gifts during the first look?

beautifulmama28

I really want to give FI a gift at our first look...a token of my love for him. Specifically a watch because he's been wanting a nice one for a long time now, hasn't had the money to splurge (and I currently do).

We looked at some the day we got his ring last week, ...the next day so as not to be conspicuous I mentioned the gift giving at the first look and he doesn't want to spend any extra money so he kind of pooh poohed the idea.

I'm crushed lol to him watches are a reminder of the person that gives them to you everytime you look at them. This is huge, i want to get him one...so, how do I handle this? he would probably feel horrible if I showed up with a gift for him and he didn't have one for me. Honestly if he brought me a flower or a note I'd be happy, i'm not materialistic at all, its more the meaning versus the price.

Anyone else do this on their big day? I know not all couples give gifts, but I was just curious what the rest of you did or have heard of others doing

Jells2dot0

I did gifts for my first and second wedding. For my first, I sent something to him while he was getting ready. For my second marriage, we agreed to exchange gifts during our private dinner reception (it was just the two of us at the wedding). I think this is one of those things where only you know your FI and how he'd react to it . Is he someone who says he doesn't want to exchange but would be completely blown away once he received one or is he the type that would feel incredibly guilty and be upset because he felt bad about not getting something for you? I know that my DH is the type of person who would be VERY upset if I went out of my way for him and he didn't get to do the same for me. It would hurt his feelings, so we never really exchange any gifts of great value unless we agree upon it.

beautifulmama28

yeah he would be hurt lol

I guess I could always do it before the big day too,...tell him its an early fathers day/birthday gift (his birthday is july lol)

hmmm....i know a lot of his apprehension is all the expense of the day itself, plus the move, he is feeling the pressure even though we are ok, its stressful of course.

Sue-n-Kevin

Here's what happened with us: some time before the wedding I told my then-fiance that I'd purchased his "wedding gift". Being clueless, he said "we get each other gifts?" (in spite of being married twice before, both when he was in the Air Force). I told him yes, but that it wasn't expensive (which it wasn't). So, he was aware this was happening. He also knew we got gifts for the bridesmaids and groomsmen, because he saw them. I told him we'd give them out at the rehearsal dinner, and I'd give his gift to him. I told him I didn't expect anything from him, but a nice card would be nice.

So, at our rehearsal dinner we passed out our BM and GM gifts, and I gave him his. He actually had a gift for me, a long strand of pearls that can be doubled or tripled. He said his brothers (GM) gave him ideas. I was touched, because these pearls were the perfect heirloom type gift, and I wore them for my wedding instead of the necklace I had purchased.

Only you know your fiance best. If he doesn't have the money to buy you something "comparable", he may feel hurt. On the other hand, if a watch would express how you feel about him, then do it, but I wouldn't do it during the first look. Maybe let him know you got something for him, a card from him is perfect, and do it when you are alone before the wedding (not on your wedding day). Or, as you said, you could do it for Father's Day. But I wouldn't tie it into the wedding in any way.

beautifulmama28

ok update....

truth be told, he does have the money, its just...in waiting lol if that makes sense. And like I said, I wanted to do it more for the meaning.

Well, i brought it up the other day and asked again and he said if we do this he would rather do it before the big day, versus day of. So we have spent the last couple of days trying to decide the day, and this morning he totally blurts out to me what he is doing for me lol

He's making me a collage of pictures and having them put on a canvas to hang on our wall...pics of the two of us so it will still be a bit of a surpise once its done.

He is TERRIBLE about keeping secrets haha. He then says to me ok your turn and said nope not telling you! (haha, I did eventually) SO thats a done deal, thank you though for your help friends, im just happy he agreed to it, I have been wanting to get him a watch for well over a year, and the perfect one was on sale this week so I didn't want to pass that up for such a special meaning

kmcgann312

I had a similar situation and decided to give the watch to him as an "engagement" gift...after all, i got a ring, why shouldn't he get something too? It was a few months after the actual engagement, but before the wedding. He was beyond shocked but it meant so much to him. 

On a side note, it was very helpful that I gave it to him before we purchased his wedding band. Once the watch was on he has a completely different viewpoint on what he wanted in a wedding band because now it needed to coordinate. 

beautifulmama28

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_gifts-during-the-first-look?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:0ab12941-cbf7-4efa-ac4e-348c238c9393Post:0a9f563c-c370-49df-91a6-ee02d648a669">Re: gifts during the first look?</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a similar situation and decided to give the watch to him as an "engagement" gift...after all, i got a ring, why shouldn't he get something too? It was a few months after the actual engagement, but before the wedding. He was beyond shocked but it meant so much to him.  On a side note, it was very helpful that I gave it to him before we purchased his wedding band. Once the watch was on he has a completely different viewpoint on what he wanted in a wedding band because now it needed to coordinate. 
Posted by kmcgann312[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>We actually looked at them the day we bought his wedding band...they were on sale and the girl that helped us when he wasn't near by I told her to hold it for me I'd be back lol</div><div>
</div><div>I got it today, can't wait to give it to him :) And I'm glad he can have it now too to wear onthe big day.</div><div>
</div><div>I wish I could get it engraved too,...no clue where to get that done though.</div>

MikesAngie

We didn't do a first look, but we did exchange gifts at our rehearsal dinner.