Moms and Maids

Moms in SAME Dress!?!?!?

The dresses that my mom and MIL will be wearing for the wedding are nearly the same, exact dress... Is that bad?!

They both look so beautiful in it, they match my wedding colors, and I simply don't have the heart to tell them.  My MIL has had her dress since forever ago and she bought it at Younkers.  My mom had purchased a dress from a catalog that she really liked but I wasn't too keen on - but of course I wasn't going to tell her.  She got it and it didn't fit right.  So, I told her we should go looking locally.  We came across a dress while at David's Bridal.  Now, I don't know if I had my MIL's dress in mind (subconsciously) or what but it wasn't until my mom got it home that I realized the similiarity.  When my mom tried the dress on in the store, I cried because she looked so radiant.

I've only seen my MIL in her dress once about a month ago but from what I remember, they are very similar dresses...if not the same one! - SAME color even.

Do I say anything?  Is it tacky?  I mean, I know in the grand scheme of life, this is not the end of the world but see...my mom doesn't like my MIL at all. :( I would hate for them to show up at the church and see each other and have their spirits dampered.  

I don't know, am I making a big deal out of nothing??  Thanks, ladies!!!

Re: Moms in SAME Dress!?!?!?

  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2013
    Do you have pictures of the dresses so we can offer better opinions?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
  • I sent my MIL a picture of my mom's dress once she chose it because they were both afraid of having the same dress.  MIL had gone to a wedding last year and had worn the exact same dress as someone else, and she did not want it to happen again, especially as the MOG.  I know that my mom and my MIL would have been very unhappy if they had the exact same dress.  

    I guess my answer to you depends on a few things.  One, is having the same dress something that either woman would see as problematic? Two, have both of the dresses already been ordered? Three, would either woman want to get a different dress in order to not match?

    I guess my feelings are, it doesn't matter that they have the same dress unless it would bother THEM.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm a recent MOB. I was pretty easygoing, as far as wedding planning went. The one thing I had complete control over was my dress. Ditto the MOG. If my daughter knew I bought the same dress as the MOG and didn't tell me, I'd be very upset. I'd want to buy a different dress, even if I couldn't return the original. Please tell your mom. Let her decide what she wants to do about it. If she decides to wear the dress, give your FMIL a heads up. She should have that same option. 

    p.s. David's may be willing to issue credit for an unworn dress, with tags still attached. It wouldn't hurt to talk to the store manager.
                       
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moms-in-same-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4fdc5aa7-9f01-4094-8bb9-b4930a617610Post:1f0fd115-a3d4-44c3-94af-29a7091d7e0b">Moms in SAME Dress!?!?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The dresses that my mom and MIL will be wearing for the wedding are nearly the same, exact dress... Is that bad?! They both look so beautiful in it, they match my wedding colors, and I simply don't have the heart to tell them.  My MIL has had her dress since forever ago and she bought it at Younkers.  My mom had purchased a dress from a catalog that she really liked but I wasn't too keen on - but of course I wasn't going to tell her.  She got it and it didn't fit right.  So, I told her we should go looking locally.  We came across a dress while at David's Bridal.  Now, I don't know if I had my MIL's dress in mind (subconsciously) or what but it wasn't until my mom got it home that I realized the similiarity.  When my mom tried the dress on in the store, I cried because she looked so radiant. I've only seen my MIL in her dress once about a month ago but from what I remember, they are very similar dresses...if not the same one! - SAME color even. Do I say anything?  Is it tacky?  I mean, I know in the grand scheme of life, this is not the end of the world but see...my mom doesn't like my MIL at all. :( I would hate for them to show up at the church and see each other and have their spirits dampered.   I don't know, am I making a big deal out of nothing??  Thanks, ladies!!!
    Posted by stpantal[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Oh my, please tell your Mom!  She may be upset/embarrassed/etc if she finds out the MOG has the same dress (especially when you knew!).  If it were me, I'd go out and get a new dress, even if it cost me more money.

    </div>
  • Definitely tell your mom.  I can't think of much worse (related to being a MOB,  not life in general) than arriving at DD's wedding,feeling beautiful in my dress and finding the MOG (who may be younger, slimmer, prettier) in the same or similar dress.  Even though we are moms, we still have our insecurities and this could have the potential to ruin the day for both moms.

    Tell your mom (and potentially FMIL) and let her decide how she wants to proceed.
  • I'd give them both a heads up. I agree with Retread that the only opinion that matters is theirs, but I actually think this means you SHOULD tell them. One of them might feel strongly about having a unique dress and I think they should have the opportunity to change their dress if they want.

    I think what I'd do is get a photo of the other's dress, and say "Guess what? My mom picked her dress. Do you want to see it?" Let them decide what to do from there. Some people might love the idea or at least laugh it off. Some might hate the idea of an almost matching dress.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    AndreaJulia - that's the perfect way to handle it. Show them pictures so they know. If they choose to wear the same dress, fine, but it should be their choice.

    Retread - with all due respect, I would definitely notice if I showed up in the same dress as MOG at the wedding. And it would hurt my feelings if my daughter knew and didn't tell me. 
                       
  • At my friend's wedding her mom and MIL wore the same dress, but in different colors, unplanned. As far as I know, no one knew, except those of us who were told. I think it's up to them whether or not they want to be twinsies.
    image
  • Yeah, as a MOB I would want to know!  I think most would.  AndreaJulia's advice is a great idea.

    You aren't trying to tell them what to wear, you are just giving them a heads up on how much their dresses resemble one another.  Big Difference.

    A little side story for you:  My super fantastic wonderful MIL passed away in 2000.  She was a caring, loving woman who understood the importance of maintaining a cordial relationship with DH's ex-wife since they had children.  It was a no-brainer that DH's ex would attend MIL's funeral.

    Well - we showed up for the service in absolutely identical outfits!  We had both gone shopping at Kohls.  DH's brothers gave me crap about it all day...
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I think I would want to know and then make my decision from there. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The wedding police will arrest you and your wedding wont be valid if the Moms wear the same dress. It goes against the rules.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If I were the MOB I would want to know that the MOG had purchased the same or very similar dress.

    It may not matter to either parent but you never know.  It is best to tell your Mom about the dress and let her make the decision as to whether to keep the dress or buy something different.

  • My mom picked out a beautiful teal dress with layers a jacket, then mil picked out a very similar silver one of the exact same style. It want intentional both felt beautiful in them. I told showed each pictures of the others dress just so they knew but they both looked great I doubt anyone noticed. It might be different if they are the same color, but the most important thing is that they are happy. Show them ths dresses let them make the decision.

    image
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