Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Name change

I am having quite a dilemma deciding what to do with my name after the big day. I really want to keep my last name but he feels as though the tradition is to take his last name and thats just how it should be. I don't really want to hyphen it and I feel like having it as like a middle name is pointless. I feels as though it is the name I've had since I was born, I am proud of my name and my heritage and don't want to just change it. I'm also kind of the end of the line and feel like the name just dies then if I change it because there isn't anyone else to carry it on. I feel like these are more solid reasons than simply "tradition." Any suggestions?

Re: Name change

  • edited April 2013
    I'm of the belief that it's your name and you should do with it what you want. It's easy for your FI to say you should change your name seeing as how he is not changing his, KWIM?

    It's such a personal decision that none of us can make it for you. I can tell you what I did but it may not be what you want. I did take H's last name because I wanted the same last name as his and I like his last name. My maiden name is SO common, as is the combination of my first name + maiden name. But I didn't feel a strong attachment to my maiden name.

    If you are uncomfortable changing, tell your FI that. You can start out by not changing, and if down the line you DO want to change your name, you still can.


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  • It's your name.  He should have no say in this.  If he thinks he should or that you should have the same name suggest he change his to yours.  As soon as he stops choking ask him why he thinks you should just give up your name and his answer is not allowed to be "tradition".
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  • It's your name. He doesn't have any say in how you're called. Not changing your name doesn't mean you don't love him.
  • Bottom line is that it's your decision.

    However, it doesn't mean that FI won't have negative feelings about it. I'm traditional on this topic and I want to take my fiance's late name and have the same name as my children but if I didn't, while I know FI would support me, he would be hurt as would his family.

    There was one guy that I dated who had the worst last name and I would never have considered taking it on my life. I would've been Muppet Lastname forever.
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  • It's your call.  No one else's.  And btw, it's not like you have to make this choice right now. At some point down the road if you feel like changing it, you can change it then. 
  • Ditto all the others. Your name, your choice.
    I'm a very traditional bride, so I will be taking his.

    I am very tired of having to spell out my last name to everyone. "How do you pronounce that? "What kind of last name is that?" "Can you spell it?"

    Oy, his is much simpler. I am so excited to change it, lol
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  • Tradition is completely irrelevant.  You get to decide how you will identify yourself.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_name-change-13?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:460059bd-2ecf-4350-8e27-12c0ca542e0ePost:f51f0c55-0155-4de9-b700-c20032ec8ff0">Re:Name change</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm torn about changing my name. I changed it twice before, the last time under duress. I felt like I had won something when the judge gave me back my maiden name. I still feel that way. On the other hand,<strong> I want my name to reflect the depth of my commitment to my FI.</strong> I don't want to hyphenate, either. It's hard, and I only have two months to figure it out.
    Posted by EllaYoung[/QUOTE]

    What in hell is that supposed to mean?  That those of us who kept our maiden name for whatever reason are not as committed to our DHs?  You need a serious reality check.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_name-change-13?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:460059bd-2ecf-4350-8e27-12c0ca542e0ePost:5ef17464-43ec-44ab-b471-76171ff92298">Re:Name change</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Name change : What in hell is that supposed to mean?  That those of us who kept our maiden name for whatever reason are not as committed to our DHs?  You need a serious reality check.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    Yes, and I'd like to know what your fiance is going to do that will reflect the depth of his commitment to you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_name-change-13?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:460059bd-2ecf-4350-8e27-12c0ca542e0ePost:293305b5-df39-484a-b193-febcc05bf319">Re:Name change</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Name change: No. What a thing means to one person can mean something completely different, or even have no meaning at all. My inner turmoil in no way, shape, or form reflects you or how I view you. General and specific senses of the word "you" In my case specifically, my FI has said he would be honored if I do take his name, but it is not necessary for him to know how much I love him.
    Posted by EllaYoung[/QUOTE]

    This still doesn't change the fact that your previous comment was a slam at people who kept their names.
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  • I know what you mean.  I'm looking to hyphenate mine because I'm proud to be a part of my fiance's family, just as I'm proud to be a part of mine.  My father died when I was 14 and I feel like my name is the most important thing he left to me when he passed.  Plus like you said, I've had my name my whole life.  My fiance and I are both of Italian heritage.  My last name is five syllables and his is four.  After I'm married I'll have a nine syllable long last name.  I intend to introduce myself to new people with my nine syllable last name and if they don't like it, they can pick whichever name is easier for them to say.  Most of my friends call me by my initials anyway.  I say go with your heart.  Whatever name sounds right to you is the right one to choose.  Best of luck!
  • I have struggled with this decision as well. It is not an easy decision! I am proud of my name and who I am. The thing is, I am still the same me no matter what my last name is. My mancake says he doesn't care either way and that I can do what I want. I don't want to hyphenate our names either because both are long and it would be a mouthful!
    It is 100% your decision though! I finally decided that I will take his last name because I want us to have the same last name as my husband, he is the last of his generation. But again, its totally your call, if he is hurt by it, he can take your last name :)

    Try not to worry too much, the answer will come to you, and as others have said, you can do it at any time, it doesn't have to be right away.
  • don't change your name because you clearly don't want to. It's pretty simple
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_name-change-13?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:460059bd-2ecf-4350-8e27-12c0ca542e0ePost:8bc8eb72-f0ae-43d3-a33e-7b7fa6a7fb1f">Name change</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am having quite a dilemma deciding what to do with my name after the big day. I really want to keep my last name but he feels as though the tradition is to take his last name and thats just how it should be. I don't really want to hyphen it and I feel like having it as like a middle name is pointless. I feels as though it is the name I've had since I was born, I am proud of my name and my heritage and don't want to just change it. I'm also kind of the end of the line and feel like the name just dies then if I change it because there isn't anyone else to carry it on. I feel like these are more solid reasons than simply "tradition." Any suggestions?
    Posted by ashorb05[/QUOTE]

    Wow I got halfway through this post when looked over to see who wrote it. I thought maybe I wrote it and forgot!



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