May 2012 Weddings

This week started off great...not so much

I apologize in advance if this is a duplicate or anything, my post have been getting eaten lately :)

One of my BMs and I had a little argument Sunday, and I wanted to wait until I calmed down to post this. She started by telling me that her mother was pissed off at me and that she was too because she thought that I was changing everything for the wedding last minute and that I couldn't answer her every question about the day of plans (I'm still working that part out) and so I snapped back and it got out of hand. We eventually calmed down after much yelling and tears and we started talking like normal human beings about everything and got everything squared away. I answered all her questions to the best of my ability and that was that. The next day she calls me and tells me that she can't be in my wedding and that she doesn't want to deal with it because I'm not including her in every detail of the planning (sorry to say it but it's mine and my fiance's wedding not yours, butt out. I have had to do this with my mom even because she just got so controlling) and that I have been a bitch and a bridezilla and has declined to give me examples of when I acted as such. She says that she still wants to be friends and wants to support us and come to the wedding. I'm still letting her come to the wedding, no big deal, I want to work through this. Then she says and I quote, "If I had been having as many hang-ups as you have and if I was unable to have everything planned, ordered, and paid for before 3 months before my wedding I would postpone it for another date." And she got off the phone. And I'm like WTF! ( I can't think of a hang-up that has caused us true problems) Just posting it pisses me off! Am I being a bad person reacting this way? Please be honest, I can take the criticism :)

Re: This week started off great...not so much

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    No, it sounds like she is being a bridesmaidzilla.  At this point, I think you are being the bigger person by accepting her decision, still inviting her as a guest, and hoping that you'll work through it eventually.

    You can't change people, you can only change the boundaries you set for dealing with them.

    Obviously you can't argue with people who are that delusional =]  I'd just try and move past it, I'm sure you have much more imporant things to worry about!  (Freudian slip: when I went to type out "more" in that last sentance, it came out as "money!")
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    kimberlykhkimberlykh member
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    edited March 2012
    She sounds off.  There are a ton of things most of us don't have finished at the two month mark.  I know I don't have my day-of timeline completed yet.  If one of my bridesmaids kept asking for it, I'd be angry too.
    I'm sorry that you are going through this.  I feel like during times of change (of any sort, not just weddings) some people really shine and others, well don't.  Sounds like she's in the second category.  Hang in there.
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    It sounds like it started out as a little something that got blown up into a bigger something when you guys started yelling at each other. From there, I don't think you did anything wrong. She made the decision to step down from a bridesmaid position & there's nothing you can do about that.
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    I agree with PP.  My MOH is a little stalkerish like your BM.  She wants to be involved in everything, pick everything out, help with invitations, etc.  She is offended when I do something w/o her or tell her it's just FI and I going looking, registry, etc.  At first it was getting on my nerves, but my FI sat me down and told me that she's just so happy for me and going through a rough time (her and her ex broke up a week before she was supposed to be moving cross country to be with him), so this is her way of forgetting him/living vicariously through me.  After that day, I decided to give her things to do with me, instead of her asking on each one.  It's worked out a lot better and I don't feel like she's trying to hijack everything.

    I think you did the right thing by letting her still come to the wedding.  People have NO CLUE what goes into wedding planning and she's just ignorant to that, saying things she has no knowledge of.  So you just need to put her out of your mind, focus on what you can accomplish and just know that things will fall into place.  I'm a big believer in everything happens for a reason and we just have to wait out the storm to see the (double) rainbow :)  GL and it's Friday!
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    wow, that sucks :-/

    i thought bridesmaidzilla when i read this too... i'm assuming she's never planned a wedding before because i don't know anyone that's had all the planning, payments, arrangements made prior to the three month mark.  some of my vendors won't even accept the final payment until the week of the wedding when we get all the final numbers in!

    i think you're doing the best you know to do, and that's all anyone can ask of you.  it's probably better to keep controlling BMs and moms at a bit of a distance to help lower your stress level.  good luck with everything!
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    Thank-You ladies! I have been feeling really down on my self all week and over thinking and analyzing everything I have done while planning this wedding, just to see if there is merit to what she said. I remembered a few times that I could have handled things better, but nothing major. Oh well, just gotta keep moving forward :)
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