QOTD 9/24

SSaltzman87

What's the weirdest/rudest WR comment someone has made to you so far?

SSaltzman87

Mostly just random neighbors in our complex that we don't even know asking if they're invited. These are people we've never said more than hello to in passing, lol! 

Annas2013

Um....let's see.  I've had someone tell me I'd look stupid with my hair down, and that I should wear it up because they liked it up.

That's all that I can think of off the top of my head, I'm sure there's been more.

Actually I take that back.  I get a lot of questions asking how old I am.  Mostly it happens when I wear an old hoodie from high school that still fits.  They tend to give a disapproving look as well.

turtleslove

Someone from the same town where FI lives heard me speaking to someone about FI and the wedding. All she had to say to me was "I didn't know he was engaged." And then she walked straight over to FMIL to ask her details about the wedding and fish for an invite. Needless to say, she's not getting one.
Otherwise people don't say things to my face.

ameliah19

Mainly the am I invited plus my 6 kids question haha. I have said that we are keeping it to close friends and family. But I feel like when people realize we are inviting 190 people to our wedding the cat may have to come out of the bag lol

MamaBear904

Honestly the only "rude" comment was from the Budget board when I asked for ideas on where to save money in my budget and got chastized for saying I was having a cash bar.
 
I totally understand how Cash Bars come across to many in general as rude of a wedding to offer a cash bar. Some said its better not to have a bar at all. This is 1000% not the case with FIs family. They would be completely outraged with us if we opted to not have a bar at all simply because we couldn't afford one.

The most recent family member to get married had a cash bar and even though we all kind of bawked at the idea, we would have much rather paid for our drinks then to not be able to have one because they were having a dry wedding. 

I totally understand some people's opinions regarding dry weddings for personal preference or religious.

Does this seem unreasonable? I'd love some clarification on this.

Annas2013

I realize cash bars can be considered rude, but I also realize that standards for having weddings and traditions at weddings are different everywhere.  I don't judge people that have cash bars.  It's their choice.  We aren't having one, but that's because of anything involving liquor is a bad idea with some of our family members.  

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-924?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:1021461b-846b-4ca5-a2c7-2df716bdc760Post:d334d5aa-ca91-495e-8477-f937033f05e8">Re: QOTD 9/24</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly the only "rude" comment was from the Budget board when I asked for ideas on where to save money in my budget and got chastized for saying I was having a cash bar.   I totally understand how Cash Bars come across to many in general as rude of a wedding to offer a cash bar. Some said its better not to have a bar at all. This is 1000% not the case with FIs family. They would be completely outraged with us if we opted to not have a bar at all simply because we couldn't afford one. The most recent family member to get married had a cash bar and even though we all kind of bawked at the idea, we would have much rather paid for our drinks then to not be able to have one because they were having a dry wedding.  I totally understand some people's opinions regarding dry weddings for personal preference or religious. Does this seem unreasonable? I'd love some clarification on this.
Posted by MamaBear904[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I also think cash bars are rude... can you afford to host beer and wine?  The idea is that whatever you host, host it graciously.  I always get annoyed when I'm at a wedding with a cash bar and wouldn't mind being limited to little or no alcohol.</div><div>
</div><div>I haven't had too many people be rude to my face about the wedding.  Some people assuming they will be invited and aren't, but that's it.  Of course, we've had problems with my future in-laws...

</div>

rswans

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-924?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:1021461b-846b-4ca5-a2c7-2df716bdc760Post:d334d5aa-ca91-495e-8477-f937033f05e8">Re: QOTD 9/24</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly the only "rude" comment was from the Budget board when I asked for ideas on where to save money in my budget and got chastized for saying I was having a cash bar.  
Posted by MamaBear904[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I've been at a couple of dry weddings (some because of cost) and I kind of wish I'd had the option to at least buy a glass of wine. It's their choice though and having a dry/cash bar/open bar wedding really isn't going to affect me or my view of the couple.  I'm slightly paranoid of something thinking something is "rude" or "tacky," but honestly I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where I've said "I can't believe this, it's so rude/tacky/horrible!" I think people get a lot more pissed off in theory than when actually at a wedding for friends/family/people they love.</div><div>
</div><div>To the original question, other than comments about our reception being part of a place-but three floors up- that's known for being a hangout before Sabres games ("wait, you're getting married at a bar!?"), I really haven't had anyone say anything rude or mean to me. Everyone seems pretty excited and I don't tend to talk about it except if people ask or if people need to know something (appointments, etc).

</div>

Swazzle

Nobody has really been rude (to my face) about my wedding, thankfully. 

I do not like cash bars. I also never have cash on me so I would be shitt out of luck if I went to a wedding and it was a cash bar. I agree with Mel. 

ETA: I think I would prefer a cash bar to no bar at all but I would like a heads up that I need to bring cash with me in that instance.

MamaBear904

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-924?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:1021461b-846b-4ca5-a2c7-2df716bdc760Post:ffa48cbe-a17a-4d3e-978f-d06e4404e619">Re: QOTD 9/24</a>:
[QUOTE]Nobody has really been rude (to my face) about my wedding, thankfully.  I do not like cash bars. I also never have cash on me so I would be shitt out of luck if I went to a wedding and it was a cash bar. I agree with Mel. <strong> ETA: I think I would prefer a cash bar to no bar at all but I would like a heads up that I need to bring cash with me in that instance.
</strong>Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

I definitely agree and plan on giving people the heads up. But most people I asked said they would prefer a cash bar to no bar at all.

And melb, no, I cannot afford the beer & wine bar, only the champagne toast (which I am paying for) and I am trying to see if I can afford to include beer & wine, but I won't know until I get much closer to the date.

Ideally FI and I are trying to see if we can ultimately afford the beer & wine and did not initially plan on doing a cash bar. It was either cash bar or dry wedding and many of the guests (family, at least) would judge us twice as much if we opted for a dry wedding.  I guess we lose either way. (shrugs)

tlc35

Mostly just a few of my sister's friends assuming they are invited. These are people who I have hung out with in groups but never one on one.

ameliah19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-924?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:1021461b-846b-4ca5-a2c7-2df716bdc760Post:d334d5aa-ca91-495e-8477-f937033f05e8">Re: QOTD 9/24</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly the only "rude" comment was from the Budget board when I asked for ideas on where to save money in my budget and got chastized for saying I was having a cash bar.   I totally understand how Cash Bars come across to many in general as rude of a wedding to offer a cash bar. Some said its better not to have a bar at all. This is 1000% not the case with FIs family. They would be completely outraged with us if we opted to not have a bar at all simply because we couldn't afford one. The most recent family member to get married had a cash bar and even though we all kind of bawked at the idea, we would have much rather paid for our drinks then to not be able to have one because they were having a dry wedding.  I totally understand some people's opinions regarding dry weddings for personal preference or religious. Does this seem unreasonable? I'd love some clarification on this.
Posted by MamaBear904[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I never understood why people had such a problem with Cash Bars until I went to my Aunts wedding. We had no idea it was cash bar and did not have cash on us. FI had to pay an extra fee to go to an ATM to get cash because we wanted more than just water. IDK if I necessarily think it's rude but I have to be honest and say that after paying for a gift for the wedding I don't neccessarily like having to pay for my drink. </div><div>
</div><div>I guess if you give your guest warning so they know they need to have cash that makes it alittle better. I've been to a two dry weddings and they were both when I was under 21 so I can't really say whether or not I prefer cash to dry 
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MamaBear904

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-924?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:1021461b-846b-4ca5-a2c7-2df716bdc760Post:e56b7d7f-3896-46f8-9f62-f7276ee7d8e3">Re: QOTD 9/24</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: QOTD 9/24 : I never understood why people had such a problem with Cash Bars until I went to my Aunts wedding. We had no idea it was cash bar and did not have cash on us. FI had to pay an extra fee to go to an ATM to get cash because we wanted more than just water. IDK if I necessarily think it's rude but I have to be honest and say that after paying for a gift for the wedding I don't neccessarily like having to pay for my drink.  I guess if you give your guest warning so they know they need to have cash that makes it alittle better. I've been to a two dry weddings and they were both when I was under 21 so I can't really say whether or not I prefer cash to dry 
Posted by ameliah19[/QUOTE]

FWIW, There will be tea, lemonade, soft drinks, water, coffee, etc offered that we are paying for. Its only the alcohol that we cannot afford to pay for. Its been a tough decision for us, and we're hoping to be able to at least offer a paid cocktail hour or something like that, but right now, its just too far off budget.

bburkel

It's not exactly rude, but my niece (who is getting married this week) and my sister keep trying to convince me to use their "cheap" options for my wedding.  Everyone is entitled to their own choices when it comes to this stuff.  I prefer to have a slightly classier affair.

Also, a note on the cash bar.  My niece is having an open bar for an hour and then one keg.  Past history of family weddings has shown that one keg will last about 20 minutes.  I've been trying to warn people to bring cash so they aren't surprised by that, but I really hope she has let some people know too. 

turtleslove

I always bring cash to a wedding, free beer is usual in our area but not much else. You never know when you will need it for a drink, the rediculous dollar dance, a taxi, a coat check or other tip, or a mid night snack on the way home. We will provide free non-alcoholic drinks but wit over 200 people we will not be having an open bar.  

ameliah19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-924?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:1021461b-846b-4ca5-a2c7-2df716bdc760Post:672d33d7-f7c1-4d5e-9c8e-2c94ef72333f">Re: QOTD 9/24</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: QOTD 9/24 : FWIW, There will be tea, lemonade, soft drinks, water, coffee, etc offered that we are paying for. Its only the alcohol that we cannot afford to pay for. Its been a tough decision for us, and we're hoping to be able to at least offer a paid cocktail hour or something like that, but right now, its just too far off budget.
Posted by MamaBear904[/QUOTE]

<div>Well at least guest won't have to pay for soft drinks or tea or something. I thought it was crazy that we had to pay for those things. </div>

TogetherPerfect

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-924?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:1021461b-846b-4ca5-a2c7-2df716bdc760Post:d334d5aa-ca91-495e-8477-f937033f05e8">Re: QOTD 9/24</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly the only "rude" comment was from the Budget board when I asked for ideas on where to save money in my budget and got chastized for saying I was having a cash bar.   I totally understand how Cash Bars come across to many in general as rude of a wedding to offer a cash bar. Some said its better not to have a bar at all. This is 1000% not the case with FIs family. They would be completely outraged with us if we opted to not have a bar at all simply because we couldn't afford one. The most recent family member to get married had a cash bar and even though we all kind of bawked at the idea, we would have much rather paid for our drinks then to not be able to have one because they were having a dry wedding.  I totally understand some people's opinions regarding dry weddings for personal preference or religious. Does this seem unreasonable? I'd love some clarification on this.
Posted by MamaBear904[/QUOTE]<div>I don't see how it can be "rude" to not be able to fit something like that into your budget? You do the best you can, and if people don't like it, they don't have to come. I agree with a PP about letting guests know so they can bring cash, and you said there will be soft drinks, coffee, etc., so I think you're fine. 

</div>

SSaltzman87

I haven't been to a wedding with a cash bar, so I can't say if they annoy me or not. I do know that in MN, cash bars are pretty common and most weddings are pretty laid back much like most of the midwest. No matter what, would love a heads up if there's a cash bar.

And Nicole brings up a good point about bringing cash anyway for dollar dances, coat checks, valet etc.

SRRL18

My Nonna told me that if I had bought a mermaid style dress (what I had orginally thought I wanted) that people wouldn't look at me as a bride but as someone trying to act like a movie star.

As for the cash bar thing. I'm not too sure how I feel about it because I've never been to a cash bar wedding. Most venues here it's included in your PP cost. If I was to go to a wedding with a cash bar, I'd like a warning. I do carry money on me, but no more than 40$.

Swazzle

I guess I think it's rude because you're inviting these people to your party. You're the host. They're traveling (short or long distance) to get there. They might have to fly and/or pay for a hotel. They might have to take the day off of work or leave work early. They're bringing you a gift. It's your party and you shouldn't expect your guests to pay for things while they are there. 

TogetherPerfect

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-924?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:1021461b-846b-4ca5-a2c7-2df716bdc760Post:86ab3fba-b3ff-4c97-a8dd-72844b9559c6">Re: QOTD 9/24</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I think it's rude because you're inviting these people to your party. You're the host. They're traveling (short or long distance) to get there. They might have to fly and/or pay for a hotel. They might have to take the day off of work or leave work early. They're bringing you a gift. It's your party and you shouldn't expect your guests to pay for things while they are there. 
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]
I do agree with they shouldn't have to pay for things at the party, but I think that as long as there is something to drink other than water, alcohol shouldn't be expected. Maybe I feel this way because I honestly haven't been to many weddings, and the handful I have been to, haven't had a cash bar. When there is a cash bar, do you typically have to pay for soft drinks, tea, etc?

Sharpschruter22

"That's kind of rude to expect your guests to travel so far. We are having a destination wedding 6 hours from my home. It is up to my guests to decide if they want to travel to come to it. It's my FI and I's day and we can have it wherever we want!

MamaBear904

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-924?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:1021461b-846b-4ca5-a2c7-2df716bdc760Post:2a86aae4-5497-4c1a-a4e6-7ef362c5ddc2">Re: QOTD 9/24</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: QOTD 9/24 : I do agree with they shouldn't have to pay for things at the party, but I think that as long as there is something to drink other than water, alcohol shouldn't be expected. Maybe I feel this way because I honestly haven't been to many weddings, and the handful I have been to, haven't had a cash bar. When there is a cash bar, do you typically have to pay for soft drinks, tea, etc?
Posted by TogetherPerfect[/QUOTE]

<div>TogetherPerfect, I think you worded this excellent. My thoughts exactly. </div>

ameliah19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-924?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:1021461b-846b-4ca5-a2c7-2df716bdc760Post:86ab3fba-b3ff-4c97-a8dd-72844b9559c6">Re: QOTD 9/24</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I think it's rude because you're inviting these people to your party. You're the host. They're traveling (short or long distance) to get there. They might have to fly and/or pay for a hotel. They might have to take the day off of work or leave work early. They're bringing you a gift. It's your party and you shouldn't expect your guests to pay for things while they are there. 
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

<div>This is my issue with it. It's a celebration that people have been invtied too for you. I don't get asking people to pay for their drinks. Now I will say that as I like that PP will be offering lemonade, soda, tea etc for free becasue I think it's ridiculous when you have to pay for those things (ie Aunt's wedding where I had to pay $2 for a cup of sprite). I don't think alcohol needs to be provided. I think in the instance that soft drinks and other drinks will be provided I'd be way more understanding of a cash bar then in the case of my aunts wedding. </div>

aprahamian2

I think it's rude when people say they think buffets are "not classy" and not a good idea.

As much as I like having open bars, I do not consider cash bars rude. If I travel out of town for a wedding, I would definitely rather have the option to buy drinks than to not drink. Maybe I just like drinking, but I feel like I am much more likely to get up and dance if I'm a few drinks in. If we did not have any drinks at the wedding, I'm pretty sure my friends would keep going to the parking lot to load up.

Ggoughen

The rudest thing I've encountered are guests assuming or asking if they are invited. I of course stare blankly and panic because I'm so floored. As for cash bars....they are not common in my family/ circle of friends. Open bar is expected even if it is just beer and wine or rail liquors. We have a guest list of 300 and its quite expensive to liquor everyone up, but we knew what we were getting into when we stated this process. If we did not host alcohol I am certain there would be much said behind by back and most likely to my face. Those who did show would probably not stay as long either.

[Deleted User]

Ok so I have to chime in on the cash bar....anyone who thinks it's rude to pay for their own alcoholic beverages is, in my humble opinion, a douche. Why should someone else support your habit? If you can't come celebrate with just food, cake and a coke, then don't come! Go be an alcoholic somewhere else (and you will have to pay for it there so what's the difference)? Are people suppose to have cigarettes lined up next to the guestbook too?! And yes I drink and will provide drinks but I'm doing what I can afford, not everyone can do that. Some people really need to get off their high horse...everyone should have the wedding best suited for them, not other people.

Swazzle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-924?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:1021461b-846b-4ca5-a2c7-2df716bdc760Post:c1d75abd-ba7a-45cc-8616-ef29ba75a5ab">Re: QOTD 9/24</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so I have to chime in on the cash bar....anyone who thinks it's rude to pay for their own alcoholic beverages is, in my humble opinion, a douche. Why should someone else support your habit? If you can't come celebrate with just food, cake and a coke, then don't come! <strong>Go be an alcoholic somewhere else </strong>(and you will have to pay for it there so what's the difference)? Are people suppose to have cigarettes lined up next to the guestbook too?! And yes I drink and will provide drinks but I'm doing what I can afford, not everyone can do that. Some people really need to get off their high horse...everyone should have the wedding best suited for them, not other people.
Posted by Pnutbutr[/QUOTE]

<div>So people who like to have a couple drinks at a wedding are alcoholics? Ohok.</div><div>
</div><div>And based on this post, I'm a douchey alcoholic on a high horse. Sweet!</div>

beckyh77

Rudest thing? Perhaps it wasn't intentional but a lady at church said, "Oh, are you doing the whole wedding thing again?" (This will be my 2nd marriage and his 1st)

Cash bar topic - we are hosting a keg and wine for cocktail hour, otherwise its cash bar. That's standard around here. Prices are cheaper than if you go out to a bar anyhow so what's the big deal? Plus, our liquor provider will accept cash or cards so this will make it easier on the guests.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-924?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:1021461b-846b-4ca5-a2c7-2df716bdc760Post:8e7ddaaa-e54f-4306-8236-fc9516fdd282">Re: QOTD 9/24</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: QOTD 9/24 : So people who like to have a couple drinks at a wedding are alcoholics? Ohok. And based on this post, I'm a douchey alcoholic on a high horse. Sweet!
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]



There's nothing wrong with wanting a drink but if a couple can't afford to pay for alcohol, then you as a guest either pay for it or (if you feel you have to have it to function, which says there's a deeper issue), don't go to the wedding!