Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:0bc21614-f878-44d0-8c2d-46197e746eac">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : There are also people who say a BBQ reception and not a plated, fancy, sit down meal is rude.
Posted by redcoatfollower[/QUOTE]

<div>And where might those people be?  I've been on the knot quite some time and have NEVER seen a bride criticized for serving BBQ or having a buffet instead of plated, served meal.'</div><div>
</div><div>Potlucks are terribly rude and put the cost of the reception food on the guests!  Just NO!</div>

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:12a48f5c-dbf5-4d54-a263-e4ba217e4972">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : And where might those people be?  I've been on the knot quite some time and have NEVER seen a bride criticized for serving BBQ or having a buffet instead of plated, served meal.' Potlucks are terribly rude and put the cost of the reception food on the guests!  Just NO!
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

Hence the reason she cant find the post so she can link it here.....

ladymike

So.. I don't know why it's rude.. but.. if you like the idea and you want to try to be "less rude"... maybe talk to a couple local close family members about pitching in to make some diverse dishes? Don't require or ask everyone to make something. I think a lot of them would be thrilled that you asked them to contribute their skill and story.

Like, I just don't know why a wedding can't be a combined effort of family and friends? Or why there has to be one way to do things and everything else is rude?

To be honest, your potluck sounds freakin' awesome. Tons of different foods, being able to share a personal story through food, being outside, sitting casually at picnic tables.. And if a guest thinks you're rude because you asked some family members to cook food for your wedding, then.. don't come?

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:f9b2fc9a-ce2b-4e92-9435-55f0f6fde94a">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
[QUOTE]Ladymike, that is not a potluck.  That's a family-catered wedding. A potluck dinner is catered by everyone who attends.  Each person brings a dish that will be shared by everyone else.  That's the meaning of "potluck."  What the guests will eat for dinner is "luck of the pot" - as in, you may or may not get something you like.  It depends on whether those who bring a dish are good cooks or bad cooks, whether everyone brings a variety of foods.... It's not unusual, for example, to attend a potluck lunch and find that most of the guests were too lazy to cook and simply picked up a package of cookies on the way, or didn't bring a dish at all.  That's potluck for you. Potlucks are fine for church suppers, lodge meetings, book clubs or workplace socials.  That is because these are GATHERINGS, not HOSTED functions. Weddings are a more formal occasion, even if the event itself has a casual theme.  The couple invited guests to attend, and is therefore responsible for entertaining them.  Asking the guests to bring their own food is the same as saying, "I'm going to send out invitations for a birthday party for myself, but assign each guest to either bring the decorations or the food for it." The couple is not having a wedding.  They are asking their guests to give them one. Do you see the difference now?
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
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<div><img id="irc_mi" style="margin-top:118px;" src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5egvkVVSF1qdixv3.gif" alt="" width="400" height="157" /></div><div>
</div><div>ETA:</div><div><img id="irc_mi" style="margin-top:39px;" src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll3my50BlO1qbzqexo1_500.gif" alt="" width="430" height="315" /></div></div>

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:bd8286de-dcbd-4095-8d54-d1ab6b63c92f">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
[QUOTE]So you posted this in budget, what was the point in coming over here and posting it? Just curious Stina, I'm also a mod, and there is nothing in the rules that says I can't do that.  She needs to see it.  Feel free to send me a PM if you want to discuss this. <strong>She posted this on FIVE boards....in case you missed that.</strong>
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

And in case you missed it, I am the one that called her out on that.

SewInLoveWithDMB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:00fa6a0f-866b-414e-9ed9-2e9207852a08">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
[QUOTE]So.. I don't know why it's rude.. but.. if you like the idea and you want to try to be "less rude"... maybe talk to a couple local close family members about pitching in to make some diverse dishes? Don't require or ask everyone to make something. I think a lot of them would be thrilled that you asked them to contribute their skill and story. Like, I just don't know why a wedding can't be a combined effort of family and friends? Or why there has to be one way to do things and everything else is rude? To be honest, your potluck sounds freakin' awesome. Tons of different foods, being able to share a personal story through food, being outside, sitting casually at picnic tables.. And if a guest thinks you're rude because you asked some family members to cook food for your wedding, then.. don't come?
Posted by ladymike[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with you!</div>

ladymike

Nope. It's her wedding. And it doesn't need to be perfect to anyone elses standards. She has a theme she wants to use. If she plans accordingly and has specific people cook, she will avoid the packaged potluck junk. She wants people to bring heritage specific dishes. I suggested asking only a small number of local family to cook to avoid any issues. Sooo.. potluck, family catered.. whatevrr you wanna call it. If its works for her, thats all that matters. Why get so upset about it?

redcoatfollower

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:12a48f5c-dbf5-4d54-a263-e4ba217e4972">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : And where might those people be?  I've been on the knot quite some time and have NEVER seen a bride criticized for serving BBQ or having a buffet instead of plated, served meal.' Potlucks are terribly rude and put the cost of the reception food on the guests!  Just NO!
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

I never said it was on the Knot, and you're right after looking I couldn't find it. It was on a livejournal community, if I remember correctly. Oh well. I was just saying what I had read before in another community. I wasn't trying to attack anyone here. Sorry, didn't mean to cause an issue. I want to have a BBQ wedding, and I don't care what people think :)

Ro041

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:bd8286de-dcbd-4095-8d54-d1ab6b63c92f">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
[QUOTE]So you posted this in budget, what was the point in coming over here and posting it? Just curious Stina,<strong> I'm also a mod, and there is nothing in the rules that says I can't do that</strong>.  She needs to see it.  Feel free to send me a PM if you want to discuss this. She posted this on FIVE boards....in case you missed that.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div><img class="image" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m561hjjkLS1r5lqojo1_400.gif" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></div>

Ro041

I never understood the "it's her wedding" mentality.  Is that the same as, "It's my party so I will cry if I want to"?  Just because it's your wedding doesn't mean that you can treat your guests like sh!t.  And yes - asking me to plan out the logisitics of bringing a hot plate to your reception is pretty rude.  I would either not attend, or attend with some hot wings I picked up on my way there and side eye the whole thing.  

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:c09843bd-5297-4832-8bd7-ac1c8a586960">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
[QUOTE]It's her wedding It's NOT her wedding, Ladymike. She's not even having a wedding. She's asking her guests to give her a wedding. <strong>This is what lazy, cheap, entitled people do.  They spend their money on invitations, limousines and designer wedding gowns. They ask the guests to bring the reception banquet and wedding cake.</strong>  Oh - and don't forget to bring a registry gift along with your potluck dish! We'll send you a picture from our Tahiti honeymoon!
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Woah. I'm not defending OP's pot-luck choice, by any means... but seeing as she was/is planning an outdoor reception with picnic tables, I can only guess that the "designer wedding gown" and "limo" and "invites" will reflect that style of wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>I understand what you're suggesting that it's "not her wedding" anymore if the guests are bringing food. But... it is still her wedding day. The guests aren't getting married, she is. </div><div>
</div><div><img id="irc_mi" style="margin-top:5px;" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6enawFMAF1rueuwoo1_500.gif" alt="" width="500" height="419" /></div>

libby18bell

OP never said anything about being entitled or what not, she was just trying to find a fun way to incorporate lots of different ethnicities and styles of food, just pot luck isn't a good idea.

Retreat I guess in your eyes I think I'm entitled because  we are having a limo buss, I'm wearing a pretty white dress, oh and we are sending out invitations.

ladymike

WOOOOWOKAYYY.

It's not RUDE if her family WANTS TO DO IT. Stop saying everything is RUDE like we all have to have pretty princess perfect celebrations. You're never going to please everyone and you're never going to not offend someone and we CLEARLY all have different priorities when it comes to our own weddings.

You talk about this like she has an evil plot. As if this is her way of not paying for her guests' food. Give her the benefit of the doubt and realize that maybe she truly just wants to have a freakin' picnic with family-specific diverse heritage food! If a bunch of her family members contribute food because they want to and it can work with poisoning (?!?) everyone? FANTASTIC. GREAT. HAPPY PARTY. GOOD TIMES. WAHOO.

Rude would be requiring every guest to bring something OR forcing people to cook. That's the ONLY way this could turn out to be rude.

P.S. Did you know? This is about two people exchanging vows because they love each other and want to be together forever and they want to share it with the people in their lives.

P.P.S. I'm not trying to be a smartass, but COME ON, GUYS. GIRLS. WHATEVER. The Earth is still going to rotate and the sun will still rise. Let the girl do her thing and you do your thing.

Ro041

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:c09843bd-5297-4832-8bd7-ac1c8a586960">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
[QUOTE]It's her wedding It's NOT her wedding, Ladymike. She's not even having a wedding. She's asking her guests to give her a wedding.<strong> This is what lazy, cheap, entitled people do</strong>.  They spend their money on invitations, limousines and designer wedding gowns. They ask the guests to bring the reception banquet and wedding cake.  Oh - and don't forget to bring a registry gift along with your potluck dish! We'll send you a picture from our Tahiti honeymoon!
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div><img class="image" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc0acwjz2L1rfduvxo1_500.gif" alt="" width="500" height="234" /></div>

SewInLoveWithDMB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:e5b05dcd-0b50-4894-9e60-3ccbffa9bede">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
[QUOTE]WOOOOWOKAYYY. It's not RUDE if her family WANTS TO DO IT. Stop saying everything is RUDE like we all have to have pretty princess perfect celebrations. You're never going to please everyone and you're never going to not offend someone and we CLEARLY all have different priorities when it comes to our own weddings. You talk about this like she has an evil plot. As if this is her way of not paying for her guests' food. Give her the benefit of the doubt and realize that maybe she truly just wants to have a freakin' picnic with family-specific diverse heritage food! If a bunch of her family members contribute food because they want to and it can work with poisoning (?!?) everyone? FANTASTIC. GREAT. HAPPY PARTY. GOOD TIMES. WAHOO. Rude would be requiring every guest to bring something OR forcing people to cook. That's the ONLY way this could turn out to be rude. P.S. Did you know? This is about two people exchanging vows because they love each other and want to be together forever and they want to share it with the people in their lives. P.P.S. I'm not trying to be a smartass, but COME ON, GUYS. GIRLS. WHATEVER. The Earth is still going to rotate and the sun will still rise. Let the girl do her thing and you do your thing.
Posted by ladymike[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I love that you have the exact same thoughts that I do, you just appear to formulate them better.</div><div>
</div><div><div>I couldn't agree with you more. And, I think you said it better than I did - and this post has kinda been bothering me that other people can't see it this way.  Don't know why it does, but it does. I thought people were more open minded...and when I read posts on the knot in general, I sometimes think they're nuts, and then they are met with "oh what a great idea." I just don't get it.</div><div>
</div><div>I really have come to understand that traditionally, yes, a "reception" is to receive guests, as pointed out above. And I get that the "hosts" (parents, couple, relatives, whoever) should provide food. But, who cares if someone wants to do something different, but clearly states and lets everyone know from the get-go. If you are invited to a "party" (can't use the word reception) and it states that you are asked to contribute a small amount of food...then you know it isnt a sit down catered meal - so you know what to expect. It doesn't matter if it is a baptism or wedding - the style of the event can widely vary.</div><div>
</div><div>Just because someone else (myself included!) decides to host a sit down, expensive, (or non-expensive!), cocktail hour only party... or whatever....doesn't mean that is the only way to do it. Doesn't make us right, doesn't make us better people, or classier, or less tacky. Class would be defined by the total class level of the people involved...classy people can throw casual parties - and even pot lucks!</div><div>
</div><div>A small gathering of family and friends in a local park where people provide dishes should be acceptable! I like to think I live in a world where people are accepting of differnet, outside of the box ideas. I would never judge someone and think I was being put out or being treated rudely if the couple was thinking of an interesting way to save money and get a variety of food. And I don't believe that I need to be treated to a "reception" because it is a wedding, and that creating one spinach dip would really set me back!</div><div>
</div><div>And the food safety argument is really ridiculous - cause the way I read it is that everyone is local!</div><div>
</div><div>What about the party in a backyard where you bring food and it isn't served for an hour? What about the buttercream icing on a wedding cake where the cake has traveled and is then put on display at the wedding venue and not served until the end of the evening? (And I just googled buttercream and it says something about fat ratio acting as a preservative....but really? It's dairy! I still refrigerate buttercream stuff) And guests might know this, and pack their one small dish in a cooler. Problem solved. </div><div>
</div><div>OP mentioned that most guests are local and I'm presuming it would be a super short ceremony.(My assumption) I like to think I am resilient enough to cook something and wait 30 minutes before eating it and be perfectly ok aftewards.</div><div>
</div><div>OP - I sorta secretly hope that you are still reading and don't personally get offended by an internet bulletin board. I also hope that your friends are much more loving and supportive - and I hope that no here is ever asked to contribute anything for a loved one's birthday party, baptism, communion, graduation party, wedding shower or any other event, religious or not, where the guests should just be supportive.  Wouldn't want anyone to feel put out... </div></div><div>

</div>

Ro041

What does one do, exactly, to impress someone your age?  Also, how can you be so sure we aren't the same age?  

ETA: Also, if you plan to stick around, can you do an intro post?  We like to get to know ladies who are new to Oct 2013 better.  THX!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:45946f06-3ac2-4756-b19b-6add8f7ca795">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you know you don't "have" to impress me, and I'm equally certain that you could care less if you do.    The gif thing was funny the first two times someone did them.  Now it's just asinine. P.S.  I'm 49, widowed once, divorced once prior to this.  I was a competitive figure skater, skydiver and historical reenactor and continued to enjoy all of the above until 18 months ago, when the discs in my back blew out.  Now I can't do much of anything, am in constant pain and a pretty perpetual state of pissed as a result because I hate asking other people for help.  I love Mafia Wars, Star Wars (the original, where Han shot first), classic rock, weddings and The Walking Dead.  (That's Daryl in my avatar). Have a great day today, and a better one tomorrow, as we said back in the 70s.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I won't speak for anyone else, but I wasn't trying to be funny with the gif postings. Most of the time, gifs speak better than I ever could, so I post them. I'm sorry you think the way I express myself is asinine.</div><div>
</div><div>I have to ask something. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm really not (though I realize me writing that implies that I am.... oh well.). How did you manage to pull off a $1000 wedding? I mean, I don't know of a single decent BBQ place that would cater for 50 people for under $500. I also want to know where you managed to find invites for $5! I'm spending a lot more than that on mine, and I'd love to see if there are ways I can cut costs. 
</div>