Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Mom wants to walk me down, so does dad. they are divorced and HATE eachother! help!!!!

My parents raised us until I was about 12 then he started drinking, and being a less than desirable husband and father to my mom and us. Mom raised us from there and has been there for the majority of my life. In the last 2 or 3 years I've gotten closer to my dad. He is in a serious relationship and so is my mom. Moms BF wants to help with the wedding so does my dad. GREAT... but here is the thing... My parents HATE eachother. like cats and dogs and not the cute ones. Mom is insisting to walk me down, Dad wants to, moms BF wants to... I am close to all of them. Was going to ask my grandpa since he is my absolute favorite person on this planet but he has advancing alzheimers and isnt in the mind set. please help me work this out!

Re: Mom wants to walk me down, so does dad. they are divorced and HATE eachother! help!!!!

  • How about you and FI walk down the aisle together?
    Don't let these people use your wedding to set some kind of territorial claims.
    aphrodite0869
  • Yeah, I would just skip it if they can't be trusted to behave like adults for 20 seconds.
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    yoursforever1979
  • walk yourself down...otherwise DAD has always been the tradition Ive seen
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  • I can see why mom would want to walk you down the isle. And it sounds like dad has made some positive life changes and you are working things out, so I see why he wants to walk you down the isle. The ideal solution would be if your grandfather could do it, but since he can't i would wait to see how your parents behave during the wedding planning process. Who walks you down the isle can be a week of decision. Hopefully they will put their feelings aside for the sake of your wedding. If they can't I would probably just tell that you are walking down the isle alone because you can't pick between them & since they don't get along that you don't need that stress of them giving each other dirty looks while walking you down the isle. Or maybe you can use this "The isle isn't wide enough for all three of us to walk side by side and I can't choose between you two so I'm going alone."
  • What do YOU want? Do you want either of them to walk you? Do you want to walk by yourself? With your FI? (this is what I did and we are both so glad we did it this way) Make the decision based on what you will feel most comfortable with, and the next time either of them ask, tell them, and let that be the end of it.
  • Tell them in no uncertain terms that you will walk with both of them, HOWEVER, at the first snipe, comment, snarkiness that you see coming from either of them, that person is out.  If it winds up you walk alone then that's how it will be.  And let them know that this applies to to the time you reach the altar.
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    MeganLAndersonjennylee813yoursforever1979
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_mom-wants-to-walk-me-down-so-does-dad-they-are-divorced-and-hate-eachother-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:2284af81-64b5-4cf9-a1e8-0bfe3558c050Post:4e708655-423e-4910-b476-53470442e3be">Re: Mom wants to walk me down, so does dad. they are divorced and HATE eachother! help!!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tell them in no uncertain terms that you will walk with both of them, HOWEVER, at the first snipe, comment, snarkiness that you see coming from either of them, that person is out.  If it winds up you walk alone then that's how it will be.  And let them know that this applies to to the time you reach the altar.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    This.
  • I am in a similar situation.... My Fiance's parents hate each other.. but they are STILL his parents. 

    In the jewish tradition you are supposed to have both mom and dad walk you down the asile. I really think this is a wonderful way to make them both happy, but you will need to talk to them before hand. Yes it sucks, but are they okay being civil for one day?
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  • My parents are divorced and hate each other, and my sister-in-law's parents are also divorced and hate each other. At my brother's wedding, both my brother and sister-in-law were walked down the aisle by both parents. Everyone behaved.

    However ... what you should start with is what YOU want. Don't worry about tradition! Do you want Mom walking you down? Mom and her BF? Mom and Dad? No one?

    Decide who you want walking you down, and then just like PPs have said: tell them any sign of misbehavin' and they're OUT!
  • One of my good friends had her grandfather walk her down the aisle because she has a dad and a step dad and she was closer to her step dad but didn't want her dad to be offended by her choosing the step dad. It doesn't have to be your dad or your mom's boyfriend. Do you have an uncle, a cousin, a brother, or FI brother that you are close enough with to consider having walk with you down the aisle? In my opinion you shouldn't just limit it to parental/grandparental figures. Go with what your heart tells you. Like all of these ladies have said here, this is something you can make last minute changes to if necessary. Wish you the best of luck :)
  • I am in the same boat....having both parents GET OVER IT for a day and walk on either side of me.  But my stepfather who I'm very close with will be doing a reading.  There are ways to compromise and make everyone feel special!
  • I would walk myself down the aisle.
    [Deleted User]
  • My cousin was in this exact same position. Mother and Father had a very very ugly divorce, and they hate each other. The father was such an ass, he didnt even confirm until a week before the wedding. He had no family there, all the mother's was there (my family) giving him royal stink eye, but not saying a word for the sake of my cousin. 

    She had both of them walk her down the aisle, and they behaved. But considering all the horrible things her father did, I know she did it for the sake of tradition, not because it was what she wanted. 

    Do what will make you happy. Why not walk down by yourself, and have them meet you there to give you away? Mother and Step Father on one side, Father on the other. 
  • If I were in this situation, I'd ask my brother to do it. If he didn't exist or was not an applicable candidate, I'd ask my closest male cousin. If not, one of my many numerous uncles. 

    Of course, I have an enormous Irish-Catholic family, so I'd have that luxury. 

    Best of luck! :)
  • Ultimately it's up to you to decide.

    I am fortunate that my parents are still together (38 years bless their lil hearts!) and I love them both dearly, and I'd would have a hard time deciding among one or the other so I'm having them both. At the end of the day, whether they get along otr not, they are both your parents, so I personally feel they should both walk you- b/c you are a part of both of them.

    I never understood people walking down the aisle with their FI.

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  • It is tradition in certain cultures to walk into the church with your FI. The giving of the bride is done earlier in the day at in more pre-wedding parties. 

    My FI (now Husband) and I walked into the church together per traditions of my church and culture. 
  • KDM323KDM323 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Walk by yourself.

    They can't play nice...they don't get to walk you down the aisle.
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    jennylee813
  • I agree with PP's. Decide what YOU want, and go from there. You're an adult.

    However, if you do want both of them, make sure that they understand that they have to play nice for the five minutes it will take to walk down the aisle. Honestly, they should be able to make nice for the whole day, since it is their daughter's wedding. If they can't do that, they have no place beside you.

    FWIW, my son is walking me down the aisle.
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  • My mother and father do no like each other either and my mom is very jealous over his wife but it's my wedding and he is my dad so I will have what I want and they need to understand that.  Honestly you will just have to tell them how you feel and what you want because the day is aboout YOU not them and the problems they have had in their past.
  • I'm in a similar predicament and it is a very difficult and draining decision I think I am going to have BOTH walk me down. If they are both adults they will not start on your wedding day. 
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