Funny, yet interesting name change article.

slm13

Just something I read and thought was interesting. [url]http://tinyurl.com/ycbvru4[/url]

Nunu&Eddie

I read this article last week. This woman's point of view really bothered me. I find it so narrow. I do not think my name, my last name, is my identity AT ALL. I am the same person now, than I was when I had my maiden name.

slm13

N- that's actually why I like the article. I feel like my name is part of my identity.

pinksonya

Haha, I love the last two lines!I struggled with the whole name change and did feel like I was losing my identity in a sense.  Interesting perspective!

Er&JerLem

I do agree to a point that it is about identity for me (and some of it is just about being too lazy to go through everything to change it).  But, even if I would change it, I would keep my last name as a second middle name, so I would just tack his last name on the the end of my full name.However, nothing drives me nuts more than someone addressing me as Mrs. hisfirstname hislastname.  Because that is 100% about identity, and I feel like I'm not in there at all.I think it's an interesting perspective.

kwynn

I usually agree with Nuelsi about almost everything, but this time I don't. I didn't like the article's tone, but I do, for some reason, feel like my name is a huge part of me. I have no idea why I feel that way, but "kwynn" is perfectly me. I also love still having the same last name as my parents and siblings. It is so silly, but I just don't feel like the same person if I had a different name. (I'm sure I'd get used to it though).We're not planning on kids, so that makes it easier. Oh, and also, I hate paperwork hassles, so if I don't have to do something, I don't!

elishanb

This is interesting. I will be changing my last name to his last name. I agree with N, my name is not my identity, if it were than my first name would be more important to me. It is afterall what people call me. Not many people that actually know me use both or for that matter all three of my names. I'm looking forward to changing my name because like one of teh comments on the article said, he is who I choose.At the end of the day I'm still just Elisha.

KimWard

Very interesting article. Lol at Elizabeth Taylor's 8 names! I also feel like my name is part of my identity- not my whole identity, but part. I actually don't consider the way I changed my name as losing part of my identity, but more like adding on to it, since I know have 4 parts to my full legal name.

kwynn

Hmm, very interesting responses above. It seems like those of us who didn't change find a name to be part of our identity, whereas those who changed don't associate a name with their identity.Maybe it isn't a "choosing to give up your identity" thing the way the article phrased it, but rather that, for most women, a name is a name and not part of their identity and therefore, they don't mind changing it.

KimWard

know= now

hey_its_jenn

I'm still in the processing of changing everything over but I never gave it a second thought.  After we first started getting serious, I found myself doodling 'Mrs. Jennifer DHSLASTNAME' on things and practicing my 'new' signature.  I definitely agree with N and Elisha.  My identity isn't a name - it's who I am. And besides.  I hated having a last name starting with 'B' because I was always at the front of classes.  Atleast with 'D' I can hope our kids will have better seats!

KRMac

I didn't feel like my maiden name was part of my identity either.  I feel much more tied to my first/middle names.  I do agree with you E, I hate Mrs. James Lastname.  Ugh.Although if I didn't have a brother, I might consider keeping my maiden name so that it didn't die out with me...my dad's brother only has a daughter (and his granddaughter has her dad's last name.)

Er&JerLem

I think more than anything I just don't see a point to changing my name.  I wouldn't have a big issue with tacking his last name on there, but since we're not planning to have kids, what's the point?We're married, we love each other - and that's what matters.  If we were having kids, then I'd say we should have the same last name.  As it is, there's no need.Many people do address things to me with his last name, even though it's not changed.  It really doesn't bother me.

elishanb

Jenn- I've always hated having a last name starting with a B. Now that I think about it since it really doesn't have anything to do with my identity I think it has a lot to do with our identity. My family is now him. We get to share a last name, and for a while we'll get t o share a name with our children. (till if and when they get married they can decide for themselves) To me it's aways been something to look forward to. We get to spend our lives together, so why not share our name too?

dreamalotmp

I actually do (did) consider my maiden name a HUGE part of my identity. My first and maiden last name went together perfectly. And it does feel strange to have a different last name for sure, but I consider it a loving gesture to my DH. It feels strange to be married, so I figure that why not go for total strange in the name of love. :P

slm13

To me it is part of my cultural identity also. I married into a big Italian family that feels that all other ethnicities are second class. I am not Italian and don't think that Italians are the be all end all. Did that influence my decision, probably. My SIL married a Palestinian. Her new last name is middle eastern. She is definitely judged by that before people meet her.

dicer2

I agree with N, my name is not my identity.  My sister was actually more distrubed by my name change because we aren't "the xxx sisters" anymore.I actually have a harder time understanding why women drop their middle name.  My parents didn't have much choice when it came to my last name, but they chose my first and middle names.  My mom had my name picked out when she was 16 years old!  It is who I am more than my last name, which I knew I'd end up changing eventually.

missizz

This article actually pisses me off too.  I feel like the author is totally looking down on women who chose to change their names like they're setting women's rights back a century or something.  My name is NOT who I am.  I like the idea of changing my last name to match my husband's.  I am far more attached to my first and middle names than I've ever been to my maiden.  I don't look down at women who choose to keep their names, I don't appreciate the author speaking about those who do change their names condescendingly. 

pinksonya

And then there's me... I changed it because I couldn't decide and it's what everyone wanted me to do.  haha.  I'm still on the fence about the whole thing, but did want to share a name because we plan to have children.  My mom was remarried and in school, teachers always referred to her as Mrs. my last name even though that wasn't her name.  It was always a bit weird.

pinksonya

I can see both sides, and I think the author made great points while also writing an article that was fun to read.  I'm sure there are plenty of articles out there supporting the other side, too.

missizz

Now that I think about it since it really doesn't have anything to do with my identity I think it has a lot to do with our identity. My family is now him. We get to share a last name, and for a while we'll get t o share a name with our children. (till if and when they get married they can decide for themselves) To me it's aways been something to look forward to. We get to spend our lives together, so why not share our name too?Elisha, this is exactly how I feel.C- I feel the same way about my first and middle name.  My mom is one of my best friends and I love that she passed her middle name to me.  I love my middle name and could never give it up.

slm13

S- that was one of my favorite things about the article. Although you don't do it, there are a lot of women who do really look down on those of us who don't change our names. I've heard several times that a) either I don't really love my husband or b) that I'm all ready for our divorce. Then there are the people who just choose to ignore your choice (hint, hint to my own parents). All said, I think there are good arguments on both sides of the issue and nobody should feel pressured to do one thing or the other.

d78

I was doing well, then got sucked into this convo! lol I changed my last name and made my middle my maiden name. For me, my parents didn't give a huge amount of thought to my middle name. It was just a standard middle name half the world has in my generation. I've never felt connected to it (except when my mom yelled at me and used it!). I hated the idea of getting rid of my maiden name because of the family history with it, so I kept it. It meant more to me than my middle name. I don't generally give much thought to my name, though. Sure, it's a small part of my identity, but so is every single experience I've had, and every moment I've lived. Just because those moments & experiences have passed, doesn't mean I don't carry them with me. In the same respect, just because I don't have the same last name, doesn't mean my maiden name isn't still a part of me.Sorry...WOT! Oops!

skybluejen

This article actually pisses me off too. I feel like the author is totally looking down on women who chose to change their names like they're setting women's rights back a century or something. My name is NOT who I am. I like the idea of changing my last name to match my husband's. I am far more attached to my first and middle names than I've ever been to my maiden. I don't look down at women who choose to keep their names, I don't appreciate the author speaking about those who do change their names condescendingly.Well said, Stace.The way that article was written really annoys me. To me, changing my last name represents the beginning of our family. We are The M's, and I love that we share a last name. I still smile when someone calls me Mrs. DHSLASTNAME   Changing my name was not easy, but I certainly wouldn't go as far as to say I felt like my whole identity changed.  I'm still me. People still call me Jen.

kbielak17

This article really annoys me, changing your name definitely isn't giving up your identity - it's not like your past is erased when you change your name and you're banished from your family :PI don't understand why someone like this author has to look down on people who make a choice different than hers like we are horrible people for changing our names. Part of me is slightly sad to not have my last name but that doesn't mean I'm changing who I am.

d78

Just finally finished the article and I wonder what crawled up the author's arse & died...

pinksonya

shannon - too ridiculous that your parents don't even get it! haha.  do they honestly call you by your DH's name even though you didn't change it? Oh, and way to stir up a conversation early on a Tuesday morning!

snorge

Interesting article, but have to say that it pissed me off. I'm with missizz--thought it was really condescending. I'm totally supportive of a woman's choice to do what feels right to her about her name, and while I've always known I'd change my name, I admit to feeling a little torn about it. But I HATE it when people criticize/look down on a woman for her decision, regardless of what it is. It's SUCH a personal decision--and if someone wants to keep her name because she feels like it's an important part of her identity (or because she is making a statement toward the paternalistic attitudes, or whatever her rationale(s) might be), that's fine with me, just as it's fine with me if someone changes her name because she wants to have the same last name as her husband and kids, or because she's traditional, or whatever.Someone at work yesterday said to me, "You're not changing your name, are you?" and when I said yes, and he asked to what (DH's name is, admittedly, harder to pronounce and spell than mine), he responded, "Ugh, you should just keep your name, it's easier." Um, thanks for the unsolicited advice on a very personal issue.I agree that Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname doesn't fly with me, and makes me cringe--I have a first name and intend to use it! I'd specifically asked our deacon not to announce us that way at the wedding, and he did anyway (not maliciously--he's just scatterbrained and no doubt forgot). Hated it. Fortunately, the DJ remembered to do it right. ;o)

dreamalotmp

Hahaha, D. :P

kbielak17

I think the author's example of famous people with their maiden vs married name is really dumb....it has nothing to do with married vs maiden, it has to do with what name they were using when they became famous. You don't change something once you have brand recognition.

Point202

FI actually forwarded this article to me. (I am not planning to change my name, which he is OK with.) Maybe I'm an ultra-feminist or whatever, but I agree with this woman's point of view. I feel that you shouldn't have to take on a new name to indicate your commitment to your spouse. The commitment will be there regardless of whatever our names will be.BUT, I also agree that she shouldn't be looking down on the tradition of a woman taking her husband's name.  It is not fair for her to judge others or look down on them just because she disagrees.