We have a limited amount of people that the venue can hold and have already had to trim our list.  I feel like its not fair to let some of the single people invited bring a guest who we may have never met when we've already crossed off someonewe would like to have there. We invited the spouses of all married couples and in a serious relationship couples.
    Posted by sarah&andre[/QUOTE]

    Single doesn't just mean "not married", right?  Guests who are married, engaged, or living together absolutely must be invited with their SO.  Also, "significant" relationships should be respected - and it's up to the people in the relationship to determine if it's significant.    If you know for sure they're not seeing anyone, you don't have to give them an "and guest", but if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you really should invite the couple together.
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • my venue has a 220 person max, but there's about 40 more people we'd like to invite if enough people rsvp that they can't make it. This seemed simple enough at first to us but now we've got these two lists, the A list and the B list. How should we do our invitations RSVP by dates? Also, I think my bridal shower is going to be the month before the wedding.. do I end up not inviting the B list people to the bridal shower? It's a shame cause the A list has ALOT of my FI family that MIL insisted on inviting even though they probably won't come and B list has alot of MIL friends who would def want to come and would also want to come to the bridal shower. What do I do?!

  • We're having heavy hors d'oeuvres and wine/champagne reception and it's for adult only due to limited space. How do we word it in the invitation card without offending our guests?
  • How do you find everyone's addresses?  Many are not on whitepages.com, etc.  Is it rude to email and ask for addresses?  I have provided it for some weddings, and don't mind at all.  But I am not sure if it is a faux paus.  Thank you!
  • I am having inner and outer envelopes. Do I put "& Guest" on the outer envelope too or just on the inner. Also do I address the save the dates the same way I would the invitations? For families with children I planned on addressing the outer envelopes "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" then the inner with the kids names as well. But I'm not sure what to do now for save the dates. Sorry for any confusion in my writing! Uhh this is by far my least favorite part of wedding planning! :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:33237cad-8f98-441f-89ef-018162781be4">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
    [QUOTE]How do you find everyone's addresses?  Many are not on whitepages.com, etc.  Is it rude to email and ask for addresses?  I have provided it for some weddings, and don't mind at all.  But I am not sure if it is a faux paus.  Thank you!
    Posted by sndorsey[/QUOTE]

    I sent emails, facebook messages, and pestered my grandma and the MIL for addresses. I am not sending out invites for months, but I have a running word doc of all invites and addresses. I started getting addresses early so I have less of a chance of becoming obnoxious by pestering everybody for addresses days before the invites must be sent! When it is getting close to the time to mail invites, I'll ask for any address updates via email, facebook, or relatives. Congrats!
    Anniversary
    Nov182015
  • What about printing labels on the outer envelopes? I do not have the best  handwriting and I think it would be faster since I have all the addresses saved on here anyway?
  • Regarding the proper etiquette of addressing names on invitations, a point of clarification:
    The salutation pair Mr. and Mrs. was traditionally used for only the husband's name (ie., "Mr. and Mrs. Brad Pitt")  Historically, it was not considered proper to say Mrs. Angelina Pitt; Mrs." was rarely used before a woman's first name, maiden name, or before a hyphenated surname her husband was not using. For example,  "Mrs. Jane Smith" (the wife of John Smith) was considered incorrect by many etiquette writers, especially of the early 20th century.
    Many older women and more traditional areas of the country are fine with Mrs. Husband's name, but many younger women would be appalled at losing their first name to their husband's.  Plus, many women are increasingly using the salutation "Ms." no matter their marital status.  So, nowadays, you will see "Ms." followed by the woman's first name and her married (husband's) surname. For example, "Mr. Brad Pitt and Ms. Angelina Pitt."
    If you have girlfriends who took their husband's names, but you know they would feel "weird" without their first names, or you know the woman much better than you know the man, you can simply spell both out names using the Mr. and Ms. salutations. It's also okay to say, "Mrs. Angelina Pitt" but true etiquette experts frown on the use of Mrs. with the woman's first name.
    - The man's name is always listed first (yes, it looks weird in front of a Mrs., but that's tradition), except when the wife (or live-in companion) outranks him. For example, if the woman is a doctor, mayor, minister, judge, lawyer, etc. she should be listed first. I.e., "Ms. Nancy Smith, Esq. and Mr. John Smith". If both husband and wife have equivalent titles, the man precedes, i.e., "Dr. John Smith and the Honorable Nancy Smith."

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Is it absolutly necessary to have an inner envelope?  It seems redundant and just adds weight.  I'm addressing my own envelopes and must admit that the extra time is not exciting. 
  • Thanks! Where can you order belly bands? Do you have the calligrapher write the names on the belly band or do you have them pre-printed?
  • Most people make their own, but there are some etsy sellers who have them.
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • Is it standard procedure to send an invite to one's photog?? Seems silly since he'll be busy the whole time, but thot it important to ask. :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:29bb8dfa-dc43-452d-bfe3-3aa077a49819">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is it standard procedure to send an invite to one's photog?? Seems silly since he'll be busy the whole time, but thot it important to ask. :)
    Posted by geosbride[/QUOTE]

    Nope.  The only vendor who gets an invitation is the officiant, since they would be seated as a regular guest at the reception.  Any others present for the reception would be working then & wouldn't sit with the guests for dinner. 

    Although, many people like to give the photographer an invitation so that he can photograph it.
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:8b48064a-b830-4032-b344-44b065d7a17d">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
    [QUOTE]Although, many people like to give the photographer an invitation so that he can photograph it.
    Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

    That's what I'm doing.  I sent her an invitation w/ the map insert.  So, she'll have the invite for photos and the map insert to help her find the location (it's out of town a bit).
  • If I'm inviting a distant relative or family friend with adult children, if I invite one of their children do I need to invite all of them?

  • If I'm inviting a distant relative or family friend with adult children, if I invite one of their children do I need to invite all of them?

    I have questions about this subject too...any thoughts?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker
    181 image
    Invited to the Celebration of the Year
    109 Yes image
    50 Missing Out! image
    22 Not Responded Yet image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards